bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №121653
 11.12.2015
Twenty asses in three hours are able to completely eat a small piece of shale.

Did you look closely, were it twenty axes all the time, or were some of them flying away, and new ones came in their place? Something is doubtful that a small piece of shale can fit in the digestive system of twenty insects.

Bro, I have noticed them! (It is not rape) x)))

<><><>>
They cut off small pieces and carried them to the nest nearby, feeding the larvae. They do not really enter themselves.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №121652
 11.12.2015
About the times, about the morals... it would seem, quite recently the attribute of the bonbon was a trunk, not a selfie stick... yes, by the way, and fuck it could be much more interesting ^_^

[ + 24 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №121651
 11.12.2015
How and why can I love B*tricks?
YYY: for money
Remember what love is called for money?
ZZZ: Soldashon, as well as other.

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №121650
 11.12.2015
One day, my friends and I gathered together in the lukewarm 90s at the city debris. There were several reasons: we wanted to find spare parts for bicycles, as well as spots for perfumes and columns. (For those who don’t know, there was a popular game at the time)



We were all three on bicycles. The landfill was far beyond the city and was a large enclosed territory, which was travelled by будьodozers and placed out of the garbage. Over the landfill were clusters of crows and there was an unbearable smell. We carved at the landfill, the driver dropped the garbage from the cars and did not pay any attention to us. Suddenly there was an exhausting scream from underground: "The car from the meat machine has come!" They were very frightening creatures with dirty brutal faces. Many of the bombers were old people and disabled people. They rushed to the car, which rolled out some bit and bone mixed with the shit. Pushing away each other, they grabbed bones and intestines and bundled them into bags. But most of all, I remembered one bomb with a hook instead of a hand. He cleverly grabbed the intestines and sent them into bags. We escaped from all this horror. I remembered that horror for a long time.

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №121649
 11.12.2015
I remembered an employee of the Russian Post who was fired for just one sentence. Its tasks included resolving conflicts in the department with damaged mail or missing correspondence. And then one day her nerves couldn’t stand, and she told the visitor something unusual.



Have you had sex this morning? Probably not. Those who have done well in the morning, such nonsense as some package, do not get their brains stuck." Two weeks later, the phrase became a legend, and the employee was no longer working there. What am I saying?



I’ve been nervous lately...I probably need to change something. Especially in the morning.

[ + 55 - ] Comment quote №121648
 11.12.2015
He walked yesterday on the street slipped in front of the encountering woman and fell on his knees...She helped to get up, shrugged, said that he was married, and so would with joy...

[ + 44 - ] Comment quote №121647
 11.12.2015
Canakau: Who called?
Diamond: Santa said that a deer had escaped. I did not betray you.

[ + 39 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №121646
 11.12.2015
Something I already fear the plans of our government more than the troops of NATO.

[ + 71 - ] Comment quote №121645
 11.12.2015
I once was a biker.
I was courageous, free and long-haired.
She found me and grabbed me like a ripe. Wherever I went, she was waiting for me.
Twelve years have passed since then.
I was a rocker and I only wore black jeans, crushed jeans, cowboy boots and cowboy boots. For solemn occasions, I still had black sweaters, torn jeans, shorts and white shoes. I was satisfied with my life. She fell in love with me like a cat. She told me, “You’re so brave, so free, and you have such long hair.
Our freedom ended when we decided to get married. But I had enough of being brave and having long hair. But that was only before the wedding. Shortly before the wedding, she said to me, “You could have a haircut. “My mom will be at my wedding.”
After a few days of grievances, complaints and tears she shed, I agreed to a short haircut. I was courageous, not free, and I was walking through my mouth. “I love you as you are,” she whispered to me. In principle, I’m already accustomed, although the mushroom is still frozen. Once she appeared with a bunch of bags and in them were pants with arrows, jackets and shirts. After the cisterns of tears she shed, I swung my feet into fashionable shoes. They were followed by jackets, coats and cravates. But I was still brave, married, fashionably dressed, and my hair was frozen. Then came the biggest battle: for the horse. I lost it quickly. In the pants with the arrows, I looked at the motorcycle like a fool. But I was still brave, depressed and moved to Passat.
In the years that followed, she shed tears and I lost many more battles.
I started drinking wine from my glasses, calling her mother you and listening to "Root".
I helped with the house and did the shopping.
I was a luzer, absorbed by the household and passed through my moustache.
One day she packed her suitcases and said, “I’m leaving you. You’ve changed a lot and you don’t look like the man I loved.”
I recently met her again. Next to her was a long-haired motorcyclist in a shirt and torn jeans, who looked at me with regret.
I’ll give him a warm hat.

[ + 28 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №121644
 11.12.2015
Putin gave Mutko a self-teacher of English. I have to give the Criminal Code.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №121643
 11.12.2015
@acsochka: In our family, the last word is always for me! And this is the word "be-be-be"!

[ + 23 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №121642
 11.12.2015
In 2016, after the introduction of "Platon" and "Diogenes", a system for tourists will be introduced "Robinzon".

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №121641
 11.12.2015
Pavel Taborin
Under Yeltsin, the insidious Obama did not shake our economy.
Einmann
Clinton was a little bit foolish.
Const Sh
Monica was able to get along.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №121640
 11.12.2015
I remembered: in the music school, we had one excessively old woman, always building something out of herself and trying to teach us good manners.
One day, walking along the third-floor corridor, she decided to make a note to the young people sitting on the bench along the wall (the guys were enthusiastic about communicating and did not say hello to her).
The lady said: "In fact, when a woman enters the room, a man has one place to rise up!"
The guys split in half, and the lady, "not catching" and accepting the reaction for personal insult, rushed away.)

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №121639
 11.12.2015
I cry, and bitter tears flow to the keyboard.
A friend's husband is good for everyone, and a beautiful man, and earns, and is quite an ideal... but there are problems with alcohol. Rarely, but steadily, it cannot stop itself.
She slept with her son, she closed the door, hid the key. The miracle wanted beer.
They live on the second floor. When trying to get off the balcony, the man fell down and, falling, broke his leg. This terminator with a broken leg in two places came for beer, sat on the bench, drank what he bought (December, for a minute), and only then went to call the home phone. "Call me an ambulance"

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №121638
 11.12.2015
title of the announcement: "I'll give a cat for 3 liters!"
Comment: While the wife is at her mother's house, the husband drunk the cat.

[ + 47 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №121637
 11.12.2015
I am: Fuck you Wendy. Well, I turned off your search for updates without request. Well, did you use it to look for them? I sit here, I work. I am not to you.
I am not looking for any updates.
Show the task manager.
I’m not looking for any updates.
I have hidden tasks. The systemic processes. of services. of productivity.
All is on the way. I am not looking for any updates.
I: Listen, are you holding me for an idiot? I can’t hear the fan of your whistleblower. I don’t see how it brakes everything. I don’t know how it works?
I am not looking for any updates.
I: Okay well well. Find updates for yourself.
Wind: Sorry, to start a new search, you have to wait until the previous one is over.
I : and? What would you say about it?
Wind - The thing is that I am not looking for any updates.

Sometimes you want to have a chance in the wire "to go to the opusdulling mode". to

[ + 19 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №121636
 11.12.2015
What was difficult was to strain the brain a little and just translate the phrase. Without any game of words, without internal rhythm, it is not the original English idiom, which would be worth translating similar, but Russian. Just translate the name of a famous mythological character? I don’t understand the movie translators.

I have long concluded that film and television translators people are categorically illiterate. On any educational channel like Discovery, you sometimes have to translate a phrase from Russian back to Agly to understand how it had to be translated.
And I will never forget in the "Back to the Future" by STC a phrase like: "We need one gigavati! “God, a whole jihad!" This is where these people grew up – in the basement?

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №121635
 11.12.2015
Unintelligent pedestrians run on the slopes.
The river runs on asphalt.
In the prefecture of Isemizu, there is rain and total silence.
Crocodiles are not allowed to sing on the streets.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №121634
 11.12.2015
Or, for example, you’re in the subway from work, and next door, side by side, a guy sits down and starts looking at the Doctor’s tablet. The 8th season of New Scout! He sits and looks! And at this moment there is such a spiritual affinity with a strange guy to you that you want to smile somehow stupidly, push your elbow into the side and say something like "Alonsy!" or that butterflies are cool, or just tell this strange, but obviously amazing person that you also love Doctor Who. And he will then, of course, take off the headphones and smile to you warmly, and then you will definitely go out at the same station and talk in the cafe all night, discussing the end of the season and all the controversial moments of the old. I would like the ninth and eleventh. And the twelfth! And Mickey! And that swan in the third row!
But not though. No is. No is! He gets through his sinus a hunting beer bottle and begins it, sorry, to drink. With pleasure! The Hunting!
No, I am not a hanja and I do not treat drinking beer with indulgence, rather with active support, but, fucking, in the subway! Fuck the hunt! It would be okay... And what to expect from this man? You can throw anything out! I don’t like the eleventh. Whatever it is! I went back to the station earlier. But I already decided that if there was a girl, we would call her Donna! How is it? This is how alcohol, you can say, destroyed my personal life. Very instructive story.

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna