bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №132219
 16.08.2016
My ex has left me a persistent hatred for blondes with straight hair.
I wonder what color men have their hair. The color of the furniture. Like a cat’s hair.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №132218
 16.08.2016
I work in SanTechResource on the street of the Investigators. So funny when you answer by phone "SanTechResource Intelligence". Immediately such spies appear with fittings, dispatch keys, bar circuits, measuring the diameter of enemy pipes.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №132217
 16.08.2016
My younger sister is either from nature, or from the specificity of education, little fucking. On the one hand, she is a late child, on the other hand, she is the only child of the father. They kiss in pop, they walk in circles. Given that most of the time I lived abroad, or in other cities (work, study), I learned about many of its drives by chance. One day when I came to visit, I poured tea into her cup (oh, horror) after which she just threw it out, as unsuitable, and most likely wildly contagious. The apophagia came when she gave me her headphones, because I took them in my hands and put them on the table from the box. Apparently after that she’s crazy. ppc

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №132216
 16.08.2016
Ogo stated:

There are many beautiful grandmothers. But with them no normal man will create a family.

Do you consider yourself normal? Sorry, guy, but such cockroaches like yours need to be taken to the museum as extremely rare and special.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №132215
 16.08.2016
All very simple. There are many beautiful grandmothers. But with them no normal man will create a family. Beautiful and decent at the weight of gold in square. They marry people who don’t look like models.

Cool, but what do you do then that the grandmothers are lazy, fat and with cellulite, if the beautiful women do not marry?

[ + 42 - ] Comment quote №132214
 16.08.2016
Every time I see the link of the preamble, I think of a terribly sad fable, standing alone in the side, with tears in the eyes looking at the preamble and repeating with a bitter whisper - "What is this?" How could you change me? She does not exist, only I. I am! The Real! Why God? It is a falsehood!"
And the insidious ambulancy, with an echo, triumphantly looks at the fable and declares with all its appearance - "on my side all the illiteracy of the world! You will soon be forgotten, and crowds of degrading individuals will sing out my name in ecstasy!

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №132213
 16.08.2016
When a person hurts us, most likely he himself is deeply unhappy. Happy people do not hang in the rows, do not quarrel in the transport, do not gossip about colleagues. Happy people in a different reality. It does not matter to them.
be happy )

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №132212
 16.08.2016
What if admin works badly?
Try to dismiss and accept back.

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №132211
 16.08.2016
Today I brought a collection of works by Jack London and three volumes of Azimov. I am happy

[ + 42 - ] Comment quote №132210
 16.08.2016
Do you claim that you did not report the loss of your credit card because the thief spent much less than your wife?

It is so, your honor.

So why did you report now?

The card was found by the thief’s wife.

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №132209
 16.08.2016
What if admin works badly?

Try to dismiss and accept back.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №132208
 16.08.2016
I am here, all wanted to ask the experts - is it safe in the socket?

Here is the answer to the question where the missing pair of socks are going.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №132207
 16.08.2016
Talk to your wife during dinner.
I: So great, we don’t even quarrel with you today :-)
Wife: Yes, I just don’t have the strength.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №132206
 16.08.2016
Ohhhhhhhh Who knows what viruses are launched under the casper?
Oh wow. Wind starts up there.

[ + 25 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №132205
 16.08.2016
Such, forgive gods, girls, in those days their own brothers were beaten to death.

Do you have anything against such fools? Only against women?

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №132204
 16.08.2016
Are you afraid of a three-meter tower to jump?

How nothing to do. My grandfather in the village was even bigger, so I jumped with her a hundred times.



Lying was incredibly stupid, but I couldn’t stop it. There was indeed a tower in the village, but it was so old that the adults were afraid to go into it, not to jump into the water. And most importantly, I never jumped into the water from it or any other tower.



So go jump!

“Yes, it’s easy,” I said, realizing that I’m crossing a line for which there is no return. Nobody loves Vruins, and cowards - overwhelmingly.

As much as I could, depicting the negligence of walking, on my bending legs, I approached the tower and slowly, with a cheerful smile on my shaken face, walked up. At that moment, I was only thinking of what a fool I was, and that I would have to move my hand to the boys, to show how I wasn’t afraid at all. But the hands categorically did not want to break off the armor, so it was only to smile. When I went upstairs and saw the water of the pool from an unusual perspective, I realized that if I thought for a second about whether to jump or not, I would stay here forever, so I quickly approached the edge and fell down with a soldier. While I was flying, I had a thousand times promised myself never to lie again, and then hard water embraces interrupted my skull.



Nothing, you can do it! I heard it coming out of the water. And there was not a drop of delight in these words, although I had enough of what was blowing in my shower.

- It's a pity that the tower is low, or I would show you a class, - I broke out and I realized that you can't cure some diseases at once.

[ + 38 - ] Comment quote №132203
 16.08.2016
Sunday and evening. I wanted to rest my body and soul.

He dug up on the internet a serial, jumped, cooked a cup of fragrance puer. But it wasn’t there.



Phone call from an unknown person. I take the phone, I say “olle”. At the end, the girl is frightened and throws the phone.



He calls back in a couple of minutes, I pick up the phone again and this time I say so long: “Daaaaaaaa? “” It is silent. Breathe in the tube. He hangs the phone.



There are 5 minutes. The call again. Again from the same number. I take the phone and say, “Girl, don’t be embarrassed, once you call, talk to me! “” He is silent, breathing in the tube. I said, “Well, let me start first. Is this your name? “”



He is silent first, then he says, “Young man, I need Serge.”



I say to her, “Well, you’ve been lucky today, I’m just Sergei! “” He breathes in the tube again, silent. I say to her, “Well, you see, I have introduced myself. Maybe you can also introduce yourself? “” First he breathes into the tube, then he says, “Young man, I tell you, I need Sergey! “” I say to her, “Girl, that’s me! Let us get to know soon! “”



The girl, almost screaming at the phone: "Why are you shaking my head! Call Sergey on the phone. “” I answer her in a calm, polite tone: “Don’t call anyone, I’m already here! “”



The girl goes on to shout, “Yes, you are deceiving me! ! to ! to You are not Sergei. ! to ! to “” I say to her, calmly and confidently, “Girl, come to visit me. I’ll drink tea and show you my passport. I assure you, I am exactly the one I pretend to be. And I say with full confidence: I am Sergei.”



The girl snooped badly, and almost whispered in the bell: “You... I do not know. You... let’s bluff! ! to ! to You are not that Sergei. ! to ! to You are blowing my head with your tea! The Fucks! ! to ! to You are a cheerleader! ! to ! to The fucking goat! ! to ! to “” He dropped the phone.



That night the stranger called me no more. and sorry. I liked it. It was fun.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №132202
 16.08.2016
We went to a McDonald’s at the local shopping center. At the next table the family - grandfather, grandmother and boy aged 5-6. They eat, get up and already leave the table, and the child stops and begins to scratch the glasses and papers into a bunch of hands.



Daddy (D) comes back: What are you doing?

The boy (M) points his hand to a metal container nearby: "Look, the garbage needs to be thrown out.

A cleaner is here, she will clean.

M: I will clean it.

D is no.

M: Well please!

D is no.

He takes the boy.

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №132201
 16.08.2016
When I moved to the new school in 9th grade, my future wife was already studying there. Before September 1, she saw a new surname in the lists and still laughed at her, said strange, jokes some with her friends invented. and naive.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №132200
 16.08.2016
I heard on the street the monologue of the grandmother with the crying grandson, apparently something did not buy him:

“Sashenko, you’d ask if we had money and then you’d cry.

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