bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 28 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №117293
 14.08.2015
Automated Testing D:
X: I will stumble
X: Write them a tueva huču test
x: And it turns out my tests are very bad: "They find bugs"
X: So they need to be turned off :D
X: And the bugs are good, they cannot be touched.
X: They are "expected"
X: I turned off my tests – I’m fired. When I was confused, they hired me at all.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №117292
 14.08.2015
Diamond: MIO, and I’ve always been confident that I speak the language of diplomacy.
Diamond: And only the wife cried: Stop mothering!

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №117291
 14.08.2015
Something is wrong in a country where drunk prosecutors rush on sober bikers.

by KONDEXIII

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №117290
 14.08.2015
I go on the street. A little behind are father and son. My father is 40, and my son is five years old.
and Dad:
To communicate with people, you need to read a lot. And know a lot of clever words. Then you will know what to say in response. You were called a gorilla. And if you had read it, you would have said, “You are a macaca! The Makaka! Your ass is red!” You do not know that word. So he kept silent and ran to complain to me.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №117289
 14.08.2015
I thought here: if Serdyukov could steal billions of rubles from the budget, then maybe we are paying too much taxes to that budget?

[ + 17 - ] Comment quote №117288
 14.08.2015
The dog eats the cat’s dry food, he saw it in the grave. Do not give or go?
Giving or not giving is your right. Only feed the dog.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №117287
 14.08.2015
We sit down, we drink tea, the wife looks in the window at our new microbus :in_love:
I: And you can work now, if anything. Wedding for example.
She: ah, and drive together with all our children - to immerse in the atmosphere :wink:
I: Yes, and drive right before registration. The attraction is called "Think Again".

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №117286
 14.08.2015
[16:42:55] Josephine Katelo > One of them was cooking a potato and waiting for it to emerge.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №117285
 14.08.2015
Correspondence between the Supplier (P) and the Customer (Z).
From you the grandmothers came.
Hunt in the neck of these old women.)

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №117284
 14.08.2015
The comments sometimes remind me of an ancient story from the pre-Internet era.

Editing is a delicate matter. A special delicacy is needed.
I remember one editor who had a painful passion for scratching.
So I decided to joke with him. I bring him the little-known sonnet of Shakespeare.
The editor overwhelmed him.
I bring him another sonnet of Shakespeare.
The editor removed him.
I have five sonnets of Shakespeare. The editor says:
What are you wearing all of Shakespeare’s sonnets? You would at least "Poems in Prose" Turgenev for Diversity brought!

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №117283
 14.08.2015
Mr. proud > What time will you leave tomorrow after work?
J@h > Did you want to ask at what time will I be released from slavery tomorrow?
Mr. proud > Okay, don’t get overwhelmed. Slavery is your free choice =)
J@h > That is.. )

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №117282
 14.08.2015
To the technical support of our small Internet provider calls the customer:

It all worked, and suddenly the internet fell.

By habit, I begin to suggest pressing the “Start” button, opening the command line... The client breaks my monologue in half a word:

Before I called, I had already whispered with the drum. Now you have to bite!

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №117281
 14.08.2015
I read beautiful things on the internet.
Teacher about students.

Seminar on the history of Russian culture. The second-year student reports about the “choice of faith” and the acceptance of Christianity. He reports boring, boring, the audience barely listens.
I try to distract him:
Why did Prince Vladimir reject Islam?
Oh, there are so many prohibitions in Islam: wine is not allowed, pork. And then the circumcision...
But in addition to prohibitions, there are permits, in particular, pluralism. Prince Vladimir was indifferent to women, he would have had four wives, harem...
The young man turns to me and with sincere astonishment in his eyes asks:
Why Vladimir Harem after circumcision?
I wonder how he imagined it?

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №117280
 14.08.2015
I ordered a taxi, traveled a few places and returned home. On the counter 666 rubles.
Taxi driver: I don’t want to let you go. Standing on the ruble? We still stood on our own account.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №117279
 14.08.2015
It happened to me not so long ago at work, printing, I work for 2 weeks, it is very difficult to get used to their specific speech and I do not always understand what I am talking about :)

In the morning, I go to the planner. Production asks "Tell the Manager that the documents to the client N I did not send because they are PODLENKIE".I have eyes O_O...she says go..translate...she will understand..) well I move my legs to the side of the planner..I think by way of way..and I come to the conclusion that after all "sure that the layout was strong-red"The cute customers have a place to be.

Well and announced to the whole bunch of gathered employees as there is...all in shock..begin to deal with..manager calls for.production to clarify what is with customers...and begins to tears in a riot...We did not send documents to customers, because there is no payment, but you need to send sublinks :) P.S. I wish everyone to sleep.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №117278
 14.08.2015
xxx: I watched the lists submitted in 2012 on IU6
The stupid Maxim Andreevich
XXX: 122 points from three exams

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №117277
 14.08.2015
and naive. The same Elsevier and Fairy in Spain, France and Italy is the same as in Russia. The quality of everything gets worse with time (((

Domestic soap is not on this list :)

[ + 41 - ] Comment quote №117276
 14.08.2015
One day Khalifa Omar was visited by his friend Abdrahman. Visited at the time when the supreme ruler was engaged in state affairs. Seeing his friend, caliph Omar extinguished a burning candle and lit another candle.
The caliph’s behavior surprised Abdrahman and he cried out, “O head of the Muslims, why did you light one candle and light another?” Khalifa Omar replied to a friend, “When you came, I was engaged in public affairs. He burned a candle. I will discuss personal matters with you. The state should not pay for our conversation, so I lighted my own candle.

[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №117275
 14.08.2015
How do I tell a boy that I love him?
Yyy: Break up with him, and then tell him that you are sleeping with guys only for love. He will understand it himself.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №117274
 14.08.2015
here here :
Today I watched a saleswoman at the crossroads kissing a child in a wheelchair:
How are they called? by Mark? How do you baptize? Mark is a good apostolic name.
The browned dad was polite. If the seller recognized the healthy Millner on his hat, her question would not be heard :)"

Such things are pleasant - one might think that every simple mortal like a merchant is directly obliged to recognize the attributes of all the gods of all world religions. They will write and rejoice for themselves, they will whisper - here we are some advanced and aware, and the story is forbidden for those who are aware of it, and who has not understood it - the same shit as that seller who asked a pointless question from their point of view. Be easier guys.
My father was so fascinated with classical painting all his life, yes, I agree, an expert, but when he absolutely in any company began to reason, for example, about the artistic and sensual differences of Rembrandt and Titian Dana, and the people around him looked at him either with careful attention or with boredom - it looked just like pure water.
People may not share your hobbies or understand the meanings that lie on the surface for you. There is nothing funny about it, it’s just life.

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