bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №104814
 30.10.2014
A quote from Wikipedia about the series "Chernobyl. Area of Exclusion"

Since shooting in the real Zone of Exclusion was dangerous for health, there were very few scenes (these were only short footage, where none of the actors were involved). In the rest, the scenes in Pripyat were filmed in Russia in cities with similar architecture.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №104813
 30.10.2014
by JJ

How to cook fish in the dishwasher
You will need:
1st Philosophy of salmon
2nd Aluminium foil
Three Lemon
4 is the salt
5 is Washing machine
1) Put salmon on the foil, polish, spray with lemon juice. turn to. For fidelity, it can be put in a thermo-resistant package. Put the wrapped salmon in the upper compartment.
Put the dishwasher on a long cycle.
At the end of the cycle, get the fish and clean dishes. Enjoy it!

This is a round cake.

[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №104812
 30.10.2014
The Soviet rocket engine was designed to fly to America, not from it!

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №104811
 30.10.2014
AAA: Leonardo da Vinci slept 15 minutes every 4 hours
He slept an hour and a half a day.

BBB: Do you compare yourself and Da Vinci??? You have ambitions...

AAA: I strive for him
I sleep 4-5 hours.

CCC: and where is Seas?? to
Sleep normally

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №104810
 30.10.2014
The Customer:
"Alexey's round eyes alerted me, but the round gases of the woman were already frightening. We need to quickly gather the specialists and find a solution.

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №104809
 30.10.2014
From one forum, a boy who already got a banghammer, but...

"It is just unfair! Everyone has the right to the spectacle! Both ourselves and the tanks in the White House, and even we are condemned for the stones of the brass. And who are you? It is..."

[ + 32 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №104808
 30.10.2014
The boss spent a couple of months thinking how expensive it was to change the wheels on his SUV. Then he solved the problem – bought a second Land Rover and now just changes the car from summer to winter and back.

[ + 52 - ] Comment quote №104807
 30.10.2014
The explosion of Antares.

xxx: And the nephig was curved amero-chokhlatsky pencil in the correct Soviet engines to climb.
Yyy: Soviet rocket engine was designed to fly to America, not from there
xxx: Well, that is, the engine focused on the terrain and decided that it has already arrived and there is no point in flying further.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №104806
 30.10.2014
I have been wearing XXL or even 2XXL all my life. He came to America to study, went to buy Mike. L was great, I left M. I look forward to meeting the local 2XXL with horror.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №104805
 30.10.2014
I pay an empty server and a domain name so that no one gets it and because to configure DNS falls. I put a small site on the test and checked the htop. I apologize to my colleague:
I have 187 days of aptitude!
It’s the servant you pay for, you know how much time, but you don’t have anything on it.
Now there is!
The timer?

[ + 18 - ] Comment quote №104804
 30.10.2014
to this:

The king of Saudi Arabia wants to lower oil to 80 bucks to beat American competitors who produce expensive shale and deep-sea oil. In addition, they are pressuring Iran and Russia to support the kingdom’s main enemy, Assad, less... There’s a third version – the king of Saudi Arabia is 90 years old and he’s finally moved.

And let’s remember the leadership of our country, which we all supported and which for years when there were more than high oil prices did not do nothing for the development of the economy. And the economy of this country has become essentially 100% dependent on the will of others. Why did the USSR collapse, no one remembers? The same shit is happening now.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №104803
 30.10.2014
Dialogue with a friend who went to PMZ in Europe:
What is new?
And with you?
I bought a new closet.
I bought a hotel.
–...

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №104802
 30.10.2014
I have a psychological trauma.
All his childhood thought that Cruz Costillo and Idne Keppel remained together, and then a friend reference to Vicky dropped.
She had a split personality and she left him with the children.
Better not to read (

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №104801
 30.10.2014
What a question is such a answer.
Q: When you buy a SIM card and put it in a car alarm. What does she say when you call her?
A: It says - "This SIM is installed in the auto signal in the car with the number mark.... located at the address..... password to open the car..."

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №104800
 30.10.2014
xxx: I am so entertained that at the beginning of each series of The Underground Empire they write: "This content may contain scenes of tobacco use. Smoking is bad for your health"

xxx: murder, lawlessness, theft, rapture, bullying, torture, beating, bullying, drunkenness is all such nonsense. Smoking tobacco...

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №104799
 30.10.2014
To be considered smart or crazy, it is enough to stop lying.

[ + 39 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №104798
 30.10.2014
Broken chain

“Either don’t go, or go to the end.”
(They are

Just like in a distant childhood, my mother wrote me in printed letters a detailed list - how much, what and at what price to buy.
I did not forget to warn:
Don’t get lost there, the base is very big, you’ll go wrong and get lost. Look closely at the wallet.
Mom, I am forty seven years old.
“In Moscow you are forty-seven, and in Istanbul you are five years old.
What a list. Mother, give me a bigger bag and make it strong.
You don’t need a suitcase, you don’t need anything. There are plenty of bearers in the basement. For five liras anything to the house will be brought, especially not to carry far away. very comfortable.
Oh great service.
What did you think? This is Europe, well, in the sense of Asia, well, in the sense, you understood...

I understood and went to the bazar.
I bought everything from strawberries to pomegranates, exhausted my mother’s list and started looking at the carrier.
There were really a lot of them, each had a large woven basket behind his back, and each, straining his veins, sang loudly his desperate advertising song.
And here, among them, I noticed a vanity old man. He was such an old crooked and thin man, which seemed like a huge basket - his mistress, and not the opposite.
So I decided to give my grandfather money. He was delighted, squeezed, carefully loaded my bags into the carton, and the potatoes and apples down, the cherry up, all as appropriate, and as I realized that I did not belmes in Turkish, showed on my fingers five liras, and somehow with difficulty, not badly, squeezed the carton on my back. I pointed to the nearest mosque as a landmark of my home, and here, from where I could not get to my grandfather, a little boy of seven years of age ran by, with a hammer in his hand. It seems that the boy was a grandfather, not even a grandson, but rather a grandson.
Go to. I am in front and my grandfather is behind. My cargo twisted the carrier almost to the ground. So he walked, with one hand resting on the boy’s shoulder, and the other on his ankle.
For some reason I was very embarrassed, I walk lightly like a plantator, and they... and why did I take five pounds of potatoes? Without her, there would be eight kilograms, from the strength of ten and grandfather would not be so bended.
A hundred meters away, the grandfather knocked something on his grandson and dropped the basket to the ground.
I was not surprised to see how the cargo was already on the shoulders of this seven-year-old elephant on thin legs.
The boy was even worse than his grandfather. And how did it happen that between a grandfather and a boy, two generations of healthy and strong men were missing? Where did they disappear? There was no doubt that this grandfather in the whole white world had only this boy, and that the boy had this very ugly grandfather.
Here, only one has not been able for a long time, and the other is not yet able to drag a huge basket. It looked like a broken chain.
I decided to stop this bullying of people, I extended the money and said:

Finish a thousand.

The grandfather helped the boy to sit on the ground and surprisedly began to tick his finger toward the mosque, saying, what "okay"? We have not yet reached halfway.
I shrugged my hand and again said, “OK,” stretching the money.
Grandfather grumbled his shoulders sadly, carefully pulled out of the basket the bags, overly pushed away my hand with the money, put on the basket, hugged the boy and plunged back toward the bazar.
And then I realized that I horribly offended them with my pity, because they are not poor, but honest workers with a great sense of self-worth. And it doesn’t matter that grandfather, maybe Ataturk still remembers and has long been unable to drag heavy baskets. Principles are more expensive than money.
I quickly caught up with the bearers, said “okay” again and pointed to my bags and the mosque.

So they were tired and wet and dragged to my very house, then the matter under the basket and supporting each other. Even I had time to smile, don't worry, say, everything is under control, we will come somehow.
I paid them twice as much.
Grandfather wanted to refuse, but then still agreed, because the tea is the customer's lust.
They were still sitting on the stairs of our approach a long time later. They rested. I even brought them cold water.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №104797
 30.10.2014
In a restaurant, a man of solid appearance sits at the table to a beautiful girl:
Hi to you! Can I make a company for you?
Yes please...
Let me introduce you, my name is Nestor. People’s Deputy, an honest and decent man.
very pleasantly! I am Marina, 35 years old, vip-put... still a virgin!

[ + 19 - ] Comment quote №104796
 30.10.2014
"When these patriots walk in the hoodies, I like it. When these clowns paint my city yellow and blue, I tolerate it. But when these wicked ones send Tomics Shevchenko to raise my spirit on...MALOVANNY PAPER – I hate it!"

Those who have been in the fields with poor supplies will understand :)

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №104795
 30.10.2014
Remember, I got sick with something with cough and sickness... and on my trouble I watched the broadcast “Health” with a baby.... the rubric “People’s Councils” or something like that... in general. The non-suspecting grandmother advised to wipe the straw (yes, yes, the one that the plant is), to put the straw with a bowl, to let this Aztec mixture stand for half an hour, and then to inhale it persically...
Well I approach my mom... at the time I was studying in the upper classes... I didn’t especially want to go to school, but I didn’t like soppy much more... Well, I say that I hope to fill up a roasted straw... by the evening in the garden the straw didn’t grow, he wiped out and put himself in a three-liter bowl... and in the kitchen there was another fan...
In general, to enhance the effect... (shelter surely) I didn’t touch it for a couple of hours. In general, when I breathed this hernia, I just couldn’t exhaust – apparently the lungs burned the naphyg)...
I lie on my breath on the couch... I can’t breathe out, I’m dying.
why this is all... I forgot about soppy at all... although it worked, but I advise somehow to be wise with the dosage)

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