bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №143674
 07.08.2017
If in the forest you met a lady with empty weddars, there are no fucks.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №143673
 07.08.2017
An opponent of GMOs?
xxx is me?
xxx: boy, I have a mother specialized in organic chemistry in general and biochemistry in particular.
You will be surprised, but in the USSR there were children’s books (at least one) about genetic engineering (and from this book it clearly followed that in the USSR GMO bacteria were already fully derived, almost free of charge producing expensive human insulin).
xxx: I learned the word "deoxyribonucleic" before I learned to count to 100.
I am an opponent of GMOs.
No, the grass has not grown yet.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №143672
 07.08.2017
I was in the electric car, and in front of me was a woman with a small child. He told her that he was playing at Minecraft, but there everything was in English, so he couldn’t understand everything. She asked him what “Minecraft” meant, and he replied that he didn’t know either. And then the ancient grandfather sitting next to me said that it was not in English, but in German and meant "my struggle."
I had to intervene and explain what this means, otherwise the guy would be deprived of the computer for 100 years.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №143671
 07.08.2017
Childhood is when you are all day with a neighbor girl, and you have a headache, not hurt the penis.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №143670
 07.08.2017

Agree - Agree
Angry – angry
Those who consider themselves to be highly intelligent slang carriers for some reason turned the second word into their "grit" and thought that the whole world should know about their strange preferences.

Camrad, go to the online translator, and open up for yourself the word "aggression". and homogeneous with him. Per you will stop stamping society "sweetly smart".

[ + 30 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №143669
 07.08.2017
I underestimated the effects of the series. But a few days ago, two investigators came to our television company with a request to enlarge the car number from the video surveillance camera record so that it could be read. Well, just like in detectives, when a computer worker makes a 20-fold zoom on a number, and there from a pixel spot miraculously draw numbers and letters. To the astonishment of the installers, they said something like: do you not have such a program? They left upset. It looks like another deaf.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №143668
 06.08.2017
Thank you to all lovers of good books who ask questions and answer them! Thanks to you, I have discovered many interesting authors. Great that you are!

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №143667
 06.08.2017
He got up early in the morning, went to the market and bought fresh lambs. The seller praised his meat, chose to look not very fat, and asked to break it into pieces. Cut, weighed, the butcher placed a small piece of meat in a barrel to round the amount. I go home. In the car, I felt a strange smell, but since my nose was stuck, I thought the smell was melting. Pulling the meat on the table in the kitchen, the wife says that the meat with the smell (worn out).

We begin to collect the pieces in a bag to bring it back, and here I notice that on the piece that I was placed in the blinds, the larvae of the shrimp bleach. Going to the market:

Have you sold meat?

Well I am.

It has a smell!

Can not be!

Well smell it.

It starts smelling meat.

Normal smell is the smell of meat.

and yes? What about the worms on it?

Where are they?

And so are they.

A A is it? So these are not worms, they are just larvae, if they bother you, now I will put them on you!

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №143666
 06.08.2017
Interview with a biologist:

Is GMO used for marketing?

and yes. You can find in the store even water and salt without GMOs. Neither there nor there are genes in principle. I watched Stas Mikhailov’s concert without GMOs. Better with GMO than with Stas Mikhailov.

[ + 21 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №143665
 06.08.2017
A husband plays a toy on a compass, asks (m - husband, I - I):
How is "Dick Wyce Hands" translated?
I: "dick with hands"? Are you sure?
m: yeah, "Dick Wyce Hands"
Herer with his hands.
I go to the monitor and look at it "dig with hands".
Dig – to dig

[ + 42 - ] Comment quote №143664
 06.08.2017
At 8:00 I bought in the store "builders" disks for a large fortune of 230 diameters. Construction 100 meters from the store... After 20 minutes of screaming, an ambulance. They decided to scrub the tree with a disk on the metal, the protection was removed, interfered. Naturally, the disk pressed and broke into pieces, the fragments flew into the face of the "wood cutter". 30 minutes later, the ambulance cries and cries again. A colleague of the victim decided to cut the unfortunate tree. I briefly went to them and warned the brigadier that they had bought five discs, and threatened three more people. Idiots, there are no other words.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №143663
 06.08.2017
Thread about the monsoon of the 90s, discuss the Na-Na group:
There is nothing on the right side of the nanny! Not everyone can raise their feet.
This is the Wolf of Politics. He has recently been replaced by a headscarf.

[ + 39 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №143662
 06.08.2017
I live in Peter. Summer is a clear thing which year is not. And here I look out to look at the weather and see a pigeon in the corner of the balcony, hiding from a terrible hurricane. He wanted to expel, but it was unfortunate, and his wife said, "Don't touch the poor girl, let her warm up." I pulled the curtain and forgot about the bird. And a few days later, deciding to go out to the balcony, I found that the whole floor of the balcony was terribly swept in three layers of dried pigeon shit, not even a foot where to put. For more than an hour, I stacked and pulled out the pigeon’s excrete. And here’s why I’m telling it all: all the time, while I was destroying the traces of the “poor pigeons,” I thought about the fact that each of us in our lives had situations with relatives or friends, when you likewise regret someone, shelter or help, and then for a long time wipe away behind them shit, both in the direct and in the translated sense. Such a sad morality.

[ + 22 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №143661
 06.08.2017
Why are there sodomites but no homoriths?

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №143660
 06.08.2017
xxx: In fact, I am just an employee of a super-secret organization that has been fighting reptiles for centuries.
Maybe with the healthcare providers?

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №143659
 06.08.2017
XXX: I am enrolled in the first course and one question arises to those who are not in the first year: what clothes can I wear for school? Is there any rules?
yyy: Well, in general, can make a comment of the type: "You are too brightly painted, Pasha!"

[ + 37 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №143658
 06.08.2017
I got married to one of our employees already under a half-hour, a wife took a little over 20.
Birth of a Child, Wife in Decree
Starting with a new employee.
She says, “I have a wife younger than you.
She says, “I have a father younger than you.
It is O_O

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №143657
 06.08.2017
xxx: Why do grandmothers, who were so disappointed in their youth, strike the Bible to old age?
YYY: Well, you have to learn, they’re going to have a graduation exam soon...


[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №143656
 06.08.2017
If everything goes like oil, wait, it will soon smell fried.

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №143655
 06.08.2017
I drank somewhere in the early 00s with the operas. Good guys and girls, at all. Absolutely without Paphos. One of them told such a story. If it was before, I will not be surprised. The man could tell a lot.

The case was in the 90s. They came back from a foreign tour. Somehow it happened that the payment of the fee was delayed for some, as they said, technical reason. In the 90s, it was all around. And he, as it was, lived well abroad - drinks, souvenirs, all that. And here they, as they said in Soviet times, "started a disorder." It was a charitable concert for veterans and retirees. Whether it is a pension or an old-age home. They whispered it was that it was no longer the Soviet times and to perform for free is not a comilfo. But they were quickly embarrassed and told that some very important person had asked for it. And they went to act practically as an explorer. Good luck professionals. And the supposed repertoire - songs of the Great Patriotic and Civil Wars - all have them from childhood on hearing. This man got a song about "a hundred young fighters from the Budionov mouths", which jumped into the fields for reconnaissance. He thought he knew the text. But whether the self-confidence deceived him, whether the thoughts about where to intercept the money, but he made a mistake. I did not look once again at the kindly laid-up paper with the text and his beautiful baryton (or tenor, damn I take them, the opera, when they are subjected) instead of "and fearlessly the squad jumped" confidently brought - "and the squad jumped on the enemy for FREE!!" In general, a typical Freud reservation worked out. He froze it, and when it touched it, it cooled inside - it became uncomfortable to the veterans. But as a true professional, he did not show sight and carefully sang the song to the end. No one seemed to even pay attention. Everybody bothered. Well, it went well, he thought with relief.

After the concert, according to the plan, there was a small informal communication of singers with veterans, congratulations... And then one very old grandfather with a clever, insightful and astonishing look approached him and flashed quietly and said: "What, son, were you also pulled here?"

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