bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №87205
 19.09.2013
discussions in the gardens.
You are a journalist, right? Hide this topic!
- Sanom I did not go out - themes to sanctify, and the article can be written...

[ + 45 - ] Comment quote №87204
 19.09.2013
Samba is news. "Scientists have found nuts in the center of the galaxy"
Samba: The First Thought
Sambuka: soon in theaters. "Ice Age 5 - The Heart of the Galaxy"
Sambuka: and the protein in the scarfanders

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №87203
 19.09.2013
I want a robot vacuum cleaner.
xxx: In the sense, not as a robot, not as a vacuum cleaner, but as a device.
YYY: Messie knows a lot.

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №87202
 19.09.2013
XXX: Oh boy, is there a ch?

YYY: Well, I’m in a great mood, so I’ll ask as kindly as possible – do you want a speck in the eye, brother?

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №87201
 19.09.2013
From the phone discussion

If you watch TV for eight hours a day, will your screen burn out quickly?
yyy: Exactly later than the brain. ))

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №87200
 19.09.2013
X: very good
Y: I am giving you!!! to
X: Are you so happy?
Say hello to me! I bought the car!!! to
X : What one?
and by Polo Voltsevagen!! to
X: A-a-a... Half Voltsvagen
I hate...

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №87199
 19.09.2013
Today I dreamed of buying a Priora. Boys, it was a shit.
Zzzz: Did you break up in your dream? :D

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №87198
 19.09.2013
A commission from another institute came to the institute. The light of science, all things.
My husband went to evening sitting. In a dress, a white shirt. He says, I approach the door, remembering Kirchhoff’s laws and the latest news in our field. I open the door from there:
Homosexuals, of course, are the Pidorasses!

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №87197
 19.09.2013
Al on gravitace: A little observation "from life" :))))
There is such a category of customers who make very long, difficult and boring decisions in conditions where you need to choose from several options that have unprincipled differences. This group is clearly localized, has many similar features and clearly stands out against the background of the rest and clearly goes beyond the boundaries of statistical error.
One day, I even conducted a small test - I suggested 3 variants of blue for the logo, each of which, at 100% cyanide, differed by 5% magenta. + Variants of the font that have the same basis. The guys hanged for a couple of weeks, wrestled with each other and eventually simply threw a coin.
As in the detective - what unites all these people engaged in the most different types of activities? The answer was surprising – Alma Mater! They all passed through the baumanka. So now, faced with this kind of behavior when making a decision, I’m just interested in "What did you end up with?" and I understand that you can’t put this person in such conditions that he will have to make a choice based on small nuances.
What happened, Jack? and :)

Jack: Yes, clear pen, "baumanku"!)))))


[ + 32 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №87196
 19.09.2013
Sber vs Russian Post

1st section, next to the house
was recently on mail for an hour before closing (city millionaire)
I stand for 40+ minutes (in turn 10-12 people), and here... "I will be able to take 3 more people! The rest are in vain!!! to
I’ll call the guard, don’t stay here!! I will not serve you!!and "
(works as usual 1 window, another 5 empty, in the background defiles 2-3 aunts)

2nd office, next to work
there were 2 or 3 employees, worked with 6 "technical breaks" for 15 minutes
Plus the lunch. from 9 to 19
Reduced one year ago. Now the employee in the morning sends the mail, then opens the office.
As a result, they work now from ~12 (I don't remember, maybe a day later - I wasn't there anymore) and up to 17-30.

And for breakfast. In contrast to collecting only in the mail in our city I had hamili. Not once.

In the post office near the house everything began in the far 89th when they lost their 6th monthly subscription to the magazine.

I will go to Sberbank 5 minutes before closing.
4 out of 5 windows
Round for 2-3 people
"I will have time?" "Yes, we will serve everyone!"
after 20-25 minutes served (after closing 20 minutes as it passed, the doors are already closed to the entrance)

No need to compare them anymore!! to

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №87195
 19.09.2013
If there is a gate to heaven, there must be a fence.

[ + 42 - ] Comment quote №87194
 19.09.2013
The secret of the yellow suitcase

No matter how much we fight with corruption in Russia, it will not go anywhere - we will not give it. I don’t know how it will be with the big deals, but here our bureaucratic little things are fed by us. Of course, who of us hasn’t tried to escape the fist through “respect”? The fatter chinushs themselves hint, the more humble can joke about "I don't drink flowers and candy", the most shy need a mandatory recommendation from a common acquaintance. What I’m telling you, everybody has come across.
In short, it was a fairy tale. Here is the story itself.

At the beginning of the hungry 90s, I had a need for a treasury institution to issue documents. A lot of documents... I did not know how to give in my youth, so I was ready in advance to run for the missing certificates, to the claims “why there is no signature here” and so on.
Two sleepy uncles, sitting at the same table opposite each other, with disgust on their faces cuddled tea. One of them took my papers and, without even looking at them, whispered about being wildly busy and unable to do it until tomorrow afternoon. What put me in a wild disappointment: to go back to work and steal for 50 verts to another area. Once upon a time, a miserable whining came out of me: "Is it possible somehow... Well, I really need... I would be grateful..."
The uncles looked around, then appreciated my submissive overwhelming at the threshold, then looked around again and apparently came to a silent agreement. One, putting off a cup of tea, nodded the other to the side of anthrosols:
Nikolai, get the man an Emergency Bag.
A colleague pulled out of an anthrosols a suitcase, which turned out to be a lost suitcase - a "diplomat" and, on my silent question, "Why?He knocked his finger in the window:
Coffee on the road. You will find out.
With a terribly conspiratory and a little stupid look, I drowned to understand. In the cafe, putting the "diplomat" on the table, I slowly opened the lid, waiting to see everything I wanted - a gun with an extinguisher and a photo of the convicted, a pile of secret documents and passwords. Reality was easier. The instructions were striking with their conciseness: on the inside of the lid were glued serpents of labels from Zhygulevsky beer. 6 on the bottom and 2 on the top. That’s how I put them in the box. The bottles lay in the "diplomat" precisely and tightly, as if it was created under them.
And in a few hours my paper issue was safely solved.

Why am I reminded of this old story now? I just had to make the same documents again and went to the same city again. But today, the solution of such problems authorities have given for ransom to the individuals, to whom I was in the office a few days ago. A very pleasant surprise became the same two uncles, but already in the role of business owners. Stunned, squeezed, solid, they accepted me in their office, listened and, having scratched my papers to the secretary, promised to quickly arrange everything. within a week. Knowing that a lot of water has leaked over so many years and these are serious people with serious wealth, I still risked:
What about an emergency bag?
For a few seconds, my friends looked at me silently. Then on each other. Finally one struck my partner in my direction and respectfully said, “Client!”
I, of course, did not expect to see the lost "diplomat", but I was not surprised by the small netbook bag handed to me. Right on the doorstep I opened it impatiently, guessing about the current rates for urgency. From the cover of the bag, I am amused to look at the label of cheap but decent cognac and the sprinkled bone of the children's domino "dubble - lemon". I appreciated humor.
And what do you think has helped me solve the question in one day: a bottle of cognac and two fragrances of ripe lemons, or businessmen’s nostalgia for their former “budget” past?

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №87193
 19.09.2013
Do we do a high hose?
Do you prefer a machine?

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №87192
 19.09.2013
Kaara: please create a chat for fluid
Arkkmelai: And forget them all there

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №87191
 19.09.2013
Correspondence with the employer:
Good day to you, Vasily! Can we hope that the Sabbath will be ready next Monday?
You can hope, but the reality is that your hopes are not likely to be fulfilled.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №87190
 19.09.2013
See also Yandex.Problems
The Russian reality:

Not only is there traffic in the non-existent section of the Western Speed Diameter, there is also a traffic jamming!

[ + 40 - ] Comment quote №87189
 19.09.2013
I played Penumbra 2: Diaries of the Dead a day ago. And he has a distinctive feature-fighting system, or rather its absence, you can only hide from monsters.
Well so here. I played until I encountered the first monster, the character hides behind the table, the creature enters the room.I took the eye of the character-paranoid yet, there is also such a chip. Suddenly, the screen first darkens, then it becomes black at all, the Esc key does not work, Ctrl-Alt-Del too. I don’t know what to do – I cut off the car through the power button. Looks like it turned off. Well, I think I will now turn the computer game to the hell. He is not included. All of you, Hanna.
Then I figured out what was going on - I forgot to turn the notebook into the socket, and the battery died.
Here are the new horror technologies.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №87188
 19.09.2013
Axe: and we
Who are we?
axe: bought in the aluminum underpinned of their needle tree forgot what it is called
Is it smelling?
axe: caroch so it doesn't smell far away, and if you put the thread hotter - it starts :)
Does it smell of aluminum?and :)
Axe: unwashed :D
It’s fucking fucking 😉
by Ilya :D

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №87187
 19.09.2013
After working yesterday evening, I was waiting for 3 netbooks, one tablet and one system and all of them were brought by friends, and after everything was done, the thought appeared in my head that thank God I am not a UROLOG! After all, in the evening could not look at the screen of the netbook on which the next windscreen was reinstalled!)))

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №87186
 19.09.2013
This morning, smoking on the balcony, I saw how a single-task boy stopped on a half-step to switch the track in his phone.

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