My friend Max once saved a Negro. The case was so.

He parked near his home in a wealthy suburb of Chicago and saw that nearby two cops were twisting the hands of a tall, brown-headed man with anthracito-black skin. Max is a convinced Democrat who voted for Obama and in the eternal war between the police and the blacks he was sick for the latter. I approached and asked what was going on here.

“He was surrounded in your area for no apparent reason,” the cop explained. I was looking at who to steal.
“That’s Bob,” a friend improvised instantly. He has been caring for the grass in my yard for three years. You should have looked at which of the neighbors did not cut the lawn to offer them their services too.
Is it so? I asked the black man.
It is so, sir!
Okay and live! The cops let the guy go and left.

The Negro threw Max almost at his feet:
Sir, you saved me! I am your eternal debtor. If they had taken me, I would have burned for ten years, not less, so much is behind me. To be honest, I was really going to get into someone’s house. Now it is all! No one else in this area is useful and all their prohibition. Sir, if you have any problems, come to Garfield Park and ask Jeb. Every dog knows me.

A year and a half later, driving through Garfield Park late in the evening, Max broke the wheel. The car was immediately surrounded by a few black guys with dark roses.
“I don’t want trouble,” Max told them. Just let me change the wheel and leave.
One of the guys smiled badly. In exchange for your wallet and your phone. and the radio. Your shoes have nothing to do with you.

And then Max noticed among the attackers a familiar antracito-black shaved skull.
Hi Jebby! He shouted joyfully. So we met. The debt payment is red, right? Tell your guys to change my wheel and let it go.

There was no muscle on the face of the Negro.
“I don’t know exactly what this white man is talking about,” he said. Pursue everything the guys ask for!

He first hit Max in the cheek. Max fell on the dirty asphalt, suffering not so much from pain, but from black ingratitude.

He was not the Negro. Max, despite all his love for blacks, has never learned how to distinguish them.

And can the proposal to cancel the penalty for a non-inclusive turnaround be considered as LGBT propaganda?

Nature needs to be taken care of. I caught a fish, let it go. Cut the mushroom and put it in place.

I am a past skinhead. It is believed that I hated everything that was slightly darker than white people, but my opinion changed dramatically after meeting him. One day, my boys and I, sitting in my mansion (I lived in a three-storey house), did not remember the occasion, but the matter came to the knives, and I was deeply scratched on my shoulder. I wanted to call the ambulance, but then I remembered that a doctor recently moved to us, I think I will go to him. I get up, an Azerbaijani opens the door to me, as I thought at the time – “Hach, fuck, some, and where is the doctor.” He is a resuscitator from night service. Then I saw the expression of the face so dissatisfied with everything that 10 years after these events I could not see a more dissatisfied face. He, of course, immediately sent us naked, and then noticed the cut and, without talking, pulled me to himself, while I winged him with a matte. He treated everything and anesthetized, put on a bandage and told how to take care of it. The hellish pain of the cut went away, after which we often crossed and twisted a couple of phrases (he asked about the wound), I decided to repay him and put a bubble. He doesn’t drink, but he likes to talk. During the conversation I found out that he had two medical certifications, and I became so envious that a guy of my age achieved just while I was nothing. And I, strangely enough, took my mind, my life changed, and I became happier and more successful. A week ago, he and I celebrated a decade of friendship, and now I don’t care about the concept of a nation.

What would you do if you knew you had six months left to live?
Me or everyone?
An important clarification...

from conversations with friends. Then I (I) and my friend (P)

(P) Listen, Darina2706, but imagine your son will one day bring you a girl...

The current trends are not bad.

And suddenly, will she smoke?

and and?

Will he suddenly drink?

and and?

(P) Will she suddenly struggle a lot with Matt?

(I) And what will I tell him? You just described me.

Will she be older than him? Is it your peer?

(I) Lila, I will be a disgusting maid for you!))

The company in which I work moved to a new office, some of the windows of which turned out to a typical Peter's courtyard. And here, in the process of familiarizing with the new business center, we and colleagues went into this well and, word for word, we had the idea that there should be good acoustics in this well. To check out, I didn’t think long enough to sing a couple of coupletoos from Strangers in the Night.



We go back, our accountant with a smile reports at the meeting: "Peter, here even the alkas sing beautifully! " I have never decided whether to rejoice or be saddened by such a response.

Everybody once feared Napoleon, but today many people eat him.

Our cat loves children insanely. When the younger brother and then the sister were crying, and the adults couldn’t calm them (for example, they buried drops in the nose), the cat thought the children were offended, and began to kick on the parents. At the same time, she protected the babies and licked their foreheads to calm them, since the idiots-people couldn’t. If she was punished for this, she went on the window and demonstrately threw her mother’s flowers.

I called my boss in the morning and asked him if I could work at a distance today.
The boss replied, “Stop suffering from the hernia, you are the bus driver.”

A woman says to a fruit and vegetable seller:

Yesterday I ordered three kilograms of slides and paid for it! And today I sent to you my son, but he brought only two kilos, I weighed!

Have you weighed your son?

A drunk man buys a bottle of vodka and says annoyingly:

The teacher’s salary is not very high.

Are you a teacher? ! to The seller is surprised.

My wife is a teacher.

Today in the women's collective discussed who feeds the husbands.

One of the employees proudly said, “Well, what we eat, we also give him!”

I had a friend who I would call the light. The light in general, a person is very complex, like a Rubik's cube on 200 sides. However, there were puzzle lovers) Here is one such lover, after six months of relationship, gave her the phrase: I will love you no matter what. Light perceived this as a call to action, after a couple of days decided not to return to their common apartment for the night, stayed with her mother (it is by the way a fact). Returning the next evening, she entered the apartment with a happy face, and when asked where Light was walking, the girl replies: I was with another guy. Well, this amateur, quietly gathers her pieces (living in the apartment he removes), takes the lady and carries her with things to go out. This beautiful woman, let’s cry and pray that this was just a test of whether he really loved her as he said, and in fact she was with her mom. But he was no longer interested in where she was and what tests were.

If a person is too warmly thankful for a service, it means that he will now ask for another service.

Services of Trucks
The customer asked to throw the old sofa to the garbage. Long standing for the price. He thought that 400 rubles was very much for me to carry the couch in parts.
I have a third floor, a landfill nearby. Make a discount!
Half a drop. Because of the fact that it was possible to get to his address on his two quickly, rather than going to the other end of the city.
I stored a broken couch at the entrance to then take it to the garbage.
When I pulled out the last remains, the employer hired me money. I couldn’t count them as the door of the apartment clogged.
He had 200 rubles in his hands. He did not respond and threatened to call the police. Neighbors joined him who, not knowing the whole story, could have done the same. I came out of the entrance. The first thought is to leave the couch.
Uncomfortable somehow. People will walk, they will stumble. I just decided to move him aside.
A book fell out of the couch. I took her in hand. Dostoevsky, “The Idiot”
Well, who else am I, once I accepted this order. Opened the book. And right on the first pages found a five thousand note.
and smiled. Well, in principle, you can bring the couch to the landfill for such money.

Introverts are like slow websites. They may be the coolest site in the world, but usually people don’t wait so long for them to open up.
Extroverts are like pop-up windows that fuck you close.

xxx: I was at the interview and at the end the interviewer asked, ‘Fast, what is my name?’ I answered. Then I said, “Fast, what is my name?” He did not know and was angry. I laughed. Then he was very angry.

I have long fingers on my feet. And I’ve always thought, is Nafta for me? Until then, he was lying in a hospital bed with bars in his back. I always fall asleep a long time, struggling a long time. And then the legs themselves grabbed the stucco with a dead grip and... I quickly and sweetly fell asleep!

Thank you, grandfather Darwin, for explaining a lot about human nature. Now I’m sure I won’t fall from a tree and can sleep peacefully.

My grandmother was from, softly to say, not a very well-to-do family. Her parents and 4 children lived in a room where there were 5 families. All in 15 square meters. I can hardly imagine this, but according to the stories, we slept there in turn, and the lessons went to the district library. Food - pasta on vegetable oil, potatoes - on it. On the feast - white bread and cooked egg.

And here she got married...She is a beautiful student of MGU, he is a beautiful geologist. One day she moved to her husband’s parents. And there is a housewife, coffee in the morning, all the work.

The mother-in-law, in order to show the reception of the bride, arranged a "happy dinner". Chicken, fish, forshake... I cooked it all myself.

And my grandmother, who saw the fried chicken for the first time in her life, said, “Thank you, but I don’t like the chicken!”

For the next 20 years, at all family celebrations, the mother-in-law said, "Oh, love the chicken don't put... she doesn't love! “”

And here, when the grandmother finally decided to admit - that she loves the chicken, only embarrassed then, the mother-in-law issued a brilliant phrase: "Oh... stupid you are! She would say to me, "Mommy, let me help you bring the salad," I would tell you all in the kitchen quietly! You think I knew it all when the Harkov housewife suddenly became the wife of the ambassador! “”

The lesson. I now, if I don’t know something, or I don’t understand, I say it right away – because a man can’t know everything 😉