X: Listen, a sudden question. How did mammoths reproduce if there were no puppies? % of
Y: It is obvious. They were polluted by paparazzi.

Suddenly I noticed that after the third cup of coffee, the sharpness of the image on the monitor improved significantly. I thought about buying a new one.

This story happened to my aunt. Since she has been divorced for a long time, in order to repair the socket or the dropping crane, she had to call a master. And then one day there was a pipe in the bathroom and it called the sanitary. Usually he had to wait a long time, and then pretty soon the door was called.

She opened, a young man stood on the threshold, who immediately asked: "The sanitary was called? “” She joyfully said that yes, great that so fast, go through, now I will show you everything! He began to bite, saying there was no tool, I will come later (and he really had no tools with him! But she had already pushed him into the bathroom and handed him a precious box with all the tools that were in the house. He did his business. He waited for 30 minutes, went out, said everything was fine and quickly left the apartment, and the entrance.

The real sunset came later. And this guy apparently called the apartment to find out who is not at home, probably a housekeeper. And the tube in the bathroom he turned all around and only made it worse.

I wonder what he was thinking about for those 30 minutes while he was in the bathroom? What is now calling the police and his stumbled or really tried to fix something? All ordinary technicians.

How humiliating it is to explain a joke.

XXX: What would a sign be drawing, what would it be? I take a dress and draw a sign.
Q: Do you have a mask? You don’t use cosmetics.
XXX: Of course there is. And suddenly, a mark on concrete will need to be painted.

In our wonderful school, we decided to study religious cultures and ethics optional. They made a huge list and suggested to choose. And after all were chosen, Zavoch stated that the teacher is only in Orthodoxy. I wrote a note to the class leader stating that this subject did not correspond to the religious beliefs of our family, so the daughter would not study it. Waiting for reaction.

The tail is needed.
Because it's very sexy - hit the tail

xxx: I watch with a child cartoon "Barboskin" and wonder: A friend is a typical shepherd. Rose is a painted pudel. Lisa is a natural tax. Genka is a Saint-Bernard or Basset, well, something thick. The child is an incomprehensible animal. Dad is alone, and Mom is alone. Maybe he doesn’t know everything about his family.
Yes, they are dogs, they have it all.
xxx: Series "Daddy's Daughters" watched? )

Dialogue at the beginning. The production department:
To the cost of repair of channel 4 access, add the increasing coefficient 1.3
Bush: For what reason?
NGOs: Boys there worked on the ears in shit and boards
BOH: I understand... I will write "strict working conditions"

Patriarch Kirill is a very courageous man. To be so close to God and absolutely not to fear him, not everyone can.

I decided to entertain my grandfather and read him the best history today (14 March) with an.ru, and then asked, "Tell me what the best wine you have drunk?" He replied, “I don’t remember, but here’s the best dinner and the best tea I’ve ever remembered.”
Further from his words.
At the end of January 1944, I was discharged from the hospital. Well you know, I was lying in Sverdlovsk after the injury. I was naturally sent to the formation, but I asked what my parents would give me to visit, and gave me a couple of days. They lived about 250 km from Sverdlovsk, near the station Lopatkovo, in the evacuation. One of the sisters studied as a doctor in Sverdlovsk, and the other sisters and parents studied there. His father worked as a carpenter, there was a workshop at the colloquium, they made sanes and skies for the front. Work was hard, and earned very little, but did not complain.
My parents didn’t tell me I would come. How to warn about it? I bought gifts at the market, t-shirts for my sisters and mother, and a hat for my father. And on the train arrived, well from Sverdlovsk the train went to spend the day with them.
He came and was terrified. A hole, one room, the ceiling with your head, they are there all four. All encouraged, clothes - pay on pay, cold (wood saved). And the main food is almost no, only a few potatoes, a little grain, and half a bowl of bread. The card was hardly enough for food. And why would I buy these clothes, better if I bought bread?
I say, "I am sending you as 40% of the salary (no more then)? And they say to me, “So you buy them, you know what the prices are. You send about 400 rubles, this is the cost of a bowl of bread on the market. And all we send your sister to Sverdlovsk, she is a student, she needs it."
My father does not find a place. The carpenter, the farm all his life led, and here even the son who was discharged from the hospital to feed nothing. I see my father going, “Where are you?” “I will come back now.” He did not return immediately, but in an hour, but he was happy.
He says I went to the Chairman of the Cologne. He said, “Likewise, the son-ordeno-bearer came from the front, from the hospital. What will I put on the table to feed?” The chairman cried out and wrote me up to 3 kilos of beets (sugar beets).
My mother shone. The soup was cooked, well, and we had half-cake bread. What a delicious dinner it was. And then the tea was drunk almost all night, beans instead of sugar, they were sweet. And most importantly with the family together, half-day and all night, under the same roof. With mom, dad, and sisters. What a kind of happiness. As if there is no war.
In the morning I left. Mother said, “You will come back.” And I promised, “I’ll come back,” he said. He returned and kept his promise. I actually saw them again only at the end of 1946.
Here's how many dinners I've eaten since then, how many teas I've drank, and there's never been more delicious. “You say wine.”

The official media is trying to expose Medvedev as a clown, but thanks to Navalny, we understand that he is not a fool at all.

The Propaganda

Remember, if people sit in your car in the rear seats and attach themselves, they know something.

Interestingly, if you count all the bodies that didn’t get stuck because of the joke, incitement, and ‘macho-man’s’ attitude toward security on each of these points of view – how many times will he be a killer?

On the forum accidentally remembered "Heroes of Sword and Magic III":

XXX: And who is allowed to recruit the mausoleum?
Tagged: Vladimir Lić

From the tape in steam.
User 112 publishes a review of Arma 3:
"The game is good.
This is not the case."

145 hours in the last two weeks / 3,582 hours in total

What to write in a commercial offer?
- Write "baby ahead"!

A “simple and effective solution” in translation from marketing is a “dirty puddle.” Do I understand correctly?

I once experienced this Stockholm syndrome.
No, no one took hostages.
In the birth. Every time the doctor approached, I thought, “Go out, fool, stop whispering there, and it hurts without you!”
HHH: and as I gave birth, so immediately "so good doctor, so attentive was"

The whole essence of conspirators, historical frics, sexists, racists, wide-ranging audiofiles, sun-eaters and other anti-vaccinators is perfectly reduced to just two words: an ideological dilettant.

[only as part of the joke: not to be jailed]: The Timchenko Charity Foundation sounds like Hitler’s synagogue.