bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №134681
 13.10.2016
At the tank forum, they asked what was the difference between the E50 and the T54. Rejoiced the answer: Imagine a knight’s trunk, a Teutonic knight in a blade with a two-handed sword comes out and under the sounds of a fanfar goes to the center. This is E50. Here behind him runs out a bearded man in his legs with a tail and shouts: "Egei! Shit it!“" begins to tear him in the back. This is the T54 :(

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №134680
 13.10.2016
xxx: I connected to another cellular operator a day ago, got a new number, a week later I get a call from a nervous woman. Through the screams and threats to put me in jail, there were demands to unlock her laptop if I don’t want to have problems with her and her husband, who has connections with the FSB. Confused and slightly upset by this call, I ask the woman to calm down and explain what the matter is. It turns out that this person was crawling the internet in search of some book and downloaded the archive. After running the downloaded archive, a ransomware block was installed on her computer with the requirement to charge several thousand to the number she is calling me at the moment.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №134679
 13.10.2016
Jews gathered to be baptized.
The Rabbi explained to them: You, Moses, after the baptism you will be Misha - this is the same, and the same.
You, Boruch, will be Boris - it looks like, and the same thing. And you, Sruel, will be Akaki. It is not the same, but it is the same.

Let’s finish with the names. A ridiculous one.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №134678
 13.10.2016
by Habr
Correct “Rash” to “Rash”
by 222. Why Why? The test word is mirror.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №134677
 13.10.2016
My name is Victoria, my father called me. I named it because my mother sent him to the ZAGS and said, call it what you want, but not Vika. Of all the punishment, the father remembered only the name, and returning joyfully told his mother that he had done as she had asked. The grandmother, whom I still found, could not remember Victoria and even Vika, so she was drawn and called Chechevica.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №134676
 13.10.2016
We had a little girl playing in the room next to my grandfather. The guy, whispering in the palms of imaginary babies, chanted the whirlwinds to them, and then she was called from another room. She approached the deaf grandfather, who was watching television, and asked the little ones to hold, she put him from the pen in her palm. And the grandfather understood that she gave him to eat, and, pleased, from the palms of this: "Om-nom, thank you, granddaughter, very delicious!" The revival was for three quarters, a few days the maiden struck his grandfather, then forgave him.
©••••••••

[ + 28 - ] [3 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №134675
 13.10.2016
Islamic terrorists are simply hanged.
Guri was not there.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №134674
 12.10.2016
From Picaboo:
In fact, it was much harder for us than we would like. We have come to the internet to degrade, not to solve the replies.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №134673
 12.10.2016
The forum. From the "humour" section, photos from a fashionable male show: guys in leather boots and fur shorts and jackets.
The comments:
Where do we turn?
I wonder if someone would dress like that.
Full of fishing!

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №134672
 12.10.2016
The forum. The anecdote.
The only benefit of the building of the city administration of Podolsk is the teak.
The comments:
- You can replace the "Pakistan" with the "Pakistan" - this will also be true!
Any city can be replaced, only the size of the shadow will change.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №134671
 12.10.2016
>> (link to news about searches in the church of Jehovah’s Witnesses on Lužská ulica in SPb)
>> Fig, did not know that there are witnesses OO near the house

We had two apocryphals of the Gospels, 75 brochures about salvation...
<< not that this is a necessary reserve for preaching
<< but if you have already started "alleluia, brother, take the light" it becomes difficult to stop
<< The only thing I was concerned about was brochures
<< there is nothing more helpless, irresponsible and corrupt,
<< than people who read brochures of Jehovah’s Witnesses in the subway
<< I knew that sooner or later we would start to spread this shit.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №134670
 12.10.2016
The forum. Post from a mom who lives in England (mother is Russian, dad is English).
Fedea asked to find him a teacher in mathematics. After calling a friend, I tell him:
There is a good teacher, half Russian.
Feyenoord is running:
Half a mathematician, right?

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №134669
 12.10.2016
As for the names... and you had to call the tax office to ask Mr. Mudiev in an official and benevolent tone?

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №134668
 12.10.2016
Theme from the Psychological Forum:
' The second dog is angry (unfounded)'

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №134667
 12.10.2016
to the name.
During a terrible quarrel between my friend and her boyfriend (she just didn’t call him) he didn’t bother her: "Marisha, and even if you call me, just lick it more often".

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №134666
 12.10.2016
Being a student of medfak from the evening depended on a friend in preparation for the surgery exam. Medical students have a chip, when studying the material they find diseases in themselves, even if in reality they are not. That happened to me. That evening found the symptoms of appendicitis in her, a friend checked and confirmed.



Remembering this "chick" wrote down symptoms on the games of mind and body and continued to study symptoms, treat diseases and learn the course of operations. The next morning wearing a shirt, I went to the exam on top of the shirt.

She passed the exam and instead of going out like normal students, sat down. I still decided to insure, because the symptoms did not pass.



Prepod in confusion of course asked what was the case, and then invited to the neighboring office (exam as the study was held in the hospital). When he began to stretch the shirt buttons at the teacher's eyes on his forehead, he began to move his hand, saying: - No, no, no.

My stomach got sick even more. So why should I wear clothes if I already passed the exam 5 minutes ago? I was able to explain that under the shirt there is no shirt or other way to get to the stomach.



After identifying the signs of appendicitis, he immediately sent him to the operating table.

The surgeons decided to cut under local anesthesia. When I learned that I was a medical student and just passed the exam, I was asked to tell the sequence of surgery for appendicitis. They cut and told me what stage they had reached. After cutting out the appendix, they offered to admire them and hanged me in front of my nose. At that time, I desperately wanted to sleep. I was not allowed to sleep, of course, was thrown under my nose, brought to consciousness, sucked safely and sent to the chamber.

So I passed on surgery theory and practice on myself.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №134665
 12.10.2016
Irene, by the way, the most upset on the full form of the name. I am talking to you like Irina.

There is an acquaintance with Irida, who for 50 years has been bulging from what she is called Irina or Irina. Her daughter called Iraida Inessa, of course, the wise persistently try to name her Inna... But the mother and daughter have a full understanding on the grounds of hatred to others.

[ + 44 - ] Comment quote №134664
 12.10.2016
I liked him for 3 months. He invites me to a restaurant. And I am a student, money zero, from eating only pasta for the second year. Initially I did not agree he would pay or I. Well, I think, I will only order coffee, in case I will pay for myself. I came to the restaurant. They give me a menu. He asked, “Are you hungry? Order yourself something normal, I will pay for it" I list the menu, I look at it, I smile. And here my saliva drops on the table.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №134663
 12.10.2016
In the USSR, anatomy was taught in the 8th grade. This subject was led by a teacher, she was 35, she was wearing glasses and a haircut, she was a good ulcer, but she could also joke fun and on the subject. He loved the subject and explained it clearly. I like to call it in Latin. If you wanted to have a fifth, you could turn this latinism.

There was a girl in our class, Galia. A very beautiful girl, but dumb - like 10 valens taken together. On each object, being called to the board, she stood up and, with her huge blue eyes, said in a low voice:

I am not ready.

The pair could be corrected by independent, control. Tests and Writing. I wrote classically.

But on anatomy, this number did not roll her: there were few controls and other written works, and the pair in the quarter was specific. I had to go out to the board.

We had muscles then. And the teacher explained that the muscles are flexible and expansive. In Latin it means locators and supinators.

Galia decided to shine.

He went out to the board and burned:

In Latin there are muscles. Pr... S is. Pr... S...

From the first part, she is whispered loudly: "Pronators, supinators, nators, supinators."

So what about the muscles in Latin? The first injection was done by the teacher.

How are they called in Latin?

All turned into a rumor, Galia finally issued:

and penis.

The teacher turned to her on her rotating chair, dropped her glasses on the tip of her nose and said astonished:

Well have to! Pronators and supinators we did not remember, and PENIS is easy!

Is it necessary to say what "pursuit" was after that attached to Gale..

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №134662
 12.10.2016
The news:
Apple investigates recent iPhone 6 and iPhone 7 explosions

Comment: Apple steamed everything to copy from Samsung

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