bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 28 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №132819
 29.08.2016
Traditionally, the wedding is paid by the parents of the bride, let Dad and Mom go for a million.

The shield? Where are these traditions? As far as I can remember, in the Volga, it was always done in a fold on both sides. Per you also have the bridegroom paid, and the cow is given in cash, only to make the daughter?

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №132818
 29.08.2016
About twenty years ago I obtained the rights, bought an old lady-machine and began to use it to master the city prospects.

And here I notice on the panel some new unclear thing. My husband explained that it was synchroproton. I became a borzo. What else "U" is not broken from the glass, and who has seen that I am chasing. And that in the evenings through this synchoprotone he will see if the speed exceeded. And if she exceeded, she takes the keys and the driving career ends.

The next day I didn’t take my eyes off the spidometer. Exceeded once by 5 km. The Internet was not so widely available in ancient times. How to twist the testimony of this stupid synchro... I didn’t know. I went to the main mechanic of the organization in which I worked. Explain the essence of the problem. He listened, looked at the synchoprotone and advised immediately to confess. The testimony is impossible.

I was afraid to go home! She repented before her husband and promised not to do so again. When she told me that she went to the mechanic, her husband could not withstand and rattled to tears.

It was a tumble for switching the heating of the seats. Cognac was handed over to the mechanic in a sign of men’s solidarity.


[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №132817
 29.08.2016
My husband and I have a wedding anniversary (seven years), we went to the neighboring city on this occasion for a weekend. In the center there is a wedding procession - well, as in the internet scares for single men: a messy appearance of the bridegroom, a slightly pregnant bride in a dress-cake, a aunt and a maid who clung to the wall...

My husband is thinking:

By the way! Why didn’t you convince me about that? Or my young colleagues ask me how it is in family life, and I have nothing to tell, have scheduled and continue to live!

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №132816
 29.08.2016
Dear, I don’t know what? Why does contextual advertising give me a child’s wheelchair?

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №132815
 29.08.2016
If you think about it, the story of the left is not impressive at all, even the opposite:
The English made the finest mechanism - a dancing flea. And only 50 years later the Russians made a retaliatory move - knocked a nail into it.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №132814
 29.08.2016
xxx: We were also attempted to be forced to go to the report to the chief doctor in smooth clothes. Daily contact with patients. Until some outgoing official whispered: "Something you have resuscitators look too civilian. I sleep at night" And our slaves left behind.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №132813
 29.08.2016
My father was a scientist. A regular researcher with a Ph.D. degree, who spent about 70% of his working time on crosswords and smoking with colleagues and dreamed of great deeds.

My mother was a female patriarchal woman and told the children, “Don’t make noise, Daddy is tired!”

In general, my brother and I wanted to be like a dad so that the whole family would take care of us. And here, fucking, I am a girl, I can’t get tired of principle! Only men are tired.

[ + 45 - ] Comment quote №132812
 29.08.2016
He lost his leg in an accident a year ago. The biggest support from which it really gets easier is from my dog (the Labrador). Since then, every time we walk, she bends one leg (periodically changing to another) and goes on three, so that I am not offended.

[ + 42 - ] Comment quote №132811
 29.08.2016
A friend writes that she learned that the man she lovingly follows from the side had a grandmother, and the girlfriend now finally drops him forever and there will never be anything between them. A man lives a life full of drama that he doesn’t even know about.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №132810
 29.08.2016
Youth is given to everyone in a row, but old age is reached only by the most patient.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №132809
 29.08.2016
I work in an office that is engaged in finishing work, in particular flooring. And one day our brave assembler laid a laminate at one aunt. As is often the case, stumbled on a client who just can’t please, who has a bunch of requirements that contradict the technology of laying and common sense. During the reception of the job, the aunt began to say that everything was not suitable for her, the work had to be reworked and the ways of withdrawal were barred. She called the office and told the director that she would not let the caretaker out of the apartment. The director said, “Leave it to yourself, I never liked it.” According to the master, the aunt was silent for 30 seconds and went to open the door.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №132808
 29.08.2016
Per I will be a member of the State Duma for at least a month. Not for the sake of profit, but to settle the debts, go to sea, take a car, and at least once get money for sleeping at work. You can, eh?

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №132807
 29.08.2016
xxx: Today I dreamed like I went to a public bath, and there are two branches: one for all, and the other - only for Orthodox. Well, I think fucking you will prove that I am unorthodox. I went to Orthodoxy. And there everything is somewhat dirty, dirty, the men and the grandmothers are ugly washed. Sorry about it, straight.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №132806
 29.08.2016

XHH is a peacock. Ozone products offer
I have lived...)
The eternal values.
WOW: I didn’t offer... Remember!
Ohhhhhhhh?
WOW: I once bought a whole line of inflatable aunts. And then blowed them up and broke, crazy hookup. Bite them for the breasts to fly with a whistle.)
You need to be treated for many years. Many years of treatment.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №132805
 29.08.2016
From a chat game:
The new mouse must first be brought to the church and sprinkled with holy water.
Then go to the mosque, read with her prayer.
XXX: Then in the synagogue
What are they doing in the synagogue?
YYY: The circumcision

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №132804
 29.08.2016
You are so burned that you want to wash.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №132803
 29.08.2016
Chicken with wind:
This is not a funny story. That is, you planned with a light heart to arrange an outbreak of the disease? You know, idiots piece,what can give a child a complication on the internal organs, and an adult to send to that world? I’m sure it’s going to shake you, Mom, don’t burn. Have you ever asked anyone if you were sick as a child? Its infectiousness is almost 90%. and. You idiot, you should have called a doctor.
It is treated with antihistamines and greens.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №132802
 28.08.2016
I studied in class 6. He was a decent shit, an outstanding athlete and the joy of his parents, even beer has never tried and what condoms are needed for did not know. As soon as I came home after school, no one was at home, I called my father to work and said that I was going to the cinema with my classmates, I will be in the evening. And now a classmate will come to me to finish a math task, and then we will all go to the cinema together.

The youth came and did the lesson. Time before the movie was left and I made an omelette, in the process of cooking one egg broke a curly hand past the bowl. Without a back-thinking thought, he took a dirty kitchen towel, wiped it out, and threw it into dirty underwear. Then we all go to the cinema, walk around the houses.

Nothing predicted trouble for me. But when I come home, my father meets me and says I need to talk seriously.

They put me in the kitchen with my parents a very strict look, I am all on betrayal, what I did. Thoughts revolve in my head, or no, they learned about the trio in Russian (at the time it was the most serious crush that could be imagined) But here begins an absolutely incomprehensible monologue from my parents - about what, boys, girls, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys and boys. After 20 minutes, which seemed an eternity to me, Mom gets a slicked towel. The most stupid dialogue follows. I still don’t understand what the problem is.

Cyril, what is it? (Showed on the towel)

About the towel.

What is on him?

The egg broke accidentally.

How broke it?

- Well so, with Yulia omelette made and accidentally missed, had to wipe with a towel

With Julia? The omelet? (I think my father looked at me respectfully at that moment, but I’m not sure.)

Well yes. I was hungry. There was nothing in the refrigerator.

What omelette do I eat? The chicken eggs?

Well, what other eggs do we have?

And here it comes to them. My father begins to laugh. Mom smiles uncomfortable. I didn’t talk to my parents about sex.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №132801
 28.08.2016
Big Brother Yandex is watching! It was worth writing about the book "I went to drink", as soon as a banner from Yandex Direct appeared: "Self-driving devices, excellent quality, a guarantee of 50 years".

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №132800
 28.08.2016
XXX: And my sister bound me such a gorgeous shirt with a cross!
YYY : LOL!
HH: What is wrong?
yyy: It’s the same as "I wrote the JavaScript driver here".

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna