bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №134139
 29.09.2016
When I was 10, my mom wanted to take us somewhere in the car.

I sit in his ninth, knocking on the door. M is a man. I am I.

Do you have a refrigerator at home?

I: Well yes I have.

Q: Do you close it too?

I: (remembering our Soviet refrigerator and I don’t understand why he asks me this) I push his foot to close it.

The man was confused, apparently failed to get out, said - okay, we went...

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №134138
 29.09.2016
How much does it take a man to hold an injection of a six-year-old boy? Apparently more than three..." came to my mind a useful but late thought. Strengthened by a high-precision shock of a sharp knee into your favorite solar plexus. The squeezing buttock blinked before his eyes faster than the spindle of a sewing machine. The entire production was accompanied by unclear pedagogical mates of a puppy, which caught from the heir the castrating puppy in the precious and stored, and the uterine whip of a mommy, whom the beloved child managed to bite for one of the numerous folds on the stomach.

So, at risk for his own health, the life of the young ninja was saved from a wicked cold. Wiping the broken, filled the card. It was hard to contain strong words and colorful expressions. The young hero glittered victoriously with his eyelids and scratched the part of the body affected by health care. The doctor to be beaten by a minor on the call is fast and unproductive. I tried to get into depression, but it didn’t work. Interfering with the urgent patients.

by BES

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №134137
 29.09.2016
Do you remember Rome? Who came to me in class 10.
See also: AGA
XX: this defensive of race now protects the "oppressed and disappearing Russians" on the internet, even video shoots
XX: even comic books like country bells paint
WOW: Let’s write in the comments that he is a Marian or who he is there.
He is half Mongol, Sanya.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №134136
 29.09.2016
God is
I arranged a check here for a member of the parliament in the parliamentary assembly...
God is
seemed to be able to withstand the firster, but then failed... unreliable deputies (
Ed
What is a check?
God is
Yes, bags of garbage water do not delay the garbage from the same vegetable cuts.
It was decided inside the package to lay a couple of leaflets with the image of the deputies, so that the moisture was delayed.
A member was working. But then suddenly failed...
At the most unexpected moment, the deputy...
God is
We need to check the people’s voters in fact.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №134135
 29.09.2016
I’m not a Japanese, I’m not a Japanese, I’m not a Japanese, I’m not a Japanese, I’m not a Japanese, I’m not a Japanese, I’m not a Japanese.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №134134
 29.09.2016
The feeling that chemists, creating fragrances for air refreshers, deodorants, etc., when they get the smell is not similar to anything, call it the duty name "Sea freshness".

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №134133
 29.09.2016
This monk was declared a saint while still alive.
Why is?
"Because he kept his oath of silence even after hitting him with a hammer on his finger.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №134132
 29.09.2016
Today, in my boredom, I saw a ants in the kitchen and threw him a cubicle of sugar.
The ants ate a little and ran—probably to tell the rest.

Then I quickly hid this sugar so that when it comes back with the rest, everyone will think it’s drunk.

[ + 31 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №134131
 29.09.2016
1: In our entrance, a subsonist settled
The pentagram not turned painted in the entrance
Nube

It is not a satanist.
This is Communist
I don’t know what is worse.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №134130
 29.09.2016
I am a former cartoonist. And once, in the fight for the 2nd place, I was kicked off on my opponent because of a blow to the stomach. After the cleaner washed the tattoos, he whispered to continue the fight, and I automatically became the winner :)

[ + 18 - ] Comment quote №134129
 28.09.2016
- Rabinovich, why did you decide to leave Russia that you do not like us?
I don’t think I deserve to live in the happiest country in the world.

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №134128
 28.09.2016
What have you achieved in life?
On my quotation, Lin the comic painted.

[ + 43 - ] Comment quote №134127
 28.09.2016
I was given a laser vision correction.

Everything was done, sitting in the dark rested.

I am going to leave, the doctor stops and gives the last instruction:

"First thing to go to bed, wake up, you will see better. Most importantly, do not be afraid. The people you see are your family.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №134126
 28.09.2016
I like to drive fast.
Are you the owner of a sports brand?
Passenger of the Metro.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №134125
 28.09.2016
One day a generation will grow up who won’t know where we got our mirror discs and very strong magnets from.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №134124
 28.09.2016
I was killed by a language switch.
You can write everything in Latin.
I depended on 10 seconds. 2 languages available - English and Python

Are you talking about EN/RU? We need some uniformity. Or you can decide that this is a switch from English to Python language.
The same association?

Oh yeah yes! It means that everyone has the same association.

WOW: The matlingwists are sure))
Whoever goes there goes there.

xxx: Conversational Python, Si Plus, PHP and others. Language lessons are cheap

Name: The Piton Carrier
It is very

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah
courageous piton carrier will introduce a charming carrier plus

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №134123
 28.09.2016
The former head of the Nikolayevsky sea port (in Ukraine) was depicted on the wall
The icon of the temple for whose restoration he donated money.

Imagining church benefactors on the walls of temples is quite common practice in Christianity, the teaching does not prohibit the image of people. But it is not an icon. The image becomes an icon if it is rewarded with the honour established by the Seventh Ecumenical Council.
Just like the opposite, the image of Jesus is not an icon unless worship is rewarded – for example, screenshots of the movie “Dogma.”

[ + 43 - ] Comment quote №134122
 28.09.2016
My wife told me. She has a girlfriend. My girlfriend at 30. Not 30 years, but under 40. Everything is good, work and money. The problem is that there is no man and no child. Grandma is smart, even too much. She understood that the bridesmaids she struggles to look for - decided that years go by, and children are needed even without a husband. You have to give birth to yourself, so to speak. And here she started looking for a potential sperm generator, without sperm banks and other IVFs, which will naturally fertilize our female without any obligations and other claims, only biomaterial and everything. She sought long and seamlessly. She chose her father to be: tall, slim, not stupid, there were a lot of general criteria. And she found him. Then they conceived the child. The child turned out to be healthy, beautiful, straight as he wanted. Probably year three. And today a friend calls his wife and asks if she has a good family lawyer. When asked why, the answer was surprising: I want to pay for the child’s father’s alimony.



There is no morality. The woman said, “Well, isn’t she a bitch?! to

[ + 25 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №134121
 28.09.2016
About strange people.

I am going to the metro now. There are a couple in Mendeleevskaya. A boy and a girl 25 years old. He, say so, is Afro-Russian, she is an ordinary Russian girl.

Standing next to the door. I did not pay much attention to them, but. The guy suddenly touched his lips to the handle, and licked his tongue!

His girlfriend, seeing this that he told him, pulled away from the metal object of his passion, and kissed her in her lips. They laughed.

At that moment, the guy who stood next to me at the door opposite knocked me in the elbow and said, “Did you see this too? “”

I cried out. We continued driving quietly.

What it was! ? to

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №134120
 28.09.2016
A friend bought an apartment in a new building. Rather, two, and removed the fence, the wall between them.

I struggled with this for about a month, running on the instances. Yesterday I called him and asked him to stay at home. A man must come and see what and how he did, write it down and leave.

It is not difficult, I agreed.

I sit, I am in a good mood.



A bell at the door. I open. There is a young girl with a pen and a pen, well, I think, our man.

Hi, I am smiling. Are you from JYSK?

“No, I’m from Darknet, my name is Anastasia. We offer internet connection services.

Hi you Anastasia. The internet is good. There is nothing in this apartment, except the roof. And thanks to Tom. Tell me.

Then followed the usual story about tariffs, why they are the best in their field and you need to connect to them, a series of common questions and common answers. At the end, leave a card and a number.

Goodbye to Anastasia. I will call. All the best!

I close the door. The girl goes away, approaches, in her opinion, to the neighbor’s door and calls.



There was an idea in my head.

Everyone remembers the old trick, when the company of people, alternately passes past the "target" repeating: you are sleeping; wake up?

and here. I go to the other door, I open. I see confused eyes.

Hi, are you from KFC? stretching a smile to the ears. I tried to look like last time, but it seemed to be a bit overdue.

N is no. I am from the Darknet company. and Anastasia. I offer the internet. I tell you. He seems to be upset and does not understand anything. Without giving a look, I continue.

Hi you Anastasia. The internet is good. There is nothing in this room, except roses. Although they are. Tell me.

Then she tries to tell something, but it seems that her thoughts are elsewhere. The eyes went from astonishment to confusion and nothing at all. I tried to answer all questions the same way. I asked the same questions.

In the end, she gave the card very uncertainly.

Goodbye to Anastasia. I will definitely call you. All the best.



I close the door and look in the eye. The 30-second girl is confused. Then he approaches the first apartment, calls, approaches the second and also calls. He stands in the middle and waits. I do not open either one or the other. I observe. Standing for a minute, she rested in place and left.

I went out with a better mood to do nothing.

Now I think. Did I not hurt her psychic?

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna