I worked in the glorious city of Tel Aviv in the early 1990s. I was late a couple of times, and the boss solemnly handed me the keys from the office. I had to come half an hour earlier, take the office off the alarm, and leave half an hour later. Thank God, about a year later, another employee was late a couple of times, and the keys were handed over to her. No material cares or morals.

Once from work sent to training in personnel management for middle-level managers.

We sit and discuss different things. The coach throws the topic: have you met employees in your practice who are constantly late?

One guy says, yes, there was a girl in my department, led several departments, performed duties qualitatively, but was constantly having trouble coming to work. The company has a strict regime control, and she is 5 minutes late, then 10 minutes late, every day.

The coach directly revived: yes, yes, that’s what I’m saying, a very good example! How did you solve this problem?

I married her and took her to work on time.

Having a half-billion-dollar yacht with its own air defense and missile defense systems is not cool. It is cool when your country sends you an aircraft carrier accompanied by support ships and a battalion of marines.

Just two cats carry a disabled dog across the road
https://vk.com/video-34740837_456264247

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Our youngest cat came from our neighbors. She lived in their courtyard, on trees with white trees, almost wild, considered herself a little white - a cat walked on the wires, to the horror of the spectators... Then the neighbors moved and took her with them. And she returned. The white and the native tree.
He begged to eat. We took her. The older man poured a little out of the bowl with cat food, and the bowl was right next to it and forgot. The cat has eaten the spilled, wants more - and can not open the bowl. She went to the bushes, brought a striped friend - enote. Enot opened the bowl, and they sat in two throats next to this prey and ate it.
Cooperation in the wild is at the height.

My friend in Toronto was sitting on the veranda, reading a book and crushing chips from a bowl next door. At some point, I realized that Krustit was not alone. He looks, and next to him, the enot sat humanly and also puts his foot in the bowl and tossed the chips.

I bought a taboo in an online store. Now Yandex constantly offers me to buy soap and rope.

Two friends came to visit me yesterday, one of them with a 4-year-old daughter. They agreed that I would give them green tea from Thailand, and they would bring rolls.

Nothing predicted trouble.

While the girls were coveted on the table and mastered the kitchen, I went into the hall to arrange entertainment for a 4-year-old girl. With the words - "Go, uncle Igor will show you cartoons now."

While I was running the PS4 to turn on YouTube and then find cartoons about Elza, I was trying to keep the conversation. I asked her about her hobbies and everything in that spirit.

Suddenly this miracle declares –

D: “And I can also sit on the sword! “”

I said, “Oh how cool! Will you show?” (I am still watching TV)

D: “Of course! Thou shalt!”

He runs to the kitchen.

What happened next caused my heart to shake.

I hear a child’s voice from the kitchen:

D: “Maam, maam! Uncle Igor asked me to take off my pants, can you help?”

There was silence in the kitchen. My eyes turned into the eyes of Steve Bush. The rear pass is compressed proportionally to the eyes.

I run to the kitchen. People with the same eyes are looking at me.

Everything ended well and we all laughed together. But hell, I really hope that now that childhood voice won’t chase me in nightmares.

and upd. The logic of the girl. She was in jeans and could not sit on a sword. So they had to be removed first. There were jeans underneath.

A friend told the story of the funeral of the pet.

Finally, my hamster has arrived. For the last month, as an abolitionist, I wore him in these clinics, if it were not a girl, I would immediately release him, although I would enjoy freedom before death. So he ended up at the veterinarian. In short... I stand in the forest strip, I knit (nothing else was found) the grave of a hamster roy. And the forging machine does not do it quickly... The duster flies and the three break to me... I guessed what would be next but I was so puzzled, I was angry with this dead hamster was more than menta feared. Suitable one, two on the sides: throw a knife, present documents. But quite quietly, did not beat the mouth, did not get into the ground. As a result, the funeral of the hamster was attended by: me, a girl and three mints. It was probably the most elegant funeral for a hamster... there was only a small flag on the box and shots in the sky.

I’m only waiting for the utygi to recognize the cause of global warming and it will be possible to go to work in mint clothes?

We had not been on the steam boat yet, and there was panic.
How is it on the shore? Are there still healthy people and when they will begin to turn into vampires and zombies?" - these questions increasingly worried the team after watching the next issue of the news.
There was also a “feast on our street”: an unplanned visit to North America. In the port of the same city, where a bright outbreak of the world pandemic and other delights of the high year. The crew, listening to the media about the means of individual protection and social distance, decided to prepare.

Imagine a situation: a black immigration officer is guarding a passport check in the port. Suddenly, a crowd of pale-faced healthy men in masks and in the hands of everyone... a spat. One of them immediately begins to tick the African-American in the face with this spade, and the others friendly take their chance instrument to prevail. What is the officer’s mind? It’s right: the Ku Klux Clan, in revenge for the BLM movement, wants to kill and bury a poor Negro right here, on the spot. It doesn’t matter if the floor is concrete.
Probably, this was what the immigration control officer thought when, while keeping social distance, the Botsman tried to hand over his passport on the blade.

of Belarus. Here began the presidential meetings of the police with the presidential candidates.

My wife and the younger went to my mother for the weekend. I am home with the elderly. He plays with friends on the street, right under our windows, then they run in the crowd, then for toys, then to drink, then to change clothes. I am busy at this time - I prepare lunch, parallel my floors and clean up. A boy from their company watching this picture says to me

- But my dad said that a man should come to the kitchen only to eat, and the cloth can not even touch.

While I was thinking how gently to explain that his dad was not quite right, one girl was quick:

- Oh, everyone knows that your dad has something strange... And with noise and laughter the children ran out to the street, and the boy came out thoughtful.

Thanks to you, good girl.

I got a review of Harry Harrison’s books on the Internet today and it’s...

Ever since I was a child, I had a dream of having a lot of books, especially fiction. And here the restructuring, there were books, but they were not in the pocket at the time. At the Kursk station I rented (yes, there was such a service, you guarantee the cost of the book 10 rubles and read) the book "Horse Barbarians" Harrison from the cycle "The World of Death". I sat on the ring trolleybus and read it in two rounds.

Fuck, how offensive it was. Such impressions from books will probably never be again.

In the hope that it would make someone's life easier, Katay was always presented in Vietnam, but the locals, anyway, the pronunciation was difficult. In the middle of the season we were given a beige. I go into the hotel, the girls from the reception saw the beige, call me to get closer and these are:

Finally, we’ll see how your name is written and we’ll call you right!

Long look at the inscription "Ekaterina", consult with each other and issue:

You live in our country, we will give you a beautiful Vietnamese name! We’ll call you Hua!

And here I sit with the tourists at the reception, and somewhere in the background: "Hua! “Hua!” A tourist asks me:

Are they screaming HUA?

It was somewhat inconvenient to say that Hua was me!

The historian is a curved mirror between society and the archive.

And they could!

I work in production. The headquarters set the task of preparing 2 workers to work on machines that produce products. Nothing complicated as it seemed.

On one side, a mixture of 3 ingredients is mixed. On the other hand, you take the finished product. The formula of the "hell" mixture to the funny is simple: 24/6/300. It is a complete mixture. And the first 2 numbers are the number of waters, and 300 - grams of the dye.

There is a nuance. When producing a certain amount of raw materials, it is necessary to add 1/2, 1/3 or 1/4 of raw materials from the complete mixture.

So, ladies and gentlemen, the show, bleat, is beginning!

We write on a piece of paper and ask the yuan padawans what is there. The answer was correct.

And now we make 1/2 mixture...It’s all. by Alyssa Alyssa. I hear the whistling of the six in my head, and the result is 0. How much is 24:2?
There is no answer. How many are 300: 2? The answer is 200!

Bingo is Blowing! I have fireworks, three. and share. But it is not possible! I broke the lighthouse in half. My eyes were like God!

And now we try the same, only on the example of raw materials and paint. The motors in the brains fell in both. We never reached 1/3 and 1/4 of it. One is 24 and the other is 26.

The commander cried and cried with patztal and fired them both.

In my 20 years in the army, I have seen a lot. I earned alcoholism and other injuries, but I did not think I could be surprised by anything.

These were able.

Patriarch Kirill called on the hegemony of Theophania to sell Mercedes.
Theumenia called on Patriarch Kirill to sell the yacht.

It was 10 years ago: returned from the army, set up a small outsourcing office with a sysadmin - 5 firms were given a piece to accompany (come, asked what to repair, wiped out the server with a cloth, until tomorrow!) Often the one-time customers were thrown: either to set up something new, or to repair the unworking. Application for treatment of the virus. Usually you come to the challenge and the person who challenged you introduces you to colleagues: a programmer/sysadmin/computer/engineer/sucher... but not this time. I walk quietly into a small office, I approach a random girl, I guess, so and so - the virus came to treat, where, to whom to go? The girl turns toward the door and loudly, so that they can hear: "Peter Sergeiich! o_O is a miserable resemblance of what was written on my face. It turned out that on a super-popper important compete caught a blocker, which showed someone's hot biscuits, promising to melt the story of walking on the porn sites of your mom. The banner is removed, the computer is treated, money and psychological trauma are received, because nobody has called me so yet!

I give advice, which helped me in 2005 to get a salary not issued for more than 2 months, for one day (day of dismissal). Be persistent when you go to any office: OK, Accounting, Director... anyone! You will not leave him in any case. Until the actual settlement of your issue! No promises, there will be lots of them. Up to real action! My former bosses lasted for two or five hours, I sat with them, in their office, then there were no mobile phones (like the modern ones), so I looked stupidly into their shameless eyes... two or five hours... money I got it all and immediately! The remaining employees, with their words, money was not given for a couple of months... They tried to call me, they talked about my ignorance and disrespect for the elderly (I was 20 years old), threatened with security... But the result was worth it... *I advise not to stick in the mobile phone, but look in the eyes, it’s everyone likes (no! It irritates everyone. I didn’t call anyone, I didn’t scream, I didn’t camel, I just explained that I would sit next to him until I got my money in full... I wasn’t believed at first, but in vain...

My father and mother sold an old apartment and bought a new one. Dad calls and asks to help move things. I was busy after two daily shifts in a row, I answer-Dad, I will now drop you to the card 3000, order loads, I want to sleep, two shifts worked out. I translated, and I slept.

And after some time I learned from common acquaintances that the mother-in-law tells everyone that this is what kind of son, he did not come, bought, this is what relationship to the father.

Bathe called, he rotted, don't bite, she says, all the norms, her children helped to drag, shrink, sweat, and you sent three loaders instead, and she was offended.

I have a friend, Pasha. Such a special companion. A few years ago, he told me how his parents chose his name. We bought a list of names and decided that the list will be read, and what name the child will react to - so they will call it. The baby cried by the name of Pavsekakiy. The parents scratched the tail and decided to call the nearest more decent. He became Paul.

After this story, many things have come to their place. Because he is friendly, although he is recorded by Paul, but he is indeed a Pavseseki. This name is fairly suitable for him.