From the Women’s Forum:
"He was kept in the hospital. I need a condom, I don’t have it with me. From the injections on the pope, the nurse gave an ampoule of magnesium, advised to dilute it in half with vodka and make compresses. I want salt, a classic.
I call my husband, please bring me condoms, vodka and salty cucumbers to the hospital.
A long pause.
Where are you now, have you forgotten?

This

to obey. I pulled the grid behind the suspended ceiling, removed one tile, and there a fire alarm was installed on the concrete overlay. An epic Russian story.
These plates are non-fueled!

Usual fire brigade, fire safety rules read. The non-combustibility of tiles in general does not play a role - only the height of the roof space.

Mr. proud > The feeling of winning a difficult case in the Basman Court... And the journalists at the entrance are not waiting for you...

XXX is
Why are you not at work yet?

WOWU
Yesterday, my neighbor broke my electric shoulder. He is now in the hospital.

HHH
With electric burns? Are you here?

WOWU
No, with a broken jaw and a light shock.

WOWU
I was coming home, looking at a man on the pitch with a tail mashed. He heard me, turned and swung. Well, I picked off his tail and once moved in the mouth. Who knew he was so dumb! And then the mints went on, the bats hit me while I was already picking off the tail.

WOWU
Thank God, all the neighbors immediately confirmed that the tail was not mine, but the drunkeness of this!

WOWU
Now, the neighbor in the hospital, all the fines on him, the restoration of property and substation - on him, and here 15 days on the hooligan - me. It was not foolish to resist...

Looking out at the chest. The Upper Post:

The previous post made me think, but why am I not sending anyone to the ban? After long reflection, I have found the answer: because I don’t want to forbid people from expressing their opinions on topics that have raised their concerns. However, I cannot prohibit respected readers from going to the ban on their own. Therefore, from the moment of posting this post on my blog, the following rule enters for all without exception readers and commentators. To get a ban, you must write an official statement in a comment to any of my posts or personal messages of the following content:

"Dear Own Name! In view of the fact that I consider myself a clinical idiot and unable to discuss with other readers, it is necessary to protect me from the possibility of commenting in your journal. Please send me to the ban, during which I undertake to correct and not to repeat my mistakes.

If a respected commentator is lazy to pick up even such a short text, then I will go to meet: any commentary that will contain non-normative vocabulary, insulting the interlocutor, reasoning about his sexual preferences, making a diagnosis on the Internet, fluid, etc., will be equated to the aforementioned statement.

The removal of the ban will take place in a free form at the personal request of the respectable person.

This is another thing: "I rarely write about politics, but I don’t always have to blame myself. Today our regional douma was headed by the former director of the circus. I have everything."

In one of the capitals, the director of the circus was a clown. to defend.

Bright memory, Yuri Vladimirovich

xxx: Now looked at the processes: skypeforlinux does nothing and nonstop kills 15% CPU
YYY: How does that do nothing? He acquired a bee rolling on a comp in search of something else to fill the owners.
I put it in firejail and gave it an empty home. He will find nothing.
YYYYYYYYYY Is he working in vain? You are evil (

News: "Afghan refugees in turn raped a German schoolgirl"

xxx "in turn" - this is important!
There’s something human in them.)
zzz are getting used to German order and pedanticity

<xxx> You can turn off the Internet on your iPhone
<xxx> after 5 years, thank you guys
<xxx> but no longer needed :)
<yyy>? to
<xxx> iOS 11 is out :)
<xxx> you can turn off the joparez/3g :)
<xxx> was the first time it was :)
<yyy> and was this down? Is WIFI always involved?
<xxx> you can wifey, no jopares :)
<yyy> and what if the operator failed?
<xxx> and if the operator is upset, then do not take the iPhone :)
<yyy> LOL
<xxx> because the deceased must be someone alone, or the phone manufacturer, or the operator

Wut: – If you’re “on a short leg” with everybody, maybe you’re just a taxi?

Xenon: One question I immediately came across (which day of the week. I’m a freelancer, if I have a drink, it means Friday.

XX: I have been wondering for a long time, why do people go to pay for the post office?
xxx: why you can't ask your grandchildren to help with payment through terminals or online banking
yyy: you do not communicate with the terminal, and there is a engine, maybe you are lucky and you will crack.

The Fat Troll:
If you have sugar, replace it with lemon acid. The salt is different, but the lemon is the same! :)

The news portal:
At the beginning of August, the administration of the city of Arkhangelsk banned the charitable flooding of rubber races "Utiny race", seeing in the toys a corruption symbol.

Computers pull the cable over the emptiness above the hanging ceiling.
By the way, I read one story on the Internet...
About the Taxi?
and yes.
Do not need. Please enough.

There are dumb women everywhere. Even Pasternak had a stupid grandmother.
What did you take?
“Well, he wrote "And you are beautiful without twists".
At least he was beautiful.

In case of extreme need, cognac is allowed to smell the cat.

My sister and I drink tea. Neighbors are fighting behind the wall, but words cannot be resolved.
Q: I wonder what you can talk about without thinking for twenty minutes?
I (clinging my ear to the wall) Now we will know...
C: (disgracefully) Kindergarten... (drinking tea and not annoyingly stretching me the cup) Take a glass...

WOW: throwing pictures of cats
Over the cats! Dr. Urgently the mouse intravenously!
WOW: It is difficult...
Think of it, you’re a doctor!
You are definitely sick.
Yes, for the whole head!
WOW: Did you accept this?
My psychoanalyst says yes.
Is he in himself?
He is in shower, drinking and in severe depression. I only go to him for a week.
Does he need a psychiatrist?
Every psychoanalytic needs a psychiatrist.

told at work. He is on TV with Tom Hanks. The employee enters, seeing the desertor trying to sail to the meadow, thoughtfully says: I would be on that island. I would have shot everyone with a machine gun!
He goes away, leaving everyone lying. Father of three children.