bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №133539
 14.09.2016
xxx: from childhood and for many years for me the word "bestseller" was forbidden)
Xh: The reason is that my mom had a book about romantic relationships, I once opened it on a random page and saw a description of the fairy tale there.
xh: From that moment on, the word "bestseller" has been a bit like "bustgaller" for me — a word that I did not dare to say out loud))

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №133538
 14.09.2016
Two men in the store.
We take that bread.
Why this?
It’s cheap and soft, and it’s done.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №133537
 14.09.2016
I pull a balloon with water. Meeting a man.
Stopped for a second.
Oh man. With full waters. thank you!

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №133536
 14.09.2016
"On avito these perforators sell for 10 thousand rubles per box"
What matters is not what you sell, but what you buy.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №133535
 14.09.2016
Zav: Let’s go; what do you want from me? and :-)
I want friendly advice.
Zav: Ask me, I will tell you
Why am I going to strain you.
Zav: Then don’t ask. Good day.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №133534
 14.09.2016
In general, a five-year-old child should be able to "structured and consistently express his thoughts." Fuck, half of my real adult acquaintances don’t know this, not to mention the anonymous from the internet! More than ever close to mom "these teachers terrorize children with excessive demands!".

Now think about it. Why do many adults not know how to express their thoughts smoothly and consistently?

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №133533
 14.09.2016
You have forgotten me Arcadia.
In the lodge in winter.
No wonder it became
I am so cold to you.

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №133532
 14.09.2016
(About the coffee)
- for twenty-three hryvnia it is so small, acidic and sprinkled... that is, he. Although not, that is it. Small and premature.

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №133531
 14.09.2016
Do you think I have little trouble? Let’s pretend that you didn’t call me before,” one of the interlocutors of RBC, who got on the list of “candidates” of Khodorkovsky, suggested.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №133530
 14.09.2016
I am normal.
You gave me MOH!
Girls should give flowers.

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №133529
 14.09.2016
The price of a taxi.

By phone / counter clearly named / seen the price. It depends on the tariff that the driver agreed to when he came there to work.

The passenger has the right to throw away the "chaies" if he liked the service or to demand the delivery of the "coins" in any case (even if he liked it).
The exchange is a problem for the driver/seller.

The same goes for the cafe/restaurant. If "chaies" include in the check or do not bring the delivery - they will receive a visit to Rospotrebnadzor and Trade Inspection.

If it is not enough / the trip goes down - change the job or taxi, what is the problem?

There are a lot of taxis in the city. The cheapest now for 10km - 175r, the most expensive - more than 350. And if it's 175 on the counter, I'll probably leave the difference from 200.
But not fact. For example, I didn’t like the long wait or the car/driver.
And there was never a problem that they did not find a delivery on demand.
Silence can be tried. You ask, you find quietly.

So be a little more prudent, defend your rights!
If the driver cannot provide the delivery - call the controller.
Make a difference on your phone. Or count for the next trip.

We already have taxis paying by card. Why does the calculation go without teas.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №133528
 14.09.2016
Freud: Dimon must be moved back into the presidents again, he will rename salaries into taxes.
Teijo: Ah, the names will change places, it will be cool. You pay taxes at work and you pay the state’s salary.
g0liath: And on television will talk "We have achieved record low taxes".
zerglord: "and the highest wage level in the world"
alex4321: An awkward idea, where to vote?

[ + 41 - ] Comment quote №133527
 14.09.2016
In acquaintances on the street, the local humpiness of the teenage son's section - removed a new jacket, giving in exchange some rubbish from the skin of a young dermantin. They took by force, but did not beat - smart, like "exchanged brotherly and for a while." But they did not forget to threaten, saying, you will knock on the parents - you will go "on the red", not on the boy. The boy's street "concepts" were purely purple, the jacket was unfortunate. He did not hide the fact of the robbery from his parents, who immediately appealed to the police, wrote a statement, provided a "shell" as a thing.



While the guy at the investigator listed albums with photographs of criminals for identification, operatives in half an hour brought to the department of two suspects, on one of which the victim safely identified his jacket. How is? It cannot be so fast! Would you object? It all proved simple. In the joys of possessing a clay jacket, the young criminal gave his "skin" with all the good: seeds, shell from them, a couple of mint cigarettes and... The military agenda in the inner pocket. With residence address, surname and name.

[ + 22 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №133526
 14.09.2016
xxx: Oh, do you want a story about the signs above?
YYY: Okay
I am standing in the store today, looking at the puzzles.
xxx: those I wanted for 1000 details, no, there are some more beautiful, but 3000 details
xxx: and here it would take a beautiful, and like the house there is not so much free space on the walls to then hang.
XXX: And here I stand, I think to take
xxx: I ask mentally - "Yes or no, give me a sign!"
xxx: I walk a few steps from the shelves, and here the look falls on the children's puzzles below, there are such large, somewhere 10 * 10cm details, six pieces can be seen, the rest lie deeper.
xxx: details with large letters, and not in order, not "abvwhere", but how it got
xxx: but in the upper left corner... D A)))))
xxx: so if you suddenly want to get a big puzzle - come in)

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №133525
 14.09.2016
A good person notices people when they are bad.

A bad person notices people when they are well.

[ + 60 - ] Comment quote №133524
 14.09.2016
Day of the City.

and Germany. The Alps advance. A small town on the road to Salzburg (this is important). The restaurant. The Hall
sufficiently large. It is worth an electronic piano on which some kid of customers is trying.
Images of Chopin.

There are several diverse companies in the hall. A company of workers whispers in the corner and periodically
Friendship over something. Someone from the Slavs. Some Eastern people grumble boring in dishes, apparently looking for the remains of pigs there. A small company of decently dressed men in the blinds - those are generally quietly sitting, ticking in the gadgets and it is unclear - where they came from. Me and my wife and children. We are five.

An elderly German enters in a jacket with a tie and shorts. Apparently drunk. Surprisedly looking around the room.
Without seeing the compatriots sadly sitting at the table with us. Ordering food at the bar.
He buys a bottle of shnapps in a cloth bag. He enjoys drinking and looks around the hall with a cheerful gaze. Unmistakably identified in us foreigners, asked - where did we get stuck in this hole? When he learned that he was from Moscow, he breathed and went to the piano. Put a boy out of the table.
I started playing soul jazz. Not bad for the village. And then he sang with Leonardo Cohen’s thick baritone:

I lived a lot in the world, lived in the earthquakes of the rocks of the taiji.

With the strongest accent, but with surprisingly clear pronunciation. The motive was of course his own, but the arrangement in my opinion is no worse than the original march. The hall of verses, everyone turned to the performer.
And then the company of well-dressed men with well-set voices and very competently putting the tone began to sing:

He was buried alive twice.
He knew the separation, loved the grief.

Absolutely unexpectedly, the company of men-workers in the corner when he went to sing, cried out:

But I used to being proud of Moscow and everywhere I repeated the words:
My dear capital, my golden Moscow!

At the end, the whole hall was already singing, and even the Eastern people picked up:

And the enemy never reaches.
To shake your head,
My dear capital,
My golden Moscow!

It was so unexpected and wonderful that the Germans just slept.
We did not hide our tears either. And everything turned out to be very simple.
The well-dressed men were physicists from the MIFI and drove from Munich to Salzburg for the local choir festival. They themselves also sometimes sang in the academic choir of MIFI and therefore were so literate singers. Slavic workers were from Western Ukraine and went to work from Austria to Germany. Eastern people turned out to be Azerbaijanis – merchants from Nakhchivan, and they also visited Moscow and Munich on their own. A German is a simple history teacher from the former Karl-Marx-Stadt, who moved after the unification to the neighboring Berchtesgaden. He played a great piano and knew a lot of songs in all languages.

Then we sang and Let it be, and I blink to the sky, and Black Eyes, and Bella Chao. The local Germans also sang with the acordeon. When we left – the noise, gam, fun and brotherhood of Russians, Ukrainians, Germans, Azerbaijanis and Turks was all over. Thank you, John, for our evening, for the very German hospitality that unites the peoples in reality, not in words. Thank you also, Moscow, for being always and everywhere with us.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №133523
 14.09.2016
The General:
“Well, comrades officers, what’s going on with the case of the $124 million found in bags?
The officers:
So, Comrade General, 110 million have been found, described and transmitted as substantive evidence.
The General:
Well, well, and comrades prosecutors what will they say about those 89 million?
The Prosecutor:
- Well, 63 million are drawn to a large size, yes, comrade judge?
The Judge:
Why do you think that 46 million is a huge amount? Even the lawyer insists on house arrest.
The Lawyer:
Well of course! We have up to 37 million - you can get out of the deposit. This is how investigators decide.
The Investigator:
We’re going to open the case for some 4 million more! Let him go as a witness.
The Witness:
I see that $100,000 for the first time.
The General:
Well that is good.

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №133522
 14.09.2016
Chinese is only the person who was born in China. Not traveling they are pregnant, a Chinese passport is one of the most difficult when obtaining.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №133521
 14.09.2016
When a husband's wife is whining about the appearance, this is normal, because the men look on average on the drum, and if not reminded, then this appearance they will neither shave nor fasten on all the buttons. But to drop on the brains of the grandmother, who is already getting over the extra pounds in the ass, and even joke with the people, it’s wasted.

c) The tail is not

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №133520
 14.09.2016
Recently explained to the cat that he is like eating for nothing, and there is no point in him, only on the table at night he gathers nuts. It would be time for him to live on the street. After that, the cat strangely began to sleep at the doorstep at the entrance to the apartment. I was able to explain his behavior only by the fact that the cat arranged to guard the apartment, and with all his appearance showed his benefit, only not to live on the street. But the anger at the table did not stop.

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