bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 69 - ] Comment quote №38058
 29.10.2010
The Flight (16:38)
Why are all girls heartless dolls?
Thessalonian (16:38):
Why are all men moral wicked?
...
The Flight (16:39):
This is the balance of dwarfs in nature.


[ + 63 - ] Comment quote №38057
 29.10.2010
My three-year-old son was watching a cartoon about Hercules, where in one of the episodes he saw a centaur. After thinking a little, he asked a quite “logical” question: “Why did an uncle in a pope get stuck with a horse?”

[ + 65 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №38056
 29.10.2010
The vacation:

We need a quality designer-illustrator-virtuoso in the studio.

The Requirements:

It would be great to have the technology of Matte Painting. At least a little.
• Portfolio is required.
• Desirably strong health, endurance, hard work, agility, ability to use grabbers, hairs, forks, shovels and other agricultural tools.
Work without intimacy, do not junk or freelance at work!
Experience as a curtain designer from a year and experience of communicating with dogs are also welcome.
We have a dress code - the appearance should be cluttered, slightly stupid, but tight, a Latin American appearance is desirable (men wear hats).
The Conditions:

You will need to work for the idea and a little more for the programmer.
Toilets and internet are paid.
Schedule of work: lifelong (there is a cemetery).
• Test period of 4 years.

And if seriously, we need a boy or girl between the ages of 20 and 45 with a sense of taste, humor and beauty.

Smart, interesting and knowledgeable such things as printing, grid (any, even fishing) and Russian.

With mutual understanding, we can even agree on remote work, but you need to live in St. Petersburg, no matter how you want it.

[ + 60 - ] Comment quote №38055
 29.10.2010
With a girl in bed, she makes me go. And here he begins to laugh.

I: What has happened? O_0
She: Assess me, I am Pacman! :D
And with a characteristic gesture begins to swallow my member a little bit.

I almost didn’t laugh :D

[ + 77 - ] Comment quote №38054
 29.10.2010
The xxx:
You will still say that you can’t eat meat and add salt... Imagine yourself as a non-drinking, non-smoking curly blonde athlete...She began to itch her back in the shoulder area. and :)
No, I will drink and lead an immoral way of life.
YYYY :
I also made wings at first.
I found out I couldn’t get there.

[ + 17 - ] Comment quote №38053
 29.10.2010
If a man is tired of sending...

[ + 46 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №38052
 29.10.2010
Profile
I was making a documentary about smoking. And to find out how our citizens will deal with the smoking ban on the street, I came up with this episode: In the center of Moscow on a crowded street, a police officer stops smokers and tries to fine them. Of course, everyone will understand that this is a joke, well, and suddenly someone will believe it. How will he deal with such a ban?
I called a familiar Lieutenant Colonel of the militia and asked to assign a subordinate for the shootings, who can speak convincingly.
At the appointed hour, a captain arrived with two sergeants. He listened to the task, sneered and asked:
And the money collected for fines, where to go afterwards?
What money is there? No one will give you money, but suddenly.
If it does, it would be great. Just say that it is an action,
Take your money back and stop smoking. Try to
to convince Stanislavsky to believe.
We put on the captain's radio microphone, and we went into the shop with the camera.
began to film. I see our police stop the first smoker, but I don’t hear what they say. But everything is heard by my operator in the earphone. I see, he is hysterical, rushing without stopping, until the camera is stirring. He asks the towel to wipe away tears, or he can’t see it.
“What are you breaking? “I ask. He just whispers.
I looked up, and to my horror, I realized that eight out of ten people proposed to solve the issue on the spot and stole the money to the captain...As it turned out later – the ninth was stolen with the card of a deputy assistant, and the tenth with a police certificate. What are miracles?
In the evening, I went back to the television company, turned on the recording and made sure that my acquainted Lieutenant Colonel was not deceived. The captain was very clear:
He brakes the first man, appears and says:
There is a smoking struggle on the streets in the city.
You will be imposed an administrative penalty in the form of a fine.
What kind of penalty? You are what? It is not forbidden to smoke on the street.
Captain: So I am not punishing you for smoking, but for firing a fire in the city.
What a fire, that’s a cigarette!
I will read to you the decree of the Government of Moscow and the Governor of the Moscow Region: for the breeding of fires, the burning of leaves, grass, topoly flour in the border of the city and the region, individuals are punished with a fine from 500, up to 1000 rubles.
If I’m not mistaken, did you burn a grass wrapped in paper in your hand called tobacco?
Man: A... Yeah...
Captain: Well, so I impose on you the minimum fine provided for this violation - 500 rubles. Let us form.
The man began to apologize, trying to get 200 rubles without a receipt.
----------------
Eight men out of ten.
You say the police, the police.
The pictures decide everything.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №38051
 29.10.2010
The thief is burning.

[ + 57 - ] Comment quote №38050
 29.10.2010
Lisenque: In company with the fucking day flies unnoticed.

[ + 71 - ] Comment quote №38049
 29.10.2010
I want a firearm and a cabaret.)
YYY : Why?
xxx: well imagine: I go home in the evening, private sector, dark, around the wilderness
xxx: and here come to me 2 bold guys, and one of them says "dry, let me smoke"
xxx: I stretch up the jacket, give out of the cabaret a trunk and one of them fucking
xxx: they are in auhuye, type "boy, you are what"
xxx: I press on the smoke, out of the duck fire, and I say "smoke"
YYY: Ah, and then you hide it =))

[ + 41 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №38048
 29.10.2010
Service in the army was not for nothing!! to
I was able to read the whole book :)))

[ + 61 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №38047
 29.10.2010
The dream was: as if aliens arrived on their own planet and settled in the orbit of the sun not far from the earth. All governments in shock, consolidated and sent all the nuclear missiles there are. The aliens caught them on the flight, and they wrote, “Thank you for uranium and plutonium, send more!”
>_<

[ + 48 - ] Comment quote №38046
 29.10.2010
"Water flows from the Internet" - this is a very, very, very common provider bump, in which 100% of the cases are to blame the wrong-handed installers who threw the screw on the street (and usually also the cable for the internal HORIZONTAL laying on the street!And they didn’t fix it, but they threw it out (any cable, even external, needs to be carefully fixed, so that it doesn’t shake anywhere). Therefore, boldly call with a complaint to the provider, do not let everything go on its way, let them clean up quickly, so that they all hit with thunderstorms and multi-tasks flooded!!! to

To all the right and clear installers - respect, honor and blessing of the cable gods!

[ + 75 - ] Comment quote №38045
 29.10.2010
<mclaren> who is playing in what?
<bekk> volley
<mclaren> and I mean by grid
<bekk> in volleyball is hard without a grid))))

[ + 58 - ] Comment quote №38044
 29.10.2010
In my childhood, I dreamed of becoming a superhero... and, you know, my dream has come true – my laziness has developed so much that now every action is a feat for me!

[ + 53 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №38043
 29.10.2010
Listen far too loud
X: Aphigenic Yannikuflya
x: lol ))) I meant psybreaks
X: Yannikuflya
X: the gesture
X: I will call my daughter so.

[ + 79 - ] Comment quote №38042
 29.10.2010
I brought a girl home with whom I recently met, had sex, after sex I hear a question
Are you with all the girls like that?
– No
And almost flew out the phrase WHAT YOU are asking all this!? to

[ + 74 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №38041
 29.10.2010
Now he walked out of the universe, slipped, fell into dirt, broke his leg. He got up, cleaned his jacket, his pants, as he could, went. The jacket was dry, but the dirt of divorce still remained. Just one glamorous kiso said that I had a beautiful pattern on the jacket and asked what it was from the collection.

[ + 65 - ] Comment quote №38040
 29.10.2010
Today I met a literally encyclopedic example of the integration of cultures and languages, when the Japanese Seyu expressed gratitude with the word "senkju", which the Russian Dabber translated as "arigat".

c) akaAsbestt

[ + 66 - ] Comment quote №38039
 29.10.2010
XXX: How are you at work?
Yyy: Like in harem: you know exactly what to fuck, but you don’t know why!

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