How often the elite of society has not only taste, but also smell.

My English professor told me.
There is a check-in for a flight from point A to point B. Here appears a very hasty passenger, apparently of a very high opinion, and begins to demand that he be missed first. The assistant who conducts the registration asks him to take a seat in line. But this man does not take care, asks... It does not require that he be served first. The assistant unsuccessfully tries to prove to him that from the fact that he passes earlier in the plane, the iron bird will not fly before the deadline, and that in general for them all passengers are the same, and he should take the turn. This dialogue continues for a long time (the assistant does not stop missing civilians in line). Finally, the angry citizen Toropulkin finally begins to shout with a foam in his mouth: "Do you know who I am?" The assistant, who is tired of this, takes the right and officially transmits the message: "Guard, I ask you to approach the gate of X. We have a man who has forgotten his name and asks to determine his identity."

The founder of the church of Dollar Witnesses for six rubles called the old faith sect of Dollar Witnesses for 64 copies.

I worked in one company. And came to practice the son of the boss (of course, the "young barin" behind the eyes). And a little later I heard the chef annoyed to say that after a month of practice his son did not want to work here. Because "if you will pay me more than others - I will be in the collective "father's son", if not - I do not have a salary level."

Many people died from alcohol. Not less was born.

The taxi driver shrugged his mouth and said, “Give me a cigarette.” Once the rules were given. The taxi driver smoked and asked, “Do you know why there are so many gay people in Europe?” I felt that there was a brilliant version behind his mushroom. Maybe even a reprisal. It could not have been allowed. And I said, “I know, of course.” I thought I closed the topic successfully again. The driver asked for explanations. “In Europe, I say, there are so many gay people because they have given themselves to count.” The taxi driver survived a second stupor, drowned, threw a bucket and said, "Give me a cigarette."

A man came to the temple. He forgot to turn off the phone that was ringing during the prayer. The priest read him. The people who prayed, mocked him after prayer for breaking the silence. All the way home his wife complained to him for his inattention. In his face could be seen shame, confusion and humiliation.
This man was never seen again in the temple. That same evening he went to the bar. The man was still nervous and his hands trembled. He accidentally poured his drink on the table. The waitress apologized and gave him a towel to wipe out. The cleaner wiped the floor. The bar manager offered him another drink at the expense of the establishment. She said, “Don’t worry, man. Everyone makes mistakes.”
He went to the bar every night.

Anastasia: - I once in the first class wrote two boys notes that they were stupid - they called my mother and raised me.

Valeria: Were they stupid?

Anastasia: - They could not read, gave them to the teacher

When they say to live more modestly, it does not mean to live poorly.

The Birthday

The children’s playground. Two girls rush on clothes and lead a relentless, secular conversation.
“There has been no celebration for a long time,” said one thoughtfully. It is pity!
“I’m not sorry,” said the second.
Do you not like holidays?! to
I love it! very very! I have plenty of them, every day is a celebration!
It cannot be!
and maybe. We celebrate Birthday.
Birthday, you wanted to say.
We also celebrate birthdays, but rarely, only once a year. Birthday is every day. My father invented this celebration.
How do you celebrate it?
very simple! Dad wakes me and mom in the morning, we all run to the kitchen, take glasses of water and dad says a toast: “This is a great day today! We were very lucky with him! And we drink water, eat honey, and sing a song.
What if the day is bad?
So it was before. And once we started to celebrate this holiday, almost all days are either good or very good. Rarely happens something not very good.
Why do other people not have such a celebration?
Father said that everyone has this holiday, but not everyone notices it. Many have forgotten about this celebration. If you want, come to us on Saturday. You will spend the night and celebrate with us in the morning.

Gregory Berkovich

Imagine – Shoigu says – “Vote for me! Vote for me!”
And immediately shamefully adds: "If you choose, then I will give my mandate to some coward of our party."
He did not say the second phrase.

Two packs of smaller aromatic candles were drawn into the office. A colleague stands, smells and guesses what they smell.

I walked up, smelled and said, “Safran.” I smell the second: cotton. Everyone in the aquarium, the eyes are square, now recognized as an honorary perfumer

Then someone noticed that it was written on the packaging.

When I was still very young, and went to kindergarten, I liked one boy from the group. Let’s call him Slavik. I went to Slavik on his heels, showed signs of attention, served sweets, and he was in no way - zero and all. All and all. And here, one day I was fascinated with toys - I sit, I pick up the doll and then Slavik approaches me and says, say, let's play together!

Why haven’t you played with me before? Why did you come just now? I asked, looking in love at Slavik.

Everyone is gone, only you and I are left.

is logical. I didn’t talk to Slavik anymore.

From a conversation with a German friend (the case was in the Ural).

How about our nature? It is beautiful, yeah?

Yes, it is great. Even horrible. You can die here.

...??? to

- Here we in Germany in which direction do not go - over 5-10km village or city. There is nothing here hundreds of kilometers away. You can just go somewhere and die without coming!

A friend went to work as a governor to a banker. Family: a banker, his wife, three children. The acquaintance was a governor of the middle child, a small babysitter, an older one with tutors. The wife of the banker from the morning to the solariums, cosmetics, gymnastics, etc., still in the house a housewife and a cook were.

Known and telling. Once she told the wife of the banker, he said, for whom to marry, or we got married, now in the servant you have to work. The banker’s wife replied that he’t marry you. My friend insulted me, I was so beautiful when I was young. The wife of the banker - "just your dad wasn't the director of the factory, as I did."

So the slogan who taught what has a great continuation: "Who taught what, who married whom, who was born from whom..."

In connection with the end of the election season and going to meet the wishes of the workers, the Investigative Committee of Russia opened the witch hunting season.

Covered with a memo with an election poster of the governor of the Sverdlovsk region in the toilet (https://www.anekdot.ru/id/1250508/).

Apparently, it’s a long tradition of hanging pictures of politicians in the toilet. I am sinful too.
In the distant seventy, some year ago, I saw a magazine with an oval male portrait on the cover. And my inexperienced childhood brain instantly compared the size of the portrait to the lifted toilet seat: you go, one in one.
The portrait was immediately carved and spandored onto a dishwasher. I satisfactorily retreated and looked at my creation: in the framing of the raised seat it even looked stylish. Here it is necessary to clarify that the Soviet seats for toilets were not as they are now, made of plastic chemical colours, but pressed from natural slurry on DSP technology. The noble light brown color reminded me of the frame of the painting. In general, the child was happy - he created something beautiful for the first time; and who is depicted there and why it is in the toilet - the tenth matter. Actually, I had no idea who this man was, the aesthetics was more important. Four small black plastic legs gave the work a geometric finish.

My parents came back from work tonight.
The first person to visit the institution was his father and stared in the door: from the toilet seat, the Secretary-General of the CCP of the CPSU, Leonid Ilyich Brezhnev, looked at him wisely and with contempt. The father whispered, fell from the hiccups on the hiccups and popped to roast on the bed, forgetting to do his business. The mother looked around the installation and whispered, “And how can I push something out of myself when they look straight into my ass?” My father came out of the bedroom.
The bucket was immediately freed from foreign images. I was not even punished.

Much later, Gorbachev’s portrait appeared on the wall under the ceiling in the toilet. But this is a completely different story.

How nice to get out of the work computer after eight hours of work and finally sit down to rest at home!

The spokesman of President Peskov said that Putin is in favor of the change of power. And they say that politicians don’t have a sense of humor.)

Dogs of Cook Islands

Cook Islands is a paradise place, indeed - far away. Very, very far away.
A village in the middle of the ocean. Tourism is not ruined.
I ask for something to eat in the barbecue, the barbecue says, I close.
I explain that I just arrived - she apologizes, and mastery me a thick sandwich - for free. You start paying tomorrow.
There is only a man on the road. He says I go to work. What kind of work is it on Sunday? I am the Minister of Finance.
A tiny resort where we (from the hostel) are allowed to use the pool, lounges, and close our eyes to the fact that we steal shampoo from the shower. The whole hostel is filled with these little green bottles.
The prison is called the "Hotel of Broken Hearts", the only inhabitant is a British who drinks on Saturdays and boasts at the worship. In the sense, it is drunk every day, but it is planted on Saturdays.
On the coins is the local god, Rarotonga. It looks like a three-legged one, but it’s not a foot at all. On the edge is the Queen of England. His Majesty is very pleased.
I give right. There were only five roads. The last point on the road is to watch for dogs.
There are many homeless dogs - all kind, calm, in bandanas on the neck. They are watched by the windpoint. Dogs catch fish in the lagoon. They wander, wander, then hop and dive. Only the ass from the water pulls, the tail flaps.
Sometimes poisoned with poisonous fish, then veterinarians put them on an infrared table - to maintain body temperature. Run then with a bald side, tea, not winter in the courtyard. Weather, with rare exceptions - 26-28.
In the evening, the dogs admire the sunset. A dog pair is sitting in the water, only the wet earring heads are visible, and watching the enormous sun sink beyond the edge of the earth.