bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №105414
 13.11.2014
4 years ago, taxi drivers had a bullshit - 10 UAH to take for a cat and a guitar from the top.
ууу - for the cat is taken on the idea because the wool remains in the salon. If then the TP sits there and starts sneezing, the taxi driver will get sick.
And for guitar...what?
WOW - Maybe Kiso is listening to pop and also allergic to guitar? There are microparticles of good music in the room. Kyo began to sneeze.

[ + 18 - ] Comment quote №105413
 13.11.2014
I went with my wife to buy a bowl under the lock for the aunt. A woman sells them at the bazar. Banks of strange design: narrow neck and bottom, and in the middle wide, liters by 2. Near the boxes with these same banks and on each box the inscription by the flommaster: CRIVOPISH.
I immediately heard a thought coming into my head:
What kind of banks give such a bad name.
The deceased seller:
This is not my name, this is my name.
It was uncomfortable :)

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №105412
 13.11.2014
Go to the kiosk. Two girls discuss chocolate on the window:
One of them said, “Look. This is chocolate with the taste of cellulite on pop. This is the taste of life. Here’s this – with the taste of folds under the cheeks, you know, such... And that one – supposedly with the taste of big boobs, but it’s actually a lie, he’s also with cellulite.
“Let’s get this,” a friend said.
Oh no, I won’t take that. It has an allergy taste.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №105411
 13.11.2014
A few years ago, friends and I discovered an interesting store called "Awesome Susanin". And it would be nothing, but it is a store selling GPS navigators.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №105410
 13.11.2014
The girl on the question site asks:"In what year did the First World War begin?". They answered in 1914. And she, outrageously:"I am about the first world, and you answer about the second".
For her, it is probably the same war, where Lenin of Aurora shot Hitler at Kulikov Field.

[ + 52 - ] Comment quote №105409
 13.11.2014
Chat at work:
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX Can you help? 😉
ZZZ: No
XXX Why?
ZZZ: I am not doing satellite TV
XXX: How is it? You are a programmer!
ZZZ: Leien, make me a mine
You are being guarded!!!! to
You are Secretary!

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №105408
 13.11.2014
The robot landed on a comet. Five hundred million kilometers of glasses threw him - and caught him. is surprising. Right now he has her pockets in the pockets, tests are taken, punctions are all kinds of. A feast of reason, boldness and patience.

And at the same time somewhere in Peter communicates with the icon of Milonov. And she said to him, “Hey, do you look? You go do it. In the second entrance, a man is smoking, with an English flag on the jacket. Do I have to tolerate that? Take a beat and talk. Or even scratch his face. Or scream and run away. Realize yourself as a person. Fuck, what a pity that you don’t have me..."

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №105407
 13.11.2014
There are terrible things in life when you don’t know how to behave. Imagine that you are a modest guard of the station at the hell on the folds and here Leo Tolstoy comes home to you, lies in your bed and dies!

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №105406
 13.11.2014
The daughter of the samurai: A friend once worked in a toy store. And there they sold a doll, growing from a 2-year-old child, could talk, cry, laugh and snore. The crap was so wealthy. When her vendors first turned on to check and she snorted, everyone started to snort, and the doll woke up and said that she was hindered from sleeping.

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №105405
 13.11.2014
There is a pharmacy in the city. It is called something like something there "-pharma". One thing no one knows the name - it is a pharmacy and in Africa it is a pharmacy. But their logo is the big green letter "F". Accordingly, above the entrance of the sign - the logo and then the word "apotek". The factory.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №105404
 13.11.2014
XX: Here I remembered another popular bonus on the topic "why so many children were born?" - "To be, who in old age a glass of water!"
I don’t want to drink " :-)
ZZZ: Oh, it’s popular at home.
Kids, bring some water!
What is?
Old age has come to me. Bring the water!

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №105403
 13.11.2014
Our cat has a sacred ritual.
If you want to visit the pot, you have to go around all the corners and dig there, expelling the evil spirits.
Then go to the human toilet separately, dive into the toilet.
Then go out and start preaching in the pot.

:D

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №105402
 13.11.2014
to this:

As a rule, we struggle to write down and start sending everyone out precisely because we don’t have anything of it!

– – – – –

If... I was always ready to suggest, and other people’s option to solve, and explain why it is so, – purely out of love for art, something will remain in the mind of a person. But when an idiot throws a dirty cloth at the change, and at the lesson, write off, well, you're...

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №105401
 13.11.2014
It is written in English: Parliament Night Blue. The government is blue at night.

— — —
Let it be, let’s eat the bees!

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №105400
 13.11.2014
A-Kun: The most complex creature in any organization is the leader. He does not remember, under painting - is insulted.

[ + 38 - ] Comment quote №105399
 13.11.2014
Starting with gender:

Chat at redite about sms-ki "good morning", free translation (from woman):

xxx: I get the standard Saturday morning "good morning sweet, go down, here you are waiting for coffee and croissants"
XXX: And then "and in general I want you right here on the table! Much more than coffee and croissants"
xxx from my husband’s phone.
I've never woke up faster in my life.
XX: because he is in command until Monday!
xxx: call back, scream, cry, threaten lawyers and divorce, etc.
xxx: it turns out that piece of idiot really was down there.
xxx: arrived on a night flight to spend the weekend with me. He decided to make a surprise.
No, of course it was the most memorable morning SMS in my life.
If he does that again, I’ll cut off his head.

_________________________________________________________

So you, sheep, would have come down to start before wearing. This is how the desire to make surprises disappears.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №105398
 13.11.2014
xxx> So what do you know about conceptual installations? The railway ignites: near the house there was a spare road - departed from the main, and then merged back. He was dismantled. The arrows at the beginning and end were removed, replaced by simple rails.
yyy> Yes...
And the grass there all a little dusted, so that now the path begins and ends on the side of the main, in a pure field. And the whole "way" is a rectangular hole from the spades.
yyy> what is it?
The road from nowhere to nowhere, made out of emptiness!
xxx> And somewhere above, Buddha is probably smiling :-D

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №105397
 13.11.2014
by Google Translate:

From Russian to Chinese: "I nihuya didn’t understand" - 我不明白傢伙
From Chinese to Russian: 我不明白傢伙 - "I don't understand guys"

[ + 23 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №105396
 13.11.2014
Mel
I really want to sleep.
Mel
Directly gesture
Mel
As long as I do something, everything is normal.
Mel
But I just relax - it cuts clean.
Mel
I went to the toilet and woke up from my snoring!

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №105395
 13.11.2014
zz: if a woman loves to drive fast, and my "penny" more than 83km/h doesn’t... then what to be?
kk: Smoke her, you’ll drive 40 km/h, and she’ll scream "Eye, don’t chase it! andquot;

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