told a colleague. She was on a safari in Africa. I look at the zebra. They climb, they play. A lion began to roam at them. The zebras saw him and began to run away. They ran three hundred meters and started to jump again, rolling up in place.

My colleague asks the guide:

Why did zebras stop running? The lion is very close.

They have already forgotten!

I was born in an ordinary family – Mom, Dad, Brother. They all worked at the same company, but in different shifts. Some worked at night and slept during the day, others, on the contrary, the schedule was floating and the roles changed. My childhood came in the 90s, and I grew up as an active, curious child. He loved toys, painting, playing dendi and watching the scenes. I visited my friends and loved when they came to me. My lifetimes were complicated by the fact that at home I needed to behave as quietly as possible, because someone was constantly sleeping before the night shift or slept after. We even called the house a dream kingdom in a joke. The ideal option for leisure is to walk outdoors, you can crack in your throat and loudly, but you understand that the child wants to watch cartoons and play soldiers and I am silent about the appearance of dendi or sagi. At first I was naive and inexperienced, running a video magnet in the perfect silence of a room with a cassette roll-out inevitably led to the awakening of everyone who slept there. I had to listen to lectures about hard work and the importance of rest. But the time went by, hard-working training brought my skills to a completely different level. Knowledge came with experience, a pencil is quieter than a flommaster, and to make the step quiet you need to use wool socks. I knew that when I sat down my knees were loud, so before I entered the room with a video magnet, I sat in the hallway, one click and you can go - there should be no second. With an accuracy of up to a millimeter, I knew at what angle and with what effort to open the door so that it didn’t scream. By turning on the TV, I learned to quickly reduce the sound to a minimum before the speakers started working. Of course you will remember the mute button, but it may not work the first time, and the cost of the error is too high. The cassettes with the cartoons should be wrapped in advance and put in a pause, in no case can you look at the cassette to the end, otherwise a loud process of reverse wrapping will begin, and we do not need it. The volume of the sound from the 1st to the 3rd stick is the ideal option, although the sound I generally did not need because all of these cartoons I knew by the mouth. To play dendi, I hid my hands with a joystick under a cotton blanket or pillow, so the sound of the buttons was silent. I could have been ruined by the loud ringing of my home phone, but I turned it off during the movie. If you hear a snoring - then the sleep is strong and everything is fine, as soon as it goes down - you need to turn off the TV and pretend dead. When the parents wake up, they think there is no one in the room and fall asleep again. It is unfortunate that the soldiers were iron, it was difficult to play them, having hit them on each other sounded a dangerous bell, it is better to play alone - so more reliable. Of course, any conspiracy could be crushed by a crazy cat, who had to hurry up the carpet to the ceiling and in such a situation did not get a cat, but me. You could even knock on the door or start repairing the wall.



This was a period in my childhood. I am 33 years old and still feel the consequences of the sleep kingdom, for example, my wife is often scared that I approach her too quietly and unexpectedly. He says I’m stealing specifically, and I’m just so used to walking – quietly. I don’t like when people talk out loud while a person is asleep, it makes me uncomfortable, although I can fall asleep in any circumstances.



P.S. Do not read this post with a serious face)))

A truly beloved person is one whose dose in your life brings pleasure.

That morning started shit. Right in the literal sense. In the evening, my cat got a bunch. Something on the table. More precisely - on a bunch of papers, placing and noting almost every one. Increasing the aesthetic blow also financial. Because it was the signed mortgage documents that I was going to bring to the bank that day. With the originals of different letters, collecting which was hemorrhoidal. The Supa Supa!

The grey creature herself slept on the couch, not waking up from my nuts, and smiling at something in a dream. It was only surprising how the 20-year-old animal, which was hard to walk, was able to jump to the table.

It took more than a week to re-collect. During this time, the rate suddenly dropped almost half, and the new mortgage became significantly lower.

Soon the cat died. In the dream, on the same couch. I was crying.

In our country, even when we have a chip on our forehead, we will still be required to have a paper copy of the chip.

Don’t play with people, they’re not your toys.

There were four children in the Wind family. Three boys and a daughter. As they say, three sons and a daughter. Well, it happened, the mother wanted a daughter very much, and only the boys got. Lucky for the fourth time. The elder Vetrov, a healthy, crisp man, was a lover of fishing and hunting. As soon as a free minute was given, he went to a taiga or a river.
"Take the boys," his wife always shouted to him and added, "and my daughter and I will wait for you at home.
“Here is another,” he said, “they will be confused under their feet, stumble on them!
But took. Always took it.
Years went. Army for boys, school, their families. Everyone went away, including the daughter, but twice a year, on the birthdays of their parents, everyone gathered. The boys grew up to become a father, just as healthy, cruel. My father has been dry for years. We celebrated our birthday and in the morning:
You have to go fishing, the soul is burning! said the middle.
Take the father. I haven’t been fishing for a long time, my mother said. Bata, stuck and opened his mouth for his crown phrase, but realizing that it was not in place, shut up.
Mom, what a question. “Don’t worry, we’ll go from behind,” the old man pleaded.
What is it? Father met again.
So that you don’t bother us!

We live in an incredibly realistic simulator of the Middle Ages. There is an epidemic around, a monarch who has lost influence fights for the throne in Europe, and political competitors are eliminated with poison.

We go to bed with my wife, I stretch my hand under the pillow and touch her phone there. I ask :

What does your phone do under my pillow?

The wife says:

It will start to vibrate loudly, waking up the daughter.

Why not put it under your pillow? I ask you.

I am afraid it will explode. The wife answers.

O_O

Laughed a little. But the settlement remained.

Coming to Accounting.

I sit on a computer.

Running Accountant - Eyes of 50

Girls, what to do? ! to ? to ! to ? to ! to ? to

And what happened?

The boss yesterday asked to send N amount to the supplier, was drunk, wrote a text message so that there were no questions in the morning.

Now he calls and says, "I didn't tell you anything yesterday, I was in the shit. Take a phone.”

And he has in my contacts recorded the Red Berry Goat.

I changed his name in contacts, and in SMSs he is not changed! ! to

I was tormented for 20 minutes.

The programming

Do something.

Eventually I gave up like that...

One of the creators of the theory of controlled nuclear synthesis, the academician of the USSR Academy of Sciences Mikhail Aleksandrovich Leontovich did not like jackets, necklaces and walked everywhere, dressed in a simple way. One day, he and his colleagues met at the airport with a delegation from the United States who flew to Moscow for a symposium. One American professor, having received a baggage, began to look for a carrier. Leontovich was caught in his eyes in a worn cowboy, and the American handed him a heavy suitcase and a dollar. Leonovich cried out, but I put the donos in the car.

How surprised was the American scientist when he saw that the symposium was opened by this known carrier.

During the break, a confused overseas guest approached Leontovich with an apology:

Sorry, I insulted you with my dollar bill. Let me take her.

No is! Leontovich answered proudly. I earned that dollar honestly.

It should be noted that at the moment with writers in the world things are going well. There is a lack of readers.

eight rubles

I earned the first eight rubles - when a friend and I came to the vegetable market, the seeds to bite, crawl. And one seller offered tomatoes to be guarded while he was in business. We were 11 years old.
I sold all the tomatoes at the average market price. People approached and asked. Asked to sell.
I asked the neighbor at the place:
How much are your tomatoes worth?
He put on five copies. The goods were terribly beautiful.
This owner comes and let us say that the price is too low for such a product. And then asked the "neighbor" how much he sold and looked at the empty pots in his house!!! He gave me five and three rubles!! to

He would trade his goods for ten more days.
And then two boys in a couple of hours, with angelic eyes, sold beautiful tomatoes, wholesale, but for retail. Not knowing anything about trade.

It was in mid-July.
When my uncle offered to work for him: to sell tomatoes, we and Lechka agreed, not thinking!
They ate ice cream and candy. But his conscience rebounded and he gave the money to his mother. My mother looked at me and my father looked respectfully at me.
I earned 150 rubles in a month!!! Would you see my parents’ eyes when I pulled out the money!!! Rubles and rubles.
It was a bunch of money!

A new school year has begun. I did not go to the market anymore. Students and classmates were more interested.

There is no place for fear in my work. If you show fear, you are all dead.
Who are you working for?
Teacher in kindergarten.

My husband and I became parents for the first time. He was 20, I was 18. He took me to the nursery.



I give birth. Oral I am in the process or not I do not remember. I remember only that the thought was constantly revolving in my head, "just not matom." And here is the baby at the midwife, the first whisper. I’m tired and I can’t believe it’s over. And then the midwife throws the phrase out loudly: "Oh, what a Chubaisic!"



My tired brain sees an analogy with electricity and doesn’t understand what it means. He searches for other options, but does not find a decryption. I ask, “In the sense?” “Look what a red man!” And he smiles. I see. How do you know what color your hair is? When was he born here? I can only see that it is shallow, hair is long.



She washed her son, she swallowed, she gave me. And he continues, “Who’s your red? Probably with Dad.” And then I realize that my hair is really red. No one has to be like that. I am light pink. My dad is black. “No,” I answered on the machine, “Our dad is black.” "Mmmm, understandably," the midwife pronounces long and disapprovingly looks at me leaving the chamber.



My brain begins to panic. How is it? What is a genetic disorder? I try to remember what there was in genetics at school. by Fig. What is Genetic Chemistry? I do not remember anything like that. You just gave birth.”



For some reason I was terrified. Stress seems to have affected. I lie down and think how to talk to relatives. Not his husband, but his parents. Really terrible. "How to drink, they will decide what has gone on. I will say the height, I will say the weight, I will not say the color of the hair," I decided.



The nurse just brought me the phone so that I could call my own. He is turned off. It was I before the nursery on the request to "disconnect the phone" instead of the sound to turn off, cut it out silently. I don’t remember the pin. Absolutely. The two. The nurse came in and gave me her phone. I picked up my husband, he dictated me a pin. I call back from my own. When I talked to my mom, it was over an hour. There is nowhere to pull further. It was time to call his parents.



I call. And my mother immediately handed him out to me with an unstoppable tirade in the style of aunt Trindychi: "Oh, we've all learned it ourselves. I got a call half an hour ago. We were told that everything went well, and that a boy, and that 54 cm, and that 4100, and that RED!!!" And a pause. and pause! “Everything floated...” I thought and answered affirmatively. Words have disappeared. I can say nothing more.



And she, apparently, desperately waiting for me to wait for something apart, continues: "Oh, well, you are tired, rest, gain strength! Eat well and be smart. There is milk! Okay, you must be red! Go to my grandfather!” Something else is still talking, but I can’t hear it.



“To my grandfather!” My brain is attached. To your grandfather! Such relief, neither before nor after, I never felt again.



P.S I don't know if my grandfather or my husband and I just combined the genes, but the second son is also red. And the color is even more saturated and brighter than the older man was in his childhood.

Why do people jump with a parachute? and :)

Yyy: Because if you jump without a parachute, you can crumble to death.

Every shepherd knows how dangerous it is to scare a flock. The first person he will hit will be him.

Run, rabbit, run

Fate encountered us with the Rabbit in the Decanate. I don’t remember in the corridor. But he hated me suddenly and furiously. It happens. Sometimes I act on the human psyche prophetically. That is, intuition tells the individual the consequences of our encounter and immediately adjusts it to the right order. Luckily, the Teacher Rabbit walked on the neighboring stream and did nothing to us. If only I would have gone out of Miss Lula. Once he took some crazy electrical safety license from us, and then I flew all three. The rabbit celebrated.
I am glad that our body has recovered.
I found anger in myself.
Beating the Rabbit was both low and full. Do you remember the character from Winnypoch? Here is exact. It would be perfect for a photographer.

To beat him, I repeat, was not possible. But very wanted. So I tried not to get in contact with him. I saw a rabbit running. That was not easy, because this fox was a noble public figure. Eternally he headed the punitive raids in search of the unclean, then organized the sabbathers, then stood at the entrance to the almaty, catching the late, then rejoiced in the committee of the Komsomol, preventing the progressive youth from cuddling after yesterday.
State authorities have always grown out of it. He knocked, he knocked, he knocked.
The rabbit was a born drummer. Any violation seen immediately gained written form and flew to the dean. Or the rector. Or at the Komsomol.
The rabbit quietly hated the whole institution. The rabbit hated the word rabbit. Probably childhood injury. To say this precious word in the radius of hearing of his enormous ears meant to get a blood enemy to the very diploma. There was a taboo about rabbits. In any case, they tried not to remember the rabbits, because he loved and knew how to hate Kostia.
How much rope do you have?

A group of studios were sent to practice in Lipetsk. NFC to watch. For what hero the future theorphysicists needed to be given a miracle from the metallurgical combination - Hefest knows. But in the army, we all have long learned to battle in the waves of life. We must go. At a poultry farm. Only vodka should be preserved.
When I read the composition of the departing, I moved. Thunfish, alcoholics, preferenceists and blackheads. Our people. But the leader, the mother-in-law, the Rabbit. From the Fucks. The evening is no longer dark.
During the instruction, the Rabbit looked at my rod and grabbed solemnly. You are finally in my power. I am for you.
For a long time to rejoice some crazy rabbit was not in my plans. In the war as

What do you think will happen after death?
We will put your bed over and put a new patient.

Five years ago, I had to work from Peter to Moscow for a couple of days. As a transportation chose Bla bla kar (or as there his). I arrive at the exit point. There is a Mercedes minibus. I go to the back row. To drive at night, you need to sleep, so that you do not get out of the regime especially. The car crashed and touched. There were two deaf men with me. We go for an hour, two, and it begins to fall asleep. And here I just feel the vibrations in the air on a physical level. I open my eyes, and these two guys seem to be actively arguing with each other. They sit in their seats, communicate emotionally in their sign language. All the other companions are asleep, the driver turns the lamb, quietly playing the radio. I know they don’t bother anyone but me. I pick up the phone, open the message. I said, “You can talk quietly. I want to sleep very much.” I extend the phone to the person who is closer. He takes it in his hands smiling, passing it on to his companion. He reads and smiles too. They write on my phone that they are apologizing for the noise. They hand over the phone and knock on the shoulder. I don't really remember what I dreamed, but I slept well and well.