Horror films help to lose weight
I even know how :)

From Khabrahabra, discuss Samsung tablet with Windows 8:
foxnet: Here is the shit, 900 grams, 8 hours, x86, win8. Who must be killed to get this Device?
Evgeny Shiryaev: The Frog.

Comments on the compulsory winter tires:
The law establishes the beginning of winter on November 1 on the entire territory of Russia. Snow to fall, water to freeze, and tires to grow spikes.

From Chat:
What are you busy with, baby?
I’m crazy, Carlson.

xxx: Now saw social advertising, "Sport will take you out of drug captivity".
I haven’t seen anything I’ve seen running drugs in the morning.
YYY: The first word is a mistake. It was "spirit"

A month ago I wanted to get fired, I stood up and nothing worked.
Today I filed an application for dismissal, did not sign... here I sit... think =)

News on mail:
Onishchenko: masks from flu will emphasize the beauty of women's eyes.
First comment: A humiliating shirt will decorate Mr. Onishchenko.

Over: "Russian police will be obliged to catch smokers". This is the first time I’ve read the "square" :)
CHOK: It would be clear. Silent Moscow.
Over: The sirene is ringing and all the smokers are rushing to shelters. The ashes slowly fall to the ground. and :)

(Written by a woman 24 years old)
The xxx:
A sanitarian came to us. He looked at me and asked "is there an adult home?"
pornography lies

If she’s so smart, then why is it claiming that the phone has been holding the battery longer since it removed the film from the screen?! to

The Lion saved a woman from cancer by biting her breast.

If you have nothing else to show besides your character, you have a crazy character.

Excessive shrimp

We picked up the furniture, some spare parts were left.
Long sought where they could be wrapped, did not find and spit.
About excess screwbacks and other bullets in general there are many fairy tales.
In our kindergarten, when the team groups form in the summer, there was such a story.

The first day, the teacher has children from three groups. They have their own, but most of them are foreign. Everyone is out, only one child remains. He plays in the sandbox. Teacher on the veranda. begins to worry.

Who should come after you?

and Dad!

Daddy, Daddy, you are still sitting there.
There is no Dad.
And all, the garden is empty already, one guard, and ask no one. She went, took the lists, where the phone numbers of her parents to call. He asks.

What is your name?

by Petya Smirnov.

She overwhelmed all the lists. There’s no such child on the list, even if you’re crazy!
And what to do? It would be a understandable child, I would take it home, and it would be over. And here?
And the main thing is sitting, playing like nothing else has happened.
Usually, if the child is not taken for a long time, he is hysterical, and the educator comforts him. Here it is the opposite. A child at least anything, and the teacher is no longer a child's sausage.

Where is your dad?!! to

In the work.

When will he come for you?

He will not come.

Why? →? to

He is watching football. When he is watching football, it is better not to touch him.

Does he watch football at work?

Yes, in the work.

What kind of work is it that you watch football?

He works as a guard.

Where is?

In the kindergarten.

In what?? to

Well, here... in this garden. In the yours. He said, “Come away from your eyes and let me not see you until the end of the game.” Here I sit. Why don’t you leave? Oh oh! You may have been kicked out of the house before the end of the game.

reception of the therapist.
Patient - Doctor, frankly, I did not believe that the medicine you prescribed me would help. But it helped. You are just a magician.
Therapist - In truth, the wizard is a pharmacist. I mistakenly gave you the form on which I wrote the pen.

I have a fast brain.
He does it first.
HGH and so on.
Yippidy yi yippity yay!"

I work on the budget not where it is officially issued, the boss - close friend (N). Conversation in Smoking:
I: What do you do before me?
N: Absolutely fear of losing... You are not responsible for anything, you receive prizes regularly, you leave early when you need to. The maximum that threatens you is that I will stumble and stop.
I: You weren’t talking to me!! to

The gift of God to Adam, three letters... to the mind for some reason not immediately Eve came...

Taky x*y, and Eve was just an addition to the gift

I am asking for a visit to a friend (friend zone, unfortunately, but I am not especially compelled).
I’m ashamed to admit, but I missed the kitchen so much. Could you cook that snack again?
YYY: I know a lot of recipes of all kinds of figi. Which to you?
Xxx: Well, who with such things round))
The [...]
xxx: How many questions)) Meat pieces are like that, like his... Which with a cheese slice were.
YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY Fries in sauce. Okay well. Will there be more orders? and :-)
XXX: Well... and all to order mon? Another fig)), which is from the paste and with apples, and on top is like white cream, but not cream))
YYY: M-M... I understood. This shit I can’t do, I don’t have enough of it... Fuck, how she...
Olive oil here! I don’t have enough oil for this cake. How can I forget the name of the oil? You infected me with sclerosis.
Well, not all so hopeless, I remembered.
I went into the refrigerator and read on the package :-)

I go home with a girl and she tells me what she did yesterday.
D: I bought a pregnancy test yesterday, I decided to check for the case.
Do you doubt me?
D: Yes, it’s not about you.
We look at each other like this, we digest the phrase.

With Avito:

"Love-rich Russian teater (1900g) named Kent is looking for a vicious girlfriend in the same weight category to embody sexual fantasies"