bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 44 - ] Comment quote №88325
 14.10.2013
A friend told me, they were on a business trip and there, in the hotel, their phones were stolen. He never wore a body. More than 3000. He says:"I was not very upset, we were compensated for the loss. "And get one from the pocket of the iPhone 5s.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №88324
 14.10.2013
A commentary in a discussion of a hipster café

Sergei B.: One of those places where it’s uncomfortable to ask out loud if someone has a charging for HTC

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №88323
 14.10.2013
Life is like a joke: it is not important what is told, it is important how it is told.

[ + 75 - ] Comment quote №88322
 14.10.2013
More about the lovers.
I work in the field of IT, in my free time I sometimes give acquaintances unbearable hard-soft kindness. I don’t take money not to give a reason to sit on my head. If the request goes beyond kindness, I refuse. Rejection is usually understood. But not always.
A friend comes (a couple of times drunk at fishing) to pick up the resuscitated system block and in a solemn tone says:
Sit down, I have an important thing to do with you. Teach me web design.
This person has not been able to master Excel for many years.
“No,” I answered, “it’s not my specialty, and I don’t have time to teach.
You are a cool computer scientist, you will master this science, it is easy for you! And when it comes to time, do you feel sorry for me for an hour and a half a day? I have no one to turn to!
Why not to whom? Yes, we have full of training centers with professional teachers!
The schedule is uncomfortable for me. I will come to you in the evening.
All courses have an individual schedule.
You are what! Individual schedules cost twice as much. Yes, you are not afraid, you are a computer genius, you will master this labyrinth in two weeks, and then we will do it! We will succeed!
He is caught up like a tick, he does not hear or understand the words "no", but may sound out a crafted script, bumping mantras from guides such as "How to correctly manipulate ticks".
They have to beat them with their weapons. I interrupt :
Listen, I have a great idea! I support a poultry factory in Sosnovka, get there with hemorrhoids. You will drive me! You have a great driver, it will be easy for you! Look, the 2-GIS there is only 20 km straight, but you are with us Schumacher, you catch me faster than the wind! And only some three, four, at most five times a week! Bring it – and free! But don’t go far, I’ll have to go back in 2-3 hours.
But... do you have... Niva-Chevrolet?
Yes, but the gasoline is terrible. Are you sorry for me about 4-5 liters of gasoline a day? Don’t be afraid, we will succeed! Tomorrow and start.
Is it... a joke?
Of course! My joke is yours! It was great, ha ha ha!
I was wrong with you.
I left, insulted by my deceit.
After some time, the insult went in connection with some malfunction, calls for help. I answer - now I can't, call in a month and a half or two, and better in three or four.
It was so wrong.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №88321
 14.10.2013
In connection with the deplorable state of the national economy, the financial statements of the government will now be prepared by Churov.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №88320
 14.10.2013
The difference between a married and an unmarried man is simple: in the unmarried fantasies are erotic, in the married - financial.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №88319
 14.10.2013
XHH: [Molodcevato is correcting
Cappuccino from Folio)

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №88318
 14.10.2013
From an antivirus forum:
X Can you tell me how to enable it and is it in my license?
This is in TP.
X What is your answer? The Internet says that TP is a model of a three-wheel pistol or a female person with a mind.
...
X A... sapport what... well you explain sir.

[ + 51 - ] Comment quote №88317
 14.10.2013
Recently, the will of the occasion had to use the old good Nokia 3310. That feeling, when you realize that the sounding Nokia logo mono melody attracts more attention to you than the most bullshit mp3 melody from any fifth atony. And the appearance of this rarity-authority causes the most respectful views)))))

[ + 39 - ] Comment quote №88316
 14.10.2013
Review of one LCD TV in the online store:

Telephone is super.

Plus: Price and quality.

Disadvantages: Daughter Drawing Her Disappearance on the Screen with a Screw Screw

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №88315
 14.10.2013
From the discussion of the fair sex:
Friend: I recently rolled a little to one. When I got there, I stayed with her a couple of times.
About the times, about the morals.

[ + 42 - ] Comment quote №88314
 14.10.2013
to this:

xxx: The situation in the dormitory in our time: I go to visit, all the guys are sitting behind the notes in silence.
XXX: And to not miss me, I also got a plan.

We had it easier: A girl enters the room and watches 10 guys dumb looking at the Windows XP desktop. The light is turned off.

[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №88313
 14.10.2013
After the Tatars have practically achieved that the Mongol-Tatar yoke is called "the system of dependence of the Russian lands on the Ordin Khans," it must be expected from the Germans that they ask to call the Second World War "the temporary illegal occupation of the European peoples" one of the Germanic tribes with a leader inclined to totalitarianism.

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №88312
 14.10.2013
What is Nokia’s innovation?
----------------
Well, just as innovative, maybe not famous, like the first slider or the first phone for two sims. But at the time they made very successful, balanced on the set of functions and convenient phones.
There were a lot of cool smartphones for its time (it was when WM 6.5 dominated, before iPhones) with a symbian, which, as your Linux, could be modified and reworked as you like, and which was not too dim and dumb as an Android.
But the most memorable were the simple "callers", which were simple and primitive, but very convenient to use, always worked and kept the charge up to one and a half weeks without recharge. And served for years. The same kind and the same cheap Siemens, motorol and others, were just cheap, not simple, and for a few months of constant use, especially if you constantly wheel around the city in any weather, pull all the belt on the country, etc., wiped and dissolved into dust, glued and cut.
But then Nokia started a mess with its own OS, it scared customers, and everything went wrong.

[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №88311
 14.10.2013
From J. roman_shmarakov: here is the distinction between "e" and "yo" is necessary in order that the phrase "In the collection on l.54 there are several records and the writer's mind does not stop the imagination for longer than it deserves.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №88310
 14.10.2013
At the end of the working day (week) I can't log in to mySQL console several times in a row, the password does not fit. I turn on the password and enter it slowly. It turns out, at the end, I automatically put the point with the tail.

[ + 42 - ] Comment quote №88309
 13.10.2013
But I found a way to raise earnings. It is worth only to want to eat and cook the breadth... the line of customers is guaranteed shit.

And it’s worth ruining the air, and... The races are guaranteed.

The store urgently needs a seller with a good appetite and poor digestion. Extensions are free.

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №88308
 13.10.2013
He read Science and Life and discovered a wonderful excerpt from the Journal of Knowledge of 1912:
Unfortunately, the cinema, which was intended by the inventors mainly for purely scientific and educational purposes, in the hands of predatory entrepreneurs has become a means of easy earnings. In order to tear away an extra penny from the public, they offer her wild scenes of robbery and violence instead of decent paintings of educational significance. In the best case, the program of the paintings - harmless funny events, in the worst - dirty cynical scenes, from which every little morally pure person turns away. Ninety-nine hundred of the cinematic paintings thrown into the market consist of robberies, murders, bloody dramas and spicy scenes. To the honor of the Americans, it should be noted that the pornographic nature of the pictures, so common in Russia, and in France even predominant, in America is completely unacceptable. There, cinema is only reasonable entertainment and a means for scientific and educational purposes.

[ + 40 - ] Comment quote №88307
 13.10.2013
[17:10:05] xxx: Father said the film should not be called Stalingrad, but the life of prostitutes during the years of occupation.

[ + 47 - ] Comment quote №88306
 13.10.2013
Dear citizens of the former Baltic republics, so hating the Russians. I wish you that, instead of us (as to us), come to you with an endless friendly visit "brothers" from the southern republics of the former USSR. With the welcome of "Occupant" with two hundred years of occupation experience.

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna