I regularly watch different talk shows on TV. Probably the old. Particularly entertaining are those where officials of all walks of life call on young people to choose a competitive specialty, enroll in a top university and find a highly paid job that would allow them to earn a decent pension in 40-50 years and live without longing. In theory, everything is fine. Looking back at my classmates, I realize that with the first education fucking who guessed.
I graduated from school in 1986, we were young, disturbed, dreamed of the beautiful and thought of the good: what was the engine in the country. Who knew that in five years, when we graduate from our universities, together with the engine in the country will come the star, cape and other joyful furry animals. Then there were two coup d’état, two Chechen crises, crises of all kinds, monetary and pension reforms, etc. and etc. I think that each during this time had 2-3 personal microcataclysms, and not micro. There was a terrible inflation. In 1996, my mother and I bought a sewing machine for two million three hundred thousand rubles. Cut, by the way, so far. What happens to her is that she is German. From the Soviet salaries of 120 rubles to millions went less than five years. Then there was denomination and default. Thirty years have passed like one day. It was not boring. And here I look at these officials who write down all the charms of life with a large pension accumulated and I want to ask them one single question: gentlemen, are you sure that the next 30 years in our cheerful and unpredictable country will be more peaceful than the previous ones?

by PS. The same officials tell us what benefits of life await us by 2024, and for some reason their entire flight of fantasy is limited to the presidential term. Whether we are waiting for universal grace (which is questionable) and there will be no need to think about anything at all, or whether these officials do not see themselves in this country after 2024.

I want to be treated gender-neutral.
You hear it, shit...

Aunt (a lawyer for education) told the story from the time of her internship in (then still) the police station

They took a Gypsy woman with suspicion of transporting heroin in one intimate and interesting place. Probably a clue. And check suspicions as follows: the Gypsy is forced to take off her shirt and squeeze a little. And here she sits - once, two, three. An apple falls on the floor. Obviously a hole. And behind him fall tightly filled contraceptives with heroin. The apple is cleansed on the table away, they start to mess with the papers.

At this time, the same trainee is in the office. The unfortunate apple appears to him, and he begins to ring his bells under the frankly flattered eyes of the staff, the trainees, my aunt and the Gypsies.

How the story ended, I did not know.

Good morning dear readers. I work as an operator. Support from a well-known provider. And so call!

I am the Client:

I am - Good night, this is the company, this is the name, how can I help?

Where is my internet?

Do you have no internet?

K is Yes! Where is my internet?

I check his login and check the base.

I - You don't have an active session on the router, is it enabled?

No, no lamp is burning.

I - Please turn it on or check the power cable

K - I turn it on, it doesn't turn on!

And then there was a sharp woman’s voice in the background: “Dumb, we don’t have the light!”

The client hangs the phone. No greetings or greetings.

I am sitting at work, watching the process on the comp and what was so drawn into my sleep... Shortly dropped off in the chair, but you can't sleep and so hunting.

I remember reading a long time about the popular way for drivers not to fall asleep while driving. It is necessary to stop, shut down the engine, press the keys in the fist and place the hand so that when the grip is weakened, the keys are dropped. Go sleeping a little. When the keys fall out, you get a considerable charge.

I take the bandage from the 3 keys on the label, I throw myself off in the chair and instantly shuts me off. I woke up because my boss took the keys out of my hand. Excited by B#$!! to

A boy fought with a classmate. I raised them, and I asked:

What happened?

“I gave her a tablet to play, but she doesn’t return,” the boy replied.

I have returned! Even yesterday! The girl is upset.

I start the investigation. As you know, the devil lies in the details. I ask her:

Tell me how you brought him back.

I put it on party!

Where was he at that moment?

In the dining room!

Do you think it’s enough for the party?

"There was his neighbor, I told him to hand it over.

Looking for a neighbor, I ask:

Where is the plan?

I do not know?

Was it transmitted to you?

No is!

Back to the girl:

- Again, tell and show in detail how you gave it.

I put it on the party and told the neighbor to hand it over.

What did he answer you?

No, he was reading the book.

- That is, you just put the tablet on the party behind his back, said to transmit and left?

and yes! What is this?

There was noise in the class. He did not hear you. He went home. The planchet remained lying on the party. The owner of the tablet after the dining room also left home without going to class. As a result, someone took the plan for themselves.

I don’t care, I got it back and that’s all. Get away from me!



Called the parents of the students to school. tried to find out. The mother of the girl, the fault of the daughter did not see. The daughter of the tablet returned, and what was next with him, the problem of the owner of the tablet, you have to look at their things. They questioned classmates, children of the second shift, who came to this class, but the tablet was never found. This is all over.

This is the lesson of life. Classes that are not on schedule

What comforts: Cristiano Ronaldo, Lionel Messi and even Neymar are not deserved mothers of sport.

Tropical Cascade or How Wolves Change Rivers

When 14 wolves were released in Yellowstone National Park in 1995, scientists did not suspect that this would radically change the entire ecosystem of the park.
Wolves have not been in the park for 70 years and all this time there reigned deer, which over the years of uncontrolled breeding (all efforts of people to control their population were unsuccessful) caused the strongest damage to the local flora. The fourteen wolves, of course, were unable to slay all the deer, but they forced them to choose places for pastures more carefully and avoid some parts of the park. In these places vegetation has begun to revive. In six years, the number of trees has increased five times. There have been bobras who love to eat trees and love to build dams. In the factories there were owls, ducks and fish. Wolves decreased the population of chakals, which led to an increase in the number of rabbits and mice, and those in their direction attracted the park of frogs, chickens and foxes. Bears came to the park, as they could feed on wolf undernourishments, plus the number of berries in the park increased.
But most surprisingly, the wolves forced the rivers to change their behavior. Their streams were straightened and stabilized, and the erosion of the shores decreased. This happened because the influence of wolves on deer led to the explosive growth of trees and grass on the banks of the rivers, which led to their strengthening. The geography of the park itself has changed, and all thanks to the fourteen wolves released there less than thirty years ago.

If you steal, then the most vulnerable and weak.
Are you the head of government?

In any sport, the title "merited master of sports" is given for winning something and only in football for not losing something.

I live near the sea.
He went out onto the balcony to smoke, stretched, and here in front of me at three meters, swinging his wings, the male hanged the tea and began to mourn at me as a cavalry commander in his youth. I cried until I realized that they and the female had a nest on the roof and that tobacco smoke was harmful to the puppies.

Now I smoke on the balcony on the other side of the house.

Russian football team awarded in the Kremlin
And the teams in mathematics, physics, chemistry, biology, programming who took prize places in international competitions in the Kremlin were not awarded.
When it is the opposite, things may change in the country.

I went somehow to wax hair removal of the bikini area to delight the newly made husband with something new (namely an intimate haircut under zero). It is painful, uncomfortable, but then beauty! All smooth, no scratch, irritation, charm and only! But the beauty did not last long. One morning I put on trousers and felt a slight discomfort in the perineal area, but did not attach much importance to this and went to work. By the evening, the situation worsened significantly. Somewhere near the entrance to the divine lotus cave it was relentlessly sick and I could not walk otherwise than in disgrace. She came home, her husband's good was not yet there, armed with a mirror, directed a lamp to the study object and began to look. And there is a huge breakdown - a hair has grown. What to do, you need to get (it is worth noting that neither the girlfriend nor her, at the time, the husband did not tolerate the type of blood and were extremely rude). And here, only I armed with a needle and pincet, disinfected the field of activity and tools with alcohol, my husband returned. Picture with oil: I, hollowing, with melted legs (one in the bath, the other resting in the wall) I sit on the washing machine, between my legs his desk lamp shines, in one hand a mirror, in the other a needle. The bonus is my pale, almost green face, distorted by the grimas of embarrassment, horror and embarrassment. Of course, there were explanations. Then the husband, wearing the sleeves of a snow-white shirt, comes up on his knees and begins to forge the unfortunate hair, permanently we both suppress attacks of nausea from the type of blood and pus and suffer from the inconvenience of the situation. The operation ended successfully and it quickly healed. But it was at that moment that I realized that family life and love include not only pleasant moments of joint romantic time, but also such cases when you want to fail through the earth from shame.

When you won nothing and won nothing, and the barin gives you an order, it means either you are sleeping or the barin is off.

His parents had a family friend, Dr. Mochrik. Student of Amosov. Specialized in child lung surgery. The newspapers wrote about his brilliant operations.

Unfortunately, he died... shortly after the prison, where he fell ill. He went to jail for a bottle of cognac. And the bribe was a bribe, on the order of the offended.

Who could a surgeon offend from God?

He insulted a laboratory. After suspicion of poorly performed tests, he arranged a laboratory inspection - poured tea into a bowl and gave it as a urine analysis. The result received the usual - protein, well, what is there for analysis. After such results at the tea bowl, the laboratory worker he fired.

The result: prison, prison and sickness.

His son followed the footsteps of his father and became a doctor.

“Gazprom, Rosneft, Rosetti are rolling out a bunch of bugs so that our wonderful athletes don’t leave abroad, but rejoice us here.
Thousands of the most talented scientists, engineers, programmers are leaving, and it doesn’t bother anyone. What is quite explainable is that the cranky bodies and crumbling muscles of these little ones are not necessary for our innovative economy.

He worked in a factory for welding machines. And our management decided to develop a welding machine for welding pipes and send it to the exhibition to attract customers. For this, a welding machine (colour green) was purchased in China and was completely copied. When asked what color to paint, the management said in any color except green, so that the exhibition would not be accused of copying.

If you add the word "general" to all the posts in the staff schedule, the secretary will win the most.

The morning. The office. The employee has a cell phone. Conversation on one side.
Yes I listen.
......
- Man, you are wrong with the number, but if you and the boss explain what I am now, you will get hit.
...
Opening the window to the street is not enough. You have to cut off the telecast, and then lie as if the road is in a traffic jamming!

- They say that the residents of the multi-storey buildings will be obliged to pay for anti-terrorist protection.
- Now, probably, they will be hiring landers in concierge.
Something tells me that for this money grandmothers buy whistles. It looks like buying a tank.