bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №135121
 23.10.2016
I worked for thirty years in the six-tier factory.
But there are no orders - and our factory is destroyed.
There is no job and no money, either.
And 20 basic payments – what is that nonsense?”

I am a housewife, mother of two schoolchildren.
My job is to build home.
In the summer, instead of fitness, I go to beds.
And now it turns out that I am a tinnitus!”

“Ivan, IP, since January – the rage is straight,
I pay FZN, and the income is zero.
But this fee does not go into the tax deduction,
So they say, “Pay more!”

“I am your neighbor at your entrance.
In the store, forever blue - I am hungry,
I don’t worry about drops like other people.
I am sure no one will touch me.”
(c) the
Then the Belarusians still thought that in Russia this topic would not emerge a little later)))

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №135120
 23.10.2016
and survived!
At the age of 30, someone proudly does procedures for rejuvenation and tricks at least to look decent and young.
Baby, you just have to look like a girl because of your youth.
Without any tricks.
What will happen to you in 20 years?
Will you cross the moustache and sweep through the parks to look like a man?

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №135119
 23.10.2016
Totally agree.

Why not hang an information banner at every airport, port and train station: "You go to a foreign country - leave your habits and traditions at home"

zzz: It’s at us and in the halls of arrival.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №135118
 23.10.2016
XXX is free. Did you know what happened to Dimon?
What about him again?
Karoch is sitting in a lie now, and he will leave there only after tomorrow.
Yyyyy: “O Hyazi, what has he wondered about?
Lohah told me: They sit and drink. Drinking a noise. Here knocking on the door (and before that the neighbors were knocking on the batteries, but the same sea on the knee when they drink), Dimka went to open, Lecha with him. It opens, there is clothes. Stop being crazy, fools! They looked and said:
Boys, and we didn’t make men’s striptease.
YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY :DDDD
xxx: You are funny, and he now explains what gay porn they had at the house)))

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №135117
 23.10.2016
<stanopy> In Omsk burned a grant. The driver and four passengers were not injured. There were bugs in the ass.
<stanopy> Burned out completely, passed by )
<stattva> the car burned out, and the passengers were not injured? However
<stanopy> is out
<ne_ferma> when heating the air expands. This pushed them out.
<ne_ferma> Lada Grant takes care of your safety

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №135116
 23.10.2016
I was caught with the phrase “female logic, that is, its absence.”

Girl, but there is nothing to hurt here! Some specifically "female" logic and truth is absent. There is mathematical logic. The descriptive logic. The game of logic. The Multi-Agent System The existential graffiti. Unclear logic. The epistemological logic. The intuitive logic. The logic of Günter. The classical logic. Logic of the highest order. The modular logic. A significant logic. A paranoid logic. The relevant logic. The traditional logic. "Female" No, as no and "Male" In the land-based sense of logic, it either exists or does not exist, or the opponent is just lazy to restore your logical chain - he loves everything carefully chewed and put in the mouth, and otherwise begins to scream about "the lack of logic." For instance, men most often come in dialogue with women. You will explain step by step all the initial provisions and the following of them intermediate conclusions - agree and seem to even understand. Reproduction of unspoken reasoning is not possible (((

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №135115
 23.10.2016
Went to shops.
I sit in a sweater from секонд-hend, eat red caviar and think: am I distributing my finances correctly?

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №135114
 23.10.2016
Walking through the lawn past the new houses in Veselovka on the board, the Tajik rushed out of the fence and shouted, "I put this for you!" and the morning began with love.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №135113
 23.10.2016
Srace-Barbara, give me five! I regularly scratch for the external resemblance to my father’s sister, which my mother cannot tolerate. It did not help even moving to another country. July 35 years old.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №135112
 23.10.2016
Meashkin: And I sometimes wait for my husband's departure when I want to sing :-[ I am embarrassed
Linnayv: When I start singing, my husband leaves. and [

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №135111
 23.10.2016
ergo_bibamus: When I was 15 years old, I was given a motorbike. I am very happy, I am now degenerate.
Gef: when I'm 20 years old I'll ask for a motorcycle, between the ranks to race without a helmet, like a lover of male affection

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №135110
 23.10.2016
From a conversation with my wife:
Are you my dear?
and yours.
Only the mine?
You have a control of shares.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №135109
 23.10.2016
We have a corporate portal in the office, where there is a button: " ask anonymously a question to the CEO".

And it would be okay, but in order to enter the portal, you have to log in =)

[ + 33 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №135108
 23.10.2016
He went in 2000 (at 8 years old) with his father on “The Invisible” by Paul Verhoven. The scene is like this: the main character is asleep, suddenly a blanket is dropped from her, her legs are raised, her trousers start to straighten... and then she wakes up and realizes that it's just a nightmare. And the entire Ufa cinema hall in one moment:
Oh yeah my!! to

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №135107
 23.10.2016
From childhood, I dreamed of writing poems like Yesenin, but so far I only get to whisper like him.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №135106
 23.10.2016
The girl ignores in two cases: 1) to make you more persistent – she wants to understand what you need. 2) To get rid of you.
HHH: It is so simple!

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №135105
 23.10.2016
Q: And what if all the little-successful servants of God are dirty scammers and scammers who exchange real material goods from their followers and parishioners in exchange for some ghost astral plugs?

XHH: I do not. Brad is something.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №135104
 23.10.2016
The Prehistory. Grisha has been living with her two brothers in the same room for seven years. The history. I take my daughter from school, my mom grishes on the body asks to bring him to the entrance, we live nearby, but we do not know the exact address, we go, periodically ask, Grish what house? Where is the turn? He freezes and bats like all children. My daughter can’t stand it: Grisha, where do you live????!!! Go to Hell!!! to

[ + 28 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №135103
 23.10.2016
The smaller the man, the more he sees around the dirt.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №135102
 23.10.2016
I did not want to write! neither commentary nor history, but how it became surprising that the stories about the notorious Leszek, or how it is right in Polish, put the pluses. Who is? Who and what do they admire?
Well, the author of the PAN Viteevato writes about the "movements" of the blunt Polish special forces, when such "movements" our soldiers almost every day in the dressing rooms for boredom.
A police officer protected his wife. Just a move! Well, on the exercises “uaik” standard accepted. Well!! What!! Where is?! to
Okay, even though the excursion to the concentration camp spider-unintelligent spent, it was somehow like that...
Well, okay, I am talking about the last feat of LESEK when he put the commander on his ass.
Well... a move!
I am not currently working, like in retirement.
In the 1990s, even before the collapse of the USSR, he served in the normal troops in the Odessa military district.
Everything that the PAN here writes as a “movement” of LESEK to conduct the siege, I, a lieutenant, after a year of service, conducted with the soldiers first-hand. The truth is not with the commanders, but with the “imitators” (sometimes they were from other nearby parts).
And then we made a “sweep”.
Captain Palych was a veteran of Afghanistan, two Red Stars, ZBZ. Low, shy, living, silent, often silenced and smoked in the red cheeks hiding the cigarette in the fist. He was super special and we, young people, looked at him as a model, studied (always helped and suggested), imitated a little. There were many such veterans in our brigade.
At the end of the summer and early autumn at the next district exercises (this is cool and large-scale) the Head of the District Intelligence (hereinafter - NRO) came to us to control and "teach as it should".
For us, spies, in the District, the Chief of Intelligence is virtually the second after God. Honestly speaking, all, according to the Soviet custom, feared and guarded him.
He may have been a good man, but from his greatness and stupidity he crushed everyone and everything around him. Like all the ho... and all the fools, all the breakups.
He was dressed in our Brigade, a type closer to intelligence. Well, we did something there in preparation for the exercises, and at the next divorce he called several officers and scattered them in an empty place with mattresses, threats, fit, as in the movie, "roast in roast" and splashing saliva oral for twenty minutes. Among these officers was a puppy.

Somehow very unlike, but Palych polse of this show asked (yet for him his own) from our headquarters the task of teaching strictly in a certain area, which no one liked - the steppe, you will not hide anywhere, you will not go unnoticed, the settlement is difficult and long to cook. Well asks the veteran - organized, just said why do you Palych, old man, heracle on the steppe? There are areas of forests, mountains (hills), again go to the intermediaries-observers, with an experienced look at the youth.
No? no? Well, what you want, here is the district, only there the curator is the Head of the District Intelligence, again if you get a p...dule.
Then our groups distributed by areas, set tasks, dropped and went on each for themselves.
The NRO with its swipe, on two watzics (the UAZiki were on the balance of the District - this is important), again with its "rexes" (2 confident officers of the Marine Corps from Oczakov), 3 "intermediaries-observers" and a driver-flag rolled around the area of Palyč as a pirate on the sea. Then there, then here, like these clowns from my intelligence will pass here. And what, the steppe around, posts, observers everywhere. For NRO, they were found there wherever possible. And, yes, at the same time, the white flags of "intermediaries-observers" on machines and bandages were principally not recognized, such as "I am not going to surrender here and I will not be touched, because I am second after God."
Well, and then, when the whole pizza and pizza after the exercises was silent, one of these sailors (class guys by the way) told me. Further, close to the original, from him...
“On the third day of the exercises, as always, we rush through the steppe on two watzics under 60 km/h, we (cover group for the NRO) on the second, next to the first, on which the NRO with a swipe. Before this, the posts and observers received reports that at night and in the morning everything was quiet and clean. We rush with the wind, it is hot, but we observe, around the steppe, sunshine and peace.
Suddenly, the front juazik as in the wall, the ass rose up and dust with a pillar. Well, we didn’t stop, the first in the back with all the revolutionary hatred. Blood, shit and sweat... It hurts, I don’t understand why? In an empty place? I get out somehow, my thigh hurts from a blow, and me, Morpheus! Someone's foot in the dust, spit had no time, and the hands are strained by something and drag the fucks somewhere. Throwed into the barracks, it was not visible from the road, and a bunch of bodies fell on me.
Dust-sand in my mouth, hands tightened, you will rise up, and on me still bodies are splashing, splashing. They scattered. All of them, all of them, are bound by their hands. Hey Lee, we freed ourselves, looked around, near our livelihoods, weapons, and silence.
We stood up, shrugged, came out of the woods, and three chumazons were wandering in the steppe to meet us. I watched, and this is the Head of Intelligence with a swipe.
All dust and silence.
NRO did not say a word to us (this is as far as the mariner tells us) and went and whispered “Bl..., how so, bl..., su..., ue...., зае...., pizz... to all.”
We came to the crushed cars, there was dust, no hole on the road, no trace of explosion or anything else.
Everyone looks at the driver of the first car. He says, “I’ve chased this road a hundred times, I’ve studied all the cats. And then before my nose grows a dust wall the size of a football gate, I am on the brakes! and...” The swipe kicks, said yes, the wall grew up, it was like this, and then the boom, the fuck, was pulled in the half-seat.
The Chief of Intelligence looks around everyone: “Who has seen who are these bastards?No one saw anyone, dust, a bunch of small. You are th. Colonel and you, right? Have you seen who pulled you into the steppe? They said, “No, some clothes on their heads were swallowed and wrapped. Then they kept quietly sitting down a few times and stumbled.”
Noah said, “What is it? Did no one see Nietzsche?“!”
We all say, “No, thumb. The Colonel.”
Well, it is clear that it is you (intelligence), but who specifically and whose group you can not immediately calculate. At the same time, from the observation posts they ask, “Why did the mouth stop? Has it happened?” Thus e. all saw, but in the dust did not notice that we were not just stopped, but we were kind of quiet. What to do with blind people.
Just so you can't stop the exercise, so for more than a week, the Chief of Intelligence boiled and prepared punishment and execution. But it turned out that there could potentially be up to 4 of our groups in this area, there were no "intermediary" flags on the cars, and you do not overcome them all without evidence.
After the general examination of the exercises, the NRO built all the commanders of these 4 groups (including me, Lieutenant Lieutenant) in front of the army of officers, goes there from one to the other, silently and in the eyes so brightly and penetratingly looks. He approaches Palic face to face and burns him with a sparkling look. The thumb is like a drown. They stood there for three minutes, like a spell, but he probably understood that he had a cloudy base for specific pieces, raised his index finger, fiercely shook in front of Palych's nose and suddenly turned away.
All of us were scratching out of impatience, said Palic! Come on, how then? How did he decide? He smiles, drinks and eats. Silent, we even offended a little, although then poured.
Three months later, they were also sitting and the Palic liked it. He says he was very offended by the NRO for saliva on his face. The district knew, the sergeants and soldiers in his group were already experienced fighters, although all of the time officers. He himself went to work on the main task, and sent two to observe the district where the main KP could be (he was always equipped at the exercises there). They calculated the frequency and directions of the Pirate route. It was that Palych jumped with his own on the rocks, in the night burst from two strands, on the road a simple coat-top was stretched, sand-dust was poured, sticks were laid for the lever. It is hard to wait, but for the sake of the holy thing you will not do anything. At the entrance of this Pirate Cortex, the rope was sharply stretched, the coat-bar shot and became like a wall in front of my nose. As they taught. We turned the Pirates, we know the area, we would leave anyway, but nobody was rushing. somehow so.
Sorry for the long time, but I wanted to bring this idea to the PANA, that this is the case, the simple timetables of the Russian special forces without a single shot, quickly, without breaking away from the main affairs worked, and this (if not considering that the object was the Chief of Intelligence) is in principle their normal work, and not the feat of the great Polish special forces.
By the way, Palych remained a captain until the collapse of the USSR and did not become the commander of the company, although he was worthy and planned.
The Special Forces Day!

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna