Plastic surgeons see more inadequate babies than psychiatrists.

In 1926, an exhausted to dystrophy patient came to a famous psychiatrist, judging by ways, "from the former", complaining of unreasonable grief and apathy, because of which he can not eat and sleep at all. After examining him, the doctor prescribed... to read humorous stories: "Best of all, batenka, take Tomik Zoshchenko. It may seem simple, so proletarian. It is funny! This man is a great fun man.” "Doctor, I am Zoshchenko, I am Zoshchenko."

Remember, the main problem of mankind was the ozone hole over the Arctic? Terrible to remember. Such a fucking...

When I was 5 years old, I went to the cemetery with my parents. Summer, the weather is great, while the parents put in order, painted the fence, I went to the cemetery to walk, to look at the monuments. I see a monument, large, granite, on it a photo of a young woman, the date of birth and death, around the tomb a forged fence, a bench and a table. A woman is sitting at the table, I pass by, I looked at the monument, she apparently heard that someone was going and also turned, here I opened a brick factory, behind the table and on the monument was the same woman. I flee to my parents, there, I say, a dead aunt came to her grave. My dad snorted first, then, I don’t know how, understood what I was talking about, and explained to me that it was her twin sister, she died in an accident. I then even got upset a little, thought the zombie natural, and there was a sister.

During the period when my mother was not well with her health, one evening, when she was either thirsty or feeling very bad, my mother decided to look for favourable offerings for funeral services, as well as to write out the numbers, "so that the children would not worry about it." Almost like in a movie. In general, she opened the newspaper, saw the advertisement "free body withdrawal", called, learned everything, then, at the end of the conversation, she was asked, "will you order the body withdrawal?What my mom says, “No, I’m not dead yet.”

Strong power always rests on the weak people.

The 57-year-old driver, who was driving at a speed of almost 200 km per hour and was stopped, refused to pay a fine for excess. He referred to the fact that everything in life is used to doing quickly. This is the characteristic of the organism. He eats fast, sleeps fast, rides fast, has short reading and even moves very fast on foot.

He was summoned to court and told the same thing. The judge said to him, “Let’s see how quickly you’ll sit in jail for six months.”

A team of Russian schoolchildren won the Olympics in physics. The next generation of American scientists is growing.

We work with the client and fill out the application form.

I: Have you finished? Where it ends, put a large English Z.

Q: What is war here? Where are you dragging me?

I: Z in the sense of "end of the text", so that no one can fill the signed form further.

An uncomfortable pause.

When I was not taken into the army again, I had to go to work again. And here I, completely bald in a sweater with a collar at the ears, come to an interview in some communication salon. I look like a young but very promising criminal recently from places not so far away. There is a crowd of potential employees in the audience. The scheme is such as, for example, “those who have completed only nine classes are not suitable for us.” Someone stands up and leaves. With every question the crowd rides. I am not leaving. I have my bald skull and I am already preparing to work. I notice that with every new question the recruiters are not looking at me well. People are getting smaller, and I am sitting. Apparently they don’t believe me. But I really know how to sell, I have a confident computer, I have a college diploma, a regional license and so on. I even thought that the recruitment of the new staff would only end when I, the suspicious kid, left. And here we were two: me and some major in a shirt, pants and a Hollywood hairstyle. The recruiting staff decided, apparently, to repeat the key moment loudly and clearly.

Once again, we remind you that if you have judgment, then you are not suitable for us.

An uncomfortable pause. And then suddenly the major stands up and leaves. I remain alone. Staff recruits are broken and, not knowing what to do, look around. Finally, a very young girl says with a trembling voice:

We cannot accept you...

Why is? Is it because I am bald and scary?

They looked around. They silence. I wanted to offer them to break into the cards on whether to take me to work or not. But I did not stand. In short, I felt sorry for these young HRocks and I just left. At the entrance there was a major and smoking.

“I have no conviction,” he said. It’s really interesting how they make you feel ?

They could not, and I left myself.

You are beautiful)))

🛩 Weather forecast over Moscow: Strong fog. The plane starts to land, the pilot is not visible. Suddenly, a skyscraper appears from the fog, someone blows in the window. The pilot stands up and cries:

Where are we?

in response:

In the plane!

The pilot sneezes, and confidently, with a metric accuracy, leads the plane to land. After landing, the pilot asks him:

Igor, how did you do that?

I asked a simple question and got a 100% correct but completely useless answer. Then I realized that we were flying past the 1C support office. I know the road further.

The most important art is the art of sophisticated deception. Not your moving pictures.

She sent her daughter to the sanatorium (she was five years old). When registering, a doctor, a serious man, asks her:
Do you know how to write letters?
I know, she says proudly.
Can you write your name?
I can.
He gives her a blank, she brings Masha out on him in business. And then he reads to her that she has signed a document on compliance with the regime (not to noise, not to battle, and so on). Her disappointed eyes were...
And I told her, “Before you sign something, you have to read it first.”

Why would Russian villages and cities without gas not freeze, and Europe without gas freeze?

I needed to replace the toilet. Bought, delivered, the master came and did everything. He calls me to look, stands in the door and says:

Ready to try it!

I look at him in stupor, in my head a lot of thoughts (need to be with him? Can not later? Can I close the door? I do not know how much I would still stand in confusion, but soon he breathed himself pressed the button and with the words everything worked, left.

We will not sell the house in a mortgage.

Why is?

Strong opposition to mortgage

What arguments does the daughter have against such a buyer?

None, she is against it.

Do you know what a mortgage is and how mortgage transactions take place?

No is!

He has a friend with whom he meets a couple of times a year. He asks me how to remove my stomach and get tighter. I start reading him a lecture about BJU, workouts, visceral fat and so on. I talk for 10 minutes, he shakes his head, asks questions, listens carefully to me. Here I think of an obvious nuance:

When does she fly?

And tomorrow...

I went to Ashan with my husband. The mood is good, we joke, we laugh... (and we laugh very loudly.) I went to the shelves with bread and I, in parallel with a funny conversation, look for the right brand.

Here behind it is a claim, one-on-one as the grandmother in the video: "Can you laugh elsewhere?"

I turn around and see a splashing aggressive man (the author of the claim) and his wife with a child (the latter has some obviously touched look). And you can see that happiness in this family does not smell.

Usually I get lost in such situations, and then I instantly gave out without losing optimism in my voice: "And what, we are preventing you from suffering?!“”

To my surprise, the man squeezed and hastily retreated, capturing the family. I forgot about bread.

XXX: Sometimes you kill a cockroach and you realize that he may be going to his family. After such thoughts, you usually order the disinfection of the entire apartment.

You won’t get rid of someone lying on the sofa.