bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №134981
 20.10.2016
I fought with a girl in a buffet, just a little bit. I go back to work and they call me. She knew where my phone was from. I started saying that I hope I didn’t hurt her and she wasn’t really so harmful.

Not for good, I thought. At first she clings to me, very tightly. Afterwards, she found out that she had two children and was not married. Often our paths after work crossed and we walked together. Of course, this has not gone unnoticed. And then it turned out that the female part of my department thought we had love for carrots.

About half a year after these events, I married, not her. No one knew that I was planning to get married at work. I only learned at the last moment, I told the boss that I would not go out tomorrow because I am going to the Zags. On Monday I go to work with a cake, all the girls shine like they won the jackpot. They gathered together and congratulated me. Babies began to say that how good I am, not everyone will now decide on such a bold step, and the girl is very good, hardworking. I stand and at first I can’t understand what they are about. How do they know my wife? Then we started to make nonsense about the fact that now we will go to work and work together and in general when a husband and wife at the same job is great. I say :

“Aunt, you say it as if you know my wife, you don’t confuse anything?

- so Marinka and I have known for a long time, I have even worked with her in the shop before.

My wife’s name is Marina and she doesn’t work here.

Here, the faces of some of the aunts were cursed and they abruptly fled to their workplaces.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №134980
 20.10.2016
News from the Russian Post.
There was a paper listing the number of retirement orders, the amounts and surnames of the postmen who did not pay these pensions in September. Now the post officers must write an explanatory for each pension with indication of the reason for the non-payment. And "no house" is not an argument. That is, if I came, called, I was not opened, then I have to find out why. Unclear exactly who. Hi, our brilliant boss, to get your tail by the door...

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №134979
 20.10.2016
The Toilets

I had to work in a McDaca type grocery. Well, let it be McDougall. Periodically there are influx of visitors (after work or at lunch break), so here... Somewhere in the middle of the influx female (!!!) The toilet is so polluted that an abandoned resort country sort can sadly chew in the side. In the male, by the way, at the same time you can swim in the urine. How it is possible to get past the wide and high Piszuar in a narrow way – I don’t understand. And I have a suspicion that women’s toilets are polluted (literally) by those who scream, “You are pigs if you don’t clean up a hundred times a week!”

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №134978
 20.10.2016
>> > and normal people After the MCAD? Don’t make fun of my pants!! to

One of the main criteria of madness is that the patient considers himself the only reasonable person, and everyone around him is mad.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №134977
 20.10.2016
We discuss hiring a third-party 1C programmer for one of the orders.
The most interesting thing is that they (the customer) have their own, standard 1C-proger
WOW: And what is he doing there?
“Well, while I was there, he offered to go to PlayStation and plasma. And he also said that it will play one because the rest of the IT department have a job.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №134976
 20.10.2016
My relatives could have removed Santa Barbara in the style of "srach". In the last 30 years, in any variations I hear why Aunt Masha hates Sakiya Sasha, grandmother Lena cuddles her daughters oil and marina, and grandfather Vasya with inexhaustible fantasy seeks the enemies of the state and hears enemy voices in a mixture with the Kashpirovsky, while fucking our brains on the subject of UFO and GMO. In the best traditions, everybody hates everybody. When I was a pink child, I was caught for coughing like my father.

[ + 40 - ] Comment quote №134975
 20.10.2016
Is this a salary model too?
This is Vitalik, the system administrator.
What does not move your Vitalik?
Vitalik, you want a beer.
All I see.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №134974
 20.10.2016
I got the idea of a new year card today. There is a man standing in the mirror with a whim, in the family, unbarred. In the background, the remains of the holiday table, a tree, bottles on the floor. He looks at himself in the mirror, or more precisely one ear, which for some reason became like a rabbit. Behind his back is Santa Claus with a clever rod and holds the letter "Y" behind his back. And the inscription Happy New _Ear!

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №134973
 20.10.2016
Something was bothering in my shoe all day, so I took it off!!!! to
and?
What’s in the socks?? to
The socks of yesterday.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №134972
 20.10.2016
As long as we believe in a better life, we will be fooled.

[ + 29 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №134971
 20.10.2016
In one hospital in the chamber with me was a broken train driver. He pleased to tell what happened to him. The case was this: one fat woman decided to commit suicide and jump from the bridge under the train. But I didn’t count the moment and rolled my back into the front glass of the locomotive. My grandmother was also alive. In the words of the victim:
- I lead the train quietly, and right here a huge JOPA flows into my roots!! to
Success has always been surprising!

[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №134970
 20.10.2016
Tea for the doctor is a bribe, Tea for the waitress is a good tone. One saved his life, the other brought coffee.

[ + 22 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №134969
 20.10.2016
Onycosolve at home:
<...>The cooking process will take you no more than 25 minutes.
<...>Then put the rice in a deep bowl, fill with water again and leave for 1 hour.

[ + 29 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №134968
 20.10.2016
Just like those who burned partnerships, their thinking is not flexible. Flexible for those who have hidden "for any case how little will be turned "))

[ + 24 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №134967
 20.10.2016
No is. They may allow a second car because the state has not introduced a progressive tax and does not take away their surplus money. It would be worth. Give to those who lack.

is right! Let them all be poor! And it usually lacks either the most outspoken (they usually lack the third house on Rublevka), or sofa critics (about them have already written here - they all owe). And I and my family will work 60-70 hours a week for you "not enough". We need a second car!

[ + 29 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №134966
 20.10.2016
<bt> Title: Russian military has got its own Internet
<komar> > The main resource of the closed network is mil.zs, on the basis of which third-level domains function
<komar> why.z?
<bender> komar: weapons and weapons

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №134965
 20.10.2016
Prepod said at the lecture today:

Do you know why I’m happy to have invented smartphones? Because students at lectures now watch movies, not eat seeds.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №134964
 20.10.2016
Give to those who lack.

Polygraph Polygraph, are you?

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №134963
 20.10.2016
Another joke about UDP.

Declaration of Rights and Freedoms.

1st Everyone is guaranteed TCP/IP
2nd UDP is not guaranteed.

[ + 22 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №134962
 20.10.2016
Google: Select all images where there is a patio.
I: Okay, Google, what is a patio?

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna