You know what I wanted to say about the political situation in the country:"You know Who - you know what".

Hart: Mat - a relic of the past, vulgarity, the fate of mentally retarded people.
KEchi: Fuck, but you, fucking, absolutely, fucking, right.

As a student, she confessed the wonderful phrases of the teachers:
-"A to the board will go Orlov. From the back, it can be seen that he smiles egregiously - the cheeks because of the ears tick"
-"Whatever the child does not rejoice, only if it does not hang";
Where does the sinus turn to 0? It turns somewhere... No other than... somewhere!"
Again, one and a half people raised their hands...Why are you laughing? One and a half is two"
-"The statement 1 says: "No! It is!"
-"In this vicinity of the points of the multitude A - large figures"
-"The main thing in the relationship what? of reciprocity. You can’t stand me... Well, I can’t stand you too!"
"Wait for me I will come through an epilone minute"
-"We are headed to a bright future"

I am a small change.

Girl: who lied to you like that, you would be in the ass of 17 cm, put in... would see how you smudged

They crossed here! The dark side is not rubber!

Kepifi: great searches, starts with the phrase - and I will put it here, so as not to forget, I will never forget!

Q: Why can’t you have fun?
WOW: Yes, because this fool thinks that the kilograms of products to pull out of the store is a job for women's hands, and he himself will go to heaven, because. The torrents stand up!! to

Life is a compromise between our desires and possibilities.

Remember how Kashpirovsky and similar wise men treated the people directly on television. I can say with all responsibility that the television broadcasts of the party “United Russia” have the same power, I myself was a witness.
I tell you: the father-in-law had a stroke 2 years ago, after which the speech completely disappeared. And here we sit and watch television, where they show the congress of this bright party: in the air there are stormy applause, constantly translating into ovations, mutual references and positive slogans. The testor carefully monitors everything that is happening and during the next ovations with a clearly placed voice gives out: "PIDORASES, ALL PIDORASES."
Then he gets up and goes to sleep.
P.S. Now we’re waiting for new episodes, maybe it will help.

When asked “What have you achieved in life?” the American retiree answers.
Chinese pensioner – “a lot of children and grandchildren”, and Russian pensioner – “retirement age”.

xxx: The struggle of clothes and laptop for a place in the bag was short, the outcome was predetermined :D
Did the beer win?

Mother told me:
“Today I heard one saleswoman in a shoe store say to another, ‘I can’t do more, I’ll get my boots at night. Another, dreaming: and I am a machine gun...

We have a traditional family punishment that is passed from generation to generation. It is called "Take the enemy on the back of the cat".

The Schnobel Peace Prize was awarded to the mayor of Vilnius Arthur Zuokas, who invented a new way to combat the bad habit of car owners to park them in the wrong places – using armored vehicles. The Lithuanian politician personally tested the effectiveness of the new technology by crushing the Mercedes, parked on a pedestrian crossing, with a vehicle. Speaking at the award ceremony, Zuokas explained that his initiative has gained worldwide recognition because “idiots are the same everywhere, regardless of where they live and what language they speak.” Who exactly should be meant by the word “idiot”, the mayor did not specify.

From Habr:
No, well, “I have a MacBook” is quite a universal answer for various situations.

“Do you use pirate software?” – “I have a MacBook.”
“What is your ass number?” – “I have a MacBook.”
“Do you read Blu-ray?” – “I have a MacBook.”
“How to get to Lenin Square?” – “I have a MacBook.”
“Don’t tell me how long?” – “I have a MacBook.”
“Are you smoking?” – “I have a MacBook.”

Current pickups provide:
Girls, can you tell me how to go straight?
I am :
Try not to turn anywhere.

I came up with the antonym of the word "trist", finding a bottle of cold beer on Saturday morning - "Uraška"

I understood why sweets "Sea Cummings" are so called, after I broke a tooth about a slice inside :(

We had a tough matana teacher. Repeated 8 times. The admission to the exam was also received by the whole stream not from the first time. So he still had the habit of airing the audience before each couple and during the break. In any weather. And he walked all the time in windshields and velvet pants (both in winter and in summer... and he read lectures in the same clothes. If suddenly another came, everyone was in shock. And sometime in February on a break, opened the window, we are all sitting in jackets, cold, the tooth on the tooth does not fall, he stands in his windshield (under which only a T-shirt is worn) and says, "It's cold? and nothing. Meat is better stored in the cold. Why are you all trembling? I haven’t changed clothes since September...Why are you laughing? Who told you I didn’t get rid of it?"))

Young man in headsets, pass on the journey! The young man! Are you dumb?! to