bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №130279
 05.07.2016
I am still bombarded. I had a girlfriend and a boyfriend, a brother and a sister. Today we are on the train to Moscow. I say - I will not be at home, the keys from the apartment just throw in the mailbox, I will come in the evening, I will take.

The girl left last. She closed the house and threw the key into the mailbox. It was the first opened mailbox. ! to She didn’t even remember the number. A woman’s logic, her mother at her feet.

[ + 43 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №130278
 05.07.2016
My husband and I have had a small advertising business for several years. My husband is an executive, and I am a manager, an accountant, responsible for procurement, etc. With our clients all the negotiations I conduct and it is on me to communicate with different kinds of people. And here I often see complaints about clients who cheat, mothers and managers talk and behave like personal slaves. We have them, too, and where without them. Customers often come to us from other customers on their recommendation. Here we have two prizes. One regular and the other VIP. In VIP prices, prices for the same positions are 150% more expensive. But in addition to the usual services, there are the following VIP options: to open the door from a pinch, not to say hello, to mother, to call in non-working hours, etc. And this is how a little more than a year ago a man comes to us: opens the door, in the style of: Hey you, I ran to the price, my root advised you, so get in. Well, I’m an ordinary person, I bring a VIP price. The man looks, begins to get upset, and why Serega pays much cheaper, and why is it so expensive to me? What I politely explain is that it is a VIP price, and what it includes. The man goes away unhappy, not forgetting to knock the door. The next day calls: Polite and asks for the usual price, even after using the word please even apologizes for his yesterday's behavior. She has been working with us for more than a year, even on Birthday congratulations and chocolates.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №130277
 05.07.2016
Last weekend, the Monument to Laptu was solemnly opened near the building of the Russian Geographical Society.
On the table of the post is engraved: "Unity of measurements of distances on maps of Russia".

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №130276
 04.07.2016
The user interface is like a joke – if it has to be explained, it’s not very good.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №130275
 04.07.2016
Oak E1
The 777 port
Drive@r: I ask you not to confuse the bulldozer of the type of Suncedar, Rubin, Pink strong for a ruble to twice seven with a relatively noble drink for two twenty!! to

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №130274
 04.07.2016
There is an old joke:

What do you think of the corpuscular-wave theory of light?

I am not the light, I am Natasha.

He told this joke to his friend Svetlana, which he heard:

What does this have to do with light? Do you think all the lights are stupid? ! to

So the old joke played with new colors))

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №130273
 04.07.2016
A recent journey to the Kentucky Fried Chicken. At the box, having finished ordering and taking out the wallet, suddenly I hear from the cashier:

Agree to donation?

No, I am saying.

Only 10 rubles to help sick children!!! Loud so that the whole line can hear. I am fortunate that I got a public condemnation.

and no.

The funniest thing, in the South Park recently was about this series. I all understand that sellers are obliged to offer such donations, but I consider such behavior to be frank.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №130272
 04.07.2016
To these comrades:

A potato with genes? Let go!

Are there genetic selectors? Add to this miracle the butter gene and I will cook and eat such a potato!

Zzz: If you add the gene to the pot with boiling water, you can not even boil.

And the gen silk, please!

[ + 39 - ] Comment quote №130271
 04.07.2016

Bill Gates, the richest man in the world, does not hesitate to drink water obtained from the processing of feces.A pilot station for the processing of feces was installed in Dakar, Senegal, in 2015. Gates himself in his blog described the process of obtaining water. “I watched how the feces went through the conveyor into a large reservoir, where the process of purification took place. They evaporated the water and then recycled it. In a few minutes, I was able to estimate the final result: a glass of pure, delicious water,” said the billionaire.

The first comment: The man who created the Windows Millennium and Vistu should only drink the water of the shit.


[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №130270
 04.07.2016
I bought a fitness bracelet almost a year ago. Then a few more people were interested in the work and bought.
Recently my accountant came to me. She’s a solid woman (a grandmother already) and she’s doing SUP's – steaming on the board.
The accountant wanted to find out if the bracelet would not count walking on the legs, but the fencing on the board. And the bracelet can show not only the steps, but also the mileage.
I offered to borrow my bracelet, but the employee had other plans. I listened to them a little and categorically refused to participate. The accountant had to persuade other people.
Imagine the warehouse. On it back and forth in the semi-dark runs a warehouser with a cart, which carries pallets with goods.
On the cart stands a bookkeeper, in makeup, in a dress, on his heels, in my bracelet, and, with a decisive expression of the face, he energically cheeks the imaginary wave.

The bracelet did not fit.

by Marinalevy

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №130269
 04.07.2016
I am an artist by education. I painted from childhood. Now I read that the craving for drawing is due to the fact that the child, seeing something beautiful, wants to be involved in this beauty, so he paints it. He subconsciously wants to be a part of it. Interesting explanation given the fact that I most often painted money as a child. Not to say they were very beautiful, but apparently I really wanted to be involved with them.

[ + 38 - ] Comment quote №130268
 04.07.2016
On the way to work and back, I constantly circle one traffic jams through the private sector and sometimes go to the local store, because it is convenient - there are rows around my house in the evenings, and there are few people. The roads there are broken, so there are not a lot of people like me - faster than in the traffic jams, it still doesn't work out, and I calmly roll through the holes, immersed in thoughts, faces around me blinked, familiar, sometimes automatically greeting with a whistle. I recently noticed that I was greeted in response as a neighbor, and yesterday one man at the store told me that they wanted to raise money and make a normal road on three streets, and that the rental gathering would be there and there in so much. I told him that there should be no good roads here, otherwise everyone will get around the traffic jams.

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №130267
 04.07.2016
I had a case: late in the evening I was driving from the end station of the subway to the area home, drive for 15-20 minutes. I did not want to wait for a taxi, agreed with a bomb at the stop. I told him where to go, he understood. From the orientation he was familiar, to drive exactly 5 minutes. The price is 400 rubles. When we crossed the landmark, he began to say loudly that I had deceived him, that it was terribly far away, and if he knew, he would not have bound me at all, and I had so much to deceive him. I didn't want to conflict, I wanted to go home soon - I said I would give him 500, only if I didn't need it. He didn’t ask for 700!!! And then we already came home - that is, actually 3 minutes have passed. I extend to him 500 rubles, and he splashes with saliva that I am an atheist, a disorderly girl, took the bill and WRONGED into me, telling me to drown with that money! I was in shock, but not thinking long, took the money and dropped it :)))

[ + 39 - ] Comment quote №130266
 04.07.2016
I often ride a taxi and have encountered a lot of things, but this was my first time.

I called a taxi through the app, from point A to point B, I was charged a price of 130 p. I waited for 15 minutes, although the app showed that the driver was in a seat near me, just where the shop with the shuttle was. As soon as I sat in the car, the following dialogue took place with the driver (B):

A: Girl, the cost of the order will not be 130 rubles, but 150.

I: Let me ask, is that why?

A: I usually drive on orders on the "LUX" rate, and now there are no such orders. (There must be mentioned that he has an old Reno Logan, such cars do not drive at our luxury tariff.)

I: And what about that? I did not call you for luxury.

A: We will go with air conditioning, for the air conditioning fee.

I: I, of course, don’t regret those 20 rubles, but I don’t quite understand your scheme, don’t you feel ashamed? I will pay as much as is calculated in the appendix.

Q: (on elevated tones) Well, as you want, we will drive in the heat and dust, if you are. The day was quite cold.

I opened the windows, turned off the air conditioner and we went. We come to point B, I count the money, as it did not get 1 ruble to 130r. I give him 200r, the driver gives 50 rubles.

You owe me another 20 rubles.

A: I have no small things.

I: So go change, I was driving in dust and heat, as you said, and I am not going to pay you 150r.

The driver got angry, took 20 rubles out of his pocket and almost threw them into me.

In general, I am not a greedy person, and if I like a taxi driver, I can leave a surrender to him, but when such a rough and frank divorce begins, I don’t want to give a penny in excess.

Should I say that I called a taxi and left a complaint on him?

[ + 34 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №130265
 04.07.2016
As a child, I loved dinosaurs. He constantly reviewed the BBC cassettes, collected dinosaur figures and generally wanted to become a paleontologist. I was then 5 years old, I was taken to an interview in 1st class, where at the end there was a standard question: "Who do you want to become? “To which I, without thinking, gave the standard answer: “A cosmonaut.” My mom was silent, but on the way home I learned why I didn’t tell my teacher about my love for dinosaurs and my desire to become a paleontologist.

I answered:

“Mom, I’ll tell her now who are paleontologists!”

[ + 22 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №130264
 04.07.2016
This is:

The Law of Jarov, the Law of Jarov.
But I will write a script, so that he poured gigabytes of files encrypted with a random key on the file storage - let the FSB then sit, decrypt, do business. It is not on helicopters to ride.

......
You are more careful there. It is easier for them to sign a law that prohibits the encryption of data, including personal data.

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №130263
 04.07.2016
Question to Knowledge. Is the noosphere aware?

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №130262
 04.07.2016
c: already at the airport, but the turn was hell))
Cox, have you already found it?
Go to the fucking!! I don’t have any hernia like that, comrades, he’s ashamed!
A: fucking... fucking... yeah, you didn’t take it, right... I asked, you said no with you.
I told you that you don’t bother with this.
A: You are doing right!
A: You are good!
C: Only a healthy lifestyle
c: only mineral
a: write "pearl" if you did not find this code word will be shorter
C: Go to Her
C: This is not a joke.
A: Are you already sitting there?
A: Say "banan", if you have to make a deposit for you
Tagged: banana
A: There’s a fifth... I can’t do it anymore, fucking.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №130261
 04.07.2016
Review: Batman vs Superman
YYY: What do they share?
Hollywood believes that viewers love crossovers
Five against Carlson?

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №130260
 04.07.2016
I got stuck in the elevator last night. Alone and without a phone. I was saved in an hour. There was light and ventilation worked. And this morning, when I went to work and went into the elevator, everything seemed so native, home... every screw is familiar.

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