It’s not the first time I’ve noticed that when you get into a taxi and start getting stuck, many drivers perceive it as a personal insult.



One day, one of them came to the challenge. I sit in the car, pulling the belt, and he doesn’t get out, stuck somewhere.

I sit and say:

Your belt is broken.

What he responds to me:

Did you give up this belt? Do you not trust me?



Then he, looking at me like Vin Diesel of the Fortress, gave the gazka to get to the blinking green and steadfastly entered the ass of the kia rio standing in front of him, which passed the pedestrians.

XXX about anesthesia. I recently had an operation on my knee. An injection is made into the spine and the lower part of the body completely loses sensitivity for several hours. Further from his words: "I put my hand on the "household", with my hand I feel that a member is in it, and as a member I do not feel anything, as if you hold a foreign man, it does not become itself."

Yyy: It’s like a stranger, but the opposite.

ZZZ is a stranger?

If you are surrounded by beautiful girls, give up.

I asked not to scream.

You are running into the kitchen, the whole floor is filled. Going to the kitchen?
Don’t take off the shoes, I didn’t wash the floor. There is nothing flowing here and here.
It sounds like I’m all overwhelmed, here’s a swab with a cloth in the kitchen!
- The scarf is dry, I wanted to wash the floor later. I am in night shift. You awakened me.
He is hysterical about his kitchen.
It runs somewhere, but cleverly, it doesn’t flow to me. Apparently they have a covered tube. I have a place where water flows along the pipe. Please go up to the floor. I obviously don’t run. She turned on the crane, she and her husband on the phone. of origin?
seem to convince. She is out and her feet in her boots.
And in them...
The cat, or the whisper does not tolerate, or immediately punished. But it was full in every shoe.
The eyes of the neighbors from the orbit climb! I am polite in silence, but I hear the revenge whisper in my shoes. (Thank you a song for me!)
I asked you not to take off your shoes. Cats do not like the noise of others.

Stupid non-adequate people do not understand that even a small cattle can protect their home from whispers and claims. Because they, among our favourites, have a stronger sense of justice. They just don’t like to tolerate strangers in their home. They want to drive out the unnecessary, available means :)

P.S
I noticed that such demarches or any conscious actions - cats and cats begin to do after six years of the family. Are they young at that age? The mind is awakening?
Strih (my cat is now dead) after six years began to write himself to the toilet. I did not even teach him.
My aunt (current cat) began to drag my socks into the vanouja from under the couch. To say that I wore, nothing to say! He specially threw his socks at the couch, and after a while - he lies in the bathroom next to the washing machine! But it started quite recently. My cat is 6 years and 5 months old.
And the cat continues to give me gifts. I wrote about it.
Yesterday I put a cushion on my pillow. God knows when it is broken. And all because I wanted bread with oil and salt. I sit and watch a movie, chew a delicious butter... I felt my mood.
behind
by Miva!
The same on the pillow.
So how can you not think of this as a smart man? She has the biggest heart. And huge eyes!
All are good!

Matroskin: foxes, legs, tail - here are my papers!
1978: Oh, such a funny fool
2019: This is enough for biometric authorization, Mr. Cat

The stupid things you did while your brain was on the autopilot

1st One day I brushed my teeth and went to throw something out, on the way splintered on the floor instead of a shell.

2nd I also brushed my teeth, hardly brushed. I put the toothpaste on my shaver and almost brought it to my mouth before my brain turned on. I don’t have a shave in the shower.

Three I woke up at night to write and somehow unnoticed into the morning routine. Only after drinking coffee, I realized that it was 3 o’clock at night and I could go back to bed.

4 is On the weekend he sat in the car to go somewhere there, and woke up at the parking lot near work.

5 is I put the dirty plate in the refrigerator instead of the dishwasher.

6 is I came somehow to the gym, got the key from the box on the bench, came to the box and wondered why I was here at all.

7 is He came to the gas station, paid, did not go and left. And so twice.

8 is I tried to unlock the refrigerator with the car keys.

9 is I blinked at the light for five minutes, thinking it was red.

10 is I worked in fast food and accepted orders both in the hall and in the macau. And here I accepted the order in the hall and for some reason said to the visitor, "And now go to the issue window, please."

11 is A couple of weeks ago I moved to my old house, where I had not lived at that time for more than 5 years.

12 is He held a glass and a phone in his hand. I answered the phone with ice cream. A lumpy ear is unpleasant.

Thirteen My brother came after the day and went to the kitchen. He stopped him, squeezing in the tea.

14 is I turned my reader to read the “other” side of the document.

15 is I got a bag of sugar. I opened it and dumped it in the garbage. There was an empty bag in the coffee.

16 is I tried to scratch a paper magazine to overlay the photo.

17th Instead of a pill, I put a dog cake in the dishwasher.

18 is I looked at the watch with a cup of tea in the same hand.

19 is I grabbed my note as if it was my dog.

My wife and I go to a colleague’s birthday. As usual, everything at the last minute and we only ran for the gift in the morning. After a little curious at work, I decided he needed a belt or lift ( maybe just a little weight gain). I bought this and that.



We run in panic, we go. A woman, like a fire extinguisher, watered the curled hair with lacquer. I try to clean my jacket from white cat wool. The cat looks at me and says I’m not going to do anything.



We are dressed and we are at the door. Check if you have forgotten a gift. There is. The documents? There is. The keys? I took. The phone? ? to



We start looking for the phone. To make it faster, the wife catches my and taps the number, which is signed “Love”. A few seconds later, the girl calls: “Allo.” My wife’s eyes should have been seen. Maybe my eyes too.



A hysterical woman closes in the bathroom. I try to explain something to her. The cat, sitting in the same place, with a glance says that I will not get anything out.



In shock, I call back “Love” by contact. Indeed, a pleasant female voice responds:



– Wait, don’t throw the phone, I found this phone in our store, and I don’t know the unlock code. Come and take. The girl prototyped.



Somehow, through the closed door, and the female screams I managed to justify. Now, the main task is to make makeup again and try not to be late. The cat’s eyes say we’re not going to do anything.

The agenda came to a young man in the military. A few years ago, he lost his leg and was installed a prothesis. He passes through the offices. The ophthalmologist has no complaints, the psychiatrist has no complaints, Laura too. Everyone puts a year. Go to the therapist:

Dress up for inspection.

Should the prothesis be filmed?

What kind of protection?? to

I have a prothesis instead of my right leg.

and???? to

This examination was completed and it was no longer called.

I went with my husband and son to a resort in Greece. My son, a 5 year old energetizer, managed to get me and my husband into a state of neumonos with his activity. Remove the hand, say the territory closed, everything as safe as possible, let it be worn by itself. And he did not stop for a second!

He runs.

“Mom, you know, I’m tired and I want to rest.

"I wrap my eyes in ecstasy - did I wait?"

I’m going to jump on the tramp!

XXX: That is something else. My grandfather bought a small castle in Germany. The money he earned when he 5 times in a row fell 13 red, which his grandfather placed in Las Vegas, where he flew for a deposit, which he multiplied by making bets according to the forecasts from a telegram, from the tenth he found on the floor in the synagogue.

YYY: The tenth in the synagogue, I think it’s here that he told you.

A traitor’s favorite occupation is to call other traitors traitors.

The Moldovan Chess
(The Chess Squad: The Continuation)
https://www.anekdot.ru/id/1047907/

I went to Chisinau for a big competition. With his coach, known in chess circles as the grandmaster. In their free hours, they walked through the city boulevards, discussing the strategies of the ancient game.
And they see such a picture: in the church garden, a crowd of parishioners gathered around the table, and at the table, the pop in a row plays chess for money. With all those wishing. The bet

The Zoo Defenders:
Why do you need natural fur coats? Can you wear synthetic?
The environmental activists:
Are you fucking? This shirt will break down for 500 years.

Snowden speaks live at the conference, and in the background of him, a perforator is struck by a neighbor's wall and he has to apologize for it. There are advantages: no one will have any doubts that he is in Russia.

xxx: I pretended to be a beautiful girl in Tinder and "met" there with my neighbor in the room. I agreed that I would come to visit him so that he could finally clean up in the apartment.

When I lived with my first wife, her older sister from the village sometimes came to us, her sister had a working husband and child. Ok, no question, they put together a table, got a drink and a peru. Here the neighbor Volodya, went to smoke, we smoke and here she is the sister of his wife: "Oh what a beautiful boy," how they are called, how old, married, etc. To say that I wept, not to say anything, because I thought she was very wise.Woman I say, there your sister is flirting, well what about this, let her rest from the cows, chicken, car.Here and the neighbor joined us, sat down, talked, and the neighbor went to show the evening city.Now and showed, 3 days at his own expense at work took to break off with the sister of his wife.Three days passed quickly and she pleased and happy went to the village. And soon it turned out that she was pregnant, when he told his wife that maybe not Ildar's child, but Volod, there was an original answer - and who knows. After this incident, I began to take better care of my wife, where the guarantee that she had gone to the village for 10 days (supposedly helping my mother) would not rest too.

No one has so developed a sense of confidence in tomorrow as a slave.

There is a man in the neighboring department forty years old, the nickname was before this story "Ugryumy", and in general Alexander was born. The look is cold, eternally cloudy and silent. He does not go to corporations, does not go to tour with colleagues. Unlike other men, babbniki and ballaboli, with none of the colleagues-women, she does not spin, does not pay for abortions, does not destroy families. In short, he was not noticed in immoral behavior. We come to the accounting office without greeting, only to sign a salary notice or for a trip. An unpleasant antisocial type.
Recently in the hallway, something like a chandelier went into the elevator (there is one elevator in the building that only runs on several lower floors, the elevator compartment is on our floor). The sparks flew, the corrosive smoke of burned plastic from the door and ventilation, overwhelmed the whole office. The people in panic, the alarm rings, all the macho with the screams "fire," "burn," and "save who can" dissolved somewhere in the building, like a whispering aspirin in a glass, and I and a couple more frozen stood in the corridor and proudly prepared to take the fate prepared.
At this point, the Ugryumy approached without hurry, as if he was doing it from morning to evening, opened the distribution shield, licked the rubies. He removed the fire extinguisher from the holder, looked carefully at the label, wrapped his face with a towel soaked with a mineral, and went into the elevator with a phrase of the type "the kind will suit." From the minute was heard the whispering sound of the fire extinguisher released and its coughing, the smoke changed to either steam, or carbon dioxide fog. And everything silenced.
He walked out and calmly said the following phrase:
So, baby, quiet and calm, no panic. Before the arrival of firefighters this door should not be opened, air into the elevator should not be allowed. We go back to work and think about what to feed our husband for dinner. to break up.
So, once and all. I just wanted to hug him and kiss him. His family is probably behind him, like behind a stone wall.

A man comes from a week's trip, and he has 7 fines for smoking on the balcony.

xxx: I always turn on the shoes when I look at something on the macbook in a sitting train or in a bus. And if I eat in a coupe - I just invite the accompanyers of the movie to watch =) The last time I went to my parents - in a coupe with a student Green mile was watched, back in the seat was driving - Chernobyl included with titles, a neighbor on chairs and a couple of people from the neighboring row had a good time on the way.

YYY: I was on a trip to Sochi recently. I also watched the movie from the tablet and turned it on for the neighbor. He did not like the destination.

zzz: I also removed the patient’s root and decided to watch the filmmaker, or it’s boring to have something in the teeth (I’m a dentist). I think he's also bored to look at the lamp for 2 hours, kissed the "pile" 1 part, and he wrapped a bag, washed something, well, I tightened the belts stronger, I say, "my man, it's dangerous during the operation to turn your head, watch a movie, and I'll clean your double, you need to develop a channel so that the tool goes in without pain." Unhappy people go, and you try to entertain them.