I was at work recently. We stood and smoked, I, a friend, and another girl.

We are all young enough, he and I are 23, a girl 26, but he is already married, and despite his young age, he even has a child. The girl asks him: Well, how is it overall? He said, “Yes, my wife struck me yesterday.

What did you do that?

I drank two bottles of beer.

We, as inexperienced and unfamiliar, are in a light shock. How about when I... on me... because of a couple of beers? At the time, I thought I was 30 years old. Annie’s face was also written that the vow of unmarriage was our choice.

After a little silence, she still asks.

Because of a couple of beers.

I drank one of her and one of mine.

I work in a translation agency.
The call:
The client: Hi! You need to urgently, very urgently, transfer documents from Belgium to ZAGS! Could a couple come with documents?
In what language are the documents? This depends on the translation time.
Q: I don’t know, well from Belgium documents, you know, from Bel-gi-i!
In Belgium Mr. Languages are German, Dutch and French, also they can be in English.
Calls back in a minute
Q: Girl, in Bulgarian they are, these documents!

Oh my God, how boring I am.

xxx: By the way, one of my favorite episodes of the Old Testament is when Moses spoke to a burning bush.
xxx is talking. With a burning bush.
YYY: Aha, the norm of the episode. I don't remember the details, but I remember when I was a kid.
YYY: There seems to have been a dialogue, not without paradoxes.
You know what the bush was?
YYY: Emmy is it?
yyy: a, guess it 😉
yyy: from those bushes that are still burning to pull into the philosophical order?
YYY: That’s why Moses’ crops are so loved, right?
XXX: Well, it is supposed to be a thorn.
XXX is supposed.
XXX: I’t believe it too much.
YYY: Per he was actually talking to Brother Rabbit, who was thrown into the same bush?

There was a philosopher, Jesus of Nazareth.

He said, in general, the right and progressive things for his time: about universal social equality, about the meaninglessness of violence in response to violence, about the priority of a healthy inner peace over the pursuit of wealth.

Well, of course, and about the afterlife a little fantasized - without that in those times people would probably not understand it very much. But all this can be perceived simply as a wrap around a purely practical doctrine of a rational social structure. Why not, if otherwise the idea could not have been communicated to the broad masses?

He was a good guy, apparently. not stupid.

And everything went well until the Roman Empire decided to make Christianity a state ideology. She took and cut off 80% of Christianity with rugged scissors (these 80% were declared inappropriate apocryphs and, if possible, destroyed), and the remaining 20% were "processed with a spark" so that a state ideology could be produced that could justify any cruelty of any ruler. If this paragraph raises doubts, read the historical facts about the so-called "universal councils."

And from this moment on Christianity you can, forgive the calambur, put a cross. Because there was the burning of scientists and the imprisonment of young girls for rock’n’roll in the temple.

Such things.

In our house on the floor below us lived a family - husband, wife and son with daughter (equalers to us and brother). Especially we didn’t communicate with them, I don’t know what happened, but the head of the family uncle Volodya started drinking a lot. Tired of endless drunkenness, the rest of the household expelled him from the house. Uncle Volodya bombarded, periodically visiting home and overnight on the staircase.

I remember my parents were sorry for him, they said that he was a good man.



So, I came once from school (I was 13 years old), I do lessons. There’s a bell at the door: “I’m your neighbor from below, Ivanov, Dad Masha and Sasha. Can I put water?” I look in the eye - Uncle Volodya, his hand with a plastic bottle stretches.



For half a minute I struggled with myself: on the one hand, a thousand times it was said not to open the door to anyone. On the other hand, the compassion and the desire to help were great.



In general, I opened, greeted him, asked him to wait outside, took a bottle, filled it with water, opened the door and gave it. Uncle Volodya polently thanked, I was already going to close the door, as the neighbor tightly took the door pen and stopped it.



“Listen,” he said with a suddenly changed voice. Never do that again! Why should I break into my apartment right now?



I tried to lock the door again from fear, but Uncle Volodya managed to put his foot between the door and the door.



What will you do now? You cannot even resist! Listen carefully – never! Under no circumstances! Do not open the door to others. I understood?



“Ddda,” I wavered, filling myself with hot shame and half with fear.



He cleaned his leg, turned and left. I closed the door to both locks for two turns.



Well what to say: thank you, very intelligent!

<<<22.08.07 at 01:00
Ok. Just honestly I don’t see a single area of application on the desktop of 2-4 or more core processors.>>>

From the creators "640 KB should be enough for everyone".

by Morredett:

My friend has two cats, a black and a siamese light.
Of course, the light likes to lie on black things, and the black likes to lie on light things.

There are four kinds of lies: lies, false lies, statistics, and commentary on code. c) Habrahabr

Objective: The claim that there is no internet. I come, the internet is there, there is no... they moved to another room, and the internet forgot to take. A lonely router stands in an empty building and grimps sadly with LEDs. They tried to connect themselves and eventually made a cocktail, raised wires from the walls and then twisted to the isolant, and in a random order, and the internet is not...

#Let them run "Don’t stop"

In the future, when life brought me closer to the girls, I realized that dances, gymnastics and other yoga are shown to the girls, so that they just get at least a minimum of grace and elegance. And they stopped shaking taburets, robbing books from the cabinets and pouring boiling water on the shells.

As a former girl, and now a woman who is regularly engaged in dancing, gymnastics and other yoga, I responsibly declare that stopping to squeeze taburetks, robbing books from the cabinets and pouring boiling water on the cockroaches all this, unfortunately, does not help. And the most favorite is a little bit about the tumble.

My grandmother spoke to me on the bus. I am a grateful listener, I try not to interrupt, only occasionally insert something from myself. Well, it slipped out that I didn’t watch TV, the reaction was amazing.
They show that... horror! Be sure to see!

There was a conflict between two fifth-class teachers. One of them ferociously tried to knock the other, touching a high leg, and then I intervened:

“Calm down, Van Damme pocket!

Who is this?! to

The time has passed, guys :'(

It is a multifunctional thing:
1. can be eaten
They can burn a fire.
You can put them in a cat pot.

We are burning contractors here. One of the comrades in the 12 ton armor pulled out a baton of white and a pack of mayonnaise. Accountants in shock.

Semiconductors have made our lives semi-real.

Juvenile hooligan in the psychologist's office is contributed as refrigerators in repair. The father puts a twentieth on the table, blows under the patient’s ass, says – “blows up.” “The dishes don’t wash, shit.” After the service, the child should be hairy, smiling and thirsty to dirty dishes. Many ask for a guarantee for such money.

Educated fathers meet. Instead of “hello” they say “impulsive” and “sensitive accentuation.” Their children are justified by hereditary psychopathy that has tormented the race since the time of the Immortal. For comparison, just children associate the faintness of the glass with the evil year and the ridiculous event.

By the end of the day, a school psychologist dreams of a magic stick that turns children directly into money. A slight blow to the forehead, without painful conversations and projective techniques. By the way, the clichés in the drawn cow indicate high aggression. A black square instead of a mouthpiece is about damage to the CNS. How to save, if the artist suddenly comes up to attack, the methodologist does not report. Is there a CNS at all - a psychologist thinks, hanging pictures.

Now to the children. Anyone who is not a dentist, schoolchildren are not afraid. And if there is nothing to argue in the office, they are not respected. Psychologists put experiments and funny experiments on them. They draw landscapes from endless teeth and recount the film “living dead” as a personal experience. The diagnosis of “explosive psychopathy” is the highest goal of a visit to the brain right. It is so pleasant to praise at school. The “famous boy” resume, on the contrary, throws into an ocean of shame.

Good girls are a different world. They have mothers who want to work at night. The mother’s husbands are foolish. An experienced psychologist calculates this nuance and is willing to sympathize with a significant discount. Women suffer from impotence. For every occasion, their greedy cattle takes away the car and the bank card. They would just talk and cry. Turn the bank card back.

Psychologist Leonid swore not to fall in love at work. His indifference and cynicism became his professional highlight. Once upon a time, a woman came, simple and beautiful. She complained: Nobody understands her. Whatever you do, it is not so. She is pointed out where to go, what to say, is called impudent. They light up somewhere and go somewhere. Night Shaping – Who is it all? Money is missing, everything is one and more weapons constantly.

How long has this hell begun? I asked a psychologist.

My husband left and started.

It is strange. Married husbands are rarely wretched.

He’s in America, we don’t talk.

Who is Oret?

“My daughter, third grade,” said the woman proudly.

We all love Russian psychology for its surrealism, as infinite as Jean Cocteau in the lowlands of the Volga. Psychologist Leonid was delighted. The real science begins. In the office entered Nastenka, a girl-satrap. The mother was thrown out into the corridor. Leonid proposed to paint a house and a non-existent animal. Naomi refused. She came for a serious affair. My father left the family. My mother has a weak character. Well, she is a loving daughter. In order for the mother not to scatter, you have to get her up at seven, drive out for a run. No sad movies, only cartoons. Weekends and bicycles. Most importantly, I need a new husband. It is like cats. The old breath immediately makes the new.

“Psychological phenomenon of suppression,” Leonid commented.

The girl did not argue. She has three bridesmaids. The first didn’t come because he was married. The second one, I didn’t like it. The third was nice, but the mother said they already had such a beautiful husband.

Leonid began to explain that her mother must find a wife herself. So introduced. When she grows up, she will also find a tail. The Same!

The girl agreed again. She will find herself. Now I need a mother. Nastia walks the streets, looks at men – and nothing. Absolutely unlikely.

Then Leonid spoke more genuinely. Childhood should be childhood. Adult life will come up later. And while you have to jump, joke, you can plant the glass, if it stops.

Anastasia asked a psychologist if he was married. I looked with blue eyes. After the word “divorced” she invited for tea. The psychologist joked. He said: Unfortunately, there are so many bad children around that there is no time. And Nastena is a beautiful girl, obedient, caring, and mother so beautiful, they will all be fine, goodbye.

“Well, well,” said the naked woman. And the next day led the fight of the third classes, “a” and “b”. Then she broke the aquarium, spit in someone and even tried to smoke. This was what a school psychologist advised her. The school director did not believe it. But I told the psychologist to check the child’s home situation.

Now Leonid and Nastina’s mother are walking under the pen. You haven’t married yet, but you know you can’t stop a good girl. This is not a juvenile hooligan, untouchable and pleasant.

When a oil and gas field was discovered in Qatar, one Bedouin in 35 years made the population of the country one of the richest in the world. We found oil, gas, gold, platinum, diamonds and the whole table of Mendeleev. We can’t just find the same Bedouin – they don’t exist for some reason.

Dear Ladies, reveal the secret: where do you spend toilet paper in this amount!? to

They themselves do not confess. Let me uncover their sexual secret: when it screams inside, it must be wiped out. And now compare how often a person walks smaller than a bigger. Each time a paper is needed. Not so much, but needed.

If your service is made of shit and sticks, you need at least three types of tests: for sticks, for sticks and for integration.

and in the dames

Yes, it is a long way. It works reliably and is accessible to everyone.
and
How to become a general: to enter the military school, to become a lieutenant, to serve to a general. It is simple!

“My mother was still belly to me, as I was already enrolled in the Semenovsky regiment as a sergeant, by the grace of the mayor of the guard, Prince B., a close relative of our family. If the mother had given birth to a daughter without any hope, the father would have announced the death of the unappeared sergeant, and the matter would have ended.
The time has passed, Puppy.