bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №135341
 29.10.2016
I think they thought something like this:

The card reader. Noot for a professional? After all, it is so convenient to put the software from the manufacturer, create a Wi-Fi point and transmit photos through it. And yes, disable these memory extensions via SD cards.
Remove the USB. Noot for a professional? New devices with full USB no longer exist.
and HDMI. Noot for a professional? Why do some professionals connect something to the most universal connector at the moment?
Food with magnets. Noot for a professional? So he will always stand on the table and not move. This is a laptop!
The F key. Noot for a professional? Seriously, who is using them? Better we put the screen there, and move the entire keyboard down just to remind people that there could fit another string of keys.
The battery. Noot for a professional? Why increase autonomy? Let’s make it thinner.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №135340
 29.10.2016
If you mock your common sense for a long time, your common sense will mock you.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №135339
 29.10.2016
Yesterday’s top story. About an inventive student who enrolled in the space faculty.

Meeting with a leader of the space industry. I help him in the spring to lift a barrel capacity in a ton of water to a height of four meters, and in the autumn to remove. At the Dacia. The barrel is connected to the Artesian well, giving water to two houses and to all the hose, for irrigation. Everything is done clearly, but the engineer of the space industry has to take into account that in the winter a valuable barrel can be removed. The entire operation is to assemble and place two stairs on the sides, one for the lifting of the barrel itself. Insurance for his wife. Everything is done in minutes. Attention to every detail, 100% guarantee of success. In the third house, there are three Stalin bicycles in perfect condition. I went swimming in the Bear Lake. I have changed my new one five times in a year.

About the fall of our satellites will learn a few hours before the newspapers, walking dark. He is 70 years old and has only one kidney. He tries to compensate for failures with order in his own apartment. I saw him once repair the electrical wiring. From the boxes came such a partition of tools that I never dreamed of. In 15 minutes the problem was not to be solved, but the very roots of the problem were eliminated. He replaced the whole wiring and did his own way. I think this man is capable of sending anything into space.

But he knows he is leaving. Now there is money, trying to grow the change. Recruited young guys from Baumanka and MAI, the best. You see, the guys were bored in the same-sex elderly surroundings. I got my ass at work. That’s what I said, a girl with a beautiful ass. She walks around, the eyes of the guys are burning, our cosmonautics is slowly recovering :)

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №135338
 29.10.2016
At the meeting:
We should probably introduce a poverty allowance in the country.
In what amount?
What is the sum here? This is a booklet, a memoir.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №135337
 29.10.2016
Kirill: I have already met 4 couples. married
Open a marriage agency. With psychological evasion.
We will solve all your problems.
Kirill: All the problems?
The collector is needed.
Kirill: Marriage collector agency - we will repay your marital debt

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №135336
 29.10.2016
Neradence: The best characteristic of Russian science I see is that tomorrow at the Science Festival there will be a circus stand.
And the stand at the circus 18 squares, at my university (all university! All of all! Not one university, but the entire university. - 6, and my NII stand is not at all, because it is not appropriate.
I am everything.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №135335
 29.10.2016
Inventor from the UK began to chase single-salt whisky from the urine of elderly diabetics, which is rich in sugar
YYY: What is a single salt if the urine is from different people?
Yyy: The fucking swimmer

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №135334
 29.10.2016
Friday...I wanted to invite the girl to sit in a decent institution.
She decided to invite "I will think..."
I swallowed, went to the supermarket, bought myself a huge mountain of delicacies, for less than I would have left in the restaurant, I went with a girl.
I sit at home, I drink wine, I watch Formula One, I enjoy being alone.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №135333
 29.10.2016
If somebody says ‘chess and mat, atheists’ somewhere, answer ‘flash royal, religious’.

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №135332
 29.10.2016
Nail: I never thought that Satan lived in the eggs of cats. And when they are cut off, he becomes calm because Satan has been cut off from his soul.
and
Alyona: Fuck the fuck! You made me think hard.
and
Alyona: It is genius!

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №135331
 29.10.2016
What are the ridiculous attacks on men? Well, men like beautiful elastic breasts, what a horror, on all who do not get on acne on the ribs or huge loose beads!

For the sake of God.
Choose women with strong breasts.
or choose with pimples or bites and are dissatisfied and complaints
And then, they don’t have anything down there, aren’t they?
And the stomachs with age in men do not appear?
Many women also have claims to the figure of men, but they don’t run to change themselves either to the gym or to a plastic surgeon? Therefore, it is not the forms of others, but the double male standards.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №135330
 29.10.2016
The English tales.

This is a popular folklore in Europe.
People unite and form a state. They pay taxes, and where to spend them - decide by electing certain responsible persons in the elections.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №135329
 29.10.2016
Can I exchange a double for a different one?

I don’t advise you as a good mom.
Twins have a stronger nervous system. The demand is less

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №135328
 29.10.2016
On the eve of Halloween watching girls from HR and PR departments decorate the office in the office,
There is a feeling that their work is very similar to the work of educators in the kindergarten.

[ + 24 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №135327
 28.10.2016
You don’t confuse the pupils with the winderchildren :) pupils - they are exactly such - "learned but with a weak nervous system".

Don’t give God to have a child-wonderchild! The problem is that they are just ahead of their peers, and those over time catch them faster. I read at a speed of 110 words per minute. It is a miracle, yes? But in the graduation class, I read loudly at the same speed, just the language didn’t roll faster. Like all my other peers. But I was okay, my mother often joked about me and descended from heaven to earth. But the children, whose mothers in every way cultivate their "difference", as they grow up, receive very painful strikes on self-love. Worrying is not all. A famous example is Nick Turbine. Little poet, known for her poems, which she wrote at an early age. She could never become an adult poet. At 16, she first went to a psychiatric clinic, then started drinking, was treated again with psychiatrists and tragically died at 27. Do not be so.

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №135326
 28.10.2016
I did not understand something...
The Ministry of Finance proposes to introduce poverty allowance. There is also a tax on tuna.
If I don’t work, I’m poor. I form a benefit, I get it and immediately pay them a tax on tuna eating - I don't work.
Circulation of money between state structures.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №135325
 28.10.2016
< as a professional
<willing to do homework, to give birth to a couple or three children
< passionate in bed

1st Should it be the same woman?
2nd Did he fall down with his computer games?


[ + 35 - ] [3 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №135324
 28.10.2016
I can’t get pregnant from my husband, he is almost infertile. Treatment does not give results. He is the most ordinary man, neither narcissist nor alchemy. Powerful, reasonable, able to make money, kind to children. He wanted children, but we didn’t get it.
But it happened to a relative-Alkash, who is flying out of all the work, conceived three children and recently came to a sincere conversation "give us your three-bedroom apartment, and you will move to our one-room? You have no children, but we need them!"
It’s the peak of evolution, right?

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №135323
 28.10.2016
I will uncover an even more terrible secret.

If the box has a different design, then it still has a display addressed to the buyer. If it "broke", then I will just refuse to buy. "I blindly" no one ever enters a PIN code.

The POS terminal is able to break not only the payment, but also the refund of the payment made on it before the closure of the shift. To return, you need your card and your check number (at least we have in the store). Although I suspect that now owners of terminals will rush here, whose return, oh-oh, unfortunately, is not supported.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №135322
 28.10.2016
The <lank> toothpaste, squeezed on the chest, quite accurately characterizes my morning condition.

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