bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №113813
 23.05.2015
Vinny-the-poo: When I was a child, I thought that ‘castrate’ means burn on fire. Well, Giordano Bruno, there, Jeanne D'Arc.
So I used this word freely, and the adults for some reason were embarrassed and blurred their eyes.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №113812
 23.05.2015
Sometimes yes.

===
Jews in concentration camps are funny. Strangely...
===

The War. and Auschwitz. The commander of the camp must lay the floors. Suddenly he
He recalls that he sits with a well-known gender specialist Katzman, and
He asks to find him. It turns out that Katzman has just been sent to
The gas chamber. Assistant commander rushes to the gas chamber, opens
The door and screams:
Hey Katzman, go out! Gerr Commander invites you to transfer him to bed.
5 marks per meter.
What is O-O? 5 is OK? Zack to Zack!! to

[ + 23 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №113811
 23.05.2015
xxx: No, I can understand a lot of things, but what kind of hue does a transformer do in our tea machine?? to
YYY: Oh, I was trying to solve it. He does not shrink otherwise.
We drank tea for two weeks. with transformers

[ + 23 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №113810
 23.05.2015
Dear guys!
Try, please, carefully find out from your women how pleasant they are long frictions, you will learn a lot of new things for yourself.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №113809
 23.05.2015
Stones from Picabus:

X: If I tell you my story, you’ll just have your jaw cut off!
I would say I fucked a girl named Natasha every day when I was 13 and she was 18.
Profa is not there because she died.

Y: How far should a girl go down to fuck a 13-year-old?

Z: So she was dead, he said.

M: That explains a lot.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №113808
 23.05.2015
I want a motorcycle. I tell my wife that I will drive slowly and only on the sidewalks.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №113807
 23.05.2015
xxx: After this project in the resume I will boldly write about "experience in developing and implementing flexible solutions". But we know what rubber coils mean.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №113806
 23.05.2015
Have the courage to admit your mistakes are brilliant.

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №113805
 23.05.2015
Think easier

High technology is cool, but sometimes "low" is more useful and more economical, the main thing is to move the brains in the right direction. Now you will learn the history of the toothpaste factory, where the problem arose of finding empty tubes at the outlet of the conveyor.

Conscious of the importance of the matter, the director of the factory summoned the heads of departments. The assembly decided to launch a new project – to engage a third-party engineering company to solve the empty tube problem, as its own design department was too busy to take on an additional task.

The project included logical stages: budget allocation, request for contract proposals, involvement of an independent third firm to select a contractor – and, 6 months (as well as $8 million) later, the factory received a fantastic solution – on time, within the budget, high-quality and all-satisfied.

These were high-tech precision weights. In case they detected a tube that weighed less than the standard (i.e. It was empty), the syrene was turned on and the accompanying pulse lighting, the conveyor was stopped, one of the workers had to get to the end of the tape, remove the missing tube, and start the line again.

Some time later, the director decided to make sure of the profitability of the project and, in fact, the return on investment: the results were striking - since the moment of installing the weights from the company's conveyor, no empty tube came, only a couple of complaints from buyers, and the market share of the factory products increased.

However, looking through the statistics, the director noticed that the number of defects recorded by the weights fell to zero three weeks after their installation and so remained at the same zero level to this day. But at first, at least a dozen empty tubes were found every day. This could mean only one thing - the report is untrue. The director ordered a recording device to be placed next to the weights, and after some investigation, the engineers that the information provided was absolutely reliable. The scales did not really record any defects, because all the tubes that reached them were full.

Confused, the director went to the factory, deciding to look at the weights on his own. And what did he discover?

A few meters before the weights, next to the tape of the conveyor, a regular office fan for $20 stood and blown the empty tubes into the basket. "Well, one of the workers put it because he was tired of walking at the end of the line every time the syrene sounded," the employee who ran past explained to the director.

It can be concluded that it is extremely difficult to find a simple solution, initially guided by a complex and elaborate scheme of its search, or that an incentive in the form of a small incentive for ordinary workers, who like no one knows the technological process, is the key to the possible solution of many private production tasks. In any case, this story is a vivid illustration of what should be thought easier at any opportunity.

[ + 21 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №113804
 23.05.2015
You are an idealist, man. Try to imagine at least the beginning of this "soft conversation":

“Dear, I think it would be better if you... Emma, let’s say, were a little more active in bed...
I am a fool??? Go you go cat! Finish in half a minute! You owe it!!Accept me as I am!!! You can’t expect more sex!! to
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
Hey, what is the problem? No, if the gentleman is hysterical, everything can be of course.

But, with my wife, for some reason, we completely calmly, freely and openly discuss all desires and problems in terms of sex.

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №113803
 23.05.2015
12:55 - xxx: explain me the logic, why almost everywhere, where the design of the chat is in the form of balloons, your answers are on the right, and the interlocutor is on the left?
12:55 - yyy: because the interlocutor is always wrong!
12:56 - zzz: lol

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №113802
 23.05.2015
Near the neighboring house there is an entrance to the sewerage, and for a year there are some problems, special equipment is constantly standing, pumped, repaired. Now they decided to carry out capital repairs, they installed a temporary fence on a sufficiently large area, there are no announcements, the passing people of the workers are interested in what and how, the workers answered honestly at first, and then they were taken by the bookkeeper on the topic of "it will smell!" and "the whole sidewalk has been fencing!" and "the fountain will be done, the people are pleased with leaving."

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №113801
 23.05.2015
The kurk...
It is easy to lower, difficult to lift and impossible to press.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №113800
 23.05.2015

> I was watching it. and recently. It is terrible.
A man bought spare parts for a car. The manufacturer makes it in different countries. At > we are accustomed to what does not the company, but the state. They are constantly asking the country.
> he asked the country of manufacturing, I said that Spain. He looked at the package and asked:
> Is Romania in Spain?
> and? to
> Is Romania in Spain?
> After he repeated the question, I looked into his eyes and realized that the man wasn’t cuddling.

===
You were quite tactically hinted that Romania should not be handed over to Spain. Obviously in vain. You may read here, you will understand.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №113799
 23.05.2015
Graduate school... Parents walk work in school. =) is

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №113798
 23.05.2015
Alex: I understand why the Terminator series seems to me unfinished
The first part was a hard Terminator.
The second is liquid.
The third was gas.
Fourth is plasma.
in the fifth and final - the superconducting superfluid terminator from Bose-Einstein condensate
Instead, they took some heresy.

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №113797
 23.05.2015
Fuck, when I was taking this direction, I thought there was a front of work, and I was singing forward! Go forward to a bright future. And it turned out that I am in a deep surrounding, besides the crutches are dug from below, and the crutches are dug from above!

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №113796
 22.05.2015
Varie: The sweetest word in German is ‘turmuhr’. It’s like a mosquito, just a turmoil.

[ + 17 - ] Comment quote №113795
 22.05.2015
This is Peter, baby.

All my acquaintances after viewing "50 shades of grey" or reviewing it agree in the opinion "me too bdsm". Then they remain silent. Do you still want to come to our city?

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №113794
 22.05.2015
Kalina is also a car.
and Lada
Autocorrection is suspicious :)

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