I had a friend, a circus, aerial gymnast.

One day after the end of the show, when the audience usually approaches to take an autograph, get acquainted or just say thank you, a woman with a little daughter approached and, after expressing admiration and gratitude, asked: "And we were in a city a couple of months ago, at the performance of your circus, and you performed there in a white swimsuit, made of tape. We liked him so much! You’re in black, why?”

I see, the gymnast was a little confused, thought, and then began to explain:

"You understand, the concept of the number has changed a little, it has become more tragic, black better emphasizes the mood. We even let the music slow down a little to express it. And then, in this circus, the light is set a little differently, white would not look like this!

When the woman, satisfied with the conversation, left, I heard light laughter from the circus, friends of the gymnast. He turned to them:

“Well, you think, I’ve gotten a little better, I don’t get into my old swimsuit! I will lose weight!”

The further people depart from animals, the more they become similar to them.

I recently got a cat, Maine Coon. Healthy such a cat with brushes on the ears, a born hunter. The red cat, serious, the sheriff I called him. I live in a private house, in a sufficiently warm climate, in such a way that the cockroaches here are street insects.

Nevertheless, the cockroaches love to fly home. And once they flood, they no longer leave there themselves.

So, my newly acquired cat has done them genocide.

Turtles are not very afraid of people, because they move much sharper than us. By the way, if desired, they can fly, but this desire does not often arise in them. And not to escape from people - they are just lazy to escape from us.

But this is a different thing with the cat, I observed it thoroughly.

At first, the Sheriff was shy and did not go anywhere beyond the first floor, and at the first he was more and more hiding under the washing machine. Then he mastered, dared and took on the cockroaches. They did not immediately figure out who they were dealing with, first tried to escape. ha ha! When he hit their hordes by the edak three times, they began to try to fly away from him. God helps them. My ceilings are low, two and a half meters, and the Maine Coon jumps one and a half meters away.

The cockroaches ended up on the first floor very quickly, and the defects fled to the second, where the bedrooms. Previously, they did not get there, I even had time to be upset by their invasion, but not very strongly and not very long.

The Sheriff has a special love for cockroaches. No, he also catches flies, but without enthusiasm, but cockroaches are passion. Therefore, convinced that the cockroaches were finished on the first floor, he stumbled onto the second. Here the ultimate star almost arrived.

The cockroaches move quietly, you will not hear them at night. But the sheriff is not obsessed with such nonsense. That is, going out for hunting, he also does not make any noise, but when he catches the victim, it sounds like this: "shshsh-sh-sh-bdm, urrr!..." Bdm, it’s a jump, and urrr, it’s already when the cockroach is in his legs.

He took them all out on the second floor, and then walked a few days unhappy again, until he discovered the presence of a loft with a billiard table. This is where the real disco began, and late at night.

The scene is like this – I sleep peacefully, suddenly I hear “ba-ba!!!” I wake up in a cold sweat – what? Where is? is incomprehensible. Here is the “ba-ba!” from above. I run to the roof - the sheriff is on the table, two billiard balls roll on the floor, and between the sheriff's legs the last is sick. And Edak proudly looks at me, saying, “See, master?”

Now the house is sterile. The sheriff sits down the first floor again sadly, breathes up and asks his bullshit, "When will we hunt again, right?"

Lukashenko calls Putin:
Why don’t you congratulate me on winning the election?
You have not counted the votes yet.
Do you think you have your voice?

At the beginning of the zero in our village was a place by the name of Ubeykobila. And in the district, at the time still the militia, sent a new chief with the name Ubeykon.

When they met, they fought, because each thought the other would follow.

No one harms the independence and unity of a country as a flock of idiots who have declared themselves true patriots.

In the Caucasus, it is not acceptable for a young man to smite an old man. For insulting an elderly person will then have to answer before his children (many), grandchildren (many), friends of children and grandchildren, peasants and friends of the elderly (many), before their children, grandchildren and friends (many). This applies to all elderly people, including guests in the Caucasus. You can guess how the hamster ends there.

Today I watched debils on Sochi beach, who came to the resort from Zasransk with their Saransk culture. Deciding to expand their space for rest, they began to ham and push out of the shadow of the elderly neighbors. The old women did not conflict, moved away, and then quietly left the beach. But at the exit of the "winners" met and conducted, holding under the pen, the children (a little over 30) of the owners of the house, where the old women stopped. No one has seen this company of Zadar tourists on this beach. And somehow not sad. And the elderly come to their favorite place in the shadow.

Sometimes it is necessary to stop the wheel and walk the wheel.

If you are smart in the minority, you are stupid in the majority. Who can they vote for in fair elections?

I registered my grandfather for a free haircut from some institute.

This time I went, I liked it.
Recorded another.
Half a year later, he suddenly started cutting his neighbors and friends.
And so well, very quality.

Those began to recommend to friends, began to cut for money, bought equipment, grandmother sent first for free haircuts, then for courses at the same institute.

In other words, pop business.
I ask, how is it?
You just went on free hairstyles!

So, he says, imagine a room with 10 women who don’t understand a haircut.
And each teacher explains 10-20 times how to cut properly.
They do not understand, he explains and shows again.

So, I watched, watched and learned.
Well, teachers during this time asked a little bit what to buy better and how to cut.

The salon does not want to open, says and so from the customers no rejection.

If the manager of Sberbank calls you and wants to check your card, always ask to present yourself in full: name, surname, pursuit, article on which he sits.

Have you seen, dear man, a spoon? And have you noticed that the spoon is almost the same all over the world. Yes, there are Chinese and Japanese, but you know what? They also have slices.

Do you know why they are the same?



Think about it for a while, and I’ll talk about the nails.



If a person starts to interfere with the work of the nails, he cuts them / scrapes / bites them. A person does not go to the forest and collect the berries there, does not make a special tea from them and does not drink it twice a day, so that the nails fell or at least stopped growing. He shortened them.



Do you know why? Because it works. The decoctions don’t work, and the scissors / pins / teeth work. Therefore, the recipe for getting rid of long nails is flying around the world instantly. And the recipes of secret herbal decoctions so that the nails do not grow, may be (and if not - I can strain and try to come up with), but apparently kept a secret.

What is the spoon here? She also works.



Any recipe or invention that works and is actually effective will spread throughout human society at speaking speed. Secret knowledge is almost nonexistent, or it is knowledge about what does not work.



If there was a secret to penis enlargement it would not have been a secret for a long time and everyone would know it. And every mum from the diapers would do anything so that her son's herre would be the greatest, as this would give him a great (literally) advantage in passing on his, and therefore his mother's, genes to the offspring.



And even if this secret was owned by one family, very soon all or almost all of Earth’s inhabitants would be descendants of that family knowing the “secret.”



So if the secret knowledge on penis enlargement exists, the only thing we can say about it with a hundred percent probability is that it does not enlarge the member.

Taxi driver is a dangerous profession. I was once attacked with a knife.

What a horror!

“Yes, a passenger sits, I see, he has a knife. I didn’t bother, I got my knife. He is with me, by the way. Do you want me to show?



For some reason I did not want.

The fast hand often requires the speed of the legs.

I also got a call from Sberbank.

- Whether you translated to Nalchik in the name of Huikina Vasilvasilich.
I did it, I responded boldly. I will check now. The second. Well. Yes is. Two translations by Hook. One for 100 thousand rubles. The second is forty-three thousand fifty copies. Exactly so.
Eeee, I am moving in. - You just carried out bla bla bla... - continues on the script, but nervous.
Well yes. Huiquin, Daddy is mine. and Huixin. He bought an apartment there in Nalchik in a mortgage through you. And the car. You have a car, of course. by Lada-Kalina He could have bought it better, but he likes it. What happened to him again?

The guy turned away... but came back again and in the third round.

Are you such?
So exactly.
You just carried out...
Well yes! I have two translations. One of such. Another sequel. Huiquin is my father. He really left us with his mother and brother when I was five, but we are in a good relationship and I help him. I bought him an apartment, a car. by Lada. and blue. He is not bad like that. I quit drinking recently. What did he do there again? Did not pay. Or the deadline continued?

The guy somehow moved. Hard for him. But the voice so raised, spoke importantly, roughly, quickly.

- You understand that Huikin is in search of murder and you, as a complicit bla bla bla...
and oh. Not in search of him. Listen to him more. He builds out of himself... He is the last time in the twentieth as he sat in the two-thousand, and thinks that he is a cool criminal. Please don’t listen to me, call me. So what there? Do I have to pay something else? So I’ll give him it now, he’ll pay.
- Citizen Huikin committed a terrible thing... - the voice of the man was sad. He wanted fantasy just like me.
– Oh! I know! I did not take care. It was his previous payment for the order late. exactly! The fucking. Per the pen has run. The old is simple. But kindly. Very good man. But if you don’t remember, you forget to go to the bank on time. Don’t worry, I’ll fix it now. Is there 70 rubles? Or even more?

- You need to go right away - the voice was so sad and sad. Chuvaku wanted an apartment in Nalchik, a blue house, a daughter in Moscow, who paid for his father’s expenses... love. The silver cat.

and yes. I have already dressed up and run to the nearest banking office. Thanks for the promptness. Give God health.

There was silence somewhere in the maritime silence.

by Lia Brinza

Meeting at Aeroflot:
“Let’s sell tickets to closed countries, then cancel flights and don’t get the money back.
It is genius! Do it!

If in a phone conversation with a friend your wife says the phrase "and my too", the probability that you will be praised is zero.

Xxx: So I’m twenty and penny years old. I am a lawyer student. I get my first car, my parent’s seven. According to the laws of the genre, the domestic ashes often asked for love and attention in the garage. This time I had a difficult battle with the transmission box.

The own history. A hot July day. I drive with transmission. Of course, hands on the elbow, legs, face, scarf and even hair in oil. After an hour of forging, I am overwhelmed by thirst and I remember that at the exit of the garage cooperative there is a barrel (in combination with a boiler), where quas is sold for spill.  I wipe out what is wiped out, I close the garage and I go to rejoice.



Picture with oil: I am standing in the shade near a barrel and drinking my promised 0.5 quas in a plastic cup.



A couple passes by: a burdensome aunt, whose appearance shows that she loves to argue in the ranks and a small man. Aunt shakes me with contempt, looks at me and says to her companion (but so that I hear):



“Pash, look, you’re so young and you’re already cuddly.”



Kvas stood up in his throat. It was urgently necessary to siege the ugly aunt, and I began to be born:



“Woman,” Schopenhauer said, “pause. My husband and aunt turned to me.



“He who judges people superficially is doomed to live a superficial life.”



The routes at the stop nearby did not lie, but the four eyes of my visavi, despite the sunny weather, became round as 5 kopecks.



With the feeling of a won battle, I continued to drink my quas, which at that moment became even more tasty.

I rented an apartment, my own. A call is issued. I am a strange woman.

Q: Are you renting an apartment?

I : I give up.

Q: Are you the owner?

I: The owner

SJ: Something I do not believe you.

I put the phone.

XXX: Thank you very much. Now you have to understand how to program. At least at the infusion level of shoes))



YYYY :

Here is the factory. The big factory is a dozen workshops, in each hundreds of machines and thousands of people on machines. And there is a team of five people, you head the factory, you serve it. Usually the plus-minus plant works on its own, yes, sometimes you need to fix something, can repair the machine, can whiten the walls, but overall everything is calm.



But here comes to you the owner of the factory and says, I want the workshop No. 3 to produce not just figs, but figs with batches. You almost remember that there is such a workshop, there are such machines, but exactly where - you do not remember, because the last time you looked there a year ago, and since then someone else has changed something. Well, you pretend, guess and say, I will do it in a week.



You go to the workshop - and there mother does not burn, the conveyor spirals goes from the basement to the ceiling, part of the machinery grown with a web, because they do not do the details at all, other futuristic ones, which you see for the first time in life, but unassembled, so work, and in general, it all resembles a labyrinth. The light barely burns. You see in the access book, who was the last here to change something - and he resigned, and you start to understand.



You have three days to go to find where the figs are stamped. One day you scratch the site under the branch of the conveyor, two days you put new bandic production machinery, you allocate the work of the workers and the ur! The first figs with bands float somewhere deep into the factory. Well, you think and go to rest. This is Bats! colleagues resort to you, they say, something in the shop No. 7 machine was spelled, you need to see. You’re going to look at the machinery at workshop No. 7, and there’s also a maze, but another. Machines are different. They are not on the floor, but on the walls. Well, okay, go into the machine, and you find in it a trick cut off spelled. Something is not clean. You see where the figovina with the batch came from – of course from the 3rd shop!



You run back there to find out, and it turns out, the No. 3 shop produces figs outside, and for the No. 4 shop, which packages them and shells them in the No. 7 shop, and the addition of batches you did on the conveyor leading to the No. 4. In the foam you rework, but it is too late, said that a week will go and here the second has gone. And finally you are glad to watch the figs with bands leave the factory territory!



Here, the owner of the factory comes to you and says that a new machine has been put in workshop No. 2, and because of this, the rest are not working, and you should look. Well, you remember, it was not difficult there, in a couple of days you will cope with it, and with a happy smile from the successful bandits you go to solve a new task.



And after a month they say that figs with batches are bought worse than without batches, and you should remove the batches.



P.S. In normal companies everything is usually a little more iris, but generally so