In connection with global warming, Trump expects to relocate Americans to sunny Greenland.

Half an hour ago, there was noise in the street. I went out to wonder.
The garbage reform has produced a crowd of parasites with roofs at the top. Even now, representatives of the rural administration walk through the courts demanding to pay for garbage. I also reached my neighbor. He is 92 years old, lives alone, all his life, years until 75 worked as a motorist in the local agricultural machinery until it collapsed. He still looks no more than 70 years old. The man is actively working at his site, and what kind of garbage can he have? What burns, it will burn and ashes for fertilizer, drizzle from 10 chickens, the same. Plastic is purchased on the sidewalk.
Now he is trying to duplicate this psychotic lady. But he does not want to listen to anything: he has a command from above, to lead to the obedience of the holops. In the end, she can’t stand:
When do you, old pearls, lift up?
The neighbor answered decently:
Thanks to you baby! I have lost my purpose in life lately. I began to wonder why I lived so long. Now I have a goal: I will bring the most beautiful bouquet to your grave.

In ancient Rome some slaves were allowed to have their slaves.
This is called the middle manager.

xxx: Son at 4 years of age struck his mother's phone at night and on 8 t.p. I made a purchase at Google Play. In the morning, they wrote to the sapport and returned everything without any conditions. He pulled off the card, had a conversation with his son (without a morder), threatened his wife with a finger, and grabbed valerian.

yyy: Where do you come from, people without a password on the phone when you have a fucking little child

Zzz: So they have kids because they don’t have protection

I met a girl on the internet. She was highly educated, calculated and had intellectual inclinations. We wrote with her for a long time. And then she sent me a picture of her cheeks by photographic mail. I did not remain indifferent and sent her the image of my "love cup" in full growth. She did not answer for two days, apparently wondering. And then I wrote that I should send her 5t.r. so my friends would not see him. I told her that they had already seen it and did not send money. She was upset and stopped writing to me. I want to get it back and I don’t know how...

My parents have been married for 40 years. As a child, I never heard them quarrel or scandal. We have three children with them. We’ve always loved spending time with them, watching movies or playing board games. We are all grown up, we all have our own families. After I left the house and called to talk and tell the news, I had the impression that my parents didn’t even communicate with each other. They live on a row, they do not know how to live in an empty nest. Everyone had to tell the news separately. tk. They did not share with each other. After work, everyone rested on their own, mom with a book or a series, dad with a beer at the company. Mom was not happy that Dad drinks beer after work and it has a bad effect on him, at the age of 60, he quickly drunk. Always in fun. Then he listened to her and decided to tie it up with a beer. J. Gray’s book “Men from Mars, Women from Venus”. And in the evening before going to bed, they began to read each chapter and discuss, and in general talk more. My dad was always very caring. And then one day we came to visit, I look at my mother's table on a vase standing, and in it a rose. Dad explained, “I bought myself a beer every day. Now for that money I buy my mom flowers. Just please her.”



And my mom then said that they decided to work on the relationship again because they realized that the time to show how much they love each other is getting less and less. My father 64. My mother 63.

About 14 years ago, I became a father for the first time. Something I remembered yesterday.

I decided to attend the birth. They paid everything that was needed for it. And then came that day.

As long as there were clashes and all such preparatory tricks, I stood with my wife encouraging her and helping as much as I could. But when the birth itself began, my wife expelled me, and I did not resist.

And that’s all over, my name is showing my daughter. Those who say that newborns are beautiful go into the woods. A red crushed body, a face like the alkas virtuoso. The sounds emited are like a scroll of an unsweetened cane.

- We are here while your wife is done, sit with the child in another room.

The daughter was dressed, a capsicum was put on the head, we were taken to the neighboring office and left alone.

I was in a quiet shock, carefully trying not to shake, holding this alien creature moving in my hands. And the daughter, apparently feeling the warmth of my shoulder with her cheek, tried to turn her head to me. The instinct told her, where the heat of the body is, there is food. In the process of fighting, the capper broke down and began to close the daughter's eyes.

I am a father! You have to take care of your child. She is not comfortable. And I carefully with two fingers took the edge of the cap and pulled it on me.

What happened later, I dreamed for a long time as a nightmare. The capsicum began to move, but with it the bones of the skull under the skin began to move, floating on each other.

At that moment I was heavily squeezed. In a cold sweat of horror. He returned everything as it was and stopped moving. I knew that the newborn’s skull was moving, but I didn’t think it was to that extent.

Then I googled for a long time and understood that in principle this is the norm, but still sometimes I remember this moment with tremors.

By analogy with Negroes, American homosexuals should be called gay Americans

A couple of months ago, I started calling people if I thought they were driving. Especially in the morning. It is not even a case of a potential accident and a possible fine, but...

My friend at work lives near me, and if he comes in a car and after work he has nothing to do, then he catches me up and we go together. We talk, of course. And once we had a conversation about the fact that every significant event is preceded by a chain of less significant events, but at the same time, if you cut out at least one link from this chain, the main event will most likely not happen. He further tells:

A few years ago, we were invited to a new home with my wife’s friends. Novoselys - a young couple, recently married, before this both went out of school in the universe, the wife is pregnant with the first child, the husband got a promising job, bought an apartment, both are happy. In a few years I will learn the story:

A child is born, the wife is pregnant with the second, they are expecting a girl. My husband’s business goes to the mountains. Time passed and the girl was born. While the wife was in the nursery, the husband was at home with the elderly.

Then comes the morning. You need to take the child to the kindergarten, get to the station, get on the train and go to work. The usual practice.

Like any disciplined worker, he called in the evening, warned that he would be late, listened to congratulations, and the morning began... “Where are you? When will you be?" "We have an aural, a potential client is coming!" "Where are these documents?" "Where is the folder with presentations?"

What happened next is not hard to guess. The guy, being the body in the car, and the head already at work, went the usual road to the station, moved into the train and moved to work, and at 12 he was called from the police and said that his child was found locked in the car, and he was hospitalized in such a hospital.

What does a child mean, locked in a car under the sun, without the influx of air, and even in the Israeli summer, no one, I hope, need to explain. The boy, although still alive, but due to irreversible changes as a result of overheating, the brain ceased to function. and all. Life is divided into before and after. A broken family. Four people with a destiny. Her wife is depressed and she cannot forgive her husband. The man who lives with this stone. The oldest child is in such a condition that it would be better to die. A newborn girl who is destined to grow up in a sick family. Well, of course, no ease of being that brings the joy of life.

It all happened awkwardly and scary. The child sits behind and sleeps. Your brains are busy processing some "information", and in fact, they work in a messy mode. How many times have I caught myself thinking about another comment while driving, and that I am not here at the moment?

I go back to the beginning. Every significant event is preceded by a chain of less significant events, but at the same time, if you tear out at least one link from that chain, the main event is unlikely to happen. One of the links of this chain were these most notorious phone calls.

In conclusion, I want to recall the story that was here three weeks ago: https://www.anekdot.ru/id/1031529/
Just think about it: a person, with a sober mind and a healthy memory, just not sleeping, makes a RUTINE trip. All he had to do was take the child to the kindergarten and go to work, and yet he was just a step away from all this nightmare. What saved? He looked at the clock! He didn’t look around to see, and what was there with the child, he didn’t even remember about him. He looked at the clock! Now imagine that at this moment a bitten worker starts to ring his ass, his brain starts to flare, and this is the link that closed the chain.

Therefore, if you arrived earlier and your colleague is late and you know that the person is driving, but you still think you need to talk to him, don’t call him. Do not need. There is always something to do in the morning. If not, drink a coffee. He/she will come soon and you will discuss everything.

I re-read “Anna Karenina” and pay attention to the foreign workers of that time – a French servant girl, an Italian feeder, a German watchmaker, a Jokey Englishman, etc.
To cool down, once gastarbayters in Russia were outsiders from Western Europe.

The case was at the beginning of the zero, if I am not mistaken, in 2000, on the day of the presidential election.

Everyone went to vote, and I stayed at home, there were “mamkin” robbers, “papkin” conspirators.

They just didn’t have a plan, as I understand, for the question “who is there?” It was given simply a brilliant answer to “your,” and to the clarificing question “who?“The answer did not follow. They thought, knocked again and said it was Santa Claus, then it was summer, my childhood logic couldn’t merge two facts and I didn’t open, but they morally pressed me and asked to open the door, it was hard, but I didn’t open.

In the end, they did not leave, but returned to their parents, asking, "What are you doing here?“They just gave a brilliant answer, ‘time wanted to know’ and left.

This is how on the election day I met with fraudsters and thieves as symbolic))

My son 16. I brought my girlfriend home today to meet her parents. With us, of course. We sat down and drank tea with biscuits. They talked, the son went to accompany her. I say to my husband:

You know, I did not like her. Absolutely not liked.

Andrei answered:

DAK is normal. I had only two girlfriends during my youth. My mom didn’t like both.

Did I like it?

“You are the second,” he says.

My friend’s wife works in an office right in front of my house. In the evening and at night (including on weekends) I often see that there is light there. And a friend regularly complains that his wife barely sleeps at work. In general, her place of work has already become a parable in our languages, as the designation of the slave gallery.

And here, one Friday evening, when the time has already passed 22 hours, I look out the window, see the light burning in two cabinets. And somehow without a back-thinking photo made and sent the koreš to the vatsap with the words "and the office all pachet writes". To my surprise, he immediately called me back and asked when I took the photo. I just answered. He dropped the phone and immediately called a video call, asking me to show him the building in front of my windows. I already start to suspect something is wrong, but I do what he asks.

At the end, he knocked something like “Here’s the fucking...” and pressed “Remove.”

The salt was the following. His faithful woman told him that she would work until night, so let her go to bed without her. And in the photo that I sent him, this is a disappointment, the light in her office did not burn. A friend broke up, took a taxi to the office, stood up at the entrance and called his wife. She answered and asked, “Where are you?” She boldly said, “I told you, I am at work!” But further she did not expect, the comrade asked her to go out on the doorstep, says, say, I went past here, thought to jump. Naturally, she began to try her best to drive him home, but instead, her husband went inside, talked to the guard, looked at the key transfer journal (it turned out that the key from their office was handed over a few hours ago), and even persuaded the guard to allow her husband to go through the office to look for him. But who could have thought, it wasn’t there.

Home she flew literally five minutes after the arrival of her husband and tearfully explained, telling some mystery about a girlfriend, who desperately needed her attention and help, and about the job deceived... and somehow the same came out, with the fear that you stood up, you don't believe me what, I can at least be happy to call her, why should I actually deceive you?

And here is my friend sitting now thinking. He seems to understand that she is a deer from him, and can not decide to take a radical step. I’m glad I haven’t had time to have kids yet, or I’d be mad at all. And, on the one hand, you do not want to believe that she is betraying him, and on the other hand - an adult person, and has not had time to see such a thing in life, he understands everything perfectly and does not want to believe in fairy tales.

And I sit, listen attentively to him, and I think, "Isn't it my fault? Did I destroy my family?” But for myself I decided that in such a situation I would rather know the truth than be content with blissful ignorance. This story was written together with him, suddenly, who thought what healthy will say, or maybe someone himself has gone through this, specific advice will help.

Do you want to live long?

Do not hurry to live.

In the winter, after a heavy snowfall, I saw a neighbor cleaning the snow in front of the house. He greeted her and asked why Serega, her husband, did not help her. Reply to:
One of us had to stay at home and take care of the children. The coin was thrown.
You are not lucky to have lost.
On the contrary, I won!

Why is every new toothpaste always recommended by only nine out of ten dentists? Who is the 10th person who doesn’t always like everything?

I went out at night and went to sleep. Approximately 12 days:

Is this Alexey 56?

Yes Yes

Do you own a brand N car?

Yes Yes

Your son in a drunken state committed an accident and entered the bus at the address: Orenburg, N Street, intersection between N and NN houses.

Why did he not call me? Can I talk to him?

He gave his phone in the pledge that he will not hide from the place of the accident, and himself is afraid to call.

What do you want?

Seventy thousand. Translate to map.

Not a lot?

and no. The injuries are small, but he is drunk. And this is deprivation of rights, a fine of 30 thousand and a criminal case. Okay, let’s get 50, the son said you have that money.

well well

Now I’ll send you a SMS with your number, translate it there.



I close my eyes and try to fall asleep. SMS is coming. I ignore. Ten minutes later, she says: If you don’t transfer money within five minutes, we’ll call GIBDD.



I turn off the phone. and call. I have no son at all, ladies and gentlemen.

My daughter has been to the dentist three times, she is 5 years old. At one even mention of this doctor, she had an absolutely inadequate hysteria and tears of grim. The fact is that for the first time our grandmother took her for treatment and made a number of mistakes. Instead of leaving the reception, she almost forcibly put her in a chair and held her while trying to cure her tooth. Fuck the Truth? (Al my grandmother is quite normal and loves her granddaughter very much.) This is a prehistory...

I thought for a long time what to do with this phobia. We watched videos of how the teeth were treated, the teeth were treated with all the toys, we talked about what and why the doctor would do, even once I went to the extremes and tried to bribe the child, everything was useless. And the doctors were mega kind and patient, who tried to play, talk, show their instruments. I came to the idea that I needed a positive experience and a pleasant association with the doctor. What do all children love? Gifts and when they are praised! I told my daughter in advance that we are going to the dentist, and there is a competition (for her challenge, she loves the word 😁) for the most brave patient, and the main prize for the whole day in the amusement park. Her reaction was not as I expected. She cried and panicked. “I’m not going, I’m afraid!” I thought it was a fiasco. But after half an hour, she herself said that we were going to the dentist and right now would be desirable. and #128514;

The next morning, I handed over the diploma to the doctor in advance, asked to play me. I was very worried that it would not go according to plan. For example, she would still sneeze and even later be more upset that she didn’t win, and she would get some little toy instead of entertainment.

Everything went according to plan! She sat quietly, opened her mouth, tolerated when she was hurt. I was upset with my daughter. And the doctor was good, solemnly handed out the certificate and type tickets for the attractions (previously printed them in the printing).

This is how the desire to get to the amusement park defeated the fear of the dentist! And formed positive emotions on the dentist.

Wealthy power is simply not given to anyone, it has to be laid out for 33 years.

“Don’t be angry with your neighbors before you sell your house” or “80th-level trolling from Americans.”

She lived in a small American town, many of which are scattered on the map, an ordinary family - Mom, Dad and a couple of early teenage obultus. They lived quietly in their “living society” (HOA for those who knew, the “living cooperative” with its rules, plugs and turmoil), did not touch anyone and did not light up much.

Once a year in the spring, they opened their garage, rolled out their barrel on the trail in front of the house, with which the garage was closed a little less than entirely, and did general cleaning. And they would continue to do so quietly to this day if no new neighbors settled in the house opposite.

The first thing they had to do in their house was to have a cool repair, and after a short time they suddenly decided that the house would have to be sold and go on - to look for new happiness. We exhibited the house for sale in the spring, and then the general cleaning of the neighbors was done.

And here the Cold Neighbor (CS) in anger appears on the doorstep of the house and begins to sink with claims, that, say, have broken up here a hoodie, redneki edakie, his barrachlo, whose place has long been on the laundry, placed in front of the house, as in a Gypsy camp, and to us, by the way, serious people look at the house come and want to buy - and how can I sell them in advance, when there is such a laundry on the other hand? Well, they cleaned everything quickly inside and did not spoil the aesthetic appearance of the community, reducing the cost of my house, until I found the right to all and wrote the necessary statements...

The family would be happy to try, and the CS is already carrying big, say, all the houses you have here are small, we have done normal repairs for a lot of money, we want to earn a lot when selling, and you are here to ruin all the raspberries with your mess.

The family kicked their heads, pulled the barrel into the barrel, the children's bicycles were removed from the door, and the lawn was made an extraordinary haircut. And this would end the story, but when Ostapa has already suffered, he obviously won’t stop. Therefore, the head of the family found a terrible letter from a residential association a couple of days later, where he was promised all kinds of punishments for the violation of the appearance and grass a centimeter longer than according to the GOST. And, as if the neighbors are not mentioned anywhere, but it is immediately clear where the wind blows so sharply for the first time in the long years of life in the house.

And the housewife hid a quiet redneckovsky anger on the neighbor. No, no one started to burn the neighboring house, no one smashed the doors with feces, and no one started to insert potatoes in the silencing of the parked car. She just looked at the website with houses for sale, how much a nervous neighbor put her house, and then went to the local Walmart, bought there for $4.99 a plastic plaque HOUSE FOR SALE ("House for Sale"), wrote on it a price of interest 30 lower than the one a neighbor asked for her house, and placed in front of her house, crossed the beautiful inscription SOLD ("Sold!") above the writing. So that, of course, the sign was perfectly visible from the road to all potential buyers coming to see the house.

“Happy sales,” she thought. and what. It is hard to argue with neighbors.

(c) Not mine, from the spaces of redit