bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №131979
 11.08.2016
In the event of Trump's victory - for the first time in America a billionaire will move to live in public housing, which before him occupied a black family.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №131978
 11.08.2016
Once a very long time ago, in a country that no longer exists, in a city twice renamed, I taught one verse (and even told it on a tablet). I don’t remember it, but it ended like this:

You know or not,
I am five years old,
I am on the tram today.
I bought a ticket.

At some stop.
Stripe entered the tram.
He has a card in his hand.
Snow on the beard.
He stumbled on the sides.
No free places anywhere.

I said to him then:
You sit here.
I am exactly five today.
I can stand!

Do not thank)

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №131977
 11.08.2016
So, the process of obtaining a new drink by Zwirblis was as follows. At first, an old piano was found on the landfill near the house. In the mid-sixties it was easy to do - moving to new small-sized apartments, many dropped old tools. The piano foot, released from the lacquer, was transformed into pins, which were sprayed with salic acid and placed in a dryer to release the bound polyphenols. Then the pebbles were extracted with alcohol in the apparatus of Soxlet. The resulting extract was diluted with water to the desired degree, filtered and irradiated in a quartz cube with a high-pressure mercury lamp. Through rigorous experiments, they found that one hour of radiation is equivalent to a year of exposure. I tried this drink myself. Both the taste and smell of it was like a well-preserved cognac.
With the departure from our laboratory in Gvirblis to the editorial office of the journal “Chemistry and Life” all these experiments ceased. And sorry...

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №131976
 11.08.2016
The real, evil AI will not be like the Skynet in the Terminator, which kills humanity in a world war, but as Microsoftnet, which eternally torments people with foolish marketing and curved updates!

[ + 38 - ] Comment quote №131975
 11.08.2016
The Fresh News:

Bronze prize winner of the Judo Olympics was robbed and beaten on a beach in Rio
The user Avito decided to sell the Olympic bronze from Rio for 150 thousand rubles

I am plagued by blurred doubts.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №131974
 11.08.2016
In the preliminary estimate on the next transaction, I make a note in the column for notes: "The final customer Popkin Petrovich, tel. 8 913 555....” and send the estimate to him for reconciliation.

And it has to happen - allowed a boring imprint. Instead of the word “finite” it was “finite”. Great, MIA is an ended employer.

Calls, reports the mistake, as if not offended, even struck.



As a result, it turned out that it was still not a mistake - thrown, shit, with payment. We are still paying off the debt.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №131973
 11.08.2016
A rich man just doesn’t get divorced from his grandmother – you have to get married.

[ + 52 - ] Comment quote №131972
 11.08.2016
The story told by K.

...and here at some beautiful moment the company Disney decides to bring to Russia the series "Winny-Puch" and begins the selection of actors for the voice with its local representation. They are there with this strictly, each vote is approved at the headquarters, and then there is a recording in the presence of the American chief. Well, they picked up everyone, they confirmed, everything is going well. They come to the soundtrack, serious ones, in black jackets with a golden mickey mouse on the lace... And here it turns out that the actor, who is supposed to sound the Rabbit, has sung. Seriously so, without a return to reality soon. What to do? They stumbled, called another, said nothing to anyone. The sound is fine, everyone is happy. At the end of the process, Disney calls the casting director, thanks and ask, "Tell me, we didn't have that actor at the Rabbit, right?" The director laughed, but had to admit, “Yes, not that.” “What about the one who was originally chosen?” I am interested in Disney. “Well, you understand, he feels something bad,” the director begins to yell. “Does it blow?” Guests are asking. “Well, in the drink,” the director breathes. “Awesome affair!” “Disneylanders are delighted, we launched this series in 65 countries around the world, and there was no case that the Rabbit didn’t forget!”

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №131971
 11.08.2016
Only a person far from the problems of high school could advise teachers to leave where bribery is taken, where they will have to be given.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №131970
 11.08.2016
The news. The year 2077.

Sberbank restricted the acceptance of covers from Nuka-Cola.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №131969
 11.08.2016
Arcadia catches Pokémon.
They dream the most of all.
Kosovo and Kuwait
Arcadia is also a Pokémon.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №131968
 11.08.2016
A cold is not for everyone. For whom is this a luxury?
LL: The farm for growing food is not a luxury, but a catorgue.
I will be kind today. I will release those who desire from the penalty.
You can rewrite your dachas to me at the reg chamber absolutely free of charge. I will release you from torture. This is how kind I am. I am a mecenate!

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №131967
 11.08.2016
The carrier was apparently bitten by a radioactive turtle. Or an employee of the Russian post...Better a turtle...

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №131966
 11.08.2016
Conversation between two developers:
Where do you fall the code?
NN: Nothing is still falling, not even starting!

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №131965
 11.08.2016
Do you need a wedding for 150 people? This is the celebration of young people, not their relatives. And it makes sense to do everything yourself, if you can do everything in a restaurant. And if there is no money, then again, a whole crowd? Whoever wills, he will congratulate and so, whoever does not want, again, why is there a crowd of people who came for the sacrifice?

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №131964
 11.08.2016
I feel like something is missing in my heart.

yyy: I think - the letters D

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №131963
 11.08.2016
Get away from the sofas for a moment. Anyone from the local fool can explain to me why to signal and cut the training car? Have you lost contact with reality? Birth is fucking.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №131962
 11.08.2016
Discussions about Japanese Erotics

Den Stranger: Yes, their imagination is totally perverted. A bunch of BDSM braces with toys, cats. I recently saw an eight-legged and even a peanut.
Freo: Post, and what did they do with the arbush?
The Stranger: They connected him.
Freo: And why then? What would make it more comfortable to carry? So our Soviet avoska is also a sort of shibari!

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №131961
 11.08.2016
- Add me the button "go to history"!
Take your fireworks and burn the temple of Artemis.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №131960
 11.08.2016
"Leave the label where it has its place in the 19th century".

You give the twenty-first century - all the bars on everyone! In any door for 15 minutes.

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