Once in the airport could not find a working coffee machine for 100 r, paying the "cup of coffee" 400 r for the Americano sucked a frog. She sat in front of the coffee machine, thought, looked from the side, seeing that it was disconnected from the socket - turned back and the machine revived. Drinking coffee, the people at the airport also joyfully pulled to the machine. Half an hour later, the evil girl came out of the “cup of coffee” and pulled the cable out of the rosette again. She said, “Don’t touch me” and left. The Competition

No need to leave the comfort zone. It must be expanded.

The opinion of others should be respected. Listening is not necessary. Convincingly shake your head.

From 96 to 97 I studied in the 9th grade. Since we were forbidden to use the calculators, we were looking for opportunities to pinpoint the system. I found a logarithmic line at home. I asked my father what this was. He told me the calculator and taught me how to use it. I counted on him for six months, and nobody paid attention, until I was once burned by a soundtrack (educational engineer, vocational teacher) and told teachers of the hidden capabilities of this gadget. Well, of course, I had a line to take to classes. My wife is a math teacher. He says that if a single student had learned to use a logarithmic line now, neither she nor any of the pupils would have been able to take it away, but they would also have put up a lot of scores.

Do I do as you say, or do I do so that you are satisfied with the result?

Be simpler - and you will be drawn to the same single-cell.

It is known that Jewish mothers are carriers of life wisdom.
Advice from a Jewish mother to her married son
Don’t expect your wife to treat you like I do, it will never happen, she didn’t give you birth.
Always wash your socks. Only a washing machine can do this. The point.
Change your toothbrush once a month.
Never tell your wife, “Mom did that!”
The phrase “and it was better for mom” is forgotten forever!
Don’t complain about my wife. You chose it yourself!
Don’t tell your wife about your past relationship. Insist that you forgot everything!
Keep only “safe” information on your phone. Keep the rest in your head, train your memory, and learn the “compromise” in your mouth.
Always praise the food prepared by your wife.
Never tell your wife about our past quarrels with your father. It’s been a long time and it doesn’t concern anyone.
If I get sick, visit me once a week. It is important to me. And, please, pick up chocolate eggs along the way.
When I ask you about phone settings, don’t be nervous. Remember, I taught you to the pot.
Remember, now the main woman in your life is your wife.
If your wife asks you whether this dress will fill her, always answer, “Well, what are you? I think you have lost weight!”
If your wife asks you for something global (repair, shirt, car, travel, bike trainer, robot vacuum cleaner, etc.) Always agree for the third time. The first time a woman just thinks out loud, the second time she pretends out loud – she wants it or not, and if she said it for the third time – then she must. Agree for the third time. Do not count! If you do it earlier – she has changed her mind, if you do it later – she is offended. Flowers, sweets and clothes are not included. A woman should not ask for this, it is sacred!
If I ask you something, do it the first time. You can’t doubt: I thought 333 times before asking you.
Never criticize your wife’s parents. Remember, they gave birth to the woman you chose.
and develop. Read books, listen to lectures, attend trainings, study courses.
Spend 6 nights with family and one with friends. This is necessary for mental balance.
Never come in with empty hands. It is disrespect.
Always congratulate your wife on all the holidays. The day of your wedding and the day of your acquaintance. For women it is important.
Before you open the door, smile. Remember that for your wife and children you are a barometer of tranquility and reliability.

Near the house, they built a ugly, enormous tower for mind control, but soon I liked it.

If you think, then everything in the world is only for the sake of sex and the continuation of the race.



Yyy: Well, someone said, “Flood and multiply.”



zzz: I’m increasingly thinking that the original was “fuck yourself,” but when translating and adapting it was fucking.

I can’t find a job for myself. You pay too little, you have to work.

The Kazakh wedding. Noisy and fun. Full hall of guests.

A man sits at our table. After a while, a beautiful girl approaches him, touches his shoulder and says something. The man stands up, embraces her, kisses her cheek and sits back at the table. The girl stared at him, then approached me. “It looks like a relative wants to say goodbye,” I think, I also get up, hug her, kiss her on the other cheek and sit down at the table. The girl now looks unhappy at me. I don’t understand why I didn’t please her. She approaches the third man at our table. He stands up and does the same thing as us. She is angry, shakes her hands and says something loud. We do not understand anything. “I was drunk. There will be a scandal," I think, and at this moment the music is shrinking, and she cries loudly to the whole hall:

Stop kissing me! One of you parked in front of my car. Remove her and let her go.

A programmer is sitting in the dining room, eating lunch, soup. In the glasses, such a thoughtful, the program thinks. Everyone has eaten, everyone has gone. A waitress approaches him and says:
If you want to have a good time, my name is Masha!
The programmer slowly returns to the ground and looks at the waitress with a loose eye and on the autopilot asks:
If not, what is your name?
If you don’t, I’m not called.
The trees... exactly. The variable must be removed!

I was 9 years old and I went with my parents and grandfather to a ski resort, somewhere in Dombay. We collected 35 people from the company and rented an entire base. I remember the evening, my parents went to bed after skating, and I was sitting with the adults, drinking tea. The adults were 20-25 people!) is



Then they all ate and left an entire table of dirty dishes. 25 people, a whole banquet! The adults gathered to go to the bathroom and such say, "and Abraham will wash our dishes."

Abraham was a wise Jewish boy who said:

- Of course I wash, 500 rubles (price of the snickers)!

The adults laughed and said, "well, well, young people give" and someone gave me 500 rubles.

Then I pulled off the tea and said in consolation:

500 rubles for each.

But then they realized that they laughed in vain, somehow all quieted and instead of a fun bath, went to wash their dishes.

Apparently it was disgusting the very idea that for washing dishes a child will now earn as much as 12,5 thousand rubles.



In the morning, my grandfather (the big boss) and parents “complained” that your grandson is growing up as a merchant. And my grandfather laughed a long time, and in the evening he told me I was wrong! With these cravings, it was necessary to take at least 1,000 from each!

A friend lives next to the post office of the Russian Post, and before laughing said that I often go for products to the mail. Then I met him in the fifth.

What, I say, decided how all people buy the products in the store?

and no. I came to receive a package.

I am nervous without fire and noise - the nerve cells have settled.

Diagnosed: disconnection of the eye. Direct injection in the eye did not help. The only alternative is laser surgery. But the difficulty is that one of the operated "points" on the eye is right in the middle and slightly on the side of the laser and... blindness. To my question:
What if I don’t operate?
The doctor answered directly:
- In about a year, the eye will stop seeing, and the chances after the operation are 50/50.
When will I feel the effect?
Immediately after the operation. Either everything is fine, or the eye will stop seeing.
It’s hard to explain what happened in the shower. But I decided, of course, there was no other option. A day was appointed.
The day before this I went to church, prayed, at 2 o’clock just sat on the bench, thought about different things... It helped a lot, the peace came.
I went to the clinic at the appointed time, and the doctor says that for today, only studies will be conducted under a microscope. So they fixed my head in front of the machine and for 15 minutes somewhere there looked at something...
Get up, young man, go on.
When to operate?
We have already done it...
I was shocked, how did they do that? And suddenly I realize that I look at the doctor with two eyes, I see her with two eyes!
The doctor just smiles.

After 40 you feel like your body has been burning the engine indicator and oil replacement for a long time, but you just keep driving. And also the shrimp and the smell of smell. Oh yes... and most importantly, you’re afraid to go for THAT, because it’s going to cost a huge amount.

xxx: I was 4 years old and I was very obedient. One day I stayed at home with my 18-year-old brother. The brother quietly went out to smoke in the entrance. The door was locked and the keys were not found. He knocked on the door, I asked “Who is there”, he said “Brother, open” and I didn’t open. "Mom told no one to open the door!" he persuaded, convinced that he was my brother, but in this case I had a second argument: "In seven goats the wolf pretended to be a mother and could fake the voice." In general, no excuses, requests, arguments and even threats helped him. The brother waited for several hours for his mother to return, who opened the door. And suddenly for herself that her eldest son smokes.

I was 7. I remember being alone on my dad’s care for a few days. Watching a child when you are a military is not easy. Dad was called on duty. He promised me to stay home and wait for him to come in the morning. well well.



I sit down and do my children’s things. knock at the door. On the threshold of the father's cousin uncle Glory and a delicious girl with a thick-walled shirt to her ass and a rose in her hand. The virgin neither in fashion nor in profile resembles the wife of Uncle Glory, whom I saw at least once, but still does not resemble.



The fact that none of the parents were at home did not bother them. Under the pretext “We’ll wait,” they jumped into the apartment and started drinking tea.



I had no experience of disputing with adults, and Uncle Slav is almost a relative. And I decided that my main task was to entertain uninvited guests. She brought all the photo albums, sat them next to them and started showing photos. Then I thought they might like watching TV. I turned on and started watching too. It darkened.



The guests said they would wait until morning and began to lay out a couch, and then they wished me a peaceful night and closed the door to the hall in front of me. All this time from the beginning of the story, I had no feeling that some sort of hernia was going on, but I didn’t know the word “hernia” and from this the feeling of anxious emptiness inside was almost tangible, but it didn’t transform into any good thought except: “I need to hide my aunt’s boots so they don’t go away while I sleep and wait for my dad.” I did so. She pulled one of her boots and went to bed.



The noise and thinning of the legs awoke. I go out to the corridor. An angry father, a maid and uncle Glory ridiculously run in search of the boots. Dad looked at me with such a strange look like apologizing and asked if I could help find the boots. I could. At three minutes, the guests catapulted, and the dad calmly said that I have the right not to let anyone into the house if they are not with my mother. Even if they are familiar. I did not offend at all.

Our office worker fell asleep sitting behind the compass. Slept a long time. Here the director comes in, the employee wakes up and begins to depict a tumultuous activity, clamps on the key, pulls the mouse. The Director says:

“People, get out, we have no light for an hour and a half.