bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №101894
 20.08.2014
From Habr, the post on the self-made automatic watering for flowers:

XXX: Can you tell me what the connector in Figure 3_1 is called?

YYY: Oh, and I don’t know. All the wires with a hole I call sprinklers, and with a stick sprinklers.

[ + 15 - ] Comment quote №101893
 20.08.2014
Here you rusted over the Psaki Sea in Belarus she found. And in the sale appeared shrimp production of Belarus.

[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №101892
 20.08.2014
This is another...

I work on commands, live in a dormitory for 4 people in a room.I came from work, tired. I took a shower, washed my trousers and socks. The socks were so long, with so much heart. I go into the room with my dirty socks lying on the bed. The strangers washed...

— — —
Winter, Ural, eight years ago My car (the usual white field) is filled with snow to the middle of the glass. For an hour and a half he broke the path to her through the whole courtyard (with a shovel) and swept away from the snow (with a hat) until he reached the room. And only then remembered that he put his evening in the garage.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №101891
 20.08.2014
I work on commands, live in a dormitory for 4 people in a room.I came from work, tired. I took a shower, washed my trousers and socks. The socks were so long, with so much heart. I go into the room with my dirty socks lying on the bed. The strangers washed...

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №101890
 20.08.2014
neoSENS: I’m on the motorcycle, the gauges often stop (it’s okay) tired already. Yesterday, in a certain century, I went on a big, I think cool, the gays will not stop, and in the courtyard I am caught by the crew of the PPS and check the big for theft. Winner of life.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №101889
 20.08.2014
The topic is discussed:
The Ministry of Defense of Poland will deliver humanitarian aid to the Ukrainian military. and ==

XHH: Two thoughts 1 with apples?
2 - humanitarian aid to the military - something deeply perverse is in this phrase.

[ + 19 - ] Comment quote №101888
 20.08.2014
It will now be necessary to teach Lobachevsky’s geometry instead of Euclidean geometry.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №101887
 20.08.2014
Interview at the Cage:
Man: I live alone, I want to have a friend - a cat.
The farmer offers a cat for castration.
Man (indignant): Why do I have a friend castrate?? to

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №101886
 20.08.2014
He didn’t have half a tile in the bathroom. Because his father once decided to glue another gum. The children chewed and he cried. It is falling on the head now.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №101885
 20.08.2014
AAA: In a quiet turmoil the devils lead, and once a month the devil himself visits them.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №101884
 20.08.2014
From the chat (talk about the waitress):

A: She is not sociable at all!
BBB: Nifiga is not sociable, I was sociable for 400 rubles yesterday!!! to

[ + 15 - ] Comment quote №101883
 20.08.2014
I like to think.
In most people, the mental process is associated with painful sensations.
I like to make other people think with my head.
Am I a sadist?

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №101882
 20.08.2014
In the area of "Elephant" How to you?

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №101881
 20.08.2014
Unexpected sex is always brighter than long-awaited.

[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №101880
 20.08.2014
This is how I met my future wife. He was sitting at work, his neighbors called him - your cat is walking around the cloth. He put his hands in his feet and ran away. Running, and at this time, two girls just bought a huge peppermint. Bought it and carried it together in a package. Straw, a very heavy straw. Meanwhile, a friend, with a cat on the carnise, rushes past, shaking his head, trying to run to look at the dashboard, from which platform his nearest electric drive leaves. And he decided to wander between these girls. He intuitively calculated that the gap was enough for him. He even said "sorry" on the run, in case someone accidentally hit. But he just didn’t notice the spider.

The bush exploded. The explosion was such a force that it sprinkled the whole area of three stations and the railway club to the roof with seeds and flour. It was such a big arbus. The friend of course immediately began to apologize flatteringly and humiliatingly, offering to immediately compensate for the cost of watermelon. What friends, with tears in their eyes, respond to him.
What is the cost? You know how hard it was for him!? to
A friend says:
Ladies and gentlemen! I’ll buy the world’s biggest peanut and bring it to you wherever you say. But I am in a hurry now! I have a cat on carnage.

Oh oh! They cried out. Cat on carnage! What floor?
The Ninth!! to
Oh yeah! My dear moms! What are you standing? Run faster then!
What about Arbus?
Fuck him with the spider!

Those were beautiful, sensitive girls. They even had tears of resentment for watermelon immediately dried up, and the worries about the fate of the cat came on their faces. A friend rushed to them a visit card, because they categorically refused to take money, and tried to catch a cat falling from the cradle.

The cat was at home. He wandered, stressed by his dangerous behavior of random witnesses, and returned like nothing else. Well, his friend, of course, immediately pressed his mouths, calmed down, and remembered the watermelon. About the watermelon, and about the girls, and he became uncomfortable. Because he didn’t even ask for the phone. So he sits, gets upset, and there’s a call.
Hello to you! We are the ones you have today...
He will scream:
Yes yes yes! How wonderful that you called! I sit and think of you! I am so uncomfortable! Tell me, where can I bring the strawberries?! to
In response to him:
Did you get that strawberry? What you set up - strawberries, strawberries! Fuck him with this spider! Tell me, what about the cat? The cat is alive? We are very worried!

Having assured that everything was okay with the cat, he threatened and blackmailed their address and went to buy watermelon. I just put the phone down, and the phone ringed again. The same voice stealing.
When you go, don’t forget to check the windows. Please please!
He bought a shorter watermelon, the largest of which was, then another champagne, two bouquets, and on the way decided that he would probably marry any of them. Such they made a pleasant impression on him with their care for the cat, and in general.

Friends were mother and daughter. Curiously, the age difference between them was exactly the same, from each to nine years. Only on different sides.
They are somewhat clones. I still confuse them on the phone.
So he married. Which daughter. Even though he said he could be on the one who mother. In principle.
Now, on each anniversary of dating, they buy the biggest peanut. The tradition.
And on the windows they have such special anti-cat nets.
to avoid.

[ + 63 - ] Comment quote №101879
 20.08.2014
When everything is okay, the European is calm and works well, and when everything goes through his ass, he panics.
When everything goes through the ass, the Russian mobilizes and does the impossible. When everything is fine, the Russian suffers from a hernia.

[ + 18 - ] Comment quote №101878
 20.08.2014
It is necessary to replace the quotation buttons with [ Funny], [Not Funny] and [Remember].
Likewise, lovers will get a boring shit to make a separate link "Only with shortcomings" - and everyone will be pleased.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №101877
 20.08.2014
A buyer came and wanted a very blue boy. I show.
He stared at the cat and then said, “Is that what, blue?”
Yes, I say, the usual blue colour.
A man pulls a pack of blue LM out of his pocket, sticks his finger into the box and says, “Here’s the blue color! And you here want something grey courtyard for me for a lot of money"
He went out indignant.

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №101876
 20.08.2014
You know, I’ve always been happy that I’m not the best. There are people smarter than me, more educated than me, more honest than me, more beautiful than me, finally. It would be a terrible world where I would be the smartest, the most educated, the most honest, the most beautiful.
The world is moving in that direction. And I don’t really know what to do.

<<<<<honestly>>>>>>

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №101875
 20.08.2014
XXX: what day - rubanuli light in the house
XXX: the divers to melt - then it does not light
xxx: in the neighboring apartment hysterical in the little crying and crying "why I did not stay" on the whole street
XXX: The Gospel

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna