bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 60 - ] Comment quote №131539
 01.08.2016
Do you know what it is like to have a younger sister? She will take for you and the tea will come and the scratches will look and eat and the controller will bring. Do not know? I also don't know, and my brother knows.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №131538
 01.08.2016
Do not carry a humanitarian heresy. This is about real work, necessary to society and useful to it. And 5 years to learn to build charts from surveys is not funny?

Another "working hands" increased. Look at the mechanical clock, for example. They have a spring - it gives energy. There are arrows - they do the job. There are a lot of unnecessary details. They should be thrown out,?

[ + 66 - ] Comment quote №131537
 01.08.2016
A friend told me about her husband. They live on the 12th floor. Further from her words.



I had to wash the window in the room. The husband painted, said, dangerous, give you from the inside, and I out. I agreed. She lighted inside and went out for lunch. I warned to be more careful.

I’m in the kitchen and listen to myself. Little of something. My window beats and the song sings “The Earth in the Illuminator.”



Suddenly a scream and... and silence. I sit on a chair and sit. It is so terrible that there is no strength to get up. Sitting for a moment. She gathered, exhaled and popped along the wall into the hall.



And there I look - the wind of the curtain is rolling, the window is ripped, there is no one. “.. And the worst thing I’ve seen in my life is the lonely shoes on the window. This is where I put the white in my voice.



Suddenly a voice from the bedroom shakes: “Man, Manjun, I’m here.



I’m in two jumps and in the bedroom. And there my idiot lies and complainingly looks at me:

“Manuel, I turned my leg when I jumped out of the window. It hurts so much that you don’t worry to quietly crumble here, I thought I would lie down unnoticed.



Not an idiot? ! to ! to ! to

[ + 43 - ] Comment quote №131536
 01.08.2016
xxx: When I try to download a book and the phrase "The material is removed at the request of the copyright holder" or only a fragment of the book is downloaded, it causes me a terrible anger and an acute desire to download the desired in full on the hole at any cost; most often I succeed. What do you experience in such situations?

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №131535
 01.08.2016
Amur in principle never helps rich men and smart women.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №131534
 01.08.2016
On the eve of the Day of the Air Force and the Day of the Military Builder.
So somehow it happened that these two kinds of troops celebrate their holidays a little more than a week apart.
Both the Air Force and military builders have always been at the forefront of events. Landers: Patriotic War, Afghanistan, Caucasus and other not very cold points. Military builders: the revival of the country from the destruction of the war, all the grand buildings, Baikonur, Tashkent 1966, BAM, Chernobyl and others on the second.
Blood and then their service.
I served in a building building in the Far North. We threw the selective wood to our “brother countries”, which soon forgot about it.
We also had Batyanis-combates, who beat us three skins, but always fulfilled the promises, a policewoman who constantly touched us, and cried at night in the office, because the disabled child does not see the sun and vitamins, and he has been wandering in the taiga for 15 years. Komroti is an honest guy who retired as a captain because of his direct character and great honesty. Senior flags with thief inclinations, but giving life, pulling the guys out of the burning barracks.
By the kind of service he was acquainted with the SS (secretly), so according to the 1985 records in the construction bats died more than 450 men of timetables, I don't think that in the Air Force then less.
Stroybat worked for the Motherland just as the Air Force protected it!

Somehow for the execution of the plan in the battalion brought a television. On Sundays we watched "I serve the Soviet Union". And it was outrageous, but about the building they never showed for my service. Then the deputy of the company (a former soldier) explained that this transmission was not for internal use, but for "external friends".
Then we watched the “Club of Travellers” and... a miracle we see: in Finland, a miracle tractor took a tree with his legs, spinning it, spinning it, and putting it in a stable! And we wrecked his pencil, it was like it!

Yes, the tails at us were thrown as far and smoothly as the landing knives.

In the summer of 1986, we went to the river to swim. We see a floating boat, and there are 4 desanters in it. They came down and greeted. The exercises are “West-North-East”. This special group was then called. I asked if there was a store and what was there. They said that apart from the expensive column there is no bottle. What is there? And there is, say, the same woman in the village for 5 rubles and a half litre. The soldiers of the sky were advised - we lack the ruble. They gathered rubles. Two of them were brought by our sergeant.
With the two they stayed and began the usual soldier conversation: how they are called, from where, how much to the dumbel, how they feed, as officers, etc. and so on.
The delegation soon returned. In one of them it was solid. Say goodbye to five.
The boat was already five meters away, as the senior sergeant stopped and again directed the boat to the shore. Go here and call me. Now, hold it, and pull out of the bag a half-liter of the monkey. No, you don’t have to, you’ll have two more days to wander in Taiga, I say.
Drink for us to come. We’ll be in the city in a week, in a barracks, and you’ll be sitting in Taiga for another year!
We then blown up this self-driving vehicle for the landing, God give those guys all right!

Holidays of all soldiers and VDV and VSO!!! to

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №131533
 01.08.2016
If you don’t let your husband drink beer with men, he’ll start drinking champagne with women.

[ + 27 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №131532
 01.08.2016

here here :
A "metal" is a verb or an existential?

It depends on education.

[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №131531
 01.08.2016
When I was young, I wore for a month, asked for a dog, promised to take care of it, walk, clean. Mom bought a puppy, of course, I soon lost interest and all the worries fell on my mom.

Life is busy. Grandmothers asked for a grandson for 10 years, promised to help. We conducted...

I won’t buy a puppy to my son.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №131530
 01.08.2016
Dad found your fiancé.
XXX: He said so
YYY : LOL
YYY: Where is it?
xxx: "Young and tall I have no job, but I have an apartment. I met him when he was arrested by the police. I took his phone"
YYY: Fantastic

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №131529
 01.08.2016
We discussed with a friend a book, which, as it turned out, both recently read. Called "The Club of Lovers of Books and Potato Cake", it’s, what’s important, a novel in letters.

I as a philologist analyze - said, funny, of course, but it can not be, because in the plot places clearly "god of the machine"... Friend as a programmer and pragmatist prints:

This cannot be because God is out of the car, but because they exchange letters all the way by paper mail, and none has been lost in all this time!! to

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №131528
 01.08.2016
This dysentery of 37 weeks was... a boy! ......

We had an annual inspection at work. The therapist listened to a woman with a phonendoscope for a long time. Then she said to her, “I hear some strange noise from you, come back to me again in three days.” The experienced doctor did not even think that the woman was pregnant.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №131527
 01.08.2016
What are the advantages of, say, hemophilia? Or an epilepsy? The Daltonism? If there are no pluses, why did the bearers not get out of the population?)
......

They are encoded by recessive genes.

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №131526
 01.08.2016
Initially, it was about defecation. Since when have girls been working with energy expenses like loadsmen? If, of course, she is not a fitness/dance coach or prof. The athlete.

Go out for a time. See that in the vastness of our vast homeland, women still work in such places, as they did at the time of the union. and agricultural workers.

[ + 32 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №131525
 01.08.2016
In the hospital where I was, it was even better. He was taken to the Tajik Department of Surgery. She claimed to have been poisoned, but the doctor found pregnancy and premature birth. There is no maternity department in the hospital, to the district city to be taken late, taken in gynecology, so the mother of childbirth on the whole department shouted that the child was not her, and the doctors themselves threw her.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №131524
 01.08.2016
“He is a good guy. Maybe sleep with him,” said a bottle of “Martini” inside Lenocka.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №131523
 01.08.2016
Since when have girls been working with energy expenses like loadsmen? If, of course, she is not a fitness/dance coach or prof. The athlete.

From personal experience
Adhesives in a helicopter factory - women have worked and worked for centuries. According to official duties, they wear pots with glues. These are the foods that are cooked in the dining room.
When I was a student, I decided to work in a supermarket office in the book department. In addition to the beautiful layout of the hall there is another job - in the warehouse you need to unload boxes with textbooks. Or so - in one of the 10 boxes there are 3 atlases, in which it is not known exactly, the boxes stand in 3 rows.
The sociologist. 1 questionnaire weighs little, but the mass of a particular study is 600-3000 sheets, which need to be brought from the printing, brought to the survey, taken away, processed. If you are on a trip, then + laptop + personal items. Every day a new survey item and so for 2 weeks.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №131522
 31.07.2016
I finished. I pulled out of the poop and put it in the poop, I continue.

The young man. The eagle. Then the wife will be treated for a vaginal infection and will not take where it came from. You would put something in the pop first, and then into your mouth.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №131521
 31.07.2016
Revenge is a dish that needs to be served cold. So, does it turn out to be a revenge?
If it is overwhelmed, then yes.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №131520
 31.07.2016
and Oga:

In the Middle Ages, laity were forbidden to read the Bible (even those who could). This is because, in the early stages of Christianity, the Fathers of the Church noticed that the ordinary people perceive the Bible literally. Blessed Augustine) and fantasizes about this bride what.
So don’t need to talk about the family of Noah and the justification of incest by the Bible.

And when it is interpreted by scattered horse men, you can draw completely opposite conclusions from it. Contradictions of texts, again, are easier to hide if people do not let the sources read. The story of Noah is not an excuse for incest. This goddess killed all whom he himself made, and left only one family to incite. Not to mention the fact that the animals then were in a pair, it turned out to be such a worldwide and all-around incest. And the kangaroo was then taken to Australia by foot from Mount Ararat. Those who wrote the Bible had no idea how the world was arranged. And if he dictated the goddess, would he not say - to have slaves is bad, to rape is bad, the earth is not 6-10 thousand, but about 4.5 billion years, and there were still dinosaurs, but there were no unicorns.

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