Did you know that there are no Canary Islands? The same goes for the new monastery. There are no canaries either.

Last night, I put my daughter to sleep.

In secret, I don’t know from whom. She said she didn’t like Sereza anymore, and now Kolya is her new boyfriend.

I ask why? What did Serena not do?

Answer: "Sereja is beautiful, but Cole is so clever, he knows everything. And Seresh what you do not ask, he answers, “I don’t know.”

I ask, "Daughter, who do you like more: smart, beautiful or another?"

I thought.

“You know, daddy, I don’t need a beautiful one, or we’ll always argue about who of us is the most beautiful. He’s smart, but then he’ll win me all the games and we’ll fight again. The important thing is that the memory is good. To remember when I have my birthday, so that I can’t forget the New Year. And to wake up early to walk with the dog.



daughter 6 years.

A middle-aged American was sitting in her bedroom at night and resting peacefully. Suddenly a noise came from the corridor. Not thinking for a long time, she got her gun out of the covered box, and just out of the dark corridor with a scream of "Bowow!" A poorly distinguished creature jumped out and shot him. And then it turned out that this creature was the 18-year-old daughter of a woman who returned from college, who wanted to scare her mother with such a screamer. I called an ambulance and the girl was recovering.

It was exactly a year ago. and autumn. Behind the window it was raining, I was comfortably drinking a cup of tea watching Mr. Robot suddenly cut off the internet. The second number, which means that for the new month no one remembered to pay, although the provider gives 1.5 days of the next month to pay. Lenely gathering I went to the ATM, the nearest was a kilometer away, but what to do, not without the internet to sit and the rain passed. I go and see a girl of my age, sad, with a cap. Well, I saw and went on, paid, came home, and she doesn't come out of my head, too much of something caught me in her.

The next day, after the universe, along the same road, I saw her again. On her ranch hanged a notebook operating machine. It was a surprise for me, I myself it-shnik with weirdnesses and adore such tricks, but decide to approach even after this I cracked and went on.

I am a person by nature too introverted to approach and talk, and if I approached, I would shake the burda and burst everything.

A plan was needed, notes came to mind, searches for people who knew her, at least something. But one thing I found out by asking friends, I knew her supposed name, home and entrance where she was seen.

In the end, I decided to do something about computers.

In one episode of Mr. Robot, Darlene scattered flashes with a virus to penetrate the company’s network. I didn’t want to break anything, and I lacked knowledge.

The decision was made: to create a site that was located on a second computer, where a group of computer enthusiasts were allegedly looking for similar, capable people, and the link to enter there led to my telegram account.

The site was horribly simple. I am not strong at all on the web, and then even more.

It was late Sunday evening, I finished making the site, now I had to think about how to get her there. Well, I didn’t come up with anything but the qr code, but here’s the trouble, so to say, the printing stores on Sunday closed earlier or didn’t work at all. It would seem that everything was ready, a lot of time and nerves were spent. Nothing more stubborn than drawing a QR code, I didn’t come up with.

Surprisingly, he was recognized quickly.

That same evening, I glued him on the front door of her house and went home to sleep.

The next day, I first naturally checked the telegram and server logs, but it was too early to do so. On the road, on the road and in the universe, I was nervously waiting for an answer, updating the server logs, it seemed that everything was in vain.

The couple ended, 2 o’clock in the day, I went home thinking that I would go through her house now and check the leaflet, suddenly it was broken.

I am in the subway, suddenly we begin to travel through an open terrain and I hear the sound of a notification. “Hello” on Lockscreen. Convulsively, while there was still a signal I started looking at her account, there was no limit to joy. I walked very quickly from station to house, expecting what our dialogue would be like, because writing on the road is like writing to myself.

As a result, we found a bunch of common topics for conversations, reasoning, there was not even an insult that the "team of enthusiasts" never existed.

In the evening we met with her in the courtyard, walked, talked until late, and the next day we went together to the universe. It turned out that she was 3 stops further and she came out earlier than I was, so I never saw her on the road, and back she was driving on a different route with a friend. Now every day, morning, a little day and evening we spent together. Soon, this friendship grew and today is the first anniversary of our relationship. I’m crazy, I’m lucky and I want to wish you the same.

All of Love!

Once in the road, we jumped on the "lightening policeman" and the girl with a bright mask, just beginning to get up, grabbed her face into the width of the guy who stood on the side of her. A delicious footprint on light jeans. Five seconds of silence. Then the guy’s girlfriend who was there said, “Interestingly, how would you explain it to me if I wasn’t here now?”

When I was a child, my responsibilities included daily garbage disposal. The parental package was taken out of the cage, tied and placed at the entrance door in the hallway so that I did not forget / knock) So I gathered up to school, took the bag at the door and threw it out on the way into the container. I come home and my mom asks why I didn’t take the garbage. I say I threw it out, and she says, “Here’s it.” More than 10 years have passed, and Dad still tries to remember where he put his boots.

I was arranged in my 20s in one race as a driver on the new "Gazel", the beginning of zero. and ZAM. The director, a man aged 65-70, once asked to take the mushrooms, at the same time "to make friends", to talk. We headed to the airport, to the areas of local cooperatives. I quickly picked up a large bag, and he was barely half a small transparent bag, saying, “You picked up nothing, well, let me see.” I opened the package, he looked at it, and said, “Well, you’re a hammer, and I don’t have much... In general, I came home, I turned out to have collected more than half of the poisonous (I wasn’t in them very much, I could only distinguish between mosquitoes and puddles, which were on puddle boards). Not now. My mom picked up the mushrooms and cooked them all night. So, it turns out, he saw the case and said nothing.

The next day he asks, “How are you?”"I say norm, yesterday cooked, today morning roasted and eaten. He then looked at me all day, whether I was fucking or not..This is how he turned out, and I didn't say anything to him - I didn't want to "fight" with the boss on the new job.  And he began to treat me with some, I don’t know, at the same time respect, mixed with suspicion. I always looked at Iris.

The more cabinets in the house, the more unnecessary things.

The mayor of Quebec refuses to remove pork from the menu of school dining rooms and explains why:

“Muslims must understand that they must integrate and learn to live in Quebec. They must understand that it is they who have to change their way of life, not the Canadians who so generously welcomed them.

Muslims should understand that Canadians are neither racists nor xenophobes. Canada hosted many immigrants before Muslims appeared here. Like other peoples, Canadians are not ready to give up their identity or culture.

And if Canada has accepted someone into its land, it is not the mayor who welcomes foreigners, but the Canadian people as a whole. Finally, they should understand that in Canada (Quebec), with its Christian roots, New Year’s trees, churches and religious festivals, religion should remain a personal matter for everyone.

For Muslims who disagree and feel uncomfortable in Canada, there are 57 beautiful Muslim countries in the world, most of which are sparsely populated and ready to welcome them with open arms.

If you left your country for Canada, not for other Muslim countries, it’s because you thought life in Canada was better than in others.

We will not allow you to bring Canada to the level of these 57 countries.

If you came to Canada with the idea that you are going to push us out with your fertile spread and eventually capture our country, you should gather and return to your country where you came from.

If you agree to accept these provisions, then stay. If not, be prepared to leave.”

He went ahead - came out of the entrance and shouted to the grandmothers sitting on the bench: "The show of prostitutes? Are you waiting for your drug dealer?

Boris Johnson, for power-loving nicknamed Nikolayevich...

I will tell you how I almost died. I went to the dentist to brush my tooth. A very nice doctor, after finishing the drilling, pushed my mouth full of cotton and began to interfere with the seal. At this time, a young girl sits in the neighboring chair. The doctor is a man. He flegmatically wipes his glasses and asks the girl:
What do we complain about, sweetheart?
Without thinking, he burns out:
“Doctor, I have two holes at the bottom, and my back hurts.
My doctor dropped the tools and the bullet flew out into the hallway. I had all the watt from my mouth moved into my throat, I felt like I would be suffocating right now. The doctor gently asked the girl:
Are you sure you have come to the right doctor?

Age 50+ has both advantages and disadvantages. You can’t see small letters nearby, but you can see idiots from afar.

It happened in Phuket, Thailand.



It was too big a divorce to believe it. Right in the hotel restaurant. In the Middle Ages, a man in ripped jeans and a gray jacket on a mayka persuaded Katya, Lud and Larisa to buy cream from old age for almost 100,000 tubes. It cannot be said that the man insisted very much on selling. I spoke for the gallery. Lenny claimed that the cream was magical, from the mountains of Thailand. It was evident that he already understood that these prudent girls would not be fooled.



And he was already discouraged when Marinka, a marvelous fifa from Surgut, came. Marinka was accepted into the company out of pity for her loneliness and for laughter. She listened to the man’s suggestion. Negligently counted him a hundred and eight thousand and bought a set of creams for rejuvenation with a discount. Without listening to the girlfriends. She said that old age is not a joke and went to her room. It is stupid!



The man left pleased. Smiling with a fierce, disgusting smile. Wiping the hands. He hid the money. and shrink!



The girls regretted the aging Marinka. They envy wealth. They discussed and convicted the seller of creams from old age. Go to swim. In the evening on the beach appreciated the dumb Marinka and regretted. Then they got drunk.



The ocean, the palms, the carelessness! The girls began to burst and burst. The marine was nothing too. Dryblast became noticeably less - paradise climate. All the affairs. However, four days later the wrinkles on the face disappeared. Marina is younger. The girls attracted attention and became interested.



Through simple reasoning, they found out that Marinka is getting younger because of the cream. Every day the wrinkles on the face of Marina disappeared. It was no longer funny. I was looking for a cream seller. Neither Marinka nor the hotel staff could help. The girls went crazy of impotence. They accused each other of not buying a cream.



Already leaving Phuket, on the way to the airport, the girls saw from the bus a cream seller on the side. They screamed. stopped the bus. The shattered seller pulled out all the tubes with cream, tearing his bag. Sitting on the bus pleased. I apologized. Prepare for miracles.



Alice was lying on the beach, young, long-legged, smiling and drinking rum. Close to the ocean. Petrovich smoked a cigar with his eyes closed.

Two hundred thousand, minus makeup and other charges! She smiled with Alice’s thin lips.

Grimm is super. Nano is! Petrovich tossed the Thai beer and added:

- Not badly raised for the week of your stay as an old lady!

Xxx: Until the age of 13, I thought boys were cuddling by pressing out their letters.

Yyy: It’s cool about squeezing... Although I also remember how that mommy took me to the bathroom, I didn’t have a year 4 or a little more. So I went wild there. Why then the breasts I did not notice at all, but the absence of scraps in all... I thought that I would be washed and led wherever the scraps would be cut off. I went out of the bathroom and hid. My mom found me, and I don’t need to cut my letter! The whole bathroom...

Thoughts and actions also need daily hygiene.

If I was not scratched as a child, my father scratched my collar for two. For any reason and without excess moral torment. Just Colkin's father represented his paternal duties. So that the child is dressed, dressed, and fed, and as a consequence sprinkled.
Not the worst option, by the way. Especially since Kolka did not rust, he gave reasons - the father's hand to loosen will be tired. Then the carrot will burn, then the potato storage on the tractor will enter, then the goat in the forest will be tied.
Did I not tell? Colka had a duty to drive the goat to the pasture. In the morning, take away the cows, if you need to kill them, tie the goat. Bring back in the evening. And then someday, Kolka and the goat came out of some conflict, was he stunned? He took her into the forest and tied her to a tree. Coming home, sopped to the pope - our Masha were eaten by wolves. The bell did not remove. In the evening, the mushrooms come, they say - there a goat in the forest stands, tied, cries. Not yours?
A goat or a tractor. My uncle is a tractorist. At lunch came, the tractor on the outskirts put, ran to eat. Here is Colt. Oh the tractor! Go into the cabin, let’s turn there. And I twisted. The tractor stood down, took to go. I was scared, but where are you going? The tractor is going. And the slope rests carefully in the gate of the potato storage. There he came. Clearly, only the door was blown. He walked through the wall and stood up. I walked out, the door closed, and I walked.
The tractor was searched for a week. found by chance. And who will guess in June in an empty potato storage store to look?
So putting the collar was of course for something. However, he did not offend his father, treating this as a painful but inevitable procedure like vaccinations.
Then he smoked something at school. And smoked apparently not in small, but seriously. His parents were called to school regularly, but they did not go. Uncle Wally’s position on education was unwavering as a rock. Your business to teach? Here you study. My job is to grow, I grow. If he comes to school in broken shoes, then yes. And if he reads badly, what does it have to do with me? I don’t call you if he’s badly soaked the potatoes. I handle myself somehow.
Such a shorter position, iron concrete. And for the study, Kolke got the least. If only Kolkina is cool, Nina Stepanovna, the father will happen to meet somewhere, in the store there, or on the street, and let him brainwash. He will go away from it like from an annoying flies, but at home Kolke will fall, of course, for prevention.
Well here. So for the workings at school, Kolka did not worry. But this time everything went differently. He came from school, ate, just got out of the house to hang out, looks out the window, and on the street, in the direction of their home, the classy goes. Nina is stepanovna.
I immediately realized that it wasn’t with the cakes. It is not acceptable for teachers to go home to schoolchildren, only if it is completely over. This means end. And Colkin's ass, sensitive to the belt like a barometer to the rain, was stunned. Both my father and mother were at home. His mother was in the kitchen, his uncle Val was forging with a rifle, he was an avid hunter.
What to do? The ass for the head is an exceptionally excellent incentive to exacerbate sluggishness. And Kolke comes to mind with a brilliant idea.
He jumps out of the cellar, catches the castle on the doorstep, runs out on the street, locks the door from the outside, the key into the pocket, and himself through the cellar, through the yard, back into the house. And as in anything, let your father ride by the ears, distract.
Uncle Val in the window, of course, saw. I saw how she approached, looked into the stove, stood for a second, and went on. Well, she went and went. I thought I changed my mind. This was actually Colin’s calculation. And he justified! has passed. Enjoyed Kolka was already going to run to do a trick with the castle in the opposite direction, then his mother from the kitchen cried out, called for something.
At this time, the Gypsies were driving by the street by the house. The Gypsy camp often stood in the forest behind the village. The Gypsies in the village were not loved, but they were tolerant. They did not trade in theft, although they could silently pull something. And so they engaged in their usual crafts, walked in the courts, bought something, sold something, guessed and begged.
Here they are on the street. They stop there, they look there. Look, the chest is open. How not to look? Look at the house in the castle. Well have to! How in the village? If they leave for a short time, the house is not locked. Wear the cloth, and that’s all. And if the castle, then don’t wait soon. Here is the castle, and the chest is on. How will you hold? I went in quietly, I watched the clothes hanging. Good clothes. You need to remove it, or it will dry.
And here they quietly remove the underwear from the ropes, fold it into a rope, and Uncle Val is sitting on them in the window looking. He even fell into a stupor from such avarice. In the white day! He was not in the stall for a long time. He jumped and went out. “Yes, your mother, have you gone astray?” Hop, and the door does not give up. “They are stuck!” Uncle Wally thought, “I’ve gone crazy!” He took a few steps and pulled the door. Oh, he was a healthy bull, Uncle Val.
Well, of course, while he was fighting with the door, the Gypsies also realized that the house was not empty. I was surprised by such a seat, well thrown, and I walk. Uncle Val has a drone, and behind them. He has reached the neighborhood. I’t, of course, get the herd out.
Take care, and take care. When they realized that they were beaten, and were beaten with enthusiasm, they dropped the carriage and the wheelchair. When everybody ran away, Uncle Val left the drone, the horse straightened, the chariot turned over, and remained very pleased with the work of his hands.
He is coming back, and who will meet him? of course! Nina is stepanovna.
Hello Valentine Fedorovich! I have been looking for you all day! What is your house in the castle?
In what castle!? to
And when Kolka saw in the window as his father returned in the classroom, he realized that his plan succeeded, but bad circumstances intervened. Now he will fly. It will fly twice. He will fly for schoolwork, and for games with the castle, and for a broken door. Ears and ass burned in advance with hellish flames, but there was nowhere to go.
However, everything did not go as he expected.
My father came in a wonderful mood. Usually dark and silent, he shone straight from happiness. When I saw him, he said kindly.
Don’t be afraid, I won’t swear!
Shaking his hands, he added loudly.
Can you imagine, mother? As long as I looked at these Gypsies, there was no reason. It went so well, in the right!
The next day, however, he got rid of it. But on a completely different matter.

True love is not the story of Romeo and Juliet who died together. This is the story of a grandmother and grandfather who lived together all their lives and grew old together.

There is a neighbor pensioner. and smoking. In the apartment, on the balcony, on the floor below. The smell, of course, all of us. Instructions and requests did not help. I agreed with him on a positive - he goes out to smoke well on the street, and I give him 300 rubles per month. The transaction took place in the summer, payment at the end of the month (if there were no comments). I was counting it for August last year. And he offers me - and if I quit smoking, how much will you pay?

My daughter, 8 years old:

"Mommy, why did daddy's phone write you "beemot" (there was something more funny, but the meaning is the same)"

I, naturally, beat my husband with a rock, he whisper, then whisper from where I know he has the phone. I ask my daughter:

Why did you think of it, and why did you put it on your dad?

Why did he crack and say it was me?