bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №142354
 21.06.2017
What does she do?
It mimics
by Mi-Mi
by Mi-Mi-Kri

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №142353
 21.06.2017
NoRegrets: I totally agree with you. And I wanted to suggest considering another vector of attack. In every apartment there is a washing machine. And you probably already know that in general, nobody knows how it works. Even the specialists who developed it, I’m sure, were narrow specialists – one was responsible for the soft, the other for the iron, the third for the engine, the fourth for the design. No one knows how the washing machine works. What about ordinary housewives?
You probably know that the washing machine is connected to the network of 220 volts and can swing up to 1000 twists per minute, which means it is an apparatus of increased danger. And they’ll get smarter with every new model. There are no laws regulating the work of washing machines, that is, in our country they are outside the legal field. Soon we may face various technogenic incidents associated with the lack of legal regulation of the turnover of washing machines, of various scales, up to the uprising of the army of washing machines. I believe it is necessary to bring together a worldwide consilium of specialists of different profiles to discuss this issue before it is too late.

[ + 40 - ] Comment quote №142352
 21.06.2017
From the conversation of colleagues on the work of PO:
...and here he says that he would do better and for free!
WOW: What can he do? Let him do as he can, be ashamed, be quieter.
I really did... One... in 2 weeks, better than our entire development department in a month. Then he wrote "on his own wish" and said that he was working as a sales manager in such a company.
YYY: O_O

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №142351
 21.06.2017
xxx: it is important to note that the server on Java was written by a guy who knew only c++ and did not know that the names of the variables are longer than one letter.
YYY: And you argue that the letters of the alphabet are over?

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №142350
 21.06.2017
Mr. proud > We all work in open space, so, for concentration, started listening to music. He noted that reporting and unusual contracts from employees go well under the light deep house; documents and requests from accounting and from financiers are well considered under the most brutal hard step, with the most overloaded bass; and documents from security guards fit perfectly on the songs of The Gas Sector, sometimes, even, it seems that they were written by the same author.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №142349
 21.06.2017
My kids discuss why you need a tire on the wheels of the car:
Junior: the rubber is needed so that the water does not allow. Plastic around the wheels will rust.
You are what!! Tyres are needed to avoid scratching the road.

[ + 19 - ] Comment quote №142348
 20.06.2017
Borrow from the history of abortion, just go to the ass. What shit does a psychiatrist do? So that some piss, yesterday finished sitting in the pants in a pedwiz, taught me about life and about rabbits with pebbles? And then you wonder why they don’t love you.

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №142347
 20.06.2017
I remembered a story from my being a waitress.

It was a fierce northern winter. I worked in a good restaurant, and we were ordered a banquet for the MČSovce, like a person for 30. And here, my partner and I all day rounded, covered, all in the highest class. Hungry we run, pipet, and there the table breaks straight. And ivory to you, and champagne and a lot of everything delicious.

The table is covered and there are no guests. On the street, a storm warning has been issued. We waited for an hour, two waiting, 5-7 people arrived at the third hour. Well, they sat at the covered table, talked, stood up and left. We, not thinking for a long time, caaaak rushed up with our partner for food. Sitting at the table, champagne opened, happy)) We sit around) It takes ten minutes, the door to the hall opens and in front of us there are MČSovci, all, his mother, 30 people. The five men just went out to meet them.

I was almost surprised by the champagne. And my girlfriend sits with full, snacks, mouths and says, "We thought you were ufouled."

The guests were cool. We quickly removed the traces of our wickednesses, and the guests sat at the table and then mocked us all night, laughed and offered to eat (And I have never been so ashamed in my life.

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №142346
 20.06.2017
Grizzly Grizzly. All the time I am confused in technical terms: I say "this is a bit", I am corrected "this is a bit", and when I describe "this is a bit" they say that this is a bit,"this is a bit"))

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №142345
 20.06.2017
Today in the electric car we go to the final stop, the mechanic says "When leaving the wagons do not forget your things... there is a pause... and do not leave yourself here".

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №142344
 20.06.2017
Down the ears of the macaron monster!

“Sorry guys, but cremate somehow not in a Christian way... So you can and in no way offend the Orthodox who are not involved in a man.”

First, the Orthodox hierarchs have repeatedly publicly explained that the RPC is not against cremation at all.
Secondly, try in Peter (until the focus of the Orthodox city!) Buried in the grave of an ordinary citizen. No bribe or bribe - and don't hope. If it does not "deserve" it will be burned.
And if in your castle the pop is rubbing about "not in a Christian way," know: he is absolutely certain to share with the cemetery mafia. And his level in this deal is not higher than the rope.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №142343
 20.06.2017
The female profession.

In the original (and this is an old joke with a beard like the mother of the hipster) the female profession not only ended in y, but also started in b.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №142342
 20.06.2017
I work as a bill-editor (this is a person who is responsible for selecting illustrations, if anyone does not know), had to work, including in gloss. One day, a friend had an unnecessary ticket for the paphos premier of the American horror story about another dead Japanese girl, she called with herself.

In general, like Americans took a photo session for a magazine in Tokyo and saw a terrible ghost on the photo. Sitting such, consider professional shooting in paper prints in the format "ten to fifteen". I whispered like a hyena, my laughter, I think, scared the whole room much more than what was happening on the screen.

[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №142341
 20.06.2017
I watched the race on dog springs: in the middle of the slides was a man on skies, who was pulled by two dogs.
The Biker.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №142340
 20.06.2017
Yacht on water already
I: With my salary, I will also soon live on the water
I: Not in the sense that on a yacht
I: In the sense of eating

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №142339
 20.06.2017
About x/f "Mattilda":
Uncle slept with the ballerina, and Paphos, as if he saved the planet from the transformers.

by Opera.ru

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №142338
 20.06.2017
And about the weather.
I turn on the TV to show the heat. I look out the window – they show the ass... I ask the husband who came from the street with the dog:
What to wear?
The husband, philosophically cuddling with the shepherd:
You can wear whatever you want. It does not matter. The main thing is not to forget to take. The chain is stronger.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №142337
 20.06.2017
There will be no bodyguard, because the day before in the bar: all the boys, another drink and left. I don't want to sleep in the entrance anymore, or the smart house installed - he doesn't let me go into the apartment.

It sounds like paradise. I want to live in a house that doesn’t let drunk people.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №142336
 20.06.2017
On my jacket, I noticed the emblem of the game Gran Turismo (blue and red rumble).
I joked, saying that this was the order plank of the imperial troops.
Then I checked - it turns out, I am a junior lieutenant in the Imperial Fleet O_o

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №142335
 20.06.2017
No matter how much you insult your past, you will never have another.

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