bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №131739
 06.08.2016
If you want to reduce the number of students on the site, then it is better to ask simple questions from the school program.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №131738
 06.08.2016
It was:

Here is this.

- follow the text: "The deer has two horns, in a herd of 100 deer - How many horns?" - "And what month?" - "Why a month?" - "Maybe they did not fight?" - "How many horns?"!"- "When they fight, the horns lose... Sometimes, one deer, one horn..." - "SУУУУКА!!! 100 x 2 – how much?!" - "What is this?"
and ahahah! Sorry, I understand, I will no longer...

I don’t know how to others, but it’s obvious to me that these northern brothers knew much more about deer than you. And they tried to tell you that everything is not always so simple in life, "the deer has two horns." There is one horn, or zero, or one and a half. That heroic example you have, life is not appropriate. And you, my friend, thought they were stupid. You know that you are not a hero in life.

When asked about the number of bicycles from a certain number of wheels, the girl replied that you will not collect a single bicycle, because some wheels are not enough.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №131737
 06.08.2016
and XXX:
The rescuer of a girl who fell from the 8th floor in Yekaterinburg, told how he caught the child.
Here is the man hero.
YYY :
HOAA
All Pokémon are caught, and he is a child.
It is beautiful))

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №131736
 06.08.2016
How is a pessimist different from a realist? The pessimist has a shit because it is a shit, the realist has an objective reason for every shit.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №131735
 06.08.2016
Every chicken is sure that her chicken tosses for love, and the rest - for duty.

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №131734
 06.08.2016
A friend told me, following his words:
I had a few strict vegans. They said nothing to anyone, did not persuade, but managed to get it differently. They brought their food to each joint event, and demonstrately did not touch what you cooked. Even vegetables and greens. They also brought their tofu, cabbage, mushrooms and so on. Fuck your shampoos. Not to touch their food something defiled with meat.
And then I asked him once for their vegan tasting. I decided to knit. Eating their steamed, fried, baked vegetables, I said everything was very delicious, but better so. I got a pack of bacon from my pocket, broke the package with my teeth, and wrapped a piece, I don’t remember what a couple of layers of bacon. and eaten. The hatred in their eyes would be enough to burn the average size of the city. After that, they did not communicate with me for two months. Although I did the same as them. He just brought his food to someone else’s bowl.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №131733
 06.08.2016
Marina works at school in the afternoon on vocation, and in the evening on the panel - on Medvedev.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №131732
 06.08.2016
by Geektimes:
During the time I play in Ingress, I only got a picnic one time. A young sergeant came up from the patrol car and asked if I had just captured his portal in the square, and if I did, I would not go to capture another of his portals.
They talked and laughed, he told me that he usually captures points during night service, and then suddenly I painted.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №131731
 06.08.2016
And my male colleagues are paid less because they are not alpha and are offended at all.
Several friends earn times more than me and periodically receive new offers from competitors - maybe it's not all so bad and you can take your ass off the chair, get out of the internet (regardless of the floor) and go to earn?

I am not complaining about my earnings. But I see a little beyond my own nose – in order to get the same money, a aunt has to prove that she is better than most men. What is available to the brother by default, the sister must obtain, yes.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №131730
 06.08.2016
The day I saw. There are 300 employees on the site.
Bigbagperm: Is this Sparta?
Stanislav: Announcement of collection in the Fermopolis Gorge
hrofti_hroft: This is how a corporate will be.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №131729
 06.08.2016
I want to fish somewhere on the river.
I’ll get up early tomorrow and go out.
I love the evening :)
My nights ended badly. I come in the morning, drunk in shit and with a bark.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №131728
 06.08.2016
As a child, I believed that only underdeveloped, old and sick people believe in God and engage in all this pre-religious formal shell, well, as a type of papua (what to take from them). And we are a developed country: we launch man into space, we study space. We make breakthroughs.
Then I realized it wasn’t so, though...

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №131727
 06.08.2016
to this:

Aim@Me: we come home with the guys in the evening after the morning exam... suddenly all of this was very sleepy... rushed to the nearby park.. stood in front of one tree and calmly do our dark business... and here the light of the lamp and the MENTS... kind of WHAT YOU DO HERE (time the beginning of the first)... we are... EEE... "HUYAMI MEET"
Ments were crying

A long time ago (a year so in 2008) my friend and I decided to rest after a working week. I took 0.5 vodka, 2 sausages and a baton. We decided to spend this time in the fresh air, so we sat in the yard at the table. About an hour later we had 100 grams of vodka and 2/3 of the bottle. It was already 10 o’clock in the evening. And at some point, the roots notice people approaching us in shape. Well, without thinking for a long time, he throws the bottle into the bushes (the men themselves saw it), and when they approached and asked what we are doing here, the friend found nothing more appropriate to say than:
We are here to eat bread!!and "
They cried and me, and me.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №131726
 06.08.2016
E-V-S: our director approached the ATM and took his salary, now the ATM says that he has finished banknotes

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №131725
 06.08.2016
xxx> throw it down... I read something on the proletarian web that spoke long about the 90s..
xxx> and then it turned out that he just went to school in the year 99.)))
yyy> the norm
Zzz> What do you know about the 90s? From 1992 to 1997 I had a classmate of Svetka Sokolova. A real fucking neighbor.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №131724
 06.08.2016
I’ve lost 7 pounds in all the time I’ve been here, 7 pounds, you know?! to
mmm, seven kg
M: It is not easy to lose, it is not difficult to find and it is impossible to forget)))
Yes Yes Yes! Do not knock me here!

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №131723
 06.08.2016
max_andriyahov: marketers must be beaten with suckles and sent to uranium mines.

Domkratov: And we’ll finally learn about the healing properties of uranium, we’ll be able to buy plutonium bracelets, and we’ll learn how to add radionuclides to the weight loss meal.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №131722
 06.08.2016
"I don't even know how to describe it, it's very similar to bombing the earth with thermonuclear bombs from the moon. You seem far away and don’t realize that the consequences will affect you too. As soon as it started, the launched missiles can no longer be stopped. You don’t expect any shrinkage and that a whole rain of fragments will fly before you.
You have a bad bathroom, you are scratching.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №131721
 06.08.2016
A couple of years ago, I rested at the sea as a savage with a tent.

On a nudist beach, which is important.

Even more importantly, I did not run naked, but 99% of the time I was in a swimsuit, and I did not wear civilian human clothes.

The community of vacationers is small and quite tightly communicating, so new acquaintances cannot be avoided. Unfortunately, the unpleasant too.

So, rested in the neighborhood with us an extremely foolish man, let’s call him M.

Gondon was the one, in his head, some infernal blend of religion with Patshanic principles, putting his opinion into any conversation, without asking how appropriate it is at all.

In addition, it was a little bit rotting.

M looked like it. Excess weight in hell quantity, eternally dirty, well, and just frankly steep guy.

In general, the rare case when the exterior and the inner world are in perfect harmony.

This is a general prehistory. History is so.

I was working at the time in the IT department of a large bank, and on that sunny day I stood in a smoking room with my colleagues, who, unfortunately, were very many. The boss, the friends, the boyfriends from the neighboring department, the man I liked at the time – a complete combo.

And suddenly I see, Baa, a couple of meters from me passes M, hasn’t changed at all!

He was in some fucking T-shirt, the smell at such a distance was felt very clearly, in general, M made the full impression of a bomzh - alcoholavt.

My heart beat more often, the only thought was, “Lord, even if he passed by, even if he didn’t notice me.”

Oh yeah happy.

M turns and confidently moves towards our company. From colleagues already sound jokes about "what a mortgage does to people", I pray that he doesn't say any heroin.

Thou shalt go [2]

M approaches, looks straight at me and says:

Oooooh, Katyuuunja is here!

He looks at me from the top down and continues:

It’s so unusual to see you in clothes.



The faces of colleagues. The curtain.

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №131720
 06.08.2016
I thought that the "suchy wobler" was a great insult within the confit:

Wow, you are a cowboy!! and 😉

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna