bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 59 - ] Comment quote №17093
 08.06.2009
"There is another "Superban". But I use it. Old moderns said that if you use a superban, the offender is bathed on the IP of Macadres, and then calculate where he lives, come home, fuck and burn the computer.

>>>>> has not been released

[ + 84 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №17092
 08.06.2009
I can not! I have to share it.)
Today people at work talked about all sorts of funny cases with pets) And here our accountant told about his daughter's favorite cat. Well, she has an adult daughter, married and lives separately) And someday friends gave her a toy, fur, cute eggs, but if you press him on the bottle he begins to sneeze)) And her healthy catch, three years of a family, not castrated, but the streets and in general free life did not smell suddenly inflamed to this meal with the most gentle feelings))) Moreover, with the need to show them to others and the more people around them, the better) In short, as soon as guests appear in the house, the cat pulls his eggs and humbly performs the marital duty with him. At the same time, it is homeric. What is going on with people watching this picture, I think you can imagine))) I do not even see, I walk and roast all day completely inappropriately)))))

[ + 76 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №17091
 08.06.2009
xxx: noticed that girls very like niki type: "Sucks", "Straws" and so on? And now imagine the guys with nicknames "Mudaček", "Gandonchik", "Urodec", and so on;-D

[ + 90 - ] Comment quote №17090
 08.06.2009
I walk through the street, a young couple passes by, the girl tells something lively. There is a phrase before me:
Mozart cut off his ear to prove to everyone that even the deaf can make music, and then he wrote a great poem.
...
In his head there is a thought: "Van Gogh cut off his ear, gradually deaf Beethoven, and poems are written by poets in general... And what about Mozart here?"

[ + 79 - ] Comment quote №17089
 07.06.2009
I have two cats - the old (2 years) and the small (about 7 months), so after the appearance of the small, the old periodically began to scratch not in the sand barrel, but opposite the barrel in the corner. I beat her, ticked her mouth - useless. Then I remembered the first courses of the universe of medicine, where I taught the conditional and unconditional reflexes, the experiences of Pavlov, etc. So, at the next act of defection of the old cat in the corner, I took the old and the young cat in both hands and ticked the mouth in the feces - I MALL. And, miraculously, after the third time, with all kinds of attempts of the old woman to guess in the corner, the young woman shouted at her, spit and beat her legs. The problem solved. I feel like a scientist, pleasant.

[ + 60 - ] Comment quote №17088
 07.06.2009
We sit with friends on the square, we talk, we look at the herd of skaters. The wind is strong on the street. And then suddenly in the crowd of skaters appears a girl in a very short shirt. Everything would be nothing if it wasn’t the phrase of somebody from the neighbor’s shop: "ha, fool! Their lips are blurred".

[ + 45 - ] Comment quote №17087
 07.06.2009
Popular about protocols:
Compression: Your left hand is cut off at the entrance, and at the exit the cloned right hand is sewn (and the mirror turned, of course). The same with the legs and in general with everything that has a regular structure.
Error correction: Your own photo is sewn to the back. If you don’t look like you on the outdoors, the face is corrected.
Life of the package: All movements along the corridor - while the light bulb is burning. Do not die as a hero.
DNS: To find out where the well is in the village of Gadjukino, you first go to the president, then to the governor, and so on.
Dynamic IP: Every morning everyone changes passports.
Text-oriented protocol: Your verbal portrait is sent instead of you.
MIME code: A certificate that you are not a camel.
Level of protocol: Clean field. You have to move from one end to another. An enormous arc is built, a bridge is built inside the arc, a railway canvas is placed in the middle of the bridge, the rails are welded and a huge granite canvas is placed on them with a tunnel inside, a tube with a diameter of half a meter is placed in the tunnel, along which you go while the lighthouse is burning to the president (pressed and with correction of errors).
Ping: Go see, Ivan Petrovich has not left yet?
A single passport for the whole family.
IPv6 is a Chinese passport.
c) Mochevikin
= = )

[ + 66 - ] Comment quote №17086
 07.06.2009
A friend recently had a son.

My wife is now calling, says my son is naughty
YYY: All in Dad... or Mom? and :)
XXX: She put her next to him. I slept, I slept...and he took it and quietly sucked it up.))))) says he lies now pleased with his hands mashet, smiles
YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY))

[ + 56 - ] Comment quote №17085
 07.06.2009
I am (19:24:36 31/03/2009)
Now I listen to Boris Grebenchikov.
Anna (19:26:11 31/03/2009)
To be honest, I’m not very interested in modern music.
Anna (19:28:25 31/03/2009)
music deep, I listen to more "mature" performers
Anna (19:29:39 31/03/2009)
Meladze, Annie Lorak, Sofia Rotaru, Alla Pugacheva, Philip Kirkorov... I don’t know what to add...

[ + 63 - ] Comment quote №17084
 07.06.2009
A slave who does not know that he is a slave will not rebel.

(The ancient principle of mass management)

[ + 53 - ] Comment quote №17083
 07.06.2009
KtOtO_SpB: bought myself a Hype... Hit the button "where am I?"
KtOtO_SpB:Sad that there is no button "What happened yesterday?"
KtOtO_SpB:And for extreme moments "What x#I?and "

[ + 67 - ] Comment quote №17082
 07.06.2009
My girlfriend’s obsession is to give plush toys human names. I recently gave her a medium-sized bear. Now we sleep three: I, she and Dmitry Anatolyevich.

[ + 64 - ] Comment quote №17081
 07.06.2009
We have an ordinary office building - a bunch of small offices occupying 1-2 rooms. One of the neighbors was attacked by the police. with the OMON. Since there was no clutch, I went to the toilet to wash the cup after lunch. I go out, I hear from the men’s toilet the “adieu song Glados” (well “this was a triumph...”), and vocal, without music. I think “I need to ask where they got it.” I’m standing, waiting for someone to come out of the sort to ask. There are two Omonovets out, and one of them is singing this song. Falcetom (with some sizes (I am 178, so I’m not low). The second to him:
Listen to singing. Woo, he’s kneeling at me. People are scared.
The first stops singing and ironically asks the partner:
That is, you mean that if we go to the address, but I don’t sing, we’ll be less afraid?
The second, scratching the cask:
Actually yes. Lana, let’s sing something else.
The first, flashing at me, gently picked up his machine (bad, if he so hugs his girlfriend - she's the only one I envy!) “You are so beautiful, no matter what they say – Words can't bring you down!”

[ + 59 - ] Comment quote №17080
 07.06.2009
From one forum:

Question:Here, please tell lovers of pets))) How I can get rid of the tooterier everywhere! And not scattering out of the cat’s toilet all over the apartment, you know what?

Answer: Make him a fool.

[ + 189 - ] Comment quote №17079
 07.06.2009
Researchers studying the phenomenon of female breasts found that a man who contemplates female charms for 10 minutes a day can extend his life by 10 years. The appearance of naked female breasts calms the nervous system, improves mood and increases potency.
Bring to the top! Everyone should know!and :)

[ + 55 - ] Comment quote №17078
 07.06.2009
The exams are tightened.
From July 1 to obtain a driver's license in Moscow and St. Petersburg will have to pass an additional test on the site: "Probka". The subject will have to sit in a special metal box for at least 2 hours, without attempting to move from place.
Every three minutes, with the whisper and the sounds of the sirens, a basin with a hail will pass by, imitating the passage of a government court. The test will be considered to have passed prematurely if the subject does not pronounce the words "Pidarasa" at least for the first forty minutes.
A spokesman for the GIA press service, Radar Zasadov, told our correspondents that if the initiative succeeds, it could be implemented throughout the Russian Federation.

[ + 58 - ] Comment quote №17077
 07.06.2009
It’s fun to watch the glamorous girls.
Yesterday "type unknowingly" said that I have a car, like the main character of the movie "Green Lighting". There was no departure from the girls. Imagine how they will be surprised when they see "the same" 402nd "Moscow"...

[ + 16 - ] Comment quote №17076
 07.06.2009
Places - life is beautiful, but these places are very difficult to reach.

[ + 53 - ] Comment quote №17075
 07.06.2009
Work with your head, not a computer.

At the dawn of the development of nuclear technologies before the USSR and the United States arose a problem.
Determine the dependence of the force of the nuclear explosion on the decomposition. Americans
came to its decision with the American scale: purchased the latest, and
time, equipment, for the crazy money borrowed specifically for this
A supercomputer case.
The test field was covered by kilometers of transmission from the sensors to
The Registered. After the test, the data from them were scored in perfocards and miracles.
techniques, gladly flashing with lamps, kilograms glotalo these same
maps, heating out the thinking process of movement. And he is,
The long-awaited result is the pillars of numbers in your hands.

The Americans were very proud of their production, if pride was
Lighter than the air, the pieces of American physicists would circulate in
The Stratosphere. The time has passed, the secret data has ceased to be so.
There was pride in the result and the Americans published their data.

Following them, our scientists published the data of their tests. by V
The prediction that the Soviets will appear in a deep backward comparison
With them, the Americans began to check the data. It turns out that the Soviets already
A more accurate sign! Uncle Condratius broadly revealed to Americans
Its strong boundaries.

Terrible thoughts waved in their heads - if the Soviet data were so accurate,
It was not a supercomputer, but a super-popper.
The computer, and the technology in general, does not read American at all. Well,
Once this happened, the Americans in all pairs equipped a delegation on the
experience in the USSR. Arriving at the Soviet colleagues, they took the bull for the roga - and
Can you show the glorious apparatus that you were expecting?
of data.
Yes, he is in front of you.
Soviet colleague pointed to the aggregate, the closest relatives of Iron
Felix (the mechanical arithmometer)
“A-a-a, secrecy,” the Americans thought, “is pretending. We know
to you!”
Per you will give us the equipment with which you worked.
by Poole? With hopes, they stumbled.
The assistant left, returned with the brick, which was placed before the scientists.
This simple object plunged Americans into hypnotic trance. Vote if
If there were bricks made of printed plates and semi-proofs, then
If it were all clear, this is an ordinary silicate brick, just what
The Pronumerated. The Americans became perfectly obvious, the Russians laugh.
They are not overwhelmed, but are overwhelmed.
From the composition of proustration, they began to draw a story of social
and testing. It turns out, the bricks were rated and placed on the radius of the
the center. After the explosion, the roulette soldats measured the distribution, which
Every particular brick flew away, and then a group of collaborators
The simplest physical formulas determined the high pressure.
Congratulations to Soviet science!!

[ + 42 - ] Comment quote №17074
 07.06.2009
The husband:
Which Aunt is coming?
The Wife:
Number or shit?

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