I have a friend, director and owner of a fairly large, with good turnover, company. And he has everything like people: a house, an apartment, a car, a yacht, a wife and a mistress (a secretary is a referent).
And here is how I went to him in the office of affairs, the secretary serves us coffee, but I bring to the coffee chocolate, and him demonstrably caramel candy - to my astonished look a friend, squeezing his eyes, replied:
"Yes, I went here to the left from the left..."
I thought a lot...

XXX: I am sitting at work, next to the report thick-walled lies, suddenly sharply fucking what kind of SAP flashes, that then everything downward twists all I think, the computer is quite breathing in me. I call the system manager type - Vanya, run all gone! What do you think? Vanya just took the report from the button Enter, so the evil looked and went away... And it was after he told me yesterday what kind of knee I know that this is a mini-esby!

by le_jour:
42 years since a man landed on the moon. Astronauts swim, swim in fountains and strike passers

by chudovis4e
You are a salad, go here. Flying into space? What is not? It is"

Now the knife fell on the foot with a sharp end, so there were no scratches on the foot. Another would go to the church to pray, and I would go to the store to buy a new knife, or it would get dull.

On an English-language website:
What's your job? What work would you like to do?

Answer to:
I am a pitcher of shit. One day I walked around the city and drank a bunch of whales. Later I found a $100 note on the floor, and I realized that they were being paid for that work. Since then, I have been working as a pine worker.

I go out in the morning, and at night there was a strong wind, before entering as always a lot of cars, a bunch of different foreign cars and in the middle of Kalina and on the roof a huge tree which fell at night so that the bottom of the car on the asphalt, and the wheels in different directions.
The owner of the car stands next to him and loudly says: “Even God against the domestic automotive industry!”
None of the cars parked nearby were injured.

I am the Head of Design at an advertising agency.
Ordinary Monday night. Nothing predicts a slowly but relentlessly emerging idiotism.
Making the machete crazy. Here the gentleman stands up from behind the table and lies with a note on the carpet. Strange, well okay though. Within 5 minutes, a colleague turns on Irish music and is gone! All the offices, including the client who came to the agreement on the project, danced Jiga. I love my job!

Z is. Wait for news from the fields. For stupidity is endless.

from ZH:
I roll out, I mean, in the corner, in the square, where there is usually no one in the morning, I get the headphones... And suddenly I realize that half the man is running out of the bottom of the house. Half naked and beautiful. From the effect of a slight surprise I publish AAAAAAAAAA!
The man also publishes AAAAAAAAAAAA, because he did not see me and disappears. In the basement window, it appeared. Then again appears his half, who supports his head with his hand and asks, "Girl, what are you eating?"
Centaurus, I guess, is a man above, and a house below! Chase charms and seduces, you need to pick up your garbage bag and take your feet away!")
What... What are you doing?
You are the first to start!
And I can think, every day I have men out of the house! You may have been... cut off!
She picked up a bag of garbage and left. With the head raised, of course.

"Listen, your boy came to me, everything was repaired and everything was done, and how do you know him?"? to
M is? Why to you?
-Well, how to say, when my mom at home bushes that I drop under the evening, small arranges some understandable only to her sabantuy, and I can not even go in the shower... and here he, coming to my mom from the threshold gives ice cream, small psp swung up, sat behind the computer. there is a shaman, I quickly in the shower, and when I got out there is not... and he smooked my T-shirt I prepared for the exit. Give me his phone number!!! to
You both, he and he, he argued with me that you will ask for his phone number first, and I know you and your talent to advance.... challenged him three cleaning genes in his apartment(((( you have his phone, and I'll tell him what I'll say!and (

Diaiim, you’re named Dima, I remember :) Come again = )

I sit with my grandmother drinking tea.
What is the name of tea?
And she immediately starts reading from the label: Lip-ton.
I: It is Haley! How can you read "Lipton"?! to
B: How, how... Without glasses!!

I work in the accounting department. The institutions.
We have a wonderful proga called "Astral report" abbreviated Astral.
We sit and work, the head of the bow approaches and says, "" and let's go into the astral."
I hear it once every 100th and still every time to tears.

Wisdom is the ability to live with something that cannot be thrown out the window.

For a month as my home phone number got into the phone base of some building organization. At first I tried to protest and proved that it was a mistake – useless. Now I have reconciled and successfully participated in the technological process. Here is the call today:
What to do with cement?
Load out...

Chapaeva was elected president in 2012 and Petka was made prime minister.

He fought – Vasily Ivanovich fought with corruption: and freedom is better than non-freedom – he said, and civil society – he created, and ments into ponts – he renamed, and Skolkovo – modernized, and nothing is done with him:(. They steal! Even more than before. Moreover, it is now virtually not necessary to sit on economic articles.
Chapaev was tired, disappointed and went to his friends Angel to complain about the Russian people, and left Petka for himself.
He returns in a month, and can not be delighted - officials are polite, do not take bribery, work quickly and carefully. The haishniks do not collect bubbles on the bushes, but on the crossroads with sticks - the traffic jams are pushed. The generals do not give the hands of the soldiers build, and on the fields run.
Soldiers are attacking. Doctors do the operation for free, and in the sight of puffy envelopes are hidden in the office and locked on the key. And the people, along with the OMON sheep, every Saturday go out for concerted demonstrations – wishing long years of power. The beauty!
Chapaev then summoned to himself Petka, hugged, kissed, a shirt from the presidential shoulder, brought from the Netherlands, gave and awarded the greatest order. Well, now, says the former Petka, how you have achieved in a month what I have not been able to in all the years! Give out, says Pete, your military secret!
- Yes, I have no military secret, Vasily Ivanovich, I am a man.
I know nothing about freedom and non-freedom, debt with credit.
I am confused, but here with the machine gun Maxim – I am managed in perfection! Therefore I
Just ordered in each institution to put two machine guns Maxim.
full of boxes of tape and almost where someone does not want to live honestly -
The next, the next!
The young pet! Continue on. Only one thing I didn’t understand –
Why two bullets?
- Yes, I tried to do one thing, Vasily Ivanovich, but not friendly - all
Time is overheating!

Wait, don’t be in a hurry, we don’t even meet you.
He: It can be corrected.
She: Do you suggest me to meet?
He: That kind of
She: OK, I agree
He was chased.

Girls and boys! And let each one connect his life only with one person, but the best, not with a few, but so to himself.

Do you have a Twitter?
She: No, I am not your president.

A woman presented her passport to me. Her name is Blacherova. 40+ years of life with her. Poor children, poor teachers and teachers.

The forum. Talk about dogs sucking on motorcycle wheels:

You have to ride on your wheels, then the animal will understand that the machine is not his territory.
yyy: A good way. By the way, it is believed that before the trip you need to urinate on the wheel, then the trip will be successful. Even Gagarin is said to urinate on the wheel of the bus before flight
zzz: In India, a richer who I knew swallowed his left leg for happiness.

and Kira. Everyone in our childhood was afraid of something, the darkness, someone in the closet, the half-open bathroom, the closet, or something under the bed.
So here’s what I’m doing, kind of grown up, the fears have forgotten!Night, I wake up from the heat, I go to drink water in the darkness, after done I go back to the room, I go to the bed...and something clings to my foot from under it, that with such anxiety...I sat down for a fraction of a second...and only a few minutes later I remembered that I had a CAT...