bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №114273
 02.06.2015
The little son asks Stalewar’s father:
Daddy Daddy! I was told by Kolka here that all metalurgists are Gandons, is it true?
Not all, only the previous change.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №114272
 02.06.2015
It is more prosaic. Voluntary option on the foundations of Orthodoxy. The teaching is filled with a speech about the mountain sermon, the miracles and the human love of God. And then I raise my hand and polently ask why Jesus did not advocate the abolition of slavery and other forms of oppression. She looked at me for a moment and then kicked me out of the class. This is the only time in all the years of study. I never believed the preachers.
__________________________________________
The tenth commandment breaks the patterns)))

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №114271
 02.06.2015
You are fooling Jacqueline here. This humanity has made a huge contribution to the development of air transportation in the Russian Federation and, it seems, will still make.

[ + 43 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №114270
 02.06.2015
There was an interesting scene at McDonald’s today.
A family with a bunch of children, 5 boys and 1 girl. A seven-year-old boy with a crying voice says:
Is that what is special about me? Kolya is the oldest, Senya is the youngest, Anya is the only girl, Sasha and Igor are twins, and what am I?
Here the father, without breaking away from the naggets, gives out:
You were planned.

[ + 30 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №114269
 02.06.2015
If your son/daughter becomes gay/lesbian then we will see how tolerant you are.

A woman with a 3-month-old baby came to the doctor for another
and verification. The doctor, a young scout, will try to prove himself as a specialist.
When it turns out that the baby is slightly underweight, the doctor asks:
"Is it on breastfeeding or on artificial?"After receiving the answer,
What’s on the chest, the doctor says: "Dress up your belt." Well, it’s so.
and did. The doctor started mocking and massaging her breasts, and so, and so.
Edak, twenty minutes tried, and says: "It's no wonder that the child
It suspects. You don’t have a drop of milk!" The woman answers:
" I know I am his grandmother. I am so glad you came!"

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №114268
 02.06.2015
by DURAL:

I love the local ladies, who under the guise of men are trying to convince the public that a swollen pear is exciting :)))

You will also say that the children are wanted by the husbands, not the wives :)
___
Shrek, you are Balbes (C)
Not because you don’t want children. It is everyone’s personal affair. And that’s because you judge others by yourself, you’re a fool.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №114267
 02.06.2015
Independent assembly of furniture, patching wallpapers and repairing the whole is a process when the husband learns that he is not "Love", "Dear" and "Zay", but "Herr Handless".

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №114266
 02.06.2015
The youngest daughter was 10 years old. On June 1, the grandmother came to congratulate her, accepted the gifts and asked, “Ba, do you have children?” by Daaa? Where are you doing it?"
So the child discovered for himself a terrible secret that the mother is the daughter of the grandmother.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №114265
 02.06.2015
There is a rumor that they really want to remove the plates, and instead of them everywhere to let the two-storey shops, where the price will be lower than in the usual coupe, but higher than in the plates

Why the noise? This resort is already running Moscow-Adler, launched Moscow-Kazan. As a child, Yakunin was apparently frightened in a placard car. He officially stated that he wanted to eradicate the plac...
I’t go there at a price below the plateau. Ladders down and up from the entrance. There is no Titan. The conductor of the tea. With 64 passengers. The shelf above the door, like in the coupe, is not. The baggage shelf, as in the placard, too. The space under the lower shelf is smaller than in normal cars. All in all, there is nowhere to go, even the mattress is torn. At the top of the shelf is tighter than it was. The window from the upper shelf is not visible. To lock in this jacquard.
In China, which can be seen, two-storey were tried and dropped. There are two main types: speed, 300 km / h, with chairs - he passes 2300 km in 8 hours, there is no need to lie down. And the plateau type of ours, but since the size is already - there are no sideways, instead of them seats and narrow tables, there are places for sitting, who is nearby. Moreover, this platecard is once and a half times faster than our fast and firm...

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №114264
 02.06.2015
Go out with your gays. You talk so hot about them that it’s as if you’re all personally fucked or at least forced to watch gay porn.

I personally don’t care about them, what I wish for everyone else.

by OdminkoteBezshredder

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №114263
 02.06.2015
It was this:

As the former nurses explained to me, "living by the concepts" - you are already a peder, even if you just made a girl a cuni. But if you brutally struck someone in the ass or at least gave him the cheek, you are not a peder - you are a clear guy. This is the kind of logic they have... And if you don’t get up on the men, it’s only because you haven’t been in jail yet.

But this is the reason for the "incompetence" of many men in bedwork. Our society is largely criminalized (after the devil, the 90s, the ‘blat romance’), plus the situation in the country is unstable. And if a man did not sit, it means that he has not been sitting yet. Here are the men and they subconsciously compare to the narras (sometimes not realizing it). And any sex, other than the "sweet-out and went", according to the "concepts" - scam. This, in particular, is the uniformity in sex, which many ladies complain about here.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №114262
 02.06.2015
To us to the firm somehow safely delivered a letter from Germany, the sender address wrote as "Barry King str." Although in fact we are at "ul. Tagged with"
At the same time, once the customers confused and wrote a letter to the address "per.Barykin" instead of "ul." - so they were returned with a notification that "there is no such address". The postmen suddenly decided to be principled.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №114261
 02.06.2015
Regarding "medicine" - look at your diploma and find out if you have studied medicine. And as for everything else – if you are attracted to the opposite sex, then it doesn’t matter what you do.

What amazes me is the logic of comrades (of the same often) that dream to engage the mouth and ass of a woman, although the woman is equipped with a much more convenient connector, and try to believe that it would be more cool, but homosexuality is denounced allegedly because of the same involved ass - although the man is just bigger like there is nowhere.

[ + 18 - ] Comment quote №114260
 02.06.2015
From what horror should normal people learn to understand the kinds of shit? A pedophile or a pedophile – let the psychiatrists understand, for me the main thing is that they either control themselves throughout their lives and do not try to hang the tables on themselves, or are isolated from that society in which they are unable to exist without conflict. Or is society to blame people who are born with mental disorders?
And don’t even think of wrapping physical disabled people here – they are not even capable of pretending to be healthy, otherwise many would do so.
_________________________
The concept of "normal man" has its own. For me, for example, this concept implies tolerance to the opinions of others, logical thinking and good erudition. "Being normal" is quite real, it is enough to say less. Based on this and your logic, you should be hit in the rights for non-conformity. Such things. Do you like the prospect?

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №114259
 02.06.2015
The thought of the philosopher, expressed in his motherly form, is popular wisdom.

[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №114258
 02.06.2015
There was a joke about a grandfather who locked the robber in the basement and then told the menta that he had killed him so that they could come. You will not understand if life is like a joke or a joke about life.

In the summer afternoon on the veranda of the cottage was a grandfather. His absolutely gray beard rose and descended in the pace of his breath. Grandfather was old. He was 90 years old. At the moment, he was completely healthy, but in the winter he frequently added. Grandfather was confident that his health in the summer he owes this afternoon sleep in the open air. The cottage was standing on the sidewalk of the village and on the veranda smelled fresh air from the fields with the smell of herbs, which grandfather liked very much. Cottage belonged to the grandfather's son, at the time with his wife was at work in Moscow. Grandma was in the city in an apartment, underwent a course of treatment and came only for the weekend.
In addition to the grandfather in the cottage was the granddaughter of Lidochka six years old, a smart girl who did not cause trouble to the grandfather. She only had to feed her for lunch, and then she was doing her own business.
From the side of the field to the cottage approached three large-aged balbes from the nearest village. They had knives in their pockets and one in their hands had a baseball bat. With ease crossing the fence, they entered the veranda and saw the grandfather.
Father, where do you have the money? One of them was polite to his grandfather.
Oh, who is this? My grandfather did not understand.
You are blind, right? He said the second kindly.
“Dick, kids, I haven’t seen anything for ten years,” the grandfather replied.
- Let's get up, show where your grandmother is, - supported the third conversation.
Slowly, trembling as if from impotence, the grandfather slipped from the couch, grabbed the backyard that was rolling next to him and took a few steps, feeling the space in front of him, as the blind do. My grandfather’s eyes were open and didn’t move.
He is really blind! I cried the first.
Who else is in the house? He asked it.
The lead! My grandfather suddenly cried out, “Go out!” Doctors are here to give you injections.
That you are! What a warming battle!
- You asked me to call her, she will come out now, she loves doctors very much, - the grandfather calmly replied, with both hands on the rod and looking with empty eyes into the space in front of him.
“Listen, Lisy, go, bring her here,” the first ordered.
The lion has gone.
“Listen, grandfather, I’ll break it up if the grandfather doesn’t come,” threatened the first, apparently the leader.
- May the son call, say that the money is needed, - suggested the grandfather.
"Pharhaty, go find the mobile, at the same time, and we will press it off, Guy-Guy, the leader turned out to be a humorist.
There are no girls anywhere. It has returned lazy.
Maybe went to the store? Flegmatically suggested the grandfather.
and WO! The mobile! The grandmother’s phone. Let’s call, the parchment is back.
The grandfather touched the cell phone, and pressed the unit where his son put his number. Reduce the sound to a minimum.
and Sergey! This is Dad! Listen to! I need a large sum, here a friend came in a taxi, we want to go to Moscow. Of course in cash. I do not know, a thousand twenty. Where is lying? And well? Okay well! Yes, nothing, the Lidochka will help me, - the grandfather put the phone.
So what? The leader asked.
- Yes, in the basement, a three-liter bank with money, said to take from there. A meter from the corner.
My grandfather went to the basement. Take him, the captain ordered. Grandfather did not resist.
Lysy and Parhaty picked up the grandfather as a puddle and, a little rushing through the cottage, found the door to the basement. There was light, clean, there were trainers, there were no bottles.
“Dad, do you want us to get caught? Asked the leader.
- There is another underground, where the salts stand, - looking in front of himself in the space with an invisible look replied the grandfather.
The search took three minutes. The chief was confident of success and almost shouted of joy when the door was found.
Grandpa was thrown on the floor. Lysi and Parhath rushed inside and started beating all the banks in a row. The chief stood at the door and looked inside, his grandfather was no longer interested.
Per he never understood what had happened, as some force pushed him in the back and he flew out of the basement.
Grandfather promptly locked the door on the seals and unexpectedly for his age crashed into one of the trainers and dragged it to the door. Inside, there were strikes and a terrible match. My grandfather promised all heavenly punishments.
Grandfather got up on the veranda, on the way closing the gym basement. He took the abandoned phone and called the police. After briefly describing the situation, he put a phone and called his son:
and Alexei! It is OK! They are neutralized!
Out of the tube:
and Dad! I am on the way, go away, daddy! Do not risk yourself!
But he went nowhere. When the PPS patrol arrived five minutes later, the grandfather was sitting on the same couch and enjoying the cries from the basement and the papyrus. When the balbes were packed in the bracelets, the leader, seeing him quietly sitting and looking at him with a confident drilling look, began not to silence: "Dad, fuck! Daddy to fuck! “Dad, fuck the fuck!”
Then came the son, the administration of the village, the wife of the son, only the girl Lidochka, very afraid of doctors and injections, was sitting in the old refrigerator on the roof and did not want to go out until all this noise was calmed.
Balbes was sentenced to full coil for a robbery attack committed as part of the group. What otherwise?
Through one cottage there was a judge's cottage leading the case. And she at this time at home had two minor children, and the prestige of the village cannot be undermined.
And what his grandfather, he went through the whole war, served in Smersh, then in the MGB, then in the KGB, with the collapse of the country retired. It is not the first time he has such an operation.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №114257
 02.06.2015
It will be a joke if it turns out that the arrested FIFA officials took bribery to vote against Russia.

[ + 27 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №114256
 02.06.2015
This was before the Russian soldiers were prepared for the nuclear war - not to fight (at the time the missiles are flying, it will not be time to mobilize him), but to restore civilization after: to build roads and villages, to cook, to survive in inhumane conditions, in the complete absence of socks and warm clothes, in the brutal collective of a dark future...
And now they are preparing for local fast special operations - he arrived in a helicopter, politely repelled the territory, flew unnoticed. Geopolitics has changed.

[ + 32 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №114255
 02.06.2015
I uncovered the secret scheme of Shoigu!
1st Put the whole country on tanks.
2nd Making the armor remotely controlled
Three Unnoticeably twist accounts from tanks to real
4 is ???? ? to
5 is The Profit! Every schoolchild in the country grumbles the enemy without breaking away from the mommy cake!

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №114254
 02.06.2015
Repeat the story of cats!
_______
I go back ?
After the cold winter I go out to the balcony. Siberia is here.
I feel my look.
From the neighboring balcony through the glass, a red cat looks at me. Honestly, it was the first time I had seen such a faint expression in a cat’s mouth. For five minutes he stood still and looked at me. Yes, it can be understood, the floor is high, the street is not allowed, around the snow,
He grew up in the winter.
It turns out there are other people in the world.

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