The driving license (rights)
XX: What right do you have?
YYY: - Well, as if, but they have to be restored - they have been stolen...
Zzz: - Yes, no, we have all the rights in the country, as if they were - but they were stolen...

CTPE10k: Where is the world going?
Mark: I know him.
Mark: Just not going down the road.

Lady Gaga, Lady Gaga... Look at the costumes of Hope Khadishova!! to

20:01 Filter: What did you get?
20:01 Filter: Do you want to be called?
20:01 noone: lol
20:01 noone: what?
20:01 Filtr: Talk to me
20:01 Filtered by: xd
20:01 noone: fu fucking
20:01 noone: fu naked
20:02 Noone: Are you joking?
20:02 Filtration by ahaha
20:02 Filtr: xnj ckexbkjcm =)
20:02 What is wrong?? to
20:02 noone: your spelling, this is what
20:03 I am from the army.
20:03 What do you want?? to
20:03 Filtr: the shit of the rose??? Is it Dali?? to
20:03 noone is
20:03 noone: you were there beaten?
20:03 Filtr: I can communicate with the army!
20:03 noone: fucking
20:03 noone: I am desperate
20:05 Filtr: what do you want a catholic guy who has not served and has a stupid look at life?? to
20:06 Noone: Everything
20:06 noone: your eyes are too sharp for me
6:00 AM Filter: xd

From Habr:

- No woman no dinner :(
No money, no dinner.
No money – no honey.
No – No.
No and no trial.

I don’t understand the stories about cats and the keyboard. How, your mother, are they always able to send you a message?

>>> one day at work a young trainee came to us to say hello, only from the school...:
Do you have your hand wrapped?
- Yes... there... at the training brush pulled...
and AAA. Well, I told my mom the same when my dad taught me to shake.
He went red like cancer.

The boy, seemingly educated, approached to say hello... And he stumbled on a scary backward humour. Maybe he’s just ashamed of you, so he turned red?

I decided to lead a healthy lifestyle, bought a bicycle, now for beer and cigarettes I ride on the big...

I could be a surgeon, but not a veterinarian. I love animals very much...

xxx: van, I worked there for a year, first as an internship, then as an assistant assistant, then just as an assistant, in general, "bring that, give it." Well, I was all suited, I managed to combine with the study, and they paid no money, and yet a cup. I graduated from college, came to the boss, I ask - is there a permanent place for me in the department? He shrugged his shoulders, said, the state is complete, sorry. Well no, no, I wasn't very upset, I got a good job, I gained both formal and real work experience - the firm is really good, everything was taught.
Write a summary. education, work experience killed, and then stupor - you know, with formal "works" I have seams. I asked the boss to help a little, he is an adequate man, I think he will not let go in trouble :) began to write "personal qualities", he is such "well, write... well, communicability, step-by-step, whoever wants teeth to talk. stress resistance... yeah, how did you and Ivanov cope, when the whole department had already drank valerian... yeah, this is generally possible in professional skills - conflict management. Write it up, haha. the ability to cope with non-standard tasks... organizational skills..." well in this spirit everything.
The next day I come to the personnel officers, and they are, and Vladimir Zelenich said to make an order to transfer you to the position of manager.
Shut up?
What was it at all?
yyy: "Such a cow is needed by himself".

In English courses, the teacher tries to imitate the subtleties of English grammar and concludes his speech with the phrase:
This needs to be understood and...
Voice from the room:
... to forgive?
The teacher was humorous and laughed louder.

HH: How is it?

It’s bad... why? If you’re normal, can I tell you?

Oh yeah yeah

Fuck, my throat hurts terribly! What to do?

Which is Natalia?))

Oh yeah, the frog! You are there too!

The possibility of killing a person by polonium. A 100% Nobel Prize.

The half-life of polonium is 138 days, the full breakdown period is 276 days, respectively.

In RBC entered the noble trolls - fans of the bender from Futurama.
News title: "Gazprom will build its innograd with R&D and pipes"

stamp: name me in such a way that I can be both rough and gentle at the same time
Chaykina: you are a cat

And God promised the people that good and obedient wives would be found in every corner of the world. Then he made the earth round... and laughed, and laughed, and laughed.

The wife tells her husband she wants to divorce:
Where do I ask for my marriage certificate???! to
M: in place
J: On what one?
M: on your own
Q: Where is his place?
Fuck, he knows it.

Telephone conversation of two accountants from different firms:
What is the amount of our debt to you?
2) The amount of debt is 16822,10
...the voice of the director on the second plane to the side of the accounting gallery 2 "hear, you, the work, the accountant 6l*, you where you look at yourself in the pizza** or in 1C buch-yu, go to x** with such numbers!!!...
1) How much do I understand if your manager disagrees with the amount of debt?

We live with you like two pigs.
He is like three pigs.
She: Who is the third?
We are two like three.

The boss asked me why I was unmarried. And then I raised the topic that I don't have a family, my own apartment, no loans, I can not work for a few months - how he will keep me in this situation.