bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №88865
 26.10.2013
Xxx: You should be more careful. Did you hear that all the correspondence is read by the intelligence services?
YYY: Let them read, I have nothing like that in conversations, maybe even useful. In the previous job, two of the WBs significantly increased their IQ by reading my correspondence.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №88864
 26.10.2013
Today is clearly my day!
YYY: What happened?
The boss in vacation, now no one to scream at me, from work went to the store where there was no queue, the forever broken elevator in the house worked.
The most important thing was waiting for me at home.
Did your wife have a headache?
HGH is better!
WOW :?
The opera’s wife to 12 versions rejected!
You have a good life, congratulations!

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №88863
 26.10.2013
metalltouch: and they (English) cat - "this"(It)
metalltouch: "feed this"
Doberman Silver: I have a picture right in front of my eyes: night, a family couple in bed. She turns to Him and sleepily asks, “Have You fed This?” The camera leaves and we see a terrible monster standing near the bed (such as Slenderman) chewing something bloody. He clutches his eyes, turns to her, embraces her waist, and breathes lightly: “Don’t worry, dear, she has fed herself.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №88862
 26.10.2013
xxx: but somebody knows famous black programmers
by Miles Bennett Dyson :)
xxx: thin

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №88861
 26.10.2013
Russia is a country of unlimited possibilities. Only here can you exceed the limit of unlimited internet!

[ + 25 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №88860
 26.10.2013
xxx: The disgusting men who spread their feet in public transportation, I want them all to move in the same way!

Yyy: Then there will be no room on the streets (

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №88859
 26.10.2013
I sit in a cafe with a friend with whom we are doing a big project. I have a website, including design. We discuss all the nuances of this not easy business. Suddenly a 13-year-old girlfriend calls. In the dialogue:
Mom, where are you?
In the cafe
And with whom?
With Borey?
With which?
Which website does the project.
The one who made the hat for the website?
Yes, that is the same!

I changed my hat that same night.

[ + 38 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №88858
 26.10.2013
I just learned the most shocking truth in 12 years of life together.
It turns out, curtains in one room cost 45 thousand, and in the other - 50 thousand. The ruble!

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №88857
 26.10.2013
to this:

I ask you, girl, what is your password?
The girl answers me and calls me MY!!! The Password!! 12 characters, numbers, letters, special symbols.
I am humiliated and insulted."

It is destiny. Now you have to marry her. Or it’s on you.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №88856
 26.10.2013
Arthem
What is the woman with such beautiful eyes doing?

Elena
by Jura

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №88855
 26.10.2013
All pregnancy behaves adequately, I do not know and do not demand the impossible.
But this morning nature decided to take off.
A task for my husband:
I want to eat something pink.

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №88854
 26.10.2013
(They are
We sit, we drink, men, from 37 to 47 years old, five.
Talk about life, problems and other serious things.
“Dota, it’s not a game, it’s shit,” one said.
Everyone agreed.
“I play Red Alert,” I said.
They looked at me incomprehensively.
Basars went for the devil, planes, dancers and so on.
I am playing in the stock market! Jacob said.
And everyone silenced.

[ + 39 - ] Comment quote №88853
 26.10.2013
When evil is lacking on everyone, focus on a particular person.

[ + 41 - ] Comment quote №88852
 26.10.2013
It was a story about a computer company and a hard drive from October 23.
Everybody knows that Bernard Shaw once visited a restaurant whose service he did not like very much. Then he said to the manager of the restaurant, “Please embrace me for goodbye.” “Are you going somewhere?”
The show answered. You will never see me again in this restaurant.
So then history. In 1999, after the crisis of 98, having failed to cope with the difficult economic situation, I was forced to emigrate outside the ICAD (to the village, to my aunt in Saratov) and even further to Yoshkar-Olu. The computer I had at the time was quite decent: the second pen was scaled up to 450 da a screw of 10 (!)GB. I was doing digital video. And here, as for sin, a screw is covered. It covers dumb. You have to buy a new one. I go to the local computer. The company on the letter A. So and so, I say, I need a 20GB screw. No, they say not 20, but there are 40. It is a peach! Take it, you will not miss it! Only 150 killed. If you insist, I will take it.
I come home, I connect the screw - oh! The screw is not visible in the bios! The cloud. The next morning I go to A and apparently thinking that I have the right to say, "the screw is not determined, either give another, or put the money in the ass!" And so calmly they say to me, “Oh, lucky! The screw on our comp is visible, and that you have such a fig (tomato) mother, it is your problem! If you want, buy us a wonderful new mother! Just a peach!” And I say to them: "And in general, in decent firms, the return of the goods within 3 days without explaining the reasons..." And they are so cultural to me: "And we are not especially disappointed!"
and so on. I remembered Bernard Shaw, said goodbye to them and went to a different computer to solve my problems. The Firm.
5 years have passed. At that time, I became the head of an IT credit institution. Of course, the purchase of equipment lay on my narrow shoulders. From time to time, representatives of various companies came to me with offers of cooperation. And then one day another manager comes to us and tells us about the brilliant prospects of cooperation between our credit institution and the computer firm A. Then I look with my thoughtful eyes into his, full of hope, and quietly and sadly tell him the above story.
And when he left the room, I clearly felt that there was still supreme justice on earth. It only takes a very long time to wait for its manifestation, life may not be enough.

[ + 77 - ] Comment quote №88851
 26.10.2013
The advice on a women’s forum, clearly from the blonde: “Speed him a little mustard powder in his trousers. If he complains about itching and burning, then honest; if not, then he betrays." I did not confess anything! Silently, I first broke my nose and then went to the venereologist.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №88850
 26.10.2013
XX: Hello to everyone. Sorry for a categorical off-top. Could someone recommend refrigerator repair?
YY: 8-029-XXXXXXX Nikolai It’s really good, it’s like a washing machine. Suddenly the refrigerators
ZZ: And the cars are not expensive)))
VV: and the sewing cars?)))
Q: Is it possible to have teeth?
Is the surgeon good?

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №88849
 26.10.2013
From the discussion on AppleInsider

Monster Beats: Microsoft has too many bugs and it can afford to make mistakes somewhere. Apple, a couple of years of mistakes and will go away from the same distance as Nokia.

Paranoik: Okay, okay, let’s sleep and take a pill.

Monster Beats: Yes, I’m so calm, judging by nick, it’t bother you with pills

Paranoid: Do not judge people by nickname, you are headphones at all.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №88848
 26.10.2013
The city, the address of the clinic and the phone of the doctor - give regret.

Oh yeah sheez! So that she’t break through afterwards?! to

The law of female happiness: find your own gynecologist, dentist and hairdresser, and most importantly, don't tell anyone about them ;-)

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №88847
 26.10.2013
I am at home, baby.
I am still at work, eb-eb :(

[ + 29 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №88846
 26.10.2013
Oh, it’s an awkward feeling when you watch a video with a guy, get to know a famous porn actress and gladly tell him about it. He doesn’t even know (
YYY: Are you about Lisa Anne in the Hollywood andDad clip?
THANK YOU, MASH! Even if you understand me!
WOW: It’s not me, it’s my dad who learned it ><


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