bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №113853
 24.05.2015
...
But the mosquito is not only a whirling shit, but also a very useful moth.
My fishing is paid with blood.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №113852
 24.05.2015
From the discussion of the names of cats in the group in VK.
About a year ago, in an abandoned ruin, I found and caught a grey-banded young cat at home. Named beautifully, in honor of the ghost village - Korogodom. However, a few days later, his father called him Colorado (a gray with white cat!My grandmother is Kolobkom (at the same time Kor is a very slim tail), and my mom... Kolan O_o got a brother who renamed my village in Conserva. Koshenyatko for a long time paid attention to such a variety and eventually began to respond to everything except Kolobko (he has a fetophob, probably). So Georgian-Jestyanka is very even normal. And in general, we do not forget about the cat Dusa, which "reacted to the Soul, and to Vasa with Petey, and went to the**y" (c)

[ + 34 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №113851
 24.05.2015
IMHO: For some reason, my many years of experience with people suggests that a person who likes chants can’t be normal by definition of a person’s normality. Well, can not like a mentally healthy person in prison and what is related to it is abnormal somehow.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №113850
 24.05.2015
I was afraid to buy Mistral rice in the supermarket yesterday. And suddenly on the cash after payment will tell me that they do not see the opportunity to give it to me.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №113849
 24.05.2015
For some reason, my many years of experience in communicating with people suggests that a person who likes a chanson cannot be normal in the definition of a person’s normality. Well, can not like a mentally healthy person in prison and what is related to it is abnormal somehow.

Well, how many times we have said, write not "chanson", but "blatnyak". You always think of the first thing that the same L. Utesov did not please you.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №113848
 24.05.2015
I tried to instill. Pressed on all gallows.
I'm afraid to ask how you use toilet paper? Do you go everywhere until you get there?

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №113847
 24.05.2015
An employee from the neighboring department calls and says in a quiet voice:
YYU: Can you come and show me how to make hair-shaped testicles?
XXX: What to do?! to
YYU: The striped tables.
xxx: aaah... only next time speak louder, or I heard it right now.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №113846
 24.05.2015
She injured her knee and went to the injury point located in the nearest clinic. The doctor sent to the photo, and then it turns out that the injury is on the first floor, but the X-ray is on the fourth, and the elevator does not work. With the speed of an elderly cock, I get up, in the area of the third floor comes down to meet me a business aunt in a white coat. He asks:

Do you have disability?! to

No, no, I am answering you.

You’re healthy, you just broke your leg.! to

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №113845
 24.05.2015
I sit at home in warm pants, wool socks and sweaters, drink hot tea and warm myself by the thought that summer is coming.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №113844
 24.05.2015
A Japanese apartment? What do they need? Eating, sleeping and going to work.
____________________________________________________________________

by Fuck! I am a Japanese! I only go home to sleep.

[ + 23 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №113843
 24.05.2015
Aaa, a fucking shit! I updated the wood for nvidia (specially made for the new Witch) and now I have a black screen instead of a game. Fuck it!

BBB: It is night.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №113842
 24.05.2015
Ordinary is yes?? to
___________
I whispered hyena over one teenage book (the author, apparently, is American, but writes about Europe). There, the heroine, on the will of the plot, who came to look for someone in St. Petersburg, was insidiously fed borsch and red ivory in quantity. The girl suffered so much - so suffered the inexhaustibility of such meals and secretly eaten away in the local "bad" McDonald's!

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №113841
 24.05.2015
A red light stops near the lighthouse. Behind the wheel is a cult servant with such a beard. From the columns loudly so, *polite*)) cuts death metal.

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №113840
 24.05.2015
A misanthrope is someone to whom nothing human is foreign except people.

[ + 40 - ] Comment quote №113839
 24.05.2015
The story of a road policeman from Minnesota.
Once I stopped an elderly lady for excess speed on Route 210, 197 miles east of McGregor, Minnesota.
He asked to present rights, registration and insurance. My wife gave me the documents.
I was somewhat surprised (given her solid age) to find a license for hidden weapons among the documents, and asked if she was armed at the moment.
The lady replied that yes, she had a.45 caliber gun in her armor.
Something prompted me to ask if she had any other weapons besides the one mentioned. She said that yes, she has a 9mm Glock in the central console. I asked, “Is that all?” No, she said, there is still.38 in her bag. I asked why she was so afraid.
The lady looked at me and said, “I’m not scared.”

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №113838
 24.05.2015
The Pentagon. Obama and the generals are discussing when it is best to attack Russia. They can’t agree when it’s best to do it to win.
Ask those who have already attacked. They ask the French, “When is it better to attack?”
The French replied, “We don’t know, but not in winter...” Then they asked the Germans, “When to attack?” The Germans say, “We don’t know, but not in the summer.”
and stupid. What to do? Someone suggests - Let's ask the Chinese, they are the most advanced and clever, always come up with something...
They ask, “Chinese, when will we attack Russia to win?”
The Chinese replied, “Right now, immediately. The Russians are now building the "Power of Siberia" and "Turkish Stream", the cosmodrome East is being completed, the bridge to Crimea will soon begin, the BAM decided to rebuild, the stadiums new to the 2018 World Cup in football are being built, the Arctic is being mastered - they need pipet as prisoners!"

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №113837
 24.05.2015
And my easily swallowed from sex: "You made me a comment / you looked badly / you are evil today - and I missed all desire!" Well evil, what is the problem at work, and what is the sex?? to
Let me go, I will have fun!
No it is! You didn’t make me feel!
and I! I am ready with all my soul!
I was not in the mood and closed the topic.
And so always!
I got a lover and I don’t think I’m guilty. But his eyes always shine when he sees me, he is happy to see me, and always ready! Apparently, when husbands run to the left, their wives also turn away from sex.

[ + 38 - ] Comment quote №113836
 24.05.2015
Katya studied with me at school. In appearance - a true angel with blue eyes and a white-coloured steep thickness in the hand, inside - a complete debris.

Shortly before our Last Call, a scandal broke out in the school: Katyusha, a friend and several boys were caught in a game of dressing cards. Dear teachers, they catch their hearts, they drink a corvalol, an emergency council, to which our whole class is called for some reason.

Our cool father's leader with his angry cheeks begins a pathetic speech that she, to say, at our age didn't know at all how men differ from women, and here...

Katyusha, who has long known this not only in theory, but also in practice, replied with one phrase:

-Galina Ivanovna, this is in the textbook for the ninth class described, you did, biology walked?

The pedagogical moment was devastating.

[ + 25 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №113835
 24.05.2015
In the winter (very nuclear, as the locals said) in Chicago is enough for a summer Peter's jacket on a T-shirt, checked.

Uzbekistan, a small town in thirty kilometers from Tashkent, the beginning of the nineties.January month +5 degrees Celsius, but all the locals walk blue and swear: "Twentieth years such a roar was not!!!and "

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №113834
 24.05.2015
Russia in a dialogue.
The passport please.
Does anyone else need my baggage?
I don’t think I just need your passport.

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