bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №133119
 05.09.2016
At his expense, he is a thief.
You eat and pay for yourself – pheneticist what?? to
You eat and pay for everyone - humiliated

What to do now? Although I know what. Don’t go with men to a café (C)Porto

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №133118
 05.09.2016
Thus, a thick parachutist falls at a greater speed. That is why, when disembarking the first goes the radar - he has a 50-kilogram battery on his back.

Not on the back, fucking. On his back is a suitcase with a parachute.
He has a box in his hands on a 15-meter fault. After unlocking, this box is thrown naked, the box lands first and the last 15 meters is overcome by the radist in the eased version.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №133117
 05.09.2016
Little to learn to understand what a woman wants. It is necessary to be able to avoid fulfilling desires under favourable pretexts.

[ + 38 - ] Comment quote №133116
 05.09.2016
Today I saw my son make an offer to his girlfriend. In the process of breakfast, he took out a box with a ring from somewhere, and, without looking at the girl, methodically chewing the food, pushed that box toward the presumed wife. You know, people usually give salt to somebody. I was all tense, expecting the grandmother’s whispers and hysterics (the girl is twenty years old, it’s so important for them), and she opened her, put on the ring and said “Uga.” Then they continued to silently eat.

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №133115
 05.09.2016
“Rabinovich, and why is Medvedev somewhat dumb and evil, and Putin kind and cheerful?? to
"Because Medvedev reads everything about himself on the Internet, and Putin is.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №133114
 05.09.2016
Previously, people (e.g., nobles, nobles, officers) who could not pay a card debt were shot to avoid being considered dishonest.
YYY: Lords, this is the 21st century – people are assaulting genetic engineering and unmanned cars. What card debt is a debt of honor??? Are you about anything at all?
zzz: Imagine an expedition to some distant star, and in the cabin hanged an astronaut, eating a steam car on the misery :(

[ + 42 - ] Comment quote №133113
 05.09.2016
At the Sberbank payment terminal there is a woman, behind her I. She failed to pay for the receipt, and she asked me to help. I, standing just behind, selected the payment she needed in the menu, entered all the details, the necessary amount, she only had to move the money and get a check.
Having taken the check, she said, without looking at me, “Fuoh, with the help of God, I have done it” and left, leaving only a shadow of confusion on my face.

What I want to say. Chess and mat, amethysts, I exist!
# by

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №133112
 05.09.2016
Discussion of photos of girls of the 70s (In short school saraphanas)
xxx: Now say the girls in the short walk, here the length of the shaped shirt is clearly not lower than the knee.
Because the girls are young and the aunts are old.
I was there with Stalin!
You are the wrong aunt.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №133111
 05.09.2016
The old advice. The girl you are doing cunnilingus is easier to unleash for sex.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №133110
 05.09.2016
She told her boyfriend that she loved him very much. He asked how strong. I thought a little and said, “Imagine the force needed to make a drop of rain fly from the bottom up. Instead of answering anything, he sat down for 20 minutes solving the task. The answer, by the way, we found)

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №133109
 05.09.2016
We watched the scientific channel with the cat (and don’t ask, it can’t break out from time to time, if it was about physics, the Second World or about it), the transmission about cats from the point of view of physics (two out of three, if even the war had managed to attract, it would have been bingo at all).

So, among other things, they told them how they landed on four legs. Slow shooting from different sides and shooters. And in the end, they gave out that it was said that evolution took so much care of them. "Because cats, I must admit, are not very smart". I stood there, and my cat looked at me so offended. Maybe it’s stupid, but it’s crazy =)

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №133108
 05.09.2016
The color of the covers on milk.

Gentlemen (and ladies) argue, and you didn’t think that the covers could be different in color... in different cities? Maybe milk everywhere and had a simple shiny cover, kefir green, but the color of the covers of the rest of the milk could vary by place of residence (and the origin of the product).
The fact is that in my childhood (late 80s-beginning 90s) I, a moscovita, rested in Vologda every summer. There there really different dairy products had covers of not the same color as in their hometown. For the four-year-old, this initially caused shock and confusion. And then I just started collecting covers))) And discovered for myself the variety of their shades)

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №133107
 05.09.2016
Overcoming the computer.
Do you have a magnetic screwdriver?
xxx from where? It can be made electromagnetic.
YYY –?
xxx - We take the screwdriver, we wrap a wire on it, we get a solenoid, we connect to the battery - a voila.
YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №133106
 05.09.2016
Sasha is a big, jealous lover of fighting. His wife is a cute, cute, small person. She does not give reasons, but Sasha still suspects all the men trying to stick to her. He doesn’t say anything to his wife, why be upset? It is clear that if a drunk in a restaurant tried to dance a girl at him, he just wanted to go to the board. She didn’t really watch the drunk, I’m a witness.
And here is Sasha going home - and in front of the door is a man and something there rattles pressing the call button and spoiling their new beautiful door. The man is even larger than Sasha, clearly aggressive, and not from the neighbors. It breaks out jealousy and the man comes to the board, right away. The man flashes, rejoices with the living man, and begins to hang in response. After some time, Alenka flies out and also enters the battle selectively knocking on a stranger with a bowl. Under a joint strike, the enemy surrenders, acknowledges himself defeated and then finds out - a) it is the collector. c) there will be no mutual claims, because on the one hand there are many bleaches and on the other the broken door and what is worse - the frightened pregnant grandmother.
by Zy. Sasha did not love to fight, but now he still has a reason - the protection of his son. and :)

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №133105
 05.09.2016
I can't tolerate cola, but it helps with a cough. And if you add vodka to it, it gets really good!

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №133104
 05.09.2016
Come here :

As I remember: the first course, the first day of study, we fill out some questionnaires. One of them is this question:
How did you know about our school?

Now students of MGU, SPbGU, MFI and the like have laughed.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №133103
 04.09.2016
A:... removed the laser target from the shotgun to play with the cat. by Mimi, bl...

[ + 39 - ] Comment quote №133102
 04.09.2016
XXX: You will not spoil meat.
The vegans may disagree with you.
xxx: vegans can suck my member
Yyy: vegans can’t, it’s from meat
Fuck, these fuckers are comfortable.

[ + 23 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №133101
 04.09.2016
One day I go and side-sightedly cling to a new sign. "Nearly a bank" After a couple of meters I realize the non-conformity.... It was due - "Post Bank". Right at the root...

[ + 19 - ] Comment quote №133100
 04.09.2016
As I remember: the first course, the first day of study, we fill out some questionnaires. One of them is this question:
How did you know about our school?
Options of answers:
by parents
From friends, known
from Internet
My Option
One of my colleagues directly wrote:
My dad came to the doorstep and said, “Go, make a claim.”

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