bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №132379
 19.08.2016
Property transactions are better done without being married. This as an example.

A notary to help you, you can do in marriage, only with intelligence. As an example, a couple decided to buy an apartment, she had two lamas, he had three, notarial shares in common property and all. Where did they get? In the case of divorce, the property was sold, the parents helped) divides according to shares.

And all your excuses are just insecurity in your partner that this is what it is, for the rest of your life. Not the love of Nietzsche.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №132378
 19.08.2016
In our boys several girls in the sixth-seventh grade were constantly striking their shirts, then all kinds of places were touched... I dreamed that I was in their place, I would smell eggs for such a thing... Well, or at least a heels with all the feet or leg bones...
and breath.
But for some reason no one touched me.

Therefore, they did not strike what they heard - from this sting can be. A "care for equal" boys are neither taught nor taught.

[ + 16 - ] Comment quote №132377
 19.08.2016
I see, many are trying to underestimate the value of marriage - and divorce easily, and generally no guarantees... without understanding the simple thing - the pursuit of worship is not a guarantee, but an intention.
Yes, there are no guarantees... But there is a desire and a desire to live life with this person. Is it not?

[ + 18 - ] Comment quote №132376
 19.08.2016
Equal is when you have flowers, candy, restaurants and other delights, and we have beautiful eyes and promises to think?

I once offered a guy a box of candy, he was offended.
and :)
Are you sure you will get a bouquet of flowers in response?

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №132375
 19.08.2016
xxx: I wondered - why HR climb on social networks to candidates, and then wonder?
xxx: they would still climb into cowards, and then fight in hysteria, finding a member there.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №132374
 19.08.2016
One online store where I buy all kinds of household stuff is good for everyone, except for one: call with an offer of the type "we have a stock - three garbage cans at the price of two!"" succeeds at the most inappropriate moment (well, and generally begins to hang what is ringing, not writing). I can get a suggestion from the boss, perform a marital duty, or wait there at a dying grandmother’s hospital bed – they’re here like here!

Whenever I read on the Internet complaints about irresponsible customers who do not value good treatment, I remember these beautiful people. I want to kill immediately.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №132373
 19.08.2016
I watch the series. I come to the conclusion that the structure of American society is as follows: psychotherapists, psychotherapists, psychotherapists, lawyers, lawyers, lawyers, lawyers, psychotherapists, lawyers, psychotherapists, and all this is slightly diluted by maniacs and farmers. Other combinations are allowed.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №132372
 19.08.2016
xxx: Do you know what is the difference between flash and Steve Jobs, who buried this flash?
The funeral of Steve Jobs

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №132371
 19.08.2016
I needed a job and I learned from a friend about a job in a company. My friend says, go out, talk. I gave my phone number, I called and I was told when to come. They talked and said they would call back. I went out of the territory (15 meters left) as the guard runs out with a scream: "Stop, I am!" He runs after me. I assessed the situation (I was caught up to be under 2 meters tall and weighing about 90 kg, and I was low) and let’s run around him. He caught me up and took me back. As it turned out, this new guy on the second day of the internship and when I went outside the territory, he called the mayor. The director asked if I went out, and he said, “Yes.” And then the director shouted to him, “Why did you let him go? Who allowed it?” I didn’t have time to say it was a joke as he rushed to me. by Sam Zam. I thought he would go to me and ask me to stay, and then say that I was taken to work, but he didn’t expect him to just throw me on my shoulder and bring me back.

Everyone has been running, and I’ve been working there for 2 months) Every day something new) Fun collective

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №132370
 19.08.2016
A friend of my father, and myself for years, for a long time, alone, in the village, cared for his elderly mother. She was sick for a long time and did not get out of bed. Experiencing that she "has already grown old, but God does not take her away," she constantly lamented the inconveniences brought to her son.

One day, after a long mourning, she demanded, “I will save you from your worries, give me poison!”



The son poured into a glass of vodka (mother did not see it), submissively, without explanations offered, "Look, as you asked, poison. “Drink!”



The mother gathered for a moment, said goodbye to the son with a sad look, and then decidedly drank.



Then there was the look of the deeply deceived man: "If so, then let me eat!"

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №132369
 19.08.2016
Wild heat below 40 and high humidity. I come to the office after the vacation, I see colleagues in sweaters standing in front of the entrance, smoking.



Oh guys, what are you? ! to

We are warm.

Oh Oh Oh Oh... Okay... be warm.



I go into the office. And I get frozen, I can say, by mouth. My fingers began to fade in 10 minutes, I can’t even print. The new central cooling system is persistently trying to turn the office into a tundra and nobody can figure out how to understand it. As a result, everyone brings sweaters to work, goes out to warm up and awaits the arrival of repairers.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №132368
 19.08.2016
XX: What do you do in your free time?

Tagged: spy

XXX is serious? I like to walk in the park or go to the cinema with my friends.

YYY: I know

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №132367
 19.08.2016
and so:

just dive into the women's forums, almost in every one you will find instructions on how to wrap a man, including to wrap a moustache in the ZAGS, and how to read this men tie condoms and take them with them. There is no nonsense there.

In ' women's forums, adequate bab give god, so that 1% is found. Normal women get around them.

[ + 22 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №132366
 19.08.2016
by Stamp

Here is a couple, they sleep together, spend time and so everything is fine. Why a lady stamp, why because of him to ruin the relationship? Forgive me, she doesn’t treat him as a mess. Here you live, go to work, do a hobby, but you have plans for the future. Moving, buying a house or something else. Distant and not very. And for women stamp = you are part of my far-reaching plans. Not just a girl for a while, but a man I want to be with in a few years. You can get divorced at any time. But you at least tried, not in advance set up for failure and decided that you will still divorce. And of course, the same can be said in words, but your woman already has her own personal experience and may have been fooled over and over again. To sell not the bags to roll, but the stamp to put it is already an action and an act. Others also said and promised, and you took and did. And if there is no other person in your plans, and only I will get a promotion, I will move, don't waste someone else's time, find the same partner and live peacefully.
Z is. Of course, there may be other reasons why the stamp, yet people are different.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №132365
 19.08.2016
This is how you get to the cat to scare, and he is such a jump and throws his head back almost 180. You scare him...

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №132364
 19.08.2016
It is wrong to laugh.
I have a daughter-in-law at the hotel. And somewhere on the antresols found the book of Zacher-Mazoch.
I have no idea what she reads so fascinatingly. Until my sister arrived.

And I licked me. "Where do you get such books?"And I fucking come from where?

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №132363
 19.08.2016
The child crashed a helicopter on the control panel. I brought him a big straw and let him go. She started fighting the ceiling. I pretended to control her.

He cried like an unusual! He asked me for this stuff!

[ + 38 - ] Comment quote №132362
 19.08.2016
My husband and I were introduced by a friend. She said there was a nice guy. I agreed to meet. But an hour before the goodbye blindly attacked the mantra: his legs tremble, no connected thoughts in his head. And here I sit, watching for everyone who enters the coffee shop. Five minutes before the appointed time, a full-length guy, a meter sixty, in glasses and a foolish shirt entered the cafe.



But with just one phrase he changed his mind: “Hello, are you Masha? Sorry, I’m usually a pumped two-foot blonde with blue eyes. Something is not in shape today.

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №132361
 19.08.2016
It is:
The South Bridge leads to the South Park.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №132360
 19.08.2016
XXX: It’s really a foolish idea to give a name to your unnamed finger! I will call it Borean.
Yyy: Well, in general, the finger should be called an adjective, or the same large, medium, indicative, prospective...
zzz: fucking, the prospective finger is cool =)
yyy: the type is not up to the average, but it can also be something)
ZZZ: the small broke the system
Yyy: in the family not without shit

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna