bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №85245
 06.08.2013
And remember, shit, on every clever ass there will be a whore with a screw.
Do you know that there is a ass with a labyrinth on a cock with a screw?
In the ass with the labyrinth there is a cock with a jeep.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №85244
 06.08.2013
Then the Sun will become a red giant.
YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!
A nephig to eat after 6 billion years!

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №85243
 06.08.2013
This is FIGN. In Belovezhskaya in one building, the sberbank, the post office of Russia and the fifth. This is hell place.

Near the Ryazan Prospectus in one building, the court, the prosecutor's office and the military department in one building. What's there in the basement - I don't know, I didn't enter, I suppose that descending a couple of dozen levels down, you can meet the devil.

[ + 21 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №85242
 06.08.2013
> Registered on your gaming forum specifically to ask me to develop a game!

> you’re going to get a point here now.

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №85241
 06.08.2013
...from a friendly conversation with a friend, a mathematically unlearned mathematician, about the Poincaré theorem:

PR: If it’s quite simple, imagine that a rubber blade can be pulled onto a ball, and not onto a bubble.
I: I would have pushed...
During the drinking of alcoholic beverages in the kitchen, Nikolai Valuev proved to Grigory Perelman that the rubber heater is stretched onto the cupboard, bottle and Perelman's head, and the universe is more like a bowl twisted into a pipe.

[ + 48 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №85240
 06.08.2013
A joke: the author goes to make money, and in front of him on the transition, the hoys pin one after the other: his elderly parents, his wife with a wheelchair, and his older children, going out of school. Who will we push first, citizen?

This is the irony of fate. In a small mushoshransk under the Ryazanya lived a Big Man. And the power of the Big Man in a small city, as you know, is almost absolute. Unlike all the favourites of both capitals, by the way, where the Eloi are not illusoriously afraid to catch out the morls for the very tomatoes and therefore distinguish a lot more crumbs from the bar table and bore in moderation. And this Great Man loved to drive fast and not always sober. It happened that he beat a woman. to death. It wasn’t by accident: at that moment he was doing exactly what he loved. Her daughter intended to seek justice to the end. It would be unlikely, of course, that she won, most likely it would have happened to her "unfortunate accident" soon, and this is the problem: she raised such a noise that he had to urgently leave for a week or another "business trip" to the notorious Moscow, to raise connections and put his hand in the cushion, so that there were enough funds to shut up the matter. He left... and did not return.
Some drunkard on the rugged "six" turned it into a bloody mess when His Majesty came down from heaven to earth for a moment, walking on a pedestrian crossing.
The prize found a hero.

[ + 17 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №85239
 06.08.2013
by Natasha Natasha:
You know, my brother once conducted an experiment, known to many: in the microwave you need to put a regular light bulb (not economical), close it there and turn it on. The lamp starts to shine on its own. Yes, the lamp lit for 30 seconds, and then we changed the wire in the apartment for a month. Another useful experiment.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №85238
 06.08.2013
I don’t even have chickens for money. No chicken or money.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №85237
 06.08.2013
I work in a large design institute, we deal with industrial facilities. Accordingly, the word TRUBOVOD is used everywhere, both in drawings and in explanatory notes.
I work far from the first year, and I am accustomed to errors such as TURBOWORK or TRUBOWORK, and I don't even pay attention. But yesterday I encountered such a writing that I could not work anymore. In the explanatory note signed by the chief executive, the GIP and the chief engineer, TURBOPORNOVOD was included.
A copy of the masterpiece will now be in the frame on the wall.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №85236
 06.08.2013
My mother tells. A new product sales agent has appeared. My mother, she can’t remember the name at all.
Employee: Nadia is her name!
Mom: We don’t have any Nadie, I can’t find an association!
Employee: Well Nadia, Hope, we have hope to fulfill the sales plan.
I remembered.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №85235
 06.08.2013
Accounting of a large organization. End of working day, period of submission of various reports. The girl gets a bunch of paper from the printer, begins to unravel:
The certificate of whom? Who printed it?
The tired voice:
If it’s to blame, it’s not mine.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №85234
 06.08.2013
It does not leave the thought that this whole circus with torrents and other fucking laws is just a cunning plan for voluntary-forced registration in the public services of connectors like me...

[ + 19 - ] Comment quote №85233
 06.08.2013
<avot> I wanted to get a goat
<avot> and got a goat
<avot> everything is like a squeeze
<avot> I am a wicked magician!

[ + 49 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №85232
 06.08.2013
ZZZ > from the morning on the radio: deputies proposed to introduce a 2% tax (from working citizens) "on the maintenance of parents"
XXX> Whose parents are they?

[ + 37 - ] [5 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №85231
 06.08.2013
The lawmakers actually want a respected MP not to be spoofed on Twitter. They used to having a TV before, and they worked in a one-sided order, did not see the viewers spit in the monitor. And on the Internet there is a possibility to “plunge” into a member. They do not like it.

[ + 15 - ] Comment quote №85230
 06.08.2013
The focuses of big politics: make a live stucco a fried fact.

[ + 59 - ] Comment quote №85229
 06.08.2013
How Foreign Fecalies Worked
In a southern Russian port, the company "X" was engaged in the recycling of waste from human organisms. The overseas. It pumped out the feces accumulated during long flights from foreign ships on the rail and used them in accordance with the concluded contract at local treatment facilities.
This highly demanded service allowed the X company not to flourish at all, but not to hurt at all. Every good thing, as you know, ends someday.
One day, a representative of the customs came to the Iks and stated that since they took feces from foreigners and imported to us, it was the most "grey" import. You have to pay the import duty, otherwise it will be offensive to the state. So, bring, say, the documents in order, and for the time being your fucking car is sealed.
The lawyers of the XS gathered the council and came to the conclusion that they have two options to solve the unexpected problem. Or put on the foot of the customs and thus condemn yourself to a permanent tribute afterwards. Go to court and win the case. In three months, or even in six months. And what bottles all this time to live and fulfill previously signed contracts on the service of foreign ships?
Lawyers are shaken. I went to the Customs Department for a gift. They drove the tank to the customs warehouse, hinting that tomorrow "will solve the issues."
And they resolved!
The next day, the customs officers received an official letter by which the company “X” notified them that... it was giving up its cargo in favor of the state.
It is said that a cistern with imported stools has been standing for a week in the customs warehouse of one of the ports of our blessed south. Customs are nervous: through the store "Confiscat" you do not realize the production. And you can’t throw it away – it’s a state burden now! And how to explain to the power, where did her party such a "golden" form?
The company X installed a new tank on its boat and continues to operate.

[ + 43 - ] Comment quote №85228
 06.08.2013
Officials of the Rosselkhoznadzor, who flew to New Zealand to check milk, win in the nomination "The most elegant vacation for the state account".

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №85227
 06.08.2013
On the syllable:

kg: Tele-dumb, youtuber is good. Looking for a small cartoon "ball in guests at the tuzik". I found. True, it turned out to be "Bobic in guests at barbos"...

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №85226
 06.08.2013
An anti-freezing reagent based on waste sugar production will be used in the winter in the Minsk courts:
Oh, I understood - so this winter my shoes will be sugar, not salt!
yyy: Verno, came home, removed, licked and put in the closet.

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