I was 5 years old and I swear something in my mom’s store.  My mom didn’t buy me that. There was no opportunity. I continued to knit. My mother told me where the money came from. That if I want something so much, I have to get up at 5 in the morning and go to work, to the barracks. When you work, you get paid for it, and you buy everything you want. After this conversation, we left the store and came home. I was calm. My mom forgot about our conversation. Tonight she put me to sleep. In the morning, I realized I woke up with her. at 5 in the morning. I was going to work. For the first time in my life. My mom took me with me. Oh, I don't remember if I sold something there, but at the end of the day I was paid. My first p. The same day, in the bar, I bought myself a toy. Red is a green mammoth. I called him Eugene. So I learned the lesson. And so I spent the entire salary in the first 10 minutes after I was given it.) Eugene is still "alive", and as a reminder of my first day at work, is carefully kept at home with his parents.

I call a friend, and then this dialogue:

- Hi, we are here with friends going to the country, join (with your wife) with us. There is a lake nearby, we will swim, sunbath, have fun, of course, a shale, and we also take... (a list of tastes and a bullish component).

- I would be happy, but I am now under... (one of the resort towns of Krasnodar region).

You guys, I am jealous. Probably you are in the sea.

"I'm not in this city, but underneath it, and 50 km from here to the sea, especially not to ride.

Even if you enjoy the sun and fruits, it’s also great.

It’s like flying out of a cage, you don’t walk here. We are guests with relatives, so we sit and talk.

It’s nice to finally see my mother, I haven’t seen her for a long time, I’m glad to see her.

My wife’s wife lives here. I haven’t seen my aunt for a long time.

In general, judging by his voice, encouraging me is not very good.

In the spring and summer in the rural school for practice considered: planting and watering vegetables in the school garden, painting the building, cleaning and small repairs.

The children ate vegetables in the dining room.

They were like thieves eating school vegetables.

Then the cucumbers will disappear, then tomatoes, then strawberries.

Children are offended, they spend the holidays, try and get it all not understand who.

They tried to guard, no thieves were seen.

The guard said it was quiet all the time.

In a strict secret - the schoolchildren got a laxative and one evening unnoticedly wrapped a portion of vegetables on each bed.

The next day the guard and the director did not go to work.

On the wave of posts about those who waste on vacation. This is happening in Anapa. I go past a shop type "pivnucha - rozvnucha", near the entrance stands a typical resting blush toples, shorts, jerseys, red shoulders and fistakes. Remarkable cleaning in the hand. And next to it a small pig bite the seeds and spit on the ground. The resting man sees this ugliness, gives him a necklace and says, “You can’t, I said, you don’t care. Spit in your hand.” Here, and you are talking! There is more culture!

I go home after hard work. Transfer in the subway, the train arrives, I get into the wagon, the doors start to close. And suddenly, at the last moment, a girl jumps. I look and I can’t believe my eyes. This is my ex. Well, not directly the former-ex, there were just some short and unclear relationships, then themselves and collapsed. I was thrown out a barrel of complaints, said, I do not meet high standards, and I quoted the classic, in the spirit that your expectations are your problems. They separated like ships in the sea. This is such a meeting!

Well, whoever remembers the old, the eye out. We talked, I missed my stop, arrived at her station, called to go. On the road, suddenly a bar. We went, of course, to drink a shock. Then on the long, then led her home, offered to get up, I did not refuse, home, respectively, did not go. They drank all night and shake the old man. In the morning, when I was already calmed down and thought to sleep, I was put outside, saying, Mom soon from the night will come back, you need to be here.

I stand, almost sober, sleepy until dawn, at the hours without fifteen six, at nine for work. It was good to go in the shower. I understand that if I go home, it will be stupid; an hour home, 40 minutes home and it is time to go to work. I decide not to move around here, to rush into the office right away. We have there, opposite the office of the gentrior, a great couch stands, I have keys, a clock, or even one and a half, to sleep. Said is done. I came to the office, picked up somewhere, wrapped up in it, lay down and turned off. Only the thought turned - it is a pity that sleeping so little, I will not spit out...

And here I sleep desperately, I dream strange dreams. And right in the dream comes the realization that somehow suspiciously long I sleep. I open my eyes, all so excited and relaxed. At 12 o’clock, around, with echoes, colleagues sneeze, and I am lying without pants in the middle of the office, covered with a pledge.

I jump up, dress up, climb up to our office manager, saying what is happening. Ta replies that when she came, I calmly snorted not on the couch, but the gentleman was sitting in his office and snorted on everyone so that they didn’t noise and let me sleep. I then worked as a sysadmin, everyone thought that I was working again at night, I did important things for the company, and the gender protects me.

The word “confusion” only very approximately describes my state at the time. With mixed feelings, I touched the gender. He smiles like his father, pouches me a piece of some fashionable cognac, tells me that when he came and saw me, he immediately remembered his youth. But if he repeats again, he will be fired, even without waking up. Gold was human.

As we look from the broken window into Europe, China has already laid the Great Silk Road under this window.

A short story about another example of our country’s love for its citizens.

Everyone remembers when they just raised the benefits for children up to 3 years of age from 50 rubles to 10,000. And all of them, shit, at least something good has been seen from them.
But there is a nuance that hasn’t been mentioned anywhere. These benefits are fully at the expense of the employer. That is, not just nothing good from the beloved state, but also an additional incentive not to take or dismiss young mothers, because whoever will want to pay 10,000 from their pocket each month, considering all the other beautiful taxes and fees, without which the child pays some official, who lacks on bentley and cocaine.
Such cases

Why did you do plastic surgery?
The Constitution states: “The same person is not entitled to hold the office of President more than two times.”

Because of the transfer, I was late on the bus. Then I was still running fast, and I caught him already at the crossroads. I knocked on the door and, strangely enough, the driver opened it. I joyfully jumped into the bus. The driver, apparently in a stupor as I got here, asked - Where did you come from? Where did you come from? I, being in confusion what he wants from me, and the truth was long to explain, answered with the preparation that I often had to use in those days - I'm from Russia - I am from Russia. This conversation was enough for us both, and the journey continued.

This case occurred last year. Approximately at the beginning of eight o’clock in the morning one of the arrivals did not bother anyone to withdraw money from the ATM near the food supermarket, as it turned out with the further purpose of fainting. Not far from him was surrounded by a bunch of minors, most likely blinds, aged approximately 12-14 years. In the future, the schoolgirl began to provoke a 40-year-old man, screaming at him in the back, pushing and immediately running away to a safe distance. This ended in the end by the fact that the especially brave little man ran and struck the man in the blade with a knife. I bite blood. From the neighboring room of slot machines escaped a couple of guys, who at the time of the incident went out to smoke and noticed this action. Having received a couple of father's laughing bravery of this small gang has disappeared. And while waiting for the police order, the man driping blood on the tile went to the store, bought himself a liter of strong beer and ran home as if this incident concerned him least of all. A few days later there were rumors that the victim had stretched his legs. Began to build versions of grandmothers from the bench, say drunk was that and the pain did not feel here and died of peritonitis. Or maybe the poor man suffered for a couple of days, because he lived in an apartment and no one could ask for help. Or maybe he called an ambulance to die on a hospital bed. Overall, three months have passed, for the deceased everyone has long been forgotten, and here... I meet the deceased in the same food with the same liter of strong. The man approached himself and asked:

Did you call the police when I was shot with a knife? Thank you very much!

“No, but I was near when it happened...and you seemed like you were dead?

I know, the neighbors said.

I remember today the case from my childhood, I was 7-8 years old, (now 25) I go past the store and look on the ground a sugar garlic dissolved, probably someone broke the package and the sugar fell asleep, I don't know what pushed me, I, some herra began to collect this sugar in a package to take home, I still can't understand why I started to collect this sugar, we lived not poor and there are no Jewish roots, (I have nothing against the Jews) in short I collect this sugar and here is suitable

He: That he broke up? (I don’t remember exactly what this style is.)

Yes, the package is broken.

- He: on the half (extends me 50 rubles) leave the sugar it is dirty probably,

And he leaves.

I, of course, thank you for the joys, thank you, I go to the store and crazy why I buy sugar sucaia, well though the delivery remains.

But the story is not about sugar, but about this man, he probably thought that I would be mocked at home, said his arms from his ass grow and decided to pay for sugar, a stranger, let him be healthy!



Why did you buy sugar? ? to ? to

One day, my colleague was going to the store for a break and I asked him to buy me a cigarette. He has never smoked, and he doesn’t even know what these packs look like. He asked me to drop him a photo of the cigarettes I needed, and I sent him a random picture of a Google package with a picture of periodontitis. Almost half an hour has passed, and colleagues are not there, although the nearest store is in a neighboring building from our office.

After another 10 minutes, he finally comes back and says to me, “Listen, there was no periodontitis anywhere! This is a painful death. Will it go?”

At first I thought he was joking, and we both laughed. Later it turned out that he was serious.

I rushed to an interview.

I rush into all the support, I almost run, suddenly I see some man walking along with me.

We go to the nostrils, but at the last meters in front of the door I overtake it, while stopping and holding the door.

The interview was held by HR, it remains to talk to the future boss.

I go into the office, and there is this man.

HR didn’t have time to close the door, and he was already whispering: “Accepted, arrange!”

He said, “Why should I interview you? So I see – polite, punctual and responsible.”

I always agree with the wise, and immediately with the fool.

Right under the window of my dining room is a playground. Among the other walkers there regularly comes there with her offspring of 4-5 years a girl.
And I’m chasing the tea, to watch, military-nolense. See and hear. It would go, and so well, and the weather, and the tea, and smoke under the tea and the weather (smoking is bad, the bulls smoke in the ashes well).
The girl leaves her baby and sits on the bench to tap into the phone. If there are no children on the site, then the mother's basket picks up a rod, and is worn with a wild reed along the perimeter, spinning a rod over the iron fence, or crumbling on such a machine, which is made to the site with a thick sprinkle. Oret as well. It hurts as if it is torn into pieces. It plays so. The girl has already indicated this. Wiped off the whores: Achotacov? The child.
When children appear, the game is concentrated in the sandbox. Chado stops roaring and for a while, together with everyone, something is digging into this sandbox. But not long. Whether it is a shoulder to load, or a sand to throw. And immediately in the rave, and to the store to Mom. Mom stands up, hand in hand, to all the comments one answer: yours are not crying, but my crying. Catch your own hooligans.
Their father, a healthy, good-hearted child, joined the family a couple of times on a walk, at the outcome of the son shakenly turned his head, bursting apologies and threw to his wife:
- Katyusha, mla, after the boy, mla, follow, mla. I can’t do it and raise the boy, and I took the family home.
Yesterday, my grandfather brought the boy to the square. Intelligent look, in glasses, with a truss. He sat down, opened the book and started reading. The child was accustomed and rattled. The grandfather called him in a few minutes:
Smoke, or you will be silent, or I will feed you with dog shit. Choose, so calmly and firmly said.
The smoke, bleeding, shut his mouth.
Remember, you cannot scream. Otherwise, someday someone will feed you with dog shit. Mom and Dad won’t help. I understood? Go and play.
I opened the book again.
Smoke brought the children to the sandbox. And, soon, I was already weeping to my grandfather, having managed to sink some of the boys in the sand.
Grandfather continued to read unwaveringly, Dima caught up with a wheel of little boys and he was struck with sand, and shouldered. The smoke waved with a cut pork.
My parents, mom and dad jumped out.
The mother cried out to her son, saying that she did not expect this from her father. Is it my grandfather? This is a whirlwind!!! to
The father read the book with indolence, and only once ran with his son-in-law, who behind his wife's back showed his mother-in-law Lois.

Turkey has shot down a Russian aircraft.
“We will not forgive you!” They said in the Kremlin and sold to the Turks the latest S-400 air defense systems.

A six-year-old son saw his uncle playing chess on his smartphone. I wanted to burn too. He came home and began to ask him to buy him chess. The hands came in a couple of weeks and the chess were bought. The son of the boy is stubborn, confident in himself as in the alpha male. He plays as he wants, my attempts to explain him how the figures walk are unsuccessful. He just denies everything and says I’m wrong. The conditional horse must walk straight. After half an hour, I realize that I don’t have angelic patience. I go to the computer and download the chess program. I set the first level and enable the hint mode. He sits and plays. Makes a lot of illogical moves, the program does not allow him to do moves unusual for these figures. He sits like this from morning to evening. He periodically challenges me. I always win, he is upset. To not get upset sometimes I give up. Thus passed a month. He challenges me again. We play. I play for relaxation. Self-taught, I evaluate my level between 4 and 3. I lost the first game. I become more serious. We play more. I also lose the second. And then the third. Now I realize it’s time to put him in the chess section. The chess section is skeptical about him. Another baby said. Bring it next year. But to convince us of this, let us play with 3 loader. 3 discharge is broken into powder and dust. Two officers are attacked against him. The game ends with none. The initiative was on my son’s side. The chess director sends us to the 4th division. Isn’t it early for us?He replied, “No, it is ready.” The result of 8 victories, 2 defeats and 4 defeats was obtained from the first attempt after two days of visits to the chess section. We are surprised, the son is happy and we begin to gradually realize that we seem to have a chess player in our family.

In the plane next to me, my mother and her 10-year-old son sat and told the child:

Remember, you run to your dad first, and then to your dog.

I go to my car at the TC parking lot. I see the phone rolling.

I think, “Here’s how you can be so dumb-handed to lose your phone!”

I raise him. Oh, this is mine...

I have a friend who knows the internet. The grandson put him in OK, well, the grandfather is actively communicating there.

So the grandson did - changed the password to OK, and when the grandfather could not go there, told him that they were hacked and you need to pay hard to save the account and go there again. He took the money, allegedly went to the bank and paid. Then I told my grandfather a new password. Four times in six months.

Grandfather suspected the wrong thing, called my husband to find out, well he explained everything to him that you should not pay for the hacking of money. He gave his grandfather a new password and advised his grandson not to report it.

It would be a pity for such a deceased granddaughter...