bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №11020
 11.10.2008

RomashkaKotya
How did you not stretch your legs there?

hunveybin
I drank energy drinks.

RomashkaKotya
Tagged with: "redbull wraps"

hunveybin
type Baltic-3 "roulette"..

[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №11019
 11.10.2008
When the arguments are weak, you need to enable Caps Lock (c)TRAMP

[ + 45 - ] Comment quote №11018
 11.10.2008
Anastasiya ‎(01.10.2008 23:19):
Ugo
vipermon ‎(01.10.2008 23:21):
I went with a friend to a computer store, and there on the console a guy of 10 years in the NFS was chasing, and here he flies off the track and at the time of the blow to the detector two adult uncles (we and a friend) loudly not talking - NNNNAAAAAA!!!!! to
vipermon ‎(01.10.2008 23:21):
The little Joystick has lost!

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №11017
 11.10.2008
From one website:

Here you will find materials that relate to the most vivid theme of human being - the theme of love, as well as everything that is related to it... Quotes from philosophers and classics, references to scientific authorities and publications in the press.

Click on the first link "So what is love?":
The 404 page you are reading does not exist.

I always knew there was no love.

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №11016
 11.10.2008
Candidate_Deputy: STERVA, you are working in the bank24? Have you still been cut off?
CANDIDOZ – Deputy, yes... and where do you work, in what organization?
I work as a hacker, hacking banks through naive operators, sending them viruses in the form of photos. Do I need my photo?
Candidate: Candidate, Candidate

[ + 43 - ] Comment quote №11015
 11.10.2008
Almeth forgot his cell phone on the table when he went home. Five calls from someone’s phone. Ask to endure. I took it, I went out, and after me this new guy from the carpenters comes out. We are not going together, we are just going nearby. Almeyev saw, fit so on the borzo, type e, chuvello, let the mobile phone call for five seconds. I give him the phone, he takes, and the guy drops. And then the machinery in a jump catches him and cut short in the head of the almet on the asphalt. He picked up the phone and gave me. I am in Aachen.
And you ?
I took it and went back to the office. I think, well, I’ll explain, I’ll joke, I’ll lie down next to you...

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №11014
 11.10.2008
The MDA. I am a pervert.
Even "Oladuki-latkes" managed to read it wrong.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №11013
 11.10.2008
XXX is
Today I am a shit, I am all writing something and cuddling and asking for shit.

YYYY
Send them all to the fuck)))

XXX is
Go to Fuck.

[ + 41 - ] Comment quote №11012
 11.10.2008
She: Are you a fool?! to
He: With you I can even be a fool.
She: Yes, you do well without me.

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №11011
 11.10.2008
It is 10:58:33
A 37 year old boy has disappeared. The eyes are fine, red. Pussy of work. Hair is broken

[ + 41 - ] Comment quote №11010
 11.10.2008
Earlier, instead of Seregha, we had another solo guitarist - Sima, who stitched the saltals of monstrous speed and complexity, each time with a new exprom. The problem was that he forgot to stop when the song ended... And the number of pre-drinked beer bottles increased the speed of the game linearly, and vodka exponentially!

[ + 38 - ] Comment quote №11009
 11.10.2008
<Sid> in... and also I wake up from the fact that the room becomes quiet... when the computer cuts off... today scuco floor 5 in the morning turned off, woke me up... I had to start it to sleep not bothered

[ + 44 - ] Comment quote №11008
 11.10.2008
I was almost dead... xD
RGG: What is it?
her: I and the uswery will soon move horses from laughter)) today I went to change all the ball mice to laser mice, I changed the shovel in 2 cabinets for lunch - they all gathered and brought back - said the mice broken balls fell...
Tagged with: Oo

[ + 46 - ] Comment quote №11007
 11.10.2008
About our stock market

1st A businessman came to a Mexican village: "I buy local monkeys for 10 pesos / st. Monkeys around the sea, they all hand over primates for retail and wholesale for 10 pesos.

2nd The monkeys became smaller, then the businessman said he was raising the price to 20. The inhabitants stressed, caught the last, brought, handed over by 20. The last one was for 25.

3. and then announced that he wants more and already 50! But he left and left the manager for himself.

4 is The governor says, “Let’s, I give you the consolation of these monkeys back by 35, and when the boss arrives you give them to him by 50... The people are pleased with this halloween – they borrowed a bunch of bables and bought all the monkeys back by 35.

5 is The next day, the governor disappeared following the boss, and the people were left without money, but with the monkeys.

[ + 66 - ] Comment quote №11006
 11.10.2008
I stand in a row at the box office, in the next row mom and the boy is six years old.He looks into my basket for a long time, then gets my snickers from there and says: Mom can I will take this more.
Mom: Of course the son, the uncle will go again to take.
I wasted.The boy didn’t get rough with his suckamame.

[ + 38 - ] Comment quote №11005
 11.10.2008
Freeman: A question for Monna? Your father’s name is Borat?
Ruslan Sagdiyev: Go on the fuck, fuck the fuck!
FREEMAN: ))))))))))))

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №11004
 11.10.2008
Soviet defense doctrine: if we attack someone, the aggressor

will be severely punished.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №11003
 11.10.2008
http://www.proza.ru/texts/2008/10/07/186.html



In the hero city of Brooklyn, on the third floor of an ordinary four-storey house

Without the elevator lives the family of my friends: Dad Yasha, Mom Masha, daughter Nika and cat

and Murzick. And the apartment under them is removed by a harmful old man who can't tolerate it.

Maybe "these Russians" and almost complain about them in the management of the house. that

he breaks the ceiling (Nika played the ball), then they make noise after 10 p.m.

A quarter of the eleventh Nick went to the kitchen to drink water).

washing machine (officially washing machines in the house are prohibited, but in

reality they have in everyone and do not bother anyone: New York is not

America, and the inhabitants of cheap rental apartments are far from the same.

Lawful as inhabitants of the American depths.



At the same time, the neighbor himself is not ashamed to knock on the floor all night long and

Moving the furniture. What is known about the mother’s car, which

He lives on the first floor in the same entrance. Old Quincy’s name.

Nick has long since changed his name to Mr. Quakley - this is the name of the opposite

A frog from a children's book.



The story took place in November, when Nike was seven years old and Murzika was seven.

Less than a year. Animals are also prohibited in the house.

Murziki’s existence was kept secret from all his neighbors, and especially from his family.

Mr Quakley is. In a year the cat has never been out on the street and at all except

He lived on the first floor of his grandmother’s apartment, where he sometimes lived.

included in the bag. From this life Murzick developed a neurosis: he is terrible

He was afraid of strangers and when he saw a stranger, he began to run in horror.

In the apartment, looking for the fifth corner.



In fact, despite the prohibition, cats and dogs in their home are no less,

than in any other. There is a vague, but clear enough.

The rule is to be observed: if the animal is still brought and not for a year.

There is no complaint, and it is considered inhumane to separate the beast from others.

hosts, and management ceases to respond to complaints such as "remove

It lives here", and it only responds to extraordinary events.

Like a bite. How do the owners prove that the year has already passed

I do not know. Probably a certificate from a veterinarian. This is an analogy.

An amnesty for illegal citizens is being discussed.



At the time of the events described in Murziku before the transition to legal status

Less than a month. And then there was Thanksgiving. Marking him

It was decided by Grandma. In the morning, Masha cooked and cooked, and closer to the evening.

The procession moved to the first floor. Yasha carried a turkey, Masha - judgment

Salad, and Nick is Murzika.



The cause of the incident was a fateful combination of two circumstances.

First, a cat bag hit somewhere, and the girl carried a cat.

easily wrapped in a shell. Second, there were guests to the neighbor. U is

Mr. Quakley has no less than a dozen children, grandchildren and others.

Crescent, unceremonious and very noisy. Not all year long.

They will be reminded of their existence, but on the Day of Thanksgiving they will be recalled.

full composition to eat fried turkey, in part of the preparation of which

Mr. Quakley, as it will soon be revealed, is a big doc.



At the time when my friends were passing through the second floor, one portion

The younger Quakley was just entering the apartment, and the other was rising from the bottom to the bottom.

The staircase. The noise and noise they produced.

scare and a smoked hippopotam, not just an impressive cat.

Frightened Murzik instantly got out of the shark, stumbled on.

In search of the fifth corner, he entered Mr. Quakley's apartment.



Typical American apartments do not have a hallway, the entrance door opens

Right into the living room. Therefore, Masha from the site could face the phenomenon.

The people in all their glory. Stop-frame: elegantly served long

A table covered with white snow. At the far end it is beautiful.

Cyclopic size fried turkey in appetizing golden

The corner. The next picture: a gray fur vortex is carried on the table,

breaks the drinks, splashes the sauces, throws the bottles on the counter.

with wine and finally impressed in the side of the bird.



Newton's Third Law of Collision with a Kilogram Cat

With a twenty-kilogram turkey, the cat must fly beyond the horizon, and the bird -

Hardly moving from place. But this time, Newton did nothing.

The cat actually flew into the corner, but the turkey also slipped into the corner.

the edge of the table and crumbled on the floor, licking the fat of the sofa and spreading the filling over

The whole room. The young Quakles with a scream and a thump rushed to catch the cat,

sliding on the filling, stumbling on the turkey and decimating the defeat. A is

between them on the floor, on the furniture, on the gardens and almost on the ceiling

Metaled mad Murzik, like a gray lightning.



The unfortunate Mr. Quakley, from rage barely holding the insert in his mouth

He sparked Masha in the face:

I will not leave it that way! I immediately call the police. You are me for everything.

to pay. I’ll get you expelled and your cat eaten. You are

Do you know this is serious?



He was right. The threats were ridiculous. No other women moved in.

of our villages. Not even translated into English. Masha

He immediately calculated in his mind all the options for salvation and chose the only one.

and efficient. With a wide smile to Mr. Quakley, she replied,

Odysseus asks the question:

“I deeply sympathize with you, but why did you think this is our cat? I this

I see the cat for the first time. He just ran out of the street.



It is impossible to say that Mr. Quakley believed her unconditionally, but in any case

The case thought. Nicky was caught up with this betrayal.

her lips, and she was about to cry and betray everyone. See also Masha.

Commanded by:

Yeshua and Nick! You have nothing to stand here. Get food and go to grandmother.

Added a few words in Russian.



As soon as the door closed for the husband and daughter, Masha from a polite Odessa

transformed into a desperate Russian grandmother, who, if necessary, and the cat on

He stops and enters another person’s apartment. It immediately and

She moved back to Mr. Quakley and decidedly entered.

The center of the bedlam ruled in his living room. Moritz, observed in the hostile

I was surrounded by something of her own, rushing to her in her arms. Masha is merciless.

He pulled him away from him and, holding his skin on the extended hand,

Murphy, you have to!They showed all thirteen Quaklems and

Dozens of other neighbors rushing out of their apartments:

“Mr. Queensley, I caught that ugly cat. Now I am him.

I throw out!



With these words, she went down two stairs, opened

He had a heavy entrance door and thrown the cat into the yard. Closed

She shrugged her hands and hid in my mother’s apartment.

Mr. Quakley, finally convinced of the absence of criminal connection

Between the cat and the Russians, he plotted to remove the traces of defeat.



Before following the further fate of Murzick, I will notice that Yasha, himself

The guy is far from a mistake, in difficult situations he has accustomed unconditionally.

Trusting his wife. And this is not very praiseful for a man's quality in this.

The case was impossible.



Entering the flat, Yasha accurately fulfilled Masha's instructions.

(the very few phrases in Russian): immediately go out the window into the yard

and stuck in front of the entrance door in the position of Leo Yashin, ready to reflect

The eleven meters. Half a minute later Murzik flew out of the door.

with a strong machine hand. Promedly Yasha for a moment, the cat would move.

He disappeared forever in the jungle. But Yashin’s throw was

The cat was caught, brought through the window to the grandmother's apartment.

with tears, calmed, worn and fed with the most delicious piece of turkey.





For the next two or three weeks Murzik hid from friends and acquaintances, like Lenin.

in the divide. The neighbors from the management came.

They searched the apartment, found no traces of animals and left.

with nothing. Meanwhile, Masha, who at one time studied as an assistant

Lawyer, introduced into practice all the information learned from the course of psychology

The Witnesses. For example, the fact that things that caused a man to be strong

Emotions seem bigger and brighter than they really are. Or what

People tend to accept what they have heard from others for what they have seen.

With my own eyes. Armed with this information, Masha is not tired.

He told his neighbors about the incident with the cat, without giving any details.

especially based on the fact that the cat was a stranger, and another fictional detail,

Which I will reveal later.



December has been a long-awaited year since the acquisition of Murziki. The Cat

He was sent back to his family and legalized. A few months from Nick.

I persuaded my parents to take the cat out. A crowd of children,

Norwegians look at him and grasp him. Murzick healed from neurosis

Suffice to grumble. Mr. Quakley approached and looked closely.

Masha said accurately:

You said it wasn’t your cat.

What a cat?

The one who humiliated my turkey. He said the first time he

You see, and now your daughter is walking with him.

“Well, you, Mr. Queensley, it was a different cat. My grey and

It was small, and it was huge in size and red.

Like a red?

Red, don’t you remember? All the neighbors saw the cat.

The Red. Don’t believe it, ask anyone.



Nothing more happened. Only Mr. Quakley periodically introduced the

The neighbors talked about cats, and then asked if they knew a good thing about them.

A neurologist. And then the memory began to give up, and the color is already bad.

It differentiates.

[ + 61 - ] Comment quote №11002
 11.10.2008
The beginning of the school year in the United States. A great leader

Meet the class:

“Children, we have a new one – Shakyro Suzuki from Japan, meet us. and now

Let’s start the lesson and see how well you know American history.

Who said "Freedom or Death"?

There was a dead silence in the class. Suzuka raised his hand:

Patrick Henry, 1775 in Philadelphia.

very well. And whose words: "The state is the people, and as such

You should never die"

The hand of Suzuki:

Abraham Lincoln, Washington in 1863.

The teacher looks closely at the class:

Shame on you kids! Suzuki is Japanese, but he knows American history better

All of you!

A quiet voice from the back:

Fuck the Japanese guys!

The teacher turned sharply:

Who said it???! to

Suzuki jumped up and cried out:

General McArthur, Guadalcanal Island, 1942

At the complete numbness of the class, a cry from Kamchatka:

Soak up you!

The student goes spotted:

Who are you???! to

Suzuka immediately cried out:

- Bill Clinton to Monica Lewinsky in the Oval Office, Washington, 1997.

The Angry Scream:

Suzuki is shit!! to

No second of delay:

- Valentino Rossi on the motorcycle Grand Prix of Brazil in Rio de Janeiro, 2002

The year! The Japanese is burning!

The class is hysterical, the teacher is faint, the door opens and appears.

Angry Director of School:

Fuck your mother! What is the mess here???! to

Unable to use Suzuki:

President Yeltsin, meeting of the Russian Parliament, 1993

[ + 49 - ] Comment quote №11001
 11.10.2008
<xxx> What has happened?
<yyy> enters the neighbor..and says yesterday the cat escaped...and saw how under the car went in.. says let's see maybe the engine went in and died already...I of course looked at him like a dude but went
    I open the hood and shut up... a cat is sitting on the battery... and it’s shit... she’s driven 250 km a day... she’s rushed to the sea... she’s stayed overnight in the garage... and she’s sitting further...

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